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Your Childhood Family Unit

FREEDO
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3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?
How many siblings did you have?
What were their gender?
What order were you among your siblings?
And so forth.
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fnord
FREEDO
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3/21/2013 4:22:07 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was raised by a single mother.
Close connection with grandparents.
Only child for first half of my life.
Oldest to a little sister for the latter half.

To psychoanalyze this, I could say that the lack of a father figure was a powerful factor. As males without father figures are several times more likely to become violent criminals. So the fact that I became a pacifist should make it even more worth noting. I think it led to my becoming strongly religious at an early age, accepting God as my replacement father figure. However, I later converted. That seems to just be an anomaly. It is also around this time that I took on the father figure persona myself, as the father of my sister has hardly been present. This no doubt contributes to my fervent distrust of men and appreciation of women, as men have mostly only played a negative part in my life, with the exception of my grandfather who I have come to appreciate more in my later years for his generosity. This may also be related with my path of radicalism which has become much more moderated recently.
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fnord
Smithereens
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3/21/2013 6:07:30 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was raised by parents (surprise!)
I haz 3 broz.
eldest hasn't lived at home for a while, he is now 29,
second eldest is 18,
Im 15,
younger bro is 13.

I disagree with Freedo's psychoanalysis as that particular perspective of psychology deals exclusively with the 'subconscious mind,' and isn't really relevant to behavioural psychology as would be applicable to such family environments.

That being said, I believe such a family that I live in is closely nit. I don't have an informed position, but I would argue that this could mean anti-social behaviour as is present in my 17 year old bro.

My mother has paranoia, on an extreme level, (no need for a psychiatrist to diagnose it) so that understandably causes strain in the family.

When it comes to beliefs, we are all christian. However, I like to accuse my mother of having 'blind faith,' as she disagrees with me who believes that faith should be tempered with reasoning. My brothers in this regard are mostly apathetic and thus would not be interested in DDO.

Behaviour wise; for some reason, we have excellent discipline compared to the average teen my age who even argues with their parents. I couldn't imagine showing such disrespect to the 2 people who have spent an accumulative half a million dollars on turning me into a valuable piece of society.

Otherwise I would consider my family only slightly different from your average family. Like most teens, I am of the belief that dads have no idea how to speak to people my age, and mothers sound better when they say nothing.

But I love them all.
Music composition contest: http://www.debate.org...
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,484
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3/21/2013 12:57:50 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I didn't really have a stable upbringing. I popped between a lot of places.

Parents never married--raised by two grandmothers, mother, father. Both parents had jobs, so often watched by grandparent when not at school. One grandparent lived in pretty poor conditions, that part of the family grew up in poverty. Other grandparent was, I learned, a Phillips exec, having a high net worth. Incredibly smart, probably responsible in very large part for my love of reading. I bounced between these two settings when I was young.

Getting older, still in elementary, only brother born when I was 7; poorer grandparent died, went to live in a townhouse with mom and her con/ex-con boyfriend/eventually husband. Drug-related shenanigans ensued, stuff was lost, I was dropped at my dad's place when they moved to Texas for a few years. Lived with dad through middle and high school, although, when my mom moved back, I would stay with her for periods, particularly in late high school. She lives with her sister/my aunt in a small house. They split expenses, but they're probably lower middle-class at best. Dad liquidated his business to take full care of other grandparent/his mom--resurgent brain cancer--eventually, he was forced to give up her care to a hospice person; eventually, this turned into breaking his promise not to put her in an assisted living facility. This was around late Freshman/early Sophomore year high school, if I recall. When she died, she left him a book of instructions and stocks/money. We moved from a small house (into which much manual work by dad had been put) into a $300,000 place in a subdivision. Lived there for some years, dad was really close with his mom, depressive spiral following her death, big financial problems (blew through the money, not sure on details). Short version, that house was lost (after I left for university), moved back to old place. He died in July.

Have other family--grew up around a cast of people associated with family, also. Cousins, family friends from all walks, etc. In any case, details are too numerous and too involved to recount satisfactorily. I've been on both sides of the poverty line in several contexts, I've lived for significant periods with several distinct family members, happy that I haven't been confined just to poverty or to affluent suburban existence. Nice in any case to reflect on where I came from.
phantom
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3/21/2013 2:07:20 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I don't have any family. I killed them all.

