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What to say to someone who's dad died?

1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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10/5/2012 4:46:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
My friend's dad died in a car accident.
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Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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10/5/2012 5:12:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Something with a clever use of the word "care."
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YYW
Posts: 36,357
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10/5/2012 5:37:23 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/5/2012 4:46:05 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
My friend's dad died in a car accident.

As someone who's been there, recognize that there is nothing to "say." If he's your friend, just be there. It'l suck, because you'll probably be bored out of your mind. But just being physically present can help.
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ObiWan
Posts: 732
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10/5/2012 9:09:18 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
My year 8 teachers husband was killed in a car crash when I was in her class. She took about a month off, but when she came back we tried to be supportive (it helped that she was a really likeable teacher).

My advice would be: Don't act as if nothing has happened, try and be supportive and comforting, but I think the best thing to do is not swamp them. Don't pressure them into doing anything they don't want to do (like talking about it, or doing something to take their mind off it) but let them know you're there if the need anything. Like YYW said, sometimes just knowing someone is there can help a lot.
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tulle
Posts: 4,445
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10/5/2012 9:36:49 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
There isn't much you can say. It depends how close you were and what your friend's situation is like. Like previous posts said, just being present can help. Or doing things to help around the house. Follow your friend's lead when it comes to conversation, he's probably going through a lot right now.
yang.
baggins
Posts: 855
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10/7/2012 1:04:55 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/5/2012 4:46:05 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
My friend's dad died in a car accident.

Look out for anything small your friend may need. Be around in case he/she wants to discuss something. Say nothing on your own since there is nothing you can say.
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Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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10/8/2012 2:07:55 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
well first things first, is your friend upset?
Cuz in the small chance that he isn't you may not have to worry.

Problem solved.
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Wnope
Posts: 6,924
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10/9/2012 2:37:57 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/5/2012 4:46:05 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
My friend's dad died in a car accident.

Just be there for them.

Don't talk about how sorry you are that the dad is dead or anything else which makes it sound like you are pitying the griever.

Don't act like you "understand" how the person is feeling unless you have faced something similar (your dad/mom dying).

Don't try to "solve" their problem or "stop" their grief. If anything, emphasize that grieving is a healthy response and to NOT grieve would be much more worrying sign.
jharry
Posts: 4,984
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10/9/2012 3:59:46 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/5/2012 4:46:05 PM, 1dustpelt wrote:
My friend's dad died in a car accident.

Like others have said, just be there.

And it depends on how close you are to your friend. When my dad died a few years back my closest friends had a 12 pack, my brand of cig and a light in the parking lot of the hospital everyday day and every hour we were there. But they know me and my family and that is what we wanted and needed. So it depends on how well you know him.

And there is nothing wrong with a "I'm sorry man" followed by a man hug in my opinion. I experienced that a thousand times and never once felt anything but good about it. Think the "I'm sorry" is more them expressing their grief at a time when there is really nothing to say. A lot of people loved my dad just as much as I did, so I also knew their grief and would never want to take that from them.

Just be there, even if you are not close. Attend the wake and or funereal, if it's public. That helped me a lot. When I saw how many people attended my old man's wake and funeral I realized the impact he had on others around him. He might not be to aware of you at the moment (depending on how close you are) but it will mean something to him later.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen