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Another Annoying Thread About Dating

R0b1Billion
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6/3/2013 11:05:15 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Seriously, when I am single, all I do is talk about women and analyze relationships. Maslow's hierarchy, in my case, puts avoiding immediate danger on the bottom rung, food and shelter on the second, and sex on the third rung before any mention of anything else.

At any rate, I am fascinated by the distinct differences between how men and women choose partners. Men simply see a pretty face and off they go. When I go out to the bars, I spend some time identifying potential targets (scanning the good-looking women in the establishment and isolating one that is most suited to my liking), then I concentrate on analyzing who she is, what she's about, and what she might respond best to, and finally I implement a strategy that will hopefully get her attention. However, none of this has any chance of working without the "trigger."

Women don't attract to a guy physically so readily, so even if a "hot" guy walks in the room, they aren't likely to change anything about their behavior. Women seem to be waiting for that trigger that sets a guy apart from the rest, something to make him special and worth paying attention to. A smooth pick-up line and great personality may get the job done, but depending on this is not my forte and I don't like depending on meeting chicks that are going to be waiting for that particular mode of attack.

So how do you set yourself apart? For everybody it's different. For me, I usually depend on my entertainment skills. If I'm playing a gig it's pretty much automatic (bands get chicks rather easily), and if it's a house party I usually bring a guitar or use one there. I was giving this one chick a private Dave Matthews session in the basement of a party last weekend, and she was melting all over me (her husband came downstairs looking for her shortly after, which of course put a damper on my efforts LOL). The other main method for me is my dancing skills, which worked for me quite well last night.

Do you have a trigger that you use to get girls' attention? Do you understand how I am framing this paradigm, and agree that this is pretty much how girls operate? I learned in sixth grade that you have to somehow use your talent to set you apart to get the girl, you can't just sit back and be normal and expect them to be interested in you. If you're just a "nice guy," then you'll be the nice guy she talks to while she's banging your friend who's got charisma and talent :P I'm interested in knowing what methods you guys have to get the girls... athleticism? humor? Humor is a GREAT one, my wing-man has that one covered and there is no such thing as "ice" for him to break with a girl because he has her laughing after the first sentence every time. Do you guys use your intellect, perhaps? Some girls are attracted to money, so showing that off can be trigger. Christian women like the guys who are involved in the church... some girls like tattoos and alternative looking-guys. I have long hair so a certain percentage of women will try and pick me up simply for that trait, although it's not a terribly useful one. The trigger can be your appearance, you charisma, your talents, your wealth, your philosophy... If you want a girl of high relative value, you need to be able to trip that trigger for her!
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
tvellalott
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6/3/2013 11:15:56 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I always practised the 'approach within 5 seconds of first seeing a girl' thing whenever possible because it doesn't allow her to judge you very much AND because you don't get nervous. Just. Fvcking. Do. It. Approach and start a dialogue. I don't see playing a guitar or dancing as being attention triggers. They're more like... secure interest thingies. I switch between card tricks and cold reading (i.e. making up bullsh!t about life lines and intersections by looking at their palms) depending on what I guess the chick will like more.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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Maikuru
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6/3/2013 11:22:47 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
What is this bulllshit? Is this real life? I feel like I need a shower after reading threads like this.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

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tvellalott
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6/3/2013 11:24:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:22:47 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Is this real life?

Is it just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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Ore_Ele
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6/3/2013 11:27:05 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:24:59 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:22:47 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Is this real life?

Is it just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...

Sorry, the original line is "Is this the real life..."
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
tvellalott
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6/3/2013 11:28:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:27:05 PM, Ore_Ele wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:24:59 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:22:47 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Is this real life?

Is it just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...

Sorry, the original line is "Is this the real life..."

Easy come, easy go.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
Using mafia tactics in real-life: http://www.debate.org...
6 years of DDO: http://www.debate.org...
RyuuKyuzo
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6/3/2013 11:30:25 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:27:05 PM, Ore_Ele wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:24:59 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:22:47 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Is this real life?

Is it just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality...

Sorry, the original line is "Is this the real life..."

