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Sexual Fustration

TheHitchslap
Posts: 1,231
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9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)
Thank you for voting!
leojm
Posts: 1,825
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9/9/2013 8:00:25 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)

lolz. She is procrastinating. Maybe her friends started to talk her out of it. Any of those.
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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9/9/2013 8:43:55 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I don't know the particulars of the situation, but this behavior is typical of gf's of chodes. She likely understands that you don't have an abundance of sexual options and/or the skills to get another girl quickly, so she doesn't need to be sexual to keep you. She knows you'll put up with her sh!t, because you don't have strong boundaries on what behavior you will and will not accept.

The best remedy for this: get more girls.
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Primal Diet. Lifting. Reading. Psychedelics. Cold-Approach Pickup. Music.
TheHitchslap
Posts: 1,231
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9/9/2013 12:20:04 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 8:43:55 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
I don't know the particulars of the situation, but this behavior is typical of gf's of chodes. She likely understands that you don't have an abundance of sexual options and/or the skills to get another girl quickly, so she doesn't need to be sexual to keep you. She knows you'll put up with her sh!t, because you don't have strong boundaries on what behavior you will and will not accept.

The best remedy for this: get more girls.

Well, don't worry I'm not a chode LOL

and thanks man, looks like I'm gonna have a fight on my hands now...
Thank you for voting!
vbaculum
Posts: 1,274
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9/9/2013 1:44:02 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

To deal with the frustration, keep yourself deseeded; unload your own weapon; use the self-serve pump.


Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)

It might sound unnecessarily dark to jump to this conclusion, but consider that she might be the victim of childhood sexual trauma or some related issue. The symptoms you've described would suggest that.

The reason she was excited at the begining is because that's just how relationships work - there just great when they start out. The reason she is trying to get you worked up is because she is trying hard to get herself aroused enough to overcome her reservations - but is obviously not able to. Fatigue is a common when contemplating ones childhood trauma, and saying that she is sick might be a reflection of her true mental state. The reason it seems like your words are going in one ear and out the other may be because she has never talked about her trauma and is basicaly like a bank vault when it comes to talking about it (if she has never talked with anyone about it before).

First, she needs to know that she can trust you. Then, provide a way for her to talk to you about her reservations - what ever their causes. She is paying attention to the situation as much as you are, but doesn't know how to (or doesn't know if she can) communicate her feelings about sex to you.

If you ever want to be intimate with this girl again, you (and she) may have a lot of work ahead of you. But developing that level of trust with someone can be more fulfiling than all the sex in the world.
"If you claim to value nonviolence and you consume animal products, you need to rethink your position on nonviolence." - Gary Francione

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xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
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9/9/2013 7:09:12 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 1:44:02 PM, vbaculum wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

To deal with the frustration, keep yourself deseeded; unload your own weapon; use the self-serve pump.


Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)

It might sound unnecessarily dark to jump to this conclusion, but consider that she might be the victim of childhood sexual trauma or some related issue. The symptoms you've described would suggest that.

The reason she was excited at the begining is because that's just how relationships work - there just great when they start out. The reason she is trying to get you worked up is because she is trying hard to get herself aroused enough to overcome her reservations - but is obviously not able to. Fatigue is a common when contemplating ones childhood trauma, and saying that she is sick might be a reflection of her true mental state. The reason it seems like your words are going in one ear and out the other may be because she has never talked about her trauma and is basicaly like a bank vault when it comes to talking about it (if she has never talked with anyone about it before).

First, she needs to know that she can trust you. Then, provide a way for her to talk to you about her reservations - what ever their causes. She is paying attention to the situation as much as you are, but doesn't know how to (or doesn't know if she can) communicate her feelings about sex to you.

If you ever want to be intimate with this girl again, you (and she) may have a lot of work ahead of you. But developing that level of trust with someone can be more fulfiling than all the sex in the world.

I DECLARE OVER-ANALYZATION!
Nolite Timere
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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9/9/2013 7:29:54 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:28:25 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:10:10 PM, YYW wrote:
Do you two live together?

Yup

I think this is the sort of thing you two should probably talk about then. Communication is vital to any relationship.
Tsar of DDO
TheHitchslap
Posts: 1,231
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9/9/2013 7:33:05 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:29:54 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:28:25 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:10:10 PM, YYW wrote:
Do you two live together?

