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Let's talk about dating someone older

devinni01841
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11/21/2013 6:19:35 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Because DDO has always had interesting things to say on every topic, what are your thoughts on dating someone who is older than you?

at what point does it become creepy?

at what age do gaps of 6 years or less become unimportant?

and since it's on the topic, how old do you have to be, and how much younger does your significant other have to be for you to be considered a cougar or a cradle robber?
There is nothing more bad-@ss than being yourself.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

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InvictusManeo
Posts: 384
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11/21/2013 2:43:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I like this topic. I shall chime in with my opinions on age difference.

I think there are clear gender differences between preference for someone older or younger. Women tend to prefer older men, at least when it comes to selecting long-term partners as they tend to present more typically attractive attributes of what makes men appealing, including (but not limited to): wealth, status, power, more resources (thus better equipped to provide for them and their subsequent offspring), and they tend to make better lovers, too.

However there is the appeal of the younger men, and usually this is mostly down to their sex appeal, but these are a dangerous selection for the older women as they are less likely to settle down with someone who isn't in the prime of their life and capable of bearing children. Hence why female cougars are rarer in comparison to sugar daddies.

Men tend to enjoy dating younger women for their youthfulness, sex appeal and virility. Everything that is attractive about women in the strict biological sense occurs from the beginning of menstruation throughout their 20's. Once they hit their 30's, women are less appealing, to the majority of older men anyway. Although since our life spans are increasing, more allowances tend to be made for age difference and attractiveness (when your life expectancy was 40, a young girl in her early teens was seen as a good investment).

Anyway, all that aside my dating history would show up no real preference for older or younger. I have dated men as much as 18 years older than myself, but it wasn't a lasting relationship. I have dated a few people younger than myself too, though not such a drastic age gap as I am in my early 20's anyway. I do tend to like men at least a few years older than me, for their sexual experience. With women that preference doesn't really exist.
InvictusManeo
Posts: 384
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11/21/2013 2:46:37 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
As far as what is acceptable when it comes to age difference, I believe this should be considered on a case-by-case basis. Personally I think it is unwise to date anyone below the age of 20 with serious intentions, as adolescents are most liable to change, and rightly so. Obviously, children should not be expected to consent, so anything below the age of 13 is subjectively wrong.

And for the opposite swing of the pendulum, I wouldn't date someone unless they were highly sexually active and that tends to wane with age. So usually men up to the age of 40 is my cross off point (though it would depend on the individual in question). Women can hit their sexual peak at around this age though, and they are fun.
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma
devinni01841
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11/21/2013 3:31:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM, Beverlee wrote:
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma

Beverlee what the actual fvck
That is most definitely NOT where my mind was when i asked, but thank you for that lovverly mental image for me to consider as I get ready to go to sleep.
There is nothing more bad-@ss than being yourself.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Member of the Texas Army National Guard since 20111212

An Armed society is a polite society.
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/21/2013 3:54:33 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 3:31:16 PM, devinni01841 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM, Beverlee wrote:
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma

Beverlee what the actual fvck
That is most definitely NOT where my mind was when i asked, but thank you for that lovverly mental image for me to consider as I get ready to go to sleep.

Lol... What! But this is how you can become a grandpa withOUT ever having kids!
cybertron1998
Posts: 5,818
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11/21/2013 4:06:31 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM, Beverlee wrote:
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma

You just ripped off the song "I'm my own grandpa"
Epsilon: There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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11/21/2013 4:24:06 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 4:06:31 PM, cybertron1998 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM, Beverlee wrote:
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma

You just ripped off the song "I'm my own grandpa"

Did not! Lol... Besides that song is WAY over complicated! All that you have to do (to have a grandchild without having kids - or the be your own Grandpa song) is to marry the parent of your parents spouse. That's all it takes.
cybertron1998
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11/21/2013 4:24:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 4:24:06 PM, Beverlee wrote:
At 11/21/2013 4:06:31 PM, cybertron1998 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 3:04:55 PM, Beverlee wrote:
Dating older people can get interesting! Say you marry a guy who has an adult son, who marries your mom.... (This can happen!)

Ok: so you married the guy, your mom married the guys son. Now your mom is your daughter in law. Your husband is your moms father in law, which, since you are married to your moms father in law, that would make you you moms mother in law.... And your own step-step grandma

You just ripped off the song "I'm my own grandpa"

Did not! Lol... Besides that song is WAY over complicated! All that you have to do (to have a grandchild without having kids - or the be your own Grandpa song) is to marry the parent of your parents spouse. That's all it takes.

