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Love, or lust

BreathinInAri
Posts: 13
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1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.
Who can say no to heavy metal and a pool party? Oh, wait, I can. The pool party part of course.
BreathinInAri
Posts: 13
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1/22/2013 6:17:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I don't think he'll ditch me, an I'm not going to ice him... nice "enders game" analogy though..... I'm looking for actual advice, so please do..
Who can say no to heavy metal and a pool party? Oh, wait, I can. The pool party part of course.
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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1/22/2013 6:18:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 6:17:07 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I don't think he'll ditch me, an I'm not going to ice him... nice "enders game" analogy though..... I'm looking for actual advice, so please do..

How old are you?
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
YYW
Posts: 36,282
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1/22/2013 6:34:35 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

You're a teenager. Don't worry about finding who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Just have fun and be safe.
Tsar of DDO
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/22/2013 6:49:26 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 6:34:35 PM, YYW wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

You're a teenager. Don't worry about finding who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Just have fun and be safe.

You need to relax have fun kiss him so he knows you're serious, but no long lustful kiss, cause that gets that "I want your body" thought proccess goin' and that ain't good. Don't have sex but if you do make it safe, so that way you can have fun and not get preg and enact the full wrath of your dad on you.
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If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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1/22/2013 7:02:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Sounds like puppy love. For your own benefit, keep it that way.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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1/22/2013 7:05:13 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 6:52:49 PM, Koopin wrote:
Get him pregnant!

Then burn his house down so he has to move in with you.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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1/23/2013 1:40:46 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 7:05:13 PM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 6:52:49 PM, Koopin wrote:
Get him pregnant!

Then burn his house down so he has to move in with you.

With lemons. And make sure to buy flowers, makes the whole house burning go down smoothly.
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
YYW
Posts: 36,282
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1/23/2013 2:27:26 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 6:49:26 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 6:34:35 PM, YYW wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

You're a teenager. Don't worry about finding who you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Just have fun and be safe.

You need to relax have fun kiss him so he knows you're serious, but no long lustful kiss, cause that gets that "I want your body" thought proccess goin' and that ain't good. Don't have sex but if you do make it safe, so that way you can have fun and not get preg and enact the full wrath of your dad on you.

You kids and your... perspectives. I guess instead of "carpe diem," they now teach "carpe don't." A nice compliment to your abstinence only sex-ed, indeed. That was beyond the scope of my point though. When I said "be safe" while I do suppose that could have been taken as 'have him wear a condom' what I meant was "don't do anything that could put you at risk or in harm's way."
Tsar of DDO
rross
Posts: 2,772
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1/23/2013 5:35:54 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I don't want to seem too cynical here, but even if it is love, it probably won't last. Just because teenage love tends not to. It might, though.

Nothing wrong with lust, anyway. Just make sure you don't get pressured into anything you don't want. It sounds like he's a sweetheart and not like that at all. But if he does start pressuring you, it's a clear sign that it's lust not love on his side. Don't give in! Men who are really in love will wait for years, bless them. But men in lust will quickly switch to someone else.

Sometimes you have to just let things play out before you can tell what they mean.
rross
Posts: 2,772
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1/23/2013 5:38:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Oh wait! You're a man. I take my advice back. I'm not sure now.

Just keep the bit about letting things play out. That seems to apply still.
Heineken
Posts: 1,230
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1/23/2013 5:42:09 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
This is gonna be an odd question.

How does a man...."feel up" another man? (Man boob action?)

Never mind. I don't want to know the answer. I have a feeling it involves hairy knuckles and tight jeans. (Throws up in waste-paper basket).
Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 7:25:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Oh Sh*t you're gay! I really can't help you here. Besides I don't want to do something here I regret... It's nothing against you, sorry. *Lannan13 opens the door where there is blinding light and walks in and shuts the door*.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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Heineken
Posts: 1,230
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1/23/2013 11:13:29 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 7:25:35 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Oh Sh*t you're gay! I really can't help you here. Besides I don't want to do something here I regret... It's nothing against you, sorry. *Lannan13 opens the door where there is blinding light and walks in and shuts the door*.

.....making this the third time this week that Lannan has gotten trapped in the refrigerator.
Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 11:30:02 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 11:13:29 AM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/23/2013 7:25:35 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Oh Sh*t you're gay! I really can't help you here. Besides I don't want to do something here I regret... It's nothing against you, sorry. *Lannan13 opens the door where there is blinding light and walks in and shuts the door*.

.....making this the third time this week that Lannan has gotten trapped in the refrigerator.

when were the first two : )
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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Heineken
Posts: 1,230
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1/23/2013 11:36:06 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 11:30:02 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 11:13:29 AM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/23/2013 7:25:35 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Oh Sh*t you're gay! I really can't help you here. Besides I don't want to do something here I regret... It's nothing against you, sorry. *Lannan13 opens the door where there is blinding light and walks in and shuts the door*.

