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Bad Break up

Ruckmanite
Posts: 289
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10/18/2012 1:16:24 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Okay so I met this girl in high school. I fell in love with her completely, or so I thought. We went everywhere together: prom, games, mall, skating ring, etc. Then we all graduate high school and she goes off to a Christian college. Our relationship becomes very long distance, making her feelings for me die out. She called me two nights ago breaking it off saying she found someone else who she cant get over. I don't mean to sound sensitive, but she had me crying over the phone. The worst part is that she told me that I was rude and insensitive to her while we were together. At first I denied such allegations, but now I'm wondering, "What if she was right?" I absolutely hate myself right now, I even had dreams of committing suicide not to mention my lack of sleep lately. Any advice? Please help.
Let your words be the genuine picture of your heart- John Wesley
Money is a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet-Henry James
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
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10/18/2012 1:27:11 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Ok.
Step one: Stop giving a fvck.
Simple as that.
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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10/18/2012 1:50:09 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
A high school romance that breaks up when the kids go off to college is the most common story in the world. Lick your wounds for a few days, then enjoy your new-found freedom. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

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jat93
Posts: 1,440
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10/18/2012 1:58:59 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/18/2012 1:16:24 AM, Ruckmanite wrote:
Okay so I met this girl in high school. I fell in love with her completely, or so I thought. We went everywhere together: prom, games, mall, skating ring, etc. Then we all graduate high school and she goes off to a Christian college. Our relationship becomes very long distance, making her feelings for me die out. She called me two nights ago breaking it off saying she found someone else who she cant get over. I don't mean to sound sensitive, but she had me crying over the phone. The worst part is that she told me that I was rude and insensitive to her while we were together. At first I denied such allegations, but now I'm wondering, "What if she was right?" I absolutely hate myself right now, I even had dreams of committing suicide not to mention my lack of sleep lately. Any advice? Please help.

I totally empathize with you man. First and foremost I hope you are relieved of this pain; I know how painful and burdensome this can be, having gone through similar circumstances which I don't need to go into here. As an anarchist atheist whose philosophy on life is a mixture of absurdism, existential nihilism, and Epicureanism, the way I view things might not totally jive with a conservative Christian such as yourself. Nonetheless I will try.

First of all, accept the fact that you are only 18, you have most of your life ahead of you. Will you be crying about this 5 years from now, or 10 or 20? Almost certainly not. I know it feels like it's the absolute most important thing in the world, this girl is all that matters, and you will never be happy again. You will fall in love again, you will find yourself a great girl who makes you just as happy as this one did in the best times of your relationship, if not more so. I know it's hard to really internalize this kind of perspective when you are in pain and the pain is all that matters; just accept that the pain will subside eventually, though it may take some time, you will move on, and someday you will look back on this and think "Oh, how silly and strange it was to punish myself so much over that situation...."

Accept that while, granted, this is a sh!tty aspect of your life right now, not all aspects of your life are sh!tty. When we humans get really upset we have a tendency to focus absolutely on that one thing as if it defines our lives and nothing else matters. Think of it as a scale of good and bad things. Right now this painful breakup which you will eventually recover from is weighing on the bad side. But never forget all the stuff weighing in on the good side as well - those stuff are still there. You've got friends, family, education, opportunities to create an amazing future for yourself, the privileges of being born in a modern industrialized society, entertainment to enjoy and lose yourself in (books, music, movies,) etc. Hopefully you have some hobbies as well. For me, writing is something I can totally lose myself in. Maybe you write as well, or draw, or play music, or play sports, or work out, etc. You've still got all these things, so focus on them and let them alleviate the pain as much as possible. Let all these things that I mentioned be safe places of refuge. Hopefully then you will see that when it comes to the scale of good and bad in your life, the good vastly outnumbers the bad.

