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Dealing with anger

Df0512
Posts: 966
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7/30/2013 11:39:16 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I am married and I have 1 son. I also have another on the way. Right now times are tough and on top of that my wife is a mess. Her pregnancies are never easy.
I dont mean to sound like a panzy but between the 2 of them I am losing my mind. They are driving me crazy. My son has autism so dealing with him has always been incrediblely difficult. My father was always very angery and frankly didn't do a good job rasing me and my brothers, as he had very aggressive anger issues. So far I dont think im doing a great job dealing with all of this and Im afraid of taking it on on someone. And I know things will only be more difficult when my other son gets here.I just want to know if any of you have dealt with difficult family situations and how?

Any advice is appreciated
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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7/30/2013 12:22:10 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well I don't have family issues like that but I have a terrible temper that I've had to learn to deal with.

I usually find an outlet. If I find myself getting angry and irritable where I know it's going to increase. I leave. I do something else. Even if I'm working on something or talking to someone, I take a break. Let the steam roll off a bit.

A hobby also helps, or an escape like a good book or TV series. I know it's not easy to justify this when you're so busy with your family but it really helps to keep the blood pressure down.

Another thing is to let it out just not on someone. Break a beer bottle somewhere. Yell at your son as if he's there just make sure he's not around. Write a nasty email to your boss or your wife then delete it .

All of this stuff can help with anger. Rage is not a fun thing to deal with.
THE_OPINIONATOR
Posts: 575
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7/30/2013 1:22:40 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 11:39:16 AM, Df0512 wrote:
I am married and I have 1 son. I also have another on the way. Right now times are tough and on top of that my wife is a mess. Her pregnancies are never easy.
I dont mean to sound like a panzy but between the 2 of them I am losing my mind. They are driving me crazy. My son has autism so dealing with him has always been incrediblely difficult. My father was always very angery and frankly didn't do a good job rasing me and my brothers, as he had very aggressive anger issues. So far I dont think im doing a great job dealing with all of this and Im afraid of taking it on on someone. And I know things will only be more difficult when my other son gets here.I just want to know if any of you have dealt with difficult family situations and how?

Any advice is appreciated

Well you have a DDO account, this site is made for arguing, use this site as an outlet. Also I recommend going clay shooting, that is a very good stress reliever.
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AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 1:39:20 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was going to recommend punching your hand through a door which is similar but I still think you're lusting after control there and thus that it is bad. I don't know how to deal with anger really. Just consider the things you really love, I guess. Focus on those and only those. If you catch yourself slipping... um, I dunno, maybe do something small everyday to try to better the things you're mad about, make that your outlet, what your bad feelings are to trigger.
Jack212
Posts: 572
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7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.
slo1
Posts: 4,341
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7/30/2013 2:42:36 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 11:39:16 AM, Df0512 wrote:
I am married and I have 1 son. I also have another on the way. Right now times are tough and on top of that my wife is a mess. Her pregnancies are never easy.
I dont mean to sound like a panzy but between the 2 of them I am losing my mind. They are driving me crazy. My son has autism so dealing with him has always been incrediblely difficult. My father was always very angery and frankly didn't do a good job rasing me and my brothers, as he had very aggressive anger issues. So far I dont think im doing a great job dealing with all of this and Im afraid of taking it on on someone. And I know things will only be more difficult when my other son gets here.I just want to know if any of you have dealt with difficult family situations and how?

Any advice is appreciated

Find a group that practices meditation. Meditation at its basic form is all about gaining control of the thoughts that enter our heads. When you first try it, it becomes evident that it is impossible to stop random thoughts that are continuously streaming through our heads. Once one gets some control via practice one can get trained to recognize body responses that preempt anger then meditatate for 60 seconds to control oneself.

If you look into it, don't be scared by all the meditation hokus pokus. At the core there are very good physical and emotional benefits of meditating.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 2:58:45 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM, Jack212 wrote:
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.

Don't do this I don't think.
DakotaKrafick
Posts: 1,517
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7/30/2013 3:04:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 2:58:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM, Jack212 wrote:
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.

Don't do this I don't think.

Why not? Sparring (or practicing sparring) can be a pretty good stress-reliever. But I combat with swords, not fists.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 3:17:30 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 3:04:07 PM, DakotaKrafick wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:58:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM, Jack212 wrote:
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.

Don't do this I don't think.

Why not? Sparring (or practicing sparring) can be a pretty good stress-reliever. But I combat with swords, not fists.

Because it's building on a bad thing, I think. Didn't relieve too much stress for Mike Tyson, did it? I dunno... I guess I'm saying otherwise to just not care what others would do to you and not many are gonna go for that. I dunno.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 3:19:58 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
My mother is always suggesting I should take up boxing but I really don't think that would be good for me. I'm gonna go with just trying to be peaceful somehow.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 3:20:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Training yourself to take out your anger by inflicting physical damage on people seems a really f*cked up idea for people who are angry.
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
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7/30/2013 3:21:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 3:04:07 PM, DakotaKrafick wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:58:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM, Jack212 wrote:
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.

Don't do this I don't think.

Why not? Sparring (or practicing sparring) can be a pretty good stress-reliever. But I combat with swords, not fists.

I combat with Rocket Launchers.