Because somebody's gotta post it...
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
RyuuKyuzo
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6/3/2013 11:39:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
This video pretty much sums up the entirety of my game.
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
RyuuKyuzo
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6/3/2013 11:44:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:31:49 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Mama, just killed a thread

Wrote a comment from my bed, pushed the "post" button, now it's dead.
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
Skepsikyma
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6/4/2013 12:39:02 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
- Hilaire Belloc -
airmax1227
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6/4/2013 12:47:51 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/3/2013 11:44:16 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:31:49 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Mama, just killed a thread

Wrote a comment from my bed, pushed the "post" button, now it's dead.

Mama, the thread had just begun, but now I've gone and made it go astray.
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hereiam2005
Posts: 64
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6/4/2013 1:17:02 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Women are needy creatures. Some needs attention, some needs to be heard, some needs to be told, some needs strong men, some needs mystery, some needs sophistication... some even needs rejection. If you can satisfy a woman, she is in your hand.
The key here is how to *know* a woman's need - it takes skills. A man's desire is simple, a woman's is not.
hereiam2005
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6/4/2013 1:18:40 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
The point being, no two woman has the same need - you need to get to know each one of them.

There is no universal way to get all the women you want.
YYW
Posts: 36,287
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6/4/2013 3:05:52 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 12:39:02 AM, Skepsikyma wrote:
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.

Which is the foremost reason that I hate dating... it's plastic, artificial and awkward -and I like none of those things but even still it depends on the person... but I almost never just "go out" because it feels awkward and I don't like getting to know a person over a meal. I like to already know them, and talk to them about themselves. Now, on the -few- occasions that I have gone out with people without knowing them very well, I've usually researched them so that I know how to steer the conversation. But even still, I'm pretty guarded until I get to a point where I reasonably trust someone.

I think that on balance, the best relationships I've had have begun as friendships -though I think that the tendency to be able to jump in and out of the "friend zone" is something more common among gay guys than among heteros. I'm on pretty good terms with anyone I've ever dated, with the exception of the few girls I dated in high school when I still thought that I was into them (especially the girl I dated as a senior in high school -lolz... but that was entirely her fault).

What bothers me, though, is the "bromance" thing... where I'm around an ostensibly straight guy who will overtly flirt. For example: there is this one guy who I have known since I was 17 and he was 16 and he moved into town. We wound up going to the same college and we've remained pretty good friends. He knows I'm gay, and he'll do things like reach across the table when we're out to lunch and say "I love you, man." looking me right in the eye, or if we just hung out somewhere he'll put his hand on my leg if we sat next to one another.

He's pre-med now (going to be a senior this coming year) and when I say that I would give anything to date him, I mean it sincerely -but the mindfvck aspect of our friendship just endures. There are, of course, more details than that, but you get the idea. I've seen him go through four different girlfriends since I've known him and other than me I've never even suspected that he'd shown any interest in guys -and yet he'll still be entirely more "touchy feeley" than any other straight guy I've known.... and it kills me. It literally kills me.

I don't want to ask him out, because I'm afraid that if I do our friendship will be lost, but at the same time by not asking him out I have no idea what to think. There's a part of me that wonders if he's just not curious, but we've never talked about it and I'm not sure that he would be comfortable if I even initiated that conversation. But we've been texting most of the night so I guess that's why it's on my mind...

/end rant.
Tsar of DDO
RyuuKyuzo
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6/4/2013 6:11:39 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 12:47:51 AM, airmax1227 wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:44:16 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:31:49 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Mama, just killed a thread

Wrote a comment from my bed, pushed the "post" button, now it's dead.

Mama, the thread had just begun, but now I've gone and made it go astray.

Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oooohooooooooooooo

Didn't mean to make it die,

If I don't post in this thread again tomorrow

Move along, move along,

'Cause this topic doesn't matter...
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,732
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6/4/2013 9:16:31 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
tvellalott wrote:
I always practised the 'approach within 5 seconds of first seeing a girl' thing whenever possible because it doesn't allow her to judge you very much AND because you don't get nervous. Just. Fvcking. Do. It. Approach and start a dialogue. I don't see playing a guitar or dancing as being attention triggers. They're more like... secure interest thingies. I switch between card tricks and cold reading (i.e. making up bullsh!t about life lines and intersections by looking at their palms) depending on what I guess the chick will like more.