Nah, pretty normal for me. Two married parents, a younger brother, an older brother and an older sister, all a few years apart. I've lived most my life in South Africa. My parents were missionaries. I was homeschooled, raised very conservative and Christian. I only came out about being an atheist a few months ago. I've never lived around any of my extended family and only see them about once every four years.
"Music is a zen-like ecstatic state where you become the new man of the future, the Nietzschean merger of Apollo and Dionysus." Ray Manzarek (The Doors)
YYW
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3/21/2013 2:19:51 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?
How many siblings did you have?

Two, who I am not very close with.

What were their gender?

One male, one female.

What order were you among your siblings?

I am the oldest.
Sister is in the middle.
Brother is youngest.

And so forth.

Mother, Father, two dogs.
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Noumena
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3/21/2013 3:00:52 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

Mom and dad only until they divorced and my mom remarried (and subsequently had another kid). My dad remarried (bringing in a step-sister and step-brother) but they divorced a year or so ago.

How many siblings did you have?

Four not counting the now defunct relationships with my former step-siblings.

What were their gender?

Three boys and a girl.

What order were you among your siblings?

Luckily first.

And so forth.

If the purpose here is to psychologically extrapolate from past experiences the most relevant I can think of was my growing up in an ultra-conservative Baptist home.

We were part of the Church, my dad went to theological school, he worked at the Church everyday, we went three times a week (and attended the privately run school they had). Our lives were pretty much subsumed by the culture and by the orthodox teachings of our particular sect. No alcohol, pre-marital sex, smoking, association with non-Christians (or Catholics), implicit racism/sexism/homophobia was pushed on us, strict cultural control (meaning no media or books that don't conform in some sense to Christian theology i.e., no Harry Potter, etc.), basically zero association with "worldy" ideas and people.

We left when I was 10 or 11 and my parents split a year or so later. We still went to Church but stopped believing/caring. Now we all hold non-theistic beliefs ranging from apathy to antipathy towards religion in general. We tried out liberal Christianity but our orthodox upbringing made us see it as a cheap cop-out. It informs my belief (and that of my immediate family) that religion (Christianity in general) holds little value when it's not all-inclusive (to the person holding the belief).
: At 5/13/2014 7:05:20 PM, Crescendo wrote:
: The difference is that the gay movement is currently pushing their will on Churches, as shown in the link to gay marriage in Denmark. Meanwhile, the Inquisition ended several centuries ago.
lewis20
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3/21/2013 3:06:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 2:07:20 PM, phantom wrote:
I don't have any family. I killed them all.

Nah, pretty normal for me. Two married parents, a younger brother, an older brother and an older sister, all a few years apart. I've lived most my life in South Africa. My parents were missionaries. I was homeschooled, raised very conservative and Christian. I only came out about being an atheist a few months ago. I've never lived around any of my extended family and only see them about once every four years.

reminded me of this meme hah
http://www.atheistmemebase.com...
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FREEDO
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3/21/2013 5:16:14 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 3:00:52 PM, Noumena wrote:
We left when I was 10 or 11 and my parents split a year or so later. We still went to Church but stopped believing/caring. Now we all hold non-theistic beliefs ranging from apathy to antipathy towards religion in general. We tried out liberal Christianity but our orthodox upbringing made us see it as a cheap cop-out. It informs my belief (and that of my immediate family) that religion (Christianity in general) holds little value when it's not all-inclusive (to the person holding the belief).

Wow, you're lucky you got to change with your family and not against them. It's rough.
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fnord
RyuuKyuzo
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3/21/2013 5:18:31 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
In west Philadelphia, born and raised.

On the playground, where I spent most of my days.
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FREEDO
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3/21/2013 5:18:39 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I left out money.
I've been in poverty my whole life. The only reason I have an internet connection is because we have a sweet deal where we get it for free because the company needed a hotspot in the area to branch off of.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
FREEDO
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3/21/2013 5:19:18 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 5:18:31 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
In west Philadelphia, born and raised.

On the playground, where I spent most of my days.

lol
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fnord
imabench
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3/21/2013 5:28:50 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

Didnt really have parents, im a bench and I was born in an ikea factory, but my adopted parents (the ones who put me together) are the ones who raised me.