You sooooo ripped it off
Epsilon: There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith.
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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11/21/2013 10:16:43 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Been there, done that. It didn't work out. We may have been in community college together, but that didn't do much to change the fact that we were at two separate points in our lives. He had been in the military, and was now finishing up his degree so he could get a good job and provide for himself. I was 18 and just starting to get a taste of what the world might be like outside of the reach of my paprents. Age differences in and of themselves aren't bad. The trouble is when they lead to other differences, like in where someone is in their life, or maturity levels. I think it's only creepy when someone who is at least to the point of not being a teenager is dating a minor. If you're 21, stay the fvck away from that 16 year old. As long as a couple can work together, age differences shouldn't be a problem.
YYW
Posts: 36,364
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11/21/2013 10:52:48 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 6:19:35 AM, devinni01841 wrote:
Because DDO has always had interesting things to say on every topic, what are your thoughts on dating someone who is older than you?

I would not date a person more than three years apart from me in age range.

at what point does it become creepy?

When one or both people are using the other.

at what age do gaps of 6 years or less become unimportant?

35... if I had to pick a year.

and since it's on the topic, how old do you have to be, and how much younger does your significant other have to be for you to be considered a cougar or a cradle robber?

Depends.
Tsar of DDO
devinni01841
Posts: 1,405
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11/21/2013 11:07:02 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 10:16:43 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Been there, done that. It didn't work out. We may have been in community college together, but that didn't do much to change the fact that we were at two separate points in our lives. He had been in the military, and was now finishing up his degree so he could get a good job and provide for himself. I was 18 and just starting to get a taste of what the world might be like outside of the reach of my paprents. Age differences in and of themselves aren't bad. The trouble is when they lead to other differences, like in where someone is in their life, or maturity levels.

Hadn't thought of it like that, to tell you the truth. Honestly I hadn't thought about it until recently when I had a reason to. you bring up a valid point

I think it's only creepy when someone who is at least to the point of not being a teenager is dating a minor. If you're 21, stay the fvck away from that 16 year old. As long as a couple can work together, age differences shouldn't be a problem.

yes omg eww. Although the person whose presence in my life made me ponder this question has exactly that difference in age to me, lol.
There is nothing more bad-@ss than being yourself.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Member of the Texas Army National Guard since 20111212

An Armed society is a polite society.
devinni01841
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11/21/2013 11:08:14 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 10:52:48 PM, YYW wrote:
At 11/21/2013 6:19:35 AM, devinni01841 wrote:
Because DDO has always had interesting things to say on every topic, what are your thoughts on dating someone who is older than you?

I would not date a person more than three years apart from me in age range.


Is there any specific reason for that, or is it just where you feel comfortable?


at what point does it become creepy?

When one or both people are using the other.

at what age do gaps of 6 years or less become unimportant?

35... if I had to pick a year.

and since it's on the topic, how old do you have to be, and how much younger does your significant other have to be for you to be considered a cougar or a cradle robber?

Depends.

depends on what?
There is nothing more bad-@ss than being yourself.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Member of the Texas Army National Guard since 20111212

An Armed society is a polite society.
RyuuKyuzo
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11/21/2013 11:30:28 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
My parents are nearly 20 years apart in age.

It didn't work out.
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
lewis20
Posts: 5,093
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11/21/2013 11:42:34 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Half plus seven rule.
(Older persons age / 2 ) + 7
So I guess solving for y, based on this very scientific and legal standard, you can date someone who is (your age - 7) * 2

I'm (23 - 7 = 16) * 2 = 32
"If you are a racist I will attack you with the north"- Abraham Lincoln

"Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material" - Leviticus 19 19

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devinni01841
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11/22/2013 6:49:19 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 11:42:34 PM, lewis20 wrote:
Half plus seven rule.
(Older persons age / 2 ) + 7
So I guess solving for y, based on this very scientific and legal standard, you can date someone who is (your age - 7) * 2

I'm (23 - 7 = 16) * 2 = 32

So by your logic the older you are, the larger the gap can be?
There is nothing more bad-@ss than being yourself.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Member of the Texas Army National Guard since 20111212

An Armed society is a polite society.
lewis20
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11/22/2013 10:47:03 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/22/2013 6:49:19 AM, devinni01841 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 11:42:34 PM, lewis20 wrote:
Half plus seven rule.
(Older persons age / 2 ) + 7
So I guess solving for y, based on this very scientific and legal standard, you can date someone who is (your age - 7) * 2

I'm (23 - 7 = 16) * 2 = 32

So by your logic the older you are, the larger the gap can be?

Yeah, its a fairly universal standard I thought.
"If you are a racist I will attack you with the north"- Abraham Lincoln

"Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material" - Leviticus 19 19

"War is a racket" - Smedley Butler
YYW
Posts: 36,364
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11/22/2013 11:44:56 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 11:08:14 PM, devinni01841 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 10:52:48 PM, YYW wrote:
At 11/21/2013 6:19:35 AM, devinni01841 wrote:
Because DDO has always had interesting things to say on every topic, what are your thoughts on dating someone who is older than you?

I would not date a person more than three years apart from me in age range.


Is there any specific reason for that, or is it just where you feel comfortable?