Very nice. You probably have more guts than I do and are witty enough to follow through... One problem I see with this approach is that there might be a better-looking (or otherwise more suitable) chick in the vicinity, and if you play your card with the first one you see, you might lose your chance with the one you really want!

Maikuru wrote:
What is this bulllshit? Is this real life? I feel like I need a shower after reading threads like this.

t(-_-t)

Skepsikyma wrote:
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.

Fair enough, but you still have to meet chicks to be friends with them :P 99% of the chicks I meet are going to just be friends, but they aren't just gonna walk up to me and offer their friendship.

hereiam2005 wrote:
Women are needy creatures. Some needs attention, some needs to be heard, some needs to be told, some needs strong men, some needs mystery, some needs sophistication... some even needs rejection. If you can satisfy a woman, she is in your hand.
The key here is how to *know* a woman's need - it takes skills. A man's desire is simple, a woman's is not.

Well put... This explains why some guys who are a-holes end up getting chicks that nice guys can only wish they could get, although I prefer not to pursue women who are into aggression.

The point being, no two woman has the same need - you need to get to know each one of them.
There is no universal way to get all the women you want.

This is what makes dating so exciting!

YYW wrote:

Which is the foremost reason that I hate dating... it's plastic, artificial and awkward -and I like none of those things but even still it depends on the person... but I almost never just "go out" because it feels awkward and I don't like getting to know a person over a meal. I like to already know them, and talk to them about themselves. Now, on the -few- occasions that I have gone out with people without knowing them very well, I've usually researched them so that I know how to steer the conversation. But even still, I'm pretty guarded until I get to a point where I reasonably trust someone.

If somebody is compatible with you, good for you, then there is nothing to fear - you both will react favorably towards the other. Of course the problem is that the overwhelming majority of experiences will not be like this, so you have to be prepared to be let down. It's best to expect it, actually, but don't let that dismay you from trying.

I think that on balance, the best relationships I've had have begun as friendships -though I think that the tendency to be able to jump in and out of the "friend zone" is something more common among gay guys than among heteros. I'm on pretty good terms with anyone I've ever dated, with the exception of the few girls I dated in high school when I still thought that I was into them (especially the girl I dated as a senior in high school -lolz... but that was entirely her fault).

Yeah total opposite for me, I have about a 100% relationship destruction rate with anyone I've slept with.

What bothers me, though, is the "bromance" thing... where I'm around an ostensibly straight guy who will overtly flirt. For example: there is this one guy who I have known since I was 17 and he was 16 and he moved into town. We wound up going to the same college and we've remained pretty good friends. He knows I'm gay, and he'll do things like reach across the table when we're out to lunch and say "I love you, man." looking me right in the eye, or if we just hung out somewhere he'll put his hand on my leg if we sat next to one another.

He's pre-med now (going to be a senior this coming year) and when I say that I would give anything to date him, I mean it sincerely -but the mindfvck aspect of our friendship just endures. There are, of course, more details than that, but you get the idea. I've seen him go through four different girlfriends since I've known him and other than me I've never even suspected that he'd shown any interest in guys -and yet he'll still be entirely more "touchy feeley" than any other straight guy I've known.... and it kills me. It literally kills me.

I don't want to ask him out, because I'm afraid that if I do our friendship will be lost, but at the same time by not asking him out I have no idea what to think. There's a part of me that wonders if he's just not curious, but we've never talked about it and I'm not sure that he would be comfortable if I even initiated that conversation. But we've been texting most of the night so I guess that's why it's on my mind...