How many siblings did you have?

Couple thousand... all of them identical, freaking copy cats

What were their gender?

i think they were all guys since bench's are obsessed with getting some a**...

What order were you among your siblings?

Depends on the shipment date.

And so forth.
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Skepsikyma
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3/21/2013 5:34:35 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?
Both a mother and father, for my entire life
How many siblings did you have?
Three
What were their gender?
Two sisters and a brother
What order were you among your siblings?
First
And so forth.
Middle-middle class. Stay-at-home mom and a copious amount of chores. A lot of animals (chickens, ducks, cats, and rabbits). Even more plants, which I am somewhat fanatical about. One tree that I have is like our version of the White Tree of Gondor. It was grown from a seed from my grandmother's house, which in turn was grown from a seed that she took from one on my great-grandmother's farm. It's a mimosa tree (Albizia julibrisssin). http://ts1.mm.bing.net...
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thett3
Posts: 14,378
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3/21/2013 5:41:21 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

Both parents, married.

How many siblings did you have?

1

What were their gender?

female

What order were you among your siblings?

Second

And so forth.
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RyuuKyuzo
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3/21/2013 5:51:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Seriously though,

I have 3 brothers and one sister. Two of my brothers are older (late 20's and early 30's) and my sister is younger. My youngest sibling is my brother who is 12.

My mom and dad divorced when I was two. My mom got me, my sister and my younger brother, so even though I'm the third oldest, I was raised as though I was the oldest.

My dad is in his 60's and my mom is in her 40's.

To this day I'm not sure how my mom got us. She's a nice person and all, but she's severely clinically depressed and requires heavy medications to function in day-to-day life. And I mean heavy -- as in she once went 3 days without it (sometime when I was young, I don't remember) and she lost her memory of those three days. She probably has some other brain problems I don't know about. I also have clinical depression (genetic?) and my mom wanted me to start medication as well, but I found a non-medication way to deal with it.

I'm not close with any of my family (I don't actually know how old any of them are...) but we get along (probably because we don't talk often). I'm currently living with them.

I was closer to my grandparents, but I don't want to talk about it.

As far as my childhoods effects on me, I was a violent trouble maker as a kid. I did a lot of breaking & entering in grades 2-4 (ages 7-9) and I used to slash tires for fun. In first grade I was playing hide-and-seek, There were two other boys counting down from 10 to find me. Instead of hiding, I came up with a brilliant plan. I would wait until they hit "1", then run up behind them and smash their heads against the brick wall they were counting on and use the time they were dazed to find a hiding spot.

I did it, and I didn't understand why that was wrong.

In pre-school, I got sent home often for fighting. (example >> http://www.debate.org... )

I'm not/wasn't an angry person by any means (I can't hold a grudge even if I try), just a violent one. I never thought I was doing anything wrong =/

Once I got into wrestling and power-lifting, things settled down.

Aaaaaaaaand that's enough for now =3
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
muzebreak
Posts: 2,781
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3/21/2013 6:25:18 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was born third of 5 children. I have an older brother, a younger brother, and an older sister. I would have another younger brother, but he died shortly after birth. His funeral is my earliest memory. His name was Joshua.

My parents have been around my entire life, but my father has always gone abroad a lot for work. I have lived in three different countries, and in a minimum of two different areas in each country. At first we lived in a small town called ST malo, in Manitoba. It was my dads home town, and I was born a half hours drive from there. My grandparents lived right next door, literally. When I was 4 we moved to England, we moved three times while in England. My mothers mother lived in England. I have only one memory of her, dropping my brother off after she brought him to Disneyland Paris for his birthday. But I am told she was a horrible person, and I have good reason to believe it.

When I was 9, we moved back to Canada, to live in St malo again. I was a petulant child, always demanding my way. That is, my way was to read all the time and do no school work. It was a tiny town, and my parents both worked an hours drive away. They would leave for work at 6am, and get back around 7-8pm. My grandmother would take care of us in the mean time. My grandfather was a very joviant man. He would smoke many cigars, and spoke almost exclusively in French. He died from lung cancer when I was 11. I have much to few memories of him, but the few I have I cherish greately.