The best in your life is yet to come, my friend. And when it does, the pain of this breakup will be a thing of the past. Maybe you'll have found another wonderful girl. Either way, this is only a temporary problem. Seek refuge in the goodness that you do have as mentioned in the paragraph above. Most importantly, accept that which cannot be changed. If there's something that's bothering you that you can change and make better, get working on it. But if it is something you have no power over, not accepting it and moving on as soon as you can is just condemning yourself to misery. And why do that, when your happiness and well-being is such an important aspect of life, and when life is so short? Enjoy life as much and as often as you can. Now, that's not to say that the pain following a breakup isn't painful and doesn't take some time to move on from. But you have to know when enough is enough and it's time to pick yourself up and, with help from all the areas of goodness and sources of comfort in your life, move on. You owe it to yourself more than anything. You deserve it. And eventually, even if it takes some time, you will achieve it.

The best of luck to you.
RyuuKyuzo
Posts: 3,074
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10/18/2012 10:21:16 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
There's no way around it; you're going to be miserable. That's OK, be miserable. Accept it. Let the misery work its way out of your system. Being miserable is only a problem when you try to resist it. Emotions are only temporary, it will leave you soon enough.

One morning, you will wake up and realize that you just aren't sad any more, and you'll feel great! What you do from there is up to you - but until then, just let your emotions work themselves out.
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
Ruckmanite
Posts: 289
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10/18/2012 8:37:06 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/18/2012 1:58:59 AM, jat93 wrote:
At 10/18/2012 1:16:24 AM, Ruckmanite wrote:
Okay so I met this girl in high school. I fell in love with her completely, or so I thought. We went everywhere together: prom, games, mall, skating ring, etc. Then we all graduate high school and she goes off to a Christian college. Our relationship becomes very long distance, making her feelings for me die out. She called me two nights ago breaking it off saying she found someone else who she cant get over. I don't mean to sound sensitive, but she had me crying over the phone. The worst part is that she told me that I was rude and insensitive to her while we were together. At first I denied such allegations, but now I'm wondering, "What if she was right?" I absolutely hate myself right now, I even had dreams of committing suicide not to mention my lack of sleep lately. Any advice? Please help.

I totally empathize with you man. First and foremost I hope you are relieved of this pain; I know how painful and burdensome this can be, having gone through similar circumstances which I don't need to go into here. As an anarchist atheist whose philosophy on life is a mixture of absurdism, existential nihilism, and Epicureanism, the way I view things might not totally jive with a conservative Christian such as yourself. Nonetheless I will try.

First of all, accept the fact that you are only 18, you have most of your life ahead of you. Will you be crying about this 5 years from now, or 10 or 20? Almost certainly not. I know it feels like it's the absolute most important thing in the world, this girl is all that matters, and you will never be happy again. You will fall in love again, you will find yourself a great girl who makes you just as happy as this one did in the best times of your relationship, if not more so. I know it's hard to really internalize this kind of perspective when you are in pain and the pain is all that matters; just accept that the pain will subside eventually, though it may take some time, you will move on, and someday you will look back on this and think "Oh, how silly and strange it was to punish myself so much over that situation...."

Accept that while, granted, this is a sh!tty aspect of your life right now, not all aspects of your life are sh!tty. When we humans get really upset we have a tendency to focus absolutely on that one thing as if it defines our lives and nothing else matters. Think of it as a scale of good and bad things. Right now this painful breakup which you will eventually recover from is weighing on the bad side. But never forget all the stuff weighing in on the good side as well - those stuff are still there. You've got friends, family, education, opportunities to create an amazing future for yourself, the privileges of being born in a modern industrialized society, entertainment to enjoy and lose yourself in (books, music, movies,) etc. Hopefully you have some hobbies as well. For me, writing is something I can totally lose myself in. Maybe you write as well, or draw, or play music, or play sports, or work out, etc. You've still got all these things, so focus on them and let them alleviate the pain as much as possible. Let all these things that I mentioned be safe places of refuge. Hopefully then you will see that when it comes to the scale of good and bad in your life, the good vastly outnumbers the bad.