It's just what feels comfortable.


at what point does it become creepy?

When one or both people are using the other.

at what age do gaps of 6 years or less become unimportant?

35... if I had to pick a year.

and since it's on the topic, how old do you have to be, and how much younger does your significant other have to be for you to be considered a cougar or a cradle robber?

Depends.

depends on what?

The relative age of those in the relationship.
Tsar of DDO
bladerunner060
Posts: 7,126
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11/22/2013 11:52:37 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/22/2013 10:47:03 AM, lewis20 wrote:
At 11/22/2013 6:49:19 AM, devinni01841 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 11:42:34 PM, lewis20 wrote:
Half plus seven rule.
(Older persons age / 2 ) + 7
So I guess solving for y, based on this very scientific and legal standard, you can date someone who is (your age - 7) * 2

I'm (23 - 7 = 16) * 2 = 32

So by your logic the older you are, the larger the gap can be?

Yeah, its a fairly universal standard I thought.

It's commonly mentioned--though I've always thought that while possibly technically kosher, a half-plus 8 was a better rule of thumb:

18 your rule of thumb floor is 17,
20 it's 18,
22 it's 19,
24 it's 20,
25 it's 21.

A 25 y/o dating someone not old enough to drink seems to me like they'd need a pretty good reason.
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bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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11/22/2013 12:29:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
As an 18 year old, I can feel physically attracted to guys up to their mid-30s, but I would never date them. I'd probably cap it at 26/27 for my age range right now. 7-8 year difference isn't that bad in that case.

I would also never date anyone younger than 17.
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Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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11/23/2013 6:27:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/21/2013 11:07:02 PM, devinni01841 wrote:
At 11/21/2013 10:16:43 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Been there, done that. It didn't work out. We may have been in community college together, but that didn't do much to change the fact that we were at two separate points in our lives. He had been in the military, and was now finishing up his degree so he could get a good job and provide for himself. I was 18 and just starting to get a taste of what the world might be like outside of the reach of my paprents. Age differences in and of themselves aren't bad. The trouble is when they lead to other differences, like in where someone is in their life, or maturity levels.

Hadn't thought of it like that, to tell you the truth. Honestly I hadn't thought about it until recently when I had a reason to. you bring up a valid point

I think it's only creepy when someone who is at least to the point of not being a teenager is dating a minor. If you're 21, stay the fvck away from that 16 year old. As long as a couple can work together, age differences shouldn't be a problem.

yes omg eww. Although the person whose presence in my life made me ponder this question has exactly that difference in age to me, lol.

Yeah, but you're an adult, so it's totally fine if you want to try to see if a relationship would work out. I once dated someone with a 9 year age difference...
Beverlee
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11/27/2013 3:21:01 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I think the older you are, the larger the acceptable age gap can get. I tried to date someone older than me (my friends mom - long story), because I thought we were mutually attracted to each other. She wasn't comfortable with the age difference, though. She was 36. She was super cool about me asking her out, but she wouldn't date me because I wasn't legal then. (Even though I didn't really expect to be intimate with her. So that part of it was ok with me, but.)

But I see Mick Jagger and I think... That bastard.
Beverlee
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11/27/2013 3:30:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/22/2013 12:29:17 PM, bsh1 wrote:
As an 18 year old, I can feel physically attracted to guys up to their mid-30s, but I would never date them. I'd probably cap it at 26/27 for my age range right now. 7-8 year difference isn't that bad in that case.

I would also never date anyone younger than 17.

I get that... I would not be very interested in dating anyone younger than me, really. Maybe a few months difference, but now that I've graduated, I couldn't imagine dating anyone in high school. But the only reason is limit myself as far as how much older I would date is pragmatic; a beautiful 50 year old woman will just not be on my level. She would be too far above me. And in 20 years, she would be too old honestly to do the things that I would need to have in my life, like roller coasters and hiking in the mountains and things.

For me, older is fine - younger is ok with limits. 18-40 for dating, 18-30 for a serious relationship.
bsh1
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11/27/2013 3:31:11 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 11/27/2013 3:30:07 PM, Beverlee wrote:
At 11/22/2013 12:29:17 PM, bsh1 wrote:
As an 18 year old, I can feel physically attracted to guys up to their mid-30s, but I would never date them. I'd probably cap it at 26/27 for my age range right now. 7-8 year difference isn't that bad in that case.

I would also never date anyone younger than 17.

I get that... I would not be very interested in dating anyone younger than me, really. Maybe a few months difference, but now that I've graduated, I couldn't imagine dating anyone in high school. But the only reason is limit myself as far as how much older I would date is pragmatic; a beautiful 50 year old woman will just not be on my level. She would be too far above me. And in 20 years, she would be too old honestly to do the things that I would need to have in my life, like roller coasters and hiking in the mountains and things.

For me, older is fine - younger is ok with limits. 18-40 for dating, 18-30 for a serious relationship.

Agreed.
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I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

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