I've never experienced this phenomenon "bromance." I'm a little skeptical of this guy from what you say... If he is truly hetero, it's not normal for him to be touchy-feely with a homo guy. Most hetero guys have an element of homophobia within them, even if they are outwardly comfortable with homo guys in general. Why he would touch you like that is beyond my comprehension. It will obviously sexually stimulate you, and he has to be aware of that, so I can only assume that he enjoys sexually stimulating you because he is sexually stimulated himself. I don't want to get your hopes up or anything, I would imagine he is attracted to you, but the problem is that even if you did make a move on him, he probably wouldn't make a good long-term partner for you because he'd likely lose interest after the initial excitement is over. You're not the first gay DDOer to bring concerns about approaching a possibly-gay friend, I would think that you are probably better off not ever doing it because only a genuinely gay partner is going to be stable for the long-term without flip-flopping back to hetero when they start to miss the opposite sex.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
leojm
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6/4/2013 9:24:26 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 1:17:02 AM, hereiam2005 wrote:
Women are needy creatures. Some needs attention, some needs to be heard, some needs to be told, some needs strong men, some needs mystery, some needs sophistication... some even needs rejection. If you can satisfy a woman, she is in your hand.
The key here is how to *know* a woman's need - it takes skills. A man's desire is simple, a woman's is not.

yes, that's right. I'm not sure bout the highlighted part. :P
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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6/4/2013 4:25:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 6:11:39 AM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/4/2013 12:47:51 AM, airmax1227 wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:44:16 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:31:49 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Mama, just killed a thread

Wrote a comment from my bed, pushed the "post" button, now it's dead.

Mama, the thread had just begun, but now I've gone and made it go astray.

Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oooohooooooooooooo

Didn't mean to make it die,

If I don't post in this thread again tomorrow

Move along, move along,

'Cause this topic doesn't matter...

Too late, this threads end has come

all because of your one line

my head is aching all the time

goodbye everybody, its got to go

time to leave this thread behind and face the truth!

mamaaaaaaa

ooooohoooooooooo (anytime Ryuu posts)

he didnt want it to die

but I just wish it had never been born at all!
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Buddamoose
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6/4/2013 4:27:25 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
*ooooohoooooooooo (anytime Maikuru posts)*
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Skepsikyma
Posts: 8,280
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6/4/2013 9:36:34 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 9:16:31 AM, R0b1Billion wrote:
Skepsikyma wrote:
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.

Fair enough, but you still have to meet chicks to be friends with them :P 99% of the chicks I meet are going to just be friends, but they aren't just gonna walk up to me and offer their friendship.

Well, I'm gay, so it's more guys. But the gay dating scene is just... bizarre at times. I stick out like a sore thumb.
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
- Hilaire Belloc -
Skepsikyma
Posts: 8,280
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6/4/2013 9:38:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 3:05:52 AM, YYW wrote:
At 6/4/2013 12:39:02 AM, Skepsikyma wrote:
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.

Which is the foremost reason that I hate dating... it's plastic, artificial and awkward -and I like none of those things but even still it depends on the person... but I almost never just "go out" because it feels awkward and I don't like getting to know a person over a meal. I like to already know them, and talk to them about themselves. Now, on the -few- occasions that I have gone out with people without knowing them very well, I've usually researched them so that I know how to steer the conversation. But even still, I'm pretty guarded until I get to a point where I reasonably trust someone.

I think that on balance, the best relationships I've had have begun as friendships -though I think that the tendency to be able to jump in and out of the "friend zone" is something more common among gay guys than among heteros. I'm on pretty good terms with anyone I've ever dated, with the exception of the few girls I dated in high school when I still thought that I was into them (especially the girl I dated as a senior in high school -lolz... but that was entirely her fault).

What bothers me, though, is the "bromance" thing... where I'm around an ostensibly straight guy who will overtly flirt. For example: there is this one guy who I have known since I was 17 and he was 16 and he moved into town. We wound up going to the same college and we've remained pretty good friends. He knows I'm gay, and he'll do things like reach across the table when we're out to lunch and say "I love you, man." looking me right in the eye, or if we just hung out somewhere he'll put his hand on my leg if we sat next to one another.