When I was 11, we moved to the capital of Manitoba, Winnipeg. My time there is fairly non-descript. I was introduced to the concept of marijuana around the time I was 13, by the time I was fourteen, I had smoked it a fair few times. I didn't even try drinking till the day after my 17th birthday, but I had already done shrooms 4 times by then. My years in Winnipeg mostly revolved around weed, which is why I'm kind of glad I left. I was becoming a burn out before I even turned eighteen. We moved a few months after I turned seventeen, and the only part I hated was leaving my first, and to this day only, girlfriend.

Now Iv been living in Ireland for approximately 3 years. I am currently in college, studying computers. I am hoping to specialise in network security next year. I take after my dad in this manner, he is a computer architect. That is, he designs networks.

Go ahead, someone psychoanalyse me.
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tmar19652
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3/21/2013 8:17:43 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?
How many siblings did you have?
What were their gender?
What order were you among your siblings?
And so forth.

I had a mom and dad throughout my childhood. My grandmother also lived with my family
I had 3 siblings
I am the oldest child
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tulle
Posts: 4,445
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3/21/2013 8:51:14 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 12:57:50 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:


Wow, that sounds really tough :/ How would you say living in different extremes has impacted you as a person?
yang.
YYW
Posts: 36,392
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3/21/2013 9:00:05 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
This is probably the most interesting thread i've seen on DDO since the last time I said that a thread was the most interesting I've seen in a while. That only to say this: reading the accounts of the contributors has really... caused me to reflect on how well off I am.

I mean, I never really thought of myself as wealthy (because I went to school with people who have considerably more money than my family did), but even though my family moved a lot, we lived in basically the same place. I grew up having a room to myself, my own bathroom, etc. I've never lived in a house without a pool (until I went to university). I've never lived in a house that was smaller than 4k square feet.

I grew up in the suburbs outside of various metropolitan cities on the east coast, and outside of a project of a few months in Geneva, I've lived in the United States my entire life. (I keep my residence in Geneva because it's the only place I've ever lived which truly felt like home, though I wonder if the reason it felt like home was because it was different from the places in the United States that I've lived).

I had a stable family -until my final year in high school, when my father died- and though often he was away, I learned a great deal from him. He was the hardest working man I've ever seen (he was an executive in a Japanese technology corporation). We had a rough relationship until I was about 15, but then we made amends. I wish I could say the same for my siblings.

Granted, I worked manual labor jobs in the summer (roofing, landscaping, constriction, etc.) and they were hell, but they made me who I was. That said, the money I made was spent on things like new clothes, watches and all sorts of frivolous things. I wish now that I had have saved that money... In reality though I've led a pretty charmed life.

I graduated high school early, came into college with almost every "required" gen-ed class fulfilled by AP credits, and etc. I think the only reason that was a possibility is because (1) I had a supportive family and (2) they held me accountable. I did experiment with drugs/go into a period of depression/self destruction after my father passed away, but if anything that is the closest to 'rock bottom' I have ever come. It was bad, but I had no excuse. Money was never a problem growing up. I had a stay at home mom. I went to outstanding schools and got a really first rate education. I had full academic scholarships in college. And in grad school, though it's a bit tougher paying for things myself -the advantages of being well established in the states have benefited me tremendously.

I attribute any success I've had to my upbringing. From my father I learned that all things must be worked for, and from my mother I learned how to deal with people. I know I come across as crass and condescending online, and I think the reason why is because I have to be nice to people in the environment I work in. (I made a student cry in class, and there were consequences. Lesson learned, needless to say.) So, DDO gets the butt of my frustration with the general incompetence of the people I interact with in person. I suppose that's unfair though... to DDO.

My childhood was relatively ideal though. Loving and devoted, albeit incredibly conservative, parents. A lot of moves, but all of them worthwhile and valuable. Many different schools, but always the best education available. I suppose I took that for granted... and I feel like a d!ck because of it. My best friend says I fit the profile of a liberal with a guilty conscience for having led a privileged life without earning it myself... and to an extent I guess that's pretty accurate. I've been very blessed.
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tulle
Posts: 4,445
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3/21/2013 9:06:04 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was raised by both my parents. My mom married my dad when she was 17 and he's 10 years older, so that was an interesting dynamic. I have an older brother and two younger sisters. We came to Canada before my sisters were born, before I was 2 years old. My dad was doing his PhD so they relied on my mom's income working at McDonald's to raise a family of 6 in a small 2 bedroom student apartment. It was also tough being some of the very few visible minorities in the province.