.....making this the third time this week that Lannan has gotten trapped in the refrigerator.

when were the first two : )

The first time was Monday, when you got trapped in the crisper box looking for "tube steak".
The second time was Tuesday, when you tried to figure out if refrigerators fart like your boyrfriend when you pull the meat out.
Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 11:41:15 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 11:36:06 AM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/23/2013 11:30:02 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 11:13:29 AM, Heineken wrote:
At 1/23/2013 7:25:35 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/22/2013 5:02:36 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
Well, I just met this guy bout 3 months back, and we started dating right before thanksgiving. Today he told me he loves me an would do anything to make me happy. He doesn't "feel me up", and we haven't even kissed yet. We hug, and sometimes we hold hands, but that's because I'm still uncomfortable with having a male person in my life. I want to keep this relationship going, and he knows sex is not an option. He makes me happy, and never makes me uncomfortable. I really like him, and I can't help but imagine living my life with him. Is this love or lust? HELP! - Questions from a socially inept teenager.

Oh Sh*t you're gay! I really can't help you here. Besides I don't want to do something here I regret... It's nothing against you, sorry. *Lannan13 opens the door where there is blinding light and walks in and shuts the door*.

.....making this the third time this week that Lannan has gotten trapped in the refrigerator.

when were the first two : )

The first time was Monday, when you got trapped in the crisper box looking for "tube steak".
The second time was Tuesday, when you tried to figure out if refrigerators fart like your boyrfriend when you pull the meat out.

Howmany times do we have to go over this I said I wanted to see if it farted like my girlfriend.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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BreathinInAri
Posts: 13
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1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?
Who can say no to heavy metal and a pool party? Oh, wait, I can. The pool party part of course.
drafterman
Posts: 18,870
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1/23/2013 2:27:44 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Basically you're friends that hold hands.

So, find an activity you both like to do and do it together?

Not sure what is being asked here. It's not love or lust if there is no physical contact or even any chance of physical contact.
Kinesis
Posts: 3,667
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1/23/2013 2:41:03 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?

Your profile says you're male. Aww, I was thinking that was an awesome twist.
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 3:19:31 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?

your profile says male...
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 3:19:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 3:19:31 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?

your profile says male...

well it did.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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BreathinInAri
Posts: 13
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1/23/2013 3:37:03 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 3:19:57 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 3:19:31 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?

your profile says male...

well it did.

exactly..... evidently, the website did not get the memo of me being born female
Who can say no to heavy metal and a pool party? Oh, wait, I can. The pool party part of course.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/23/2013 4:02:04 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I've been in consecutive, back-to-back relationships that have all overlapped each other since I was 16. Basically I haven't been single in almost a decade. That's pretty crazy, but hey that's the way the it worked out. Six of those relationships have lasted for over a year; some of them have lasted for more. I'd consider myself to have been (really) in love 2 times, but I've loved all of them to some degree. I've definitely learned and grown from each and every relationship. It'd be a lie to say I have no regrets, but each of those people have taught me a lot and most were good experiences.

What I'm getting at is why are people on DDO so cynical about relationships? (I find people here are cynical about most things). Yes, relationships come and go and even the ones you think are the strongest tend to fall apart before you make the commitment to marry (even then, the divorce rate is pretty humbling). That doesn't mean that you shouldn't engage in relationships or have to trivialize them to convince yourself you're a realist or mature. What"s hilarious to me is that most of the pessimists I see around here are those who have never been in a real relationship before in their life (so have absolutely no idea what they"re talking about" coughMirzacough) or who are just bitter because of their own failed relationship(s).

Get over it.

To the OP: I don"t think that you are "in love" but that phrase means completely different things to different people. Who is anyone here to tell you what you feel or what you should do? In my experience, being DEEPLY in love requires a lot more intimacy than you've experienced with your guy thus far. I might even say that sex is an important component, because in addition to pleasure, a sexual experience can make you extremely vulnerable. Sex with a random partner, someone you"re dating, and someone you love are all completely different. I think being in love comes with a lot of shared experiences and really getting to know each other - probably A LOT more than you can in 3 months.

When you're young, you don't have a lot of responsibilities and therefore can't really gauge the content of someone's character. However that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy yourself and appreciate what you have now. Why does it matter if it's love or lust? There is no specific criteria that can give you an answer. Even what you feel is unreliable; you might look back and think "WOW - What was I thinking" or "I really thought I was in love, but now I love someone 10x more..." so it's completely subjective. Instead of worrying about these arbitrary labels, enjoy what you have and think about what you want. Maybe you'll get it with this guy and maybe not. Either way, you'll be OK :)

Good luck.
President of DDO
lannan13
Posts: 23,029
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1/23/2013 4:05:34 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 1/23/2013 3:37:03 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
At 1/23/2013 3:19:57 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 3:19:31 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 1/23/2013 2:19:55 PM, BreathinInAri wrote:
I'm not gay.... I'm female..... Why does everyone think I'm gay?

your profile says male...

well it did.

exactly..... evidently, the website did not get the memo of me being born female

yep
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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BreathinInAri
Posts: 13
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1/23/2013 4:14:19 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well.... to reply to whoever said it, I don't feel comfortable with getting too physical with a boy, mainly because when a guy lifts there hand to do WHATEVER, I flinch. I'm still getting over an abusive relationship with my father, no sympathy please, and getting physical with a guy is not super high on my "gotta do NOW" check list. My boyfriend understands what happened, an knows that it will take a while. when it comes to going out and doing something, that will only happen if God decides to stop making ME cancel any non family plans.....
Who can say no to heavy metal and a pool party? Oh, wait, I can. The pool party part of course.