No problem.
Nolite Timere
Df0512
Posts: 966
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7/30/2013 3:25:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The thing about boxing is, im already pretty intimidating in the eyes of my family. Im pretty tall and to the eyes of my son im giant. Ifind myself fighting that controling nature all men have. That coupled with and hot temper is not good for anyone. That would be a great outlet if I needed to get out of trouble. This is just the pressures of trying to be a dad and a husband and provide for everyone and be sensitive for my son and caring for my wife. I have plenty outlets but at best it provides a minor distraction from life. Which in the end only makes me more angery once the distraction is gone.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 3:30:15 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I get really angry and just force myself to not be angry and love the person I'm angry with regardless. I tell the truth and then say, "but I love you regardless." And maybe I'm getting over my anger with that, too; not so sure yet, but I'll get back to you.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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7/30/2013 3:33:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 3:30:15 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
I get really angry and just force myself to not be angry and love the person I'm angry with regardless. I tell the truth and then say, "but I love you regardless." And maybe I'm getting over my anger with that, too; not so sure yet, but I'll get back to you.

That'd be generally with regards to family and friends, though, but then it's not so easy for anyone else to make me angry. I'm not sure how I'd deal with other such cases, like if someone hurt someone in my family; to be honest I hope I never have to.
DakotaKrafick
Posts: 1,517
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7/30/2013 3:41:12 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 3:21:17 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
At 7/30/2013 3:04:07 PM, DakotaKrafick wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:58:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 7/30/2013 2:38:37 PM, Jack212 wrote:
Take up Boxing. You can take your anger out on your opponent, the training builds discipline, and you'll be able to teach your sons how to fight when they get bullied at school.

Don't do this I don't think.

Why not? Sparring (or practicing sparring) can be a pretty good stress-reliever. But I combat with swords, not fists.

I combat with Rocket Launchers.

No problem.

Pfft, noob toob.
TULIP
Posts: 398
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7/30/2013 3:49:29 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 11:39:16 AM, Df0512 wrote:
I am married and I have 1 son. I also have another on the way. Right now times are tough and on top of that my wife is a mess. Her pregnancies are never easy.
I dont mean to sound like a panzy but between the 2 of them I am losing my mind. They are driving me crazy. My son has autism so dealing with him has always been incrediblely difficult. My father was always very angery and frankly didn't do a good job rasing me and my brothers, as he had very aggressive anger issues. So far I dont think im doing a great job dealing with all of this and Im afraid of taking it on on someone. And I know things will only be more difficult when my other son gets here.I just want to know if any of you have dealt with difficult family situations and how?

Any advice is appreciated

I'm not married nor have kids, but I have 15 biological siblings and I'm the oldest. My dad is diabetic and my mom well she has her days where she gets upset about something.. My point in sharing this is, I struggle with anger quite often too.. I actually used to punch walls but found that that only made things worse. It gets crazy at my house practically everyday. And whenever I get upset I either listen to music, go to my room to breathe calm and pray, read or go outside for some fresh air (walks, jump rope; something). So if you like something use that as a way to bring calmness and train yourself to eventually not depend on that something; drawing, writing, reading, driving whatever it may be.. That's my advice to you..

I will pray for you though. It's good that you know what your struggle is and admit to it now the question is after you've gotten all your advice is, what are you going to do with it and about it? God bless you. :)
"We conclude that our salvation is of The Lord. He is the One who regenerates us. Those whom He regenerates come to Christ. Without regeneration no one will ever come to Christ. With regeneration no one will ever reject Him. God's saving grace effects what He intends to effect by it. ~ R. C. Sproul
vbaculum
Posts: 1,274
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7/30/2013 4:15:09 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/30/2013 11:39:16 AM, Df0512 wrote:
I am married and I have 1 son. I also have another on the way. Right now times are tough and on top of that my wife is a mess. Her pregnancies are never easy.
I dont mean to sound like a panzy but between the 2 of them I am losing my mind. They are driving me crazy. My son has autism so dealing with him has always been incrediblely difficult. My father was always very angery and frankly didn't do a good job rasing me and my brothers, as he had very aggressive anger issues. So far I dont think im doing a great job dealing with all of this and Im afraid of taking it on on someone. And I know things will only be more difficult when my other son gets here.I just want to know if any of you have dealt with difficult family situations and how?

Any advice is appreciated

My wife and son are near perfect and they make me crazy, so I can't even imagine.

I would read as much as you can on dealing with your anger. I recently listened to a really good audiobook on the subject (www.audible.com/pd?asin=B00BEVX2JU).

Always be mindful of this issue because you have a tremendious influence over the future emotional states of your children. I know you know that, but it deserves to be underscored.
"If you claim to value nonviolence and you consume animal products, you need to rethink your position on nonviolence." - Gary Francione

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Beginner
Posts: 4,292
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7/30/2013 4:32:51 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I don't understand this, I haven't been angry since I was in elementary school (I don't even rage in LoL LoLolooLoLolOlOloLOLolOlolOllolL). Things happen, world goes on, etc. what we feel doesn't matter at all from a worldly point of view.
Senpai has noticed you.
Df0512
Posts: 966
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7/30/2013 5:07:14 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
You all sound very troubled lol. Maybe I should count my blessing haha. Thanks to those who actually attempted helped. Maybe some just dont realize what its like.