Yup

I think this is the sort of thing you two should probably talk about then. Communication is vital to any relationship.

Ever take an MBTI test?

I'm an NT, and she's a feeler...

long story short, I'm a little too blunt for her liking sometimes .. and what do I say without sounding like an @$$ who just wants to get laid? Like seriously
Thank you for voting!
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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9/9/2013 7:36:40 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:33:05 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:29:54 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:28:25 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:10:10 PM, YYW wrote:
Do you two live together?

Yup

I think this is the sort of thing you two should probably talk about then. Communication is vital to any relationship.

Ever take an MBTI test?

I'm an NT, and she's a feeler...


long story short, I'm a little too blunt for her liking sometimes .. and what do I say without sounding like an @$$ who just wants to get laid? Like seriously

As an NT, I feel you. But you're going to have to adjust the way you do things if you want to meaningfully communicate with her -i.e. try not to be blunt- and don't be an @$$#*^%. While it may sound hard, it's something you're going to have to do if you want the relationship to last. I say this, having ruined a few of my own relationships in that very way...
Tsar of DDO
TheHitchslap
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9/9/2013 7:41:36 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:36:40 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:33:05 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:29:54 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:28:25 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:10:10 PM, YYW wrote:
Do you two live together?

Yup

I think this is the sort of thing you two should probably talk about then. Communication is vital to any relationship.

Ever take an MBTI test?

I'm an NT, and she's a feeler...


long story short, I'm a little too blunt for her liking sometimes .. and what do I say without sounding like an @$$ who just wants to get laid? Like seriously

As an NT, I feel you. But you're going to have to adjust the way you do things if you want to meaningfully communicate with her -i.e. try not to be blunt- and don't be an @$$#*^%. While it may sound hard, it's something you're going to have to do if you want the relationship to last. I say this, having ruined a few of my own relationships in that very way...

You're an NTJ arn't you?

And thanks man, I'll give it a whril as best as I can.
Thank you for voting!
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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9/9/2013 7:42:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:41:36 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:36:40 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:33:05 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:29:54 PM, YYW wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:28:25 PM, TheHitchslap wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:10:10 PM, YYW wrote:
Do you two live together?

Yup

I think this is the sort of thing you two should probably talk about then. Communication is vital to any relationship.

Ever take an MBTI test?

I'm an NT, and she's a feeler...


long story short, I'm a little too blunt for her liking sometimes .. and what do I say without sounding like an @$$ who just wants to get laid? Like seriously

As an NT, I feel you. But you're going to have to adjust the way you do things if you want to meaningfully communicate with her -i.e. try not to be blunt- and don't be an @$$#*^%. While it may sound hard, it's something you're going to have to do if you want the relationship to last. I say this, having ruined a few of my own relationships in that very way...

You're an NTJ arn't you?

Yup.

E/I NTJ depending on my mood.

And thanks man, I'll give it a whril as best as I can.

Cheers.
Tsar of DDO
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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9/9/2013 7:48:40 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
But really though: ask her if there is anything going on, with you or with her, that you guys need to talk about. Even if neither of you enjoy it, you'll be better for having done it.
Tsar of DDO
TheHitchslap
Posts: 1,231
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9/9/2013 7:54:05 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 PM, YYW wrote:
But really though: ask her if there is anything going on, with you or with her, that you guys need to talk about. Even if neither of you enjoy it, you'll be better for having done it.

yeah will do thank you =)
Thank you for voting!
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/10/2013 12:40:19 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Ok.

That is her "normal" level of sexual output and expression. If the two of you are not calibrated intimately, and one of you is feeling unfulfilled, and the other is feeling pestered, that is obviously not-optimal. So how do you fix it?

I don't know, either.

But, I will bet you that she does. Communication is how you find out that sort of thing. You really need to find a way to talk about it while avoiding any negative "triggers" that might cause a fight or hurt feelings. Because butt-hurt is NOT sexy. (pun!) It takes a while to find the right vocabulary for this, but it's worth it to try.