He's pre-med now (going to be a senior this coming year) and when I say that I would give anything to date him, I mean it sincerely -but the mindfvck aspect of our friendship just endures. There are, of course, more details than that, but you get the idea. I've seen him go through four different girlfriends since I've known him and other than me I've never even suspected that he'd shown any interest in guys -and yet he'll still be entirely more "touchy feeley" than any other straight guy I've known.... and it kills me. It literally kills me.

I don't want to ask him out, because I'm afraid that if I do our friendship will be lost, but at the same time by not asking him out I have no idea what to think. There's a part of me that wonders if he's just not curious, but we've never talked about it and I'm not sure that he would be comfortable if I even initiated that conversation. But we've been texting most of the night so I guess that's why it's on my mind...

/end rant.

The bromance thing is horrible to be subjected through. I usually end up resenting the person on some level, just because it's so inconsiderate to toy with someone on that level.
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
- Hilaire Belloc -
tulle
Posts: 4,445
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6/4/2013 9:44:11 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 4:25:57 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
At 6/4/2013 6:11:39 AM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/4/2013 12:47:51 AM, airmax1227 wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:44:16 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 6/3/2013 11:31:49 PM, Maikuru wrote:
Mama, just killed a thread

Wrote a comment from my bed, pushed the "post" button, now it's dead.

Mama, the thread had just begun, but now I've gone and made it go astray.

Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oooohooooooooooooo

Didn't mean to make it die,

If I don't post in this thread again tomorrow

Move along, move along,

'Cause this topic doesn't matter...

Too late, this threads end has come

all because of your one line

my head is aching all the time

goodbye everybody, its got to go

time to leave this thread behind and face the truth!


mamaaaaaaa

ooooohoooooooooo (anytime Maikuru posts)

he didnt want it to die

but I just wish it had never been born at all!

LOL Win.
yang.
YYW
Posts: 36,287
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6/4/2013 10:13:05 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 9:38:41 PM, Skepsikyma wrote:
At 6/4/2013 3:05:52 AM, YYW wrote:
At 6/4/2013 12:39:02 AM, Skepsikyma wrote:
I haven't been in very many relationship, and one exhibited about the worst judgment possible on my part, but I've always liked the idea of becoming friends first, or developing romance from friendship. Typical dating is annoying to me; I hate the dishonesty that so often comes with it. Two people pretending to be what they expect the average person to expect just seems stupid and inefficient to me.

Which is the foremost reason that I hate dating... it's plastic, artificial and awkward -and I like none of those things but even still it depends on the person... but I almost never just "go out" because it feels awkward and I don't like getting to know a person over a meal. I like to already know them, and talk to them about themselves. Now, on the -few- occasions that I have gone out with people without knowing them very well, I've usually researched them so that I know how to steer the conversation. But even still, I'm pretty guarded until I get to a point where I reasonably trust someone.

I think that on balance, the best relationships I've had have begun as friendships -though I think that the tendency to be able to jump in and out of the "friend zone" is something more common among gay guys than among heteros. I'm on pretty good terms with anyone I've ever dated, with the exception of the few girls I dated in high school when I still thought that I was into them (especially the girl I dated as a senior in high school -lolz... but that was entirely her fault).

What bothers me, though, is the "bromance" thing... where I'm around an ostensibly straight guy who will overtly flirt. For example: there is this one guy who I have known since I was 17 and he was 16 and he moved into town. We wound up going to the same college and we've remained pretty good friends. He knows I'm gay, and he'll do things like reach across the table when we're out to lunch and say "I love you, man." looking me right in the eye, or if we just hung out somewhere he'll put his hand on my leg if we sat next to one another.

He's pre-med now (going to be a senior this coming year) and when I say that I would give anything to date him, I mean it sincerely -but the mindfvck aspect of our friendship just endures. There are, of course, more details than that, but you get the idea. I've seen him go through four different girlfriends since I've known him and other than me I've never even suspected that he'd shown any interest in guys -and yet he'll still be entirely more "touchy feeley" than any other straight guy I've known.... and it kills me. It literally kills me.

