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An annoying character trait

000ike
Posts: 11,196
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9/12/2013 7:45:09 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I'm not a "small talk" kind of person, but I keep finding myself in situations where I have to make small talk - like if I see someone I haven't seen in a long time. It's never that I don't want to see that person, I do and I'm happy to see them. It's just that I'm not good at coming up with things to talk about or following up on a conversation that I don't really care about. So in an effort to avoid that horrible awkward silence I come up with a topic of conversation that I'm not really interested in or I follow up on the conversation started by the other person, which I'm also not interested in. So the whole thing ends up feeling more like a chore than a pleasant encounter. For that reason I tend to avoid the encounter altogether, and that doesn't make me happy.

Don't over-interpret this to mean that I have some kind of personality disorder. I can hold a conversation comfortably if I felt like it - the issue here is that I'd think it a chore, and not want to.

Anyone else have this kind of experience?
"A stupid despot may constrain his slaves with iron chains; but a true politician binds them even more strongly with the chain of their own ideas" - Michel Foucault
OMGJustinBieber
Posts: 3,484
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9/12/2013 8:01:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/12/2013 7:45:09 PM, 000ike wrote:
I'm not a "small talk" kind of person, but I keep finding myself in situations where I have to make small talk - like if I see someone I haven't seen in a long time. It's never that I don't want to see that person, I do and I'm happy to see them. It's just that I'm not good at coming up with things to talk about or following up on a conversation that I don't really care about. So in an effort to avoid that horrible awkward silence I come up with a topic of conversation that I'm not really interested in or I follow up on the conversation started by the other person, which I'm also not interested in. So the whole thing ends up feeling more like a chore than a pleasant encounter. For that reason I tend to avoid the encounter altogether, and that doesn't make me happy.

Don't over-interpret this to mean that I have some kind of personality disorder. I can hold a conversation comfortably if I felt like it - the issue here is that I'd think it a chore, and not want to.

Anyone else have this kind of experience?

Yeah, trust me, you just sort of have to go along with it - at least for sometime. If you can't hold a conversation people think you're weird and anti-social. It can be difficult, but you have to learn to deal with it. Make use of metaphors or humor to steer the conversation in ways you find more interesting; if you're not having fun then they probably aren't either.
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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9/13/2013 4:02:55 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Be interested in what is going on in the person's life. Ask probing questions and listen more than talk, ironically, people think you're a great conversationalist if you stroke their ego by being interested and listening .
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000ike
Posts: 11,196
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9/13/2013 3:23:19 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/13/2013 11:46:38 AM, NightofTheLivingCats wrote:
Welcome to being a Aspie.

lol same thing Socialpinko (noumena) says. I may not like aimless conversations, but I'm pretty sure I miss the cut off for asperger's syndrome.

And I would also be inclined to rebuke that because it's pretty psychologically demotivating to think or have someone tell you that you have a disorder.

So, long story short,... don't call me Aspie.
"A stupid despot may constrain his slaves with iron chains; but a true politician binds them even more strongly with the chain of their own ideas" - Michel Foucault
vbaculum
Posts: 1,274
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9/13/2013 3:39:48 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I was hoping this would be about dashes.

Try to develop and interest in meteorology and sports. That seems to work for everyone else.
"If you claim to value nonviolence and you consume animal products, you need to rethink your position on nonviolence." - Gary Francione

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Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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9/13/2013 7:03:50 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/13/2013 3:23:19 PM, 000ike wrote:
At 9/13/2013 11:46:38 AM, NightofTheLivingCats wrote:
Welcome to being a Aspie.

lol same thing Socialpinko (noumena) says. I may not like aimless conversations, but I'm pretty sure I miss the cut off for asperger's syndrome.

And I would also be inclined to rebuke that because it's pretty psychologically demotivating to think or have someone tell you that you have a disorder.

So, long story short,... don't call me Aspie.

Mental illnesses are interesting.
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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9/13/2013 7:20:29 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Yeah, small talk sucks. I usually wait till I make them laugh, then start walking away. Always leave them wanting more.
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Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/13/2013 8:55:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/13/2013 11:46:38 AM, NightofTheLivingCats wrote:
Welcome to being a Aspie.

My dad has Asperger's! He HATES small talk! lol
Noumena
Posts: 6,047
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9/13/2013 10:02:03 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Get better friends.
: At 5/13/2014 7:05:20 PM, Crescendo wrote:
: The difference is that the gay movement is currently pushing their will on Churches, as shown in the link to gay marriage in Denmark. Meanwhile, the Inquisition ended several centuries ago.
YYW
Posts: 36,234
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9/14/2013 10:05:43 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/12/2013 7:45:09 PM, 000ike wrote:
I'm not a "small talk" kind of person, but I keep finding myself in situations where I have to make small talk - like if I see someone I haven't seen in a long time. It's never that I don't want to see that person, I do and I'm happy to see them. It's just that I'm not good at coming up with things to talk about or following up on a conversation that I don't really care about. So in an effort to avoid that horrible awkward silence I come up with a topic of conversation that I'm not really interested in or I follow up on the conversation started by the other person, which I'm also not interested in. So the whole thing ends up feeling more like a chore than a pleasant encounter. For that reason I tend to avoid the encounter altogether, and that doesn't make me happy.

Don't over-interpret this to mean that I have some kind of personality disorder. I can hold a conversation comfortably if I felt like it - the issue here is that I'd think it a chore, and not want to.

Anyone else have this kind of experience?

There is nothing wrong with you, and it's normal to feel like that. I find that greeting someone, asking them questions -usually about them, their lives, etc.- and then wishing them well is usually the best way to go for me. That way, people get to talk, I don't have to talk, everyone walks away happy.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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9/14/2013 8:15:33 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I'm pretty good at this to be honest, but then there are times when I'll break down crying lol... to be quite honest. I met a cousin I'd estranged myself from recently, pursuing some sort of sense or something, and it broke my heart to see him all grown up and berating me for not having been there, throwing words like "enthralling" at me, as if they meant more to me than he did. But he was wrong. They didn't, and I showed him that.

I'd personally say there is something wrong with you if you're feeling awkward and shying away from people, though. There's no liking of meeting people in that. Your conviction that you like seeing them doesn't make any sense, unless to detail some inner turmoil. It's the Bystander Effect bullsh*t all over again I'd say.

Look at this picture: http://www.google.ie...

The dude who took it apparently left that poor kid like that and committed suicide 3 months later out of depression. Maybe you're experiencing something akin to what that photographer did. Possible, no? Everyone is afraid.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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9/14/2013 8:21:56 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
That's got to me one of the most moving pictures I've ever seen. YYW, you're not just preying on my sadness with that Vonnegut bit, are you?
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
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9/14/2013 8:23:30 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Sorry I said what I did about you, maybe. You were warmongering though, if I recall correctly.