Be ready for grim news from her end, like maybe she isn't turned on by the tactics that you are using. Don't get all defensive about it - if you want to get laid ever again, you will do what she wants. Maybe nothing is wrong, and it's just all in your head, but you should hope its something that you are doing weird. That sounds stupid, but think about it - if it's something that you are doing, then it's something that you can change as soon as you want. If it's a medical issue, or if it's her, then it could take longer.

If NOTHING is wrong, then you might need to come to terms with the fact that her output is just less than yours. At the end of the day you probably don't want her to not enjoy being intimate with you, right? You got to figure out how to speak her code, figure out what she wants, and give it to her. And maybe just get used to her.
Eitan_Zohar
Posts: 2,697
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9/10/2013 1:05:44 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 7:42:36 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
sexual frustrations = cured.

Thanks guys

Tell us about it. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.
"It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book."
TheHitchslap
Posts: 1,231
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9/10/2013 11:43:54 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 1:05:44 PM, Eitan_Zohar wrote:
At 9/10/2013 7:42:36 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
sexual frustrations = cured.

Thanks guys

Tell us about it. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

yesterday ....we talked, she picked up on it without me saying anything .. and then explained to me what was going on (just busy schedules and she was frustrated too), did it twice, cuddled naked and slept. Woke up this morning kissing her, went to school. Got dirty texts at the end of work, and then went home and did it again ... twice .... within less than a half an hour ... went to work .. and dude .. I finished so hard that I could still feel the orgasm in my stomach during my shift....it was wonderful ...

needless to say .. I'm NOT frustrated anymore LOL
Thank you for voting!
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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9/11/2013 2:02:19 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Cut off your penis with a steak knife and send it to her in a small box with a nice red bow.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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9/11/2013 4:56:01 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 2:02:19 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Cut off your penis with a steak knife and send it to her in a small box with a nice red bow.

Tried it; works. Got my ex back and now another girl wants me to send one of penises to her as well! Thanks, FREEDO.
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Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/11/2013 8:35:52 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 2:02:19 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Cut off your penis with a steak knife and send it to her in a small box with a nice red bow.

If you send it with a red bow she will think you're weird.
cybertron1998
Posts: 5,818
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9/11/2013 5:14:30 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 4:22:22 PM, Anti-atheist wrote:
u may be gay bro. Try men

You're still here!?!?!?! We all thought you were done for. Goddammit why are you still here!?!?!
Epsilon: There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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9/11/2013 5:34:55 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 8:35:52 AM, Beverlee wrote:
At 9/11/2013 2:02:19 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Cut off your penis with a steak knife and send it to her in a small box with a nice red bow.

If you send it with a red bow she will think you're weird.

Exactly, you need to choose a different colour bow. What's her favourite colour?
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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9/11/2013 6:07:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 8:35:52 AM, Beverlee wrote:
At 9/11/2013 2:02:19 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Cut off your penis with a steak knife and send it to her in a small box with a nice red bow.

If you send it with a red bow she will think you're weird.

I like you.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Sitara
Posts: 745
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9/11/2013 6:23:06 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)

Ignore her right back, and when SHE wants sex, say "no thank you" to teach her a lesson.
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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9/12/2013 2:32:39 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/11/2013 6:23:06 PM, Sitara wrote:
At 9/9/2013 7:48:40 AM, TheHitchslap wrote:
Anyone else have this problem with their S/O?

At the beginning it use to be great! It was like a set of jack-rabbits going crazy sometimes, and I know she loves it (her body tells me .. if you know what I mean). Now, it's like I'm lucky to get any each week, and I'm getting teased about it too. She'll do crap like rub my junk to get me going and by the end of the night it's the same sh!t. She'll claim to be "too tired" or "sick" or never having those intentions in the first place but "just wants to cuddle".

Seriously, I have no idea what the fvck to do. I'm ready to crack and explode on this one. Why does my girlfriend not want to touch me anymore? I tried talking to her about it, and it goes in one ear and out the other >.< (spoke to her about it yesterday, everything was fine and then the makeup sex was suppose to come, and guess who suddenly had an upset stomach again?!)

Ignore her right back, and when SHE wants sex, say "no thank you" to teach her a lesson.

Uh, NO. This is both counterproductive (you want sex, duh) and might even give her the idea that you're either an arse or you don't want sex either. Doesn't matter which one of those it is, you're not going to get any.