Total Posts:5|Showing Posts:1-5
Jump to topic:

Rude or ignorant?

buckyrabbit
Posts: 1
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/6/2012 2:45:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I took my sister-in-law to the hospital yesterday for a minor procedure; radiation for a non-malignant tumor. I left my home to pick her up at 5:00 a.m. and stayed with her and helped her (in every possible way) and then took her home at 2:30 p.m. I got home at 3:00 p.m. i was pleasant, helpful, and sensitive. She never said "thank you" to me until I walked her back up to her house, up her stairs. She said "Thank you" to me in the most casual way, as if I were a cab driver, or a clerk in a store. Just an off-handed, "thank you." She offered no money for gas (which I wouldn't have accepted anyway) no "thank you" in any shape or form until I took her to her door when all was done. She was not doped up from the minor procedure. She really had no fears before the procedure, so that wasn't the issue. She laughed and joked with the medical personnel and thanked them generously.

She and I have had issues in the past. I had married her brother, with whom she had lived (in a "flat" sort of like a duplex) for approximately 5 years (or longer) before I came into the picture. She was divorced for years and her kids grown, so I am sure my husband was like her best friend. I know that she surely resented me. She is 9 years older than me and isn't in the best health, as she's let herself "go" and has NOT taken care of herself. She is not educated and hasn't the best manners. I am just being honest here. I have always been kind to her. She on the other hand, was definitely NOT kind to me, particularly after I married her brother and moved into the home, with her living upstairs and me and my husband( her brother) living downstairs. This was awful. She moved out after a year or so and got her own place. I realized that she felt alone and have continued to see her and have urged my hsuband to help her with things around her house (i.e. broken faucets, etc.) and I have tried to let past infractions go. She did tell my husband privately that she's sorry for the way she treated me. She has never told ME this to my face, however.

These issues keep popping up in my life. It seems that I'm an easy "target" to become used by people. I'm always the kind one. This is the truth. I really am sick of this. I didn't say anything to her about this, as I reflected on it on my drive home. I thought, "sheesh, my whole day, and a weak "thank you" was all I got." I mean, when I go to the grocery store and am handed a receipt by the cashier, I give a more friendly "Thank you" than hers was to me.

I had mentioned to her earlier in the day that perhaps I could take her to see her aunt, who is old lives about 45 minutes away. After thinking about this (after I got home and reviewed this in my head) I thought to myself, "Are you nuts? Why would you take her to see her aunt?" I'd love to hear your opinions. Oh, and if I were to tell her that I felt like I was being used, she'd say, "Oh, no, that's not true!!! Thank you so much, I appreciate you so much." I would love to get some opinions.
Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/6/2012 2:48:55 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Invent combustible lemons.
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/6/2012 3:05:34 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I think this complaint is kind of....eh.

I get where you're coming from, I do--I'm just like that, too. But honestly, she still said thank-you. Also, maybe you have some normal self-validation bias in you--were you really as nice to her as you think you were/are?
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/6/2012 5:23:46 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Rude or ignorant?

How bout both?
Here:
NOBODY CARES

Here's your answer:
if you want to help, help
If you don't, don't.

If you only want to help b/c your husband cares and you care for your husband.. then help...

it is what it is. If she's ungrateful, she's ungrateful...

If you're stuck doing something you don't enjoy to make sure your husband is a bit more comfortable then that's that. You don't have to do it, you choose to given how reality is.

Deal with it :P
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/7/2012 1:37:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You don't need a bunch of strangers to validate your feelings.

You felt used, that's the simple truth. It doesn't matter if it is unfounded, You felt that. that's YOU.

Slip it into conversations, make snide comments, whatever. Make her aware you feel that way. It doesn't matter if she would shoot down your concerns. At least she'd know. It's better than berating yourself.