We moved to Ontario when I was about 8 and have been steadily upwardly mobile since. My dad's been working in Ottawa (a 5-hour drive away) for the past 4 years or so. He used to fly back and forth but my parents bought a house there a couple years ago. He lives with one of my sisters who goes to school there. I live with my mom and my youngest sister. My parents are still happily married despite the distance :/

My family unit is a weird one... My sisters are probably my two best friends. I love my parents but I don't talk to them everyday (even though I live with my mom). I don't think we (the kids) ever felt close to our parents (probably due to cultural differences) so we ended up close with each other.
yang.
RyuuKyuzo
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3/21/2013 10:05:37 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
It's interesting to note how few of us have close parental ties.
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RyuuKyuzo
Posts: 3,074
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3/21/2013 10:06:33 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 6:22:44 PM, FREEDO wrote:
Oh wait, I read that opposite of what it was.

lol
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johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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3/21/2013 11:40:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

I had two parents. They were always around

How many siblings did you have?

12

What were their gender?

Same as their sex

What order were you among your siblings?

10

And so forth.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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3/21/2013 11:58:34 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

Parent divorced when I was 12, Dad remarried a few months later.

How many siblings did you have?

2(1 half, 1 step)
What were their gender?

Both female
What order were you among your siblings?

Middle Child

And so forth.

Ummm, yeah my childhood was okay. I was a military brat so it was the whole move every 2-4 years schtick. Upside, getting to live ina whole buncha diff places. Downside, had to make new friends in that short a span of time. And i always felt like. Doucher cause I always had the thought that, "hey, I'll be gone in a few years" in the back of my mind. Really throws a wrench in developing close friendships.

Lemme see, my mother was schizo-bipolar, my sister, also schizp bi-polar. I turned to drugs at a young age just to cope with the madness, and didnt really look back for awhile. So you can figure I was a total trouble child/maker.

Because of this my dad/step-mom kiinda checked out of the whole "parenting" thing, and sent me packing to live with my birth mother. Got kicked out when I was 16(schizo-bi-polar remember?) and have been on my own for about 95% of that time since.

Downside to this experience, I severely dislike my birth mother and actually my half-sister too. Its a long story, its pisses me off, not gonna go into it.

Upside, I learned that I can only trust myself in life, and that even family will fvck you over for absolute bullsh!t. So I rely on myself for my own survival, and well-being. Yay for adulthood!! :D
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
johnnyboy54
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3/22/2013 12:26:29 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 11:40:59 PM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 3/21/2013 4:13:31 AM, FREEDO wrote:
The way our family unit was structured tends to shed a lot of light on a person's psychology. So post here how yours was.
As in, what parental figures did you have present and for how long?

I had two parents. They were always around

How many siblings did you have?

12

What were their gender?

Same as their sex

What order were you among your siblings?

10

And so forth.

Didn't realize we were also psychoanalyzing ourselves. Lets get to it!

So yeah I grew up in a large, stable family unit. Mom and dad were always around and they worked their a$$es to the bone. My mom stayed at home with the kids. My dad opened a restaurant and used it to put us through Catholic school. There is no one I respect more than my parents.

We were taught since birth that family is the most important thing on this earth. As such, I am relatively close to all my siblings; at least in comparison to most families I have seen. I have 8 brothers and four sisters. I am number ten, and I am closest to my two youngest sisters. I can take any insult, but insult my sisters, I will stab you in the neck with a pencil. Not a joke, I was almost expelled for trying. As you can tell from that statement, I am fiercely loyal to the people I care about, which is relatively few.

I was pretty antisocial. Still am to a degree though I am a lot better than what I was. I never though I measured up to my older brothers. I was never as good looking. I wasn't as good at football. Never felt that way regarding intellect though, but just about everything else I felt inadequate. I never felt good enough. Which is perhaps a reason why I struggle in social situations. It is also I reason I take nothing seriously.

My family is also very closed minded, but I am not. Which means I am the guy in the family who has, "weird," ideas. But there is never any animosity there regarding that.

So nothing too dramatic. Pretty healthy family and I some some issues when it comes to how I feel I measure up.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.