The best in your life is yet to come, my friend. And when it does, the pain of this breakup will be a thing of the past. Maybe you'll have found another wonderful girl. Either way, this is only a temporary problem. Seek refuge in the goodness that you do have as mentioned in the paragraph above. Most importantly, accept that which cannot be changed. If there's something that's bothering you that you can change and make better, get working on it. But if it is something you have no power over, not accepting it and moving on as soon as you can is just condemning yourself to misery. And why do that, when your happiness and well-being is such an important aspect of life, and when life is so short? Enjoy life as much and as often as you can. Now, that's not to say that the pain following a breakup isn't painful and doesn't take some time to move on from. But you have to know when enough is enough and it's time to pick yourself up and, with help from all the areas of goodness and sources of comfort in your life, move on. You owe it to yourself more than anything. You deserve it. And eventually, even if it takes some time, you will achieve it.

The best of luck to you.

Thank you
Let your words be the genuine picture of your heart- John Wesley
Money is a horrid thing to follow, but a charming thing to meet-Henry James
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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10/19/2012 5:03:36 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/19/2012 1:56:06 AM, Smithereens wrote:
try taking your anger out on something. *note* Not someone

Like a house.

With fire.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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10/19/2012 5:07:59 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/19/2012 5:03:36 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 10/19/2012 1:56:06 AM, Smithereens wrote:
try taking your anger out on something. *note* Not someone

Like a house.

With fire.

u pyromaniac Bro?
Music composition contest: http://www.debate.org...
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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10/19/2012 6:17:23 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/19/2012 5:07:59 AM, Smithereens wrote:
At 10/19/2012 5:03:36 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 10/19/2012 1:56:06 AM, Smithereens wrote:
try taking your anger out on something. *note* Not someone

Like a house.

With fire.

u pyromaniac Bro?

Maybe a little.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Paradox_7
Posts: 1,870
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10/19/2012 1:25:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
: At 10/23/2012 8:06:03 PM, tvellalott wrote:
: Don't be. The Catholic Church is ran by Darth Sidius for fvck sake. As far as I'm concerned, you're a bona fide member of the Sith.
thett3
Posts: 14,378
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10/19/2012 5:49:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/18/2012 1:16:24 AM, Ruckmanite wrote:
Okay so I met this girl in high school. I fell in love with her completely, or so I thought. We went everywhere together: prom, games, mall, skating ring, etc. Then we all graduate high school and she goes off to a Christian college. Our relationship becomes very long distance, making her feelings for me die out. She called me two nights ago breaking it off saying she found someone else who she cant get over. I don't mean to sound sensitive, but she had me crying over the phone. The worst part is that she told me that I was rude and insensitive to her while we were together. At first I denied such allegations, but now I'm wondering, "What if she was right?" I absolutely hate myself right now, I even had dreams of committing suicide not to mention my lack of sleep lately. Any advice? Please help.

Don't let your emotions get in the way of assessing the situation honestly. Girls like to have excuses when they break up with someone to help them not feel as bad, but they also have legitimate reasons as well. If you were rude and insensitive than fix it so you dont screw up next time. If you werent than either shes too sensitive or making it up.

I know you're upset so dont worry about these things until after you've gotten over her somewhat. Very few things are totally one sided, most certainly you did things to drive her away from you even if unintentionally. Do not make those mistakes again, and do not let your desire to avoid blame for this get in the way of that, honesty is the best policy.

Theres really nothing you can do to make yourself feel better only time can heal some things. Although I will still include this clip: http://www.southparkstudios.com...

Seriously watch it, its the best advice you can get after getting broken up with. I promise it isnt a joke or anything
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

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"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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10/19/2012 6:13:56 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/18/2012 1:27:11 AM, bossyburrito wrote:
Ok.
Step one: Stop giving a fvck.
Simple as that.

step two:repeat.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"