I don't want to ask him out, because I'm afraid that if I do our friendship will be lost, but at the same time by not asking him out I have no idea what to think. There's a part of me that wonders if he's just not curious, but we've never talked about it and I'm not sure that he would be comfortable if I even initiated that conversation. But we've been texting most of the night so I guess that's why it's on my mind...

/end rant.

The bromance thing is horrible to be subjected through. I usually end up resenting the person on some level, just because it's so inconsiderate to toy with someone on that level.

There remains a part of me that wonders... I think I'll try to clear the air before he goes to med school, but before then I'll just let it be.
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R0b1Billion
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6/4/2013 10:46:31 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
leojm wrote:
hereiam2005 wrote:
Women are needy creatures. Some needs attention, some needs to be heard, some needs to be told, some needs strong men, some needs mystery, some needs sophistication... some even needs rejection. If you can satisfy a woman, she is in your hand.
The key here is how to *know* a woman's need - it takes skills. A man's desire is simple, a woman's is not.

yes, that's right. I'm not sure bout the highlighted part. :P

Yeah this guy definitely has some wisdom... I think that he is indeed correct about the rejection part as well. For you it probably is not true, but I imagine that some women, who are used to being constantly pursued by guys, are actually looking for someone who ignores them. Rejection is probably a bit strong of a word... I'll tell you how my father told me. Imagine you go to a house where there is a cat that is finicky, and always hides when company is over. People come over and try to pet the cute fluffy kitty, just to watch it run into the bedroom to safety. How do you catch the cat?

Simple. You ignore it. The cat will expect that anytime somebody comes over, she will be pursued. But if you completely ignore the cat as if it wasn't there (it might take you several visits to the house), eventually that cat WILL come up to you and wonder just why you don't want to pet the pretty fluffy kitty! What's so special about YOU that you're too GOOD to be interested? People aren't looking for admirers, or even peers. They are looking for people better than them because they want to be impressed.

Skepsikyma wrote:

Well, I'm gay, so it's more guys. But the gay dating scene is just... bizarre at times. I stick out like a sore thumb.

I've definitely heard some bizarre sh!t about homo guys at the bars! You're 24, so probably safe, but I see YYW is 21... A gay guy I used to work with used to educate me on such matters. He said that the 21 year-olds at the bars, who were inexperienced and easy to abuse, are called "twinks" and the older gay guys haze them harshly and basically use them for their own sexual ends. He would also tell me about mass-orgies that sometimes included dozens of guys at a time... I'm sure you're not as promiscuous as him but I can definitely see where you're coming from, without the female involved, who usually keeps the guys' physical urges under control, it can be a jungle out there!

I'm not sure what you mean by sticking out, unless you are flaming or something...

The bromance thing is horrible to be subjected through. I usually end up resenting the person on some level, just because it's so inconsiderate to toy with someone on that level.

So this is common amongst gay guys and their straight friends? This is a new subject to me! I'm just surprised because usually hetero guys are so insecure about gay guys possibly coming on to them (what hetero guy wants to fend off another guy trying to get with him?).

YYW wrote:
There remains a part of me that wonders... I think I'll try to clear the air before he goes to med school, but before then I'll just let it be.

Do you think he's actually a closet-homo and using his relationship with you to give himself a safe outlet for you?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
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- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
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Oryus
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6/4/2013 11:19:11 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
t(-_-t)

LOL This is my new favorite emoticon.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
YYW
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6/4/2013 11:22:12 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 10:46:31 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
Do you think he's actually a closet-homo and using his relationship with you to give himself a safe outlet for you?

I think there is a part of him that's curious, but I think he's ultimately straight -and I think he'd realize that if he'd been with a guy.
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YYW
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6/4/2013 11:32:48 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 11:19:11 PM, Oryus wrote:
t(-_-t)

LOL This is my new favorite emoticon.

What does it mean?
Tsar of DDO
Oryus
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6/4/2013 11:33:24 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/4/2013 11:32:48 PM, YYW wrote:
At 6/4/2013 11:19:11 PM, Oryus wrote:
t(-_-t)

LOL This is my new favorite emoticon.

What does it mean?

It's a dude giving up two emphatic middle fingers. :D
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.