Total Posts:86|Showing Posts:1-30|Last Page
Jump to topic:

Imbalance of Affection

Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 4:15:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Hello fellow DDOers, I am 16 years of age and in need of relationship assistance.

I am a male and in one of my first relationships, and I am at a complete loss to what has been going on lately and how to deal with it, there is a complete imbalance of affection, both verbally and sometimes physically in my relationship.

I usually tell my girlfriend I love her a dozen times a day if we are talking for more then a couple hours, I sincerely enjoy displaying my affection for her and she enjoys receiving it, but not giving it back. She only says she loves me (and then only after I say it first) when we go to bed at night, and very rarely then returns an 'I love you' when I say it to her. I commonly like to be romantic and do sweet things like give her little notes and gifts, and do things like buy her chocolate when she is on her period, but she has not given me one gift. I usually have to initiate our kisses, and when I do she sometimes pulls away and just gives me an odd look. I commonly tell her all the things I love about her and enjoy flattering her and making her feel special, sometimes for 10-15 minutes at a time just ranting about how much I love her and why.

Now here is where the real dilemma comes in, it seems as if the only time she is willing to show real, deep affection is when I am going to leave her. I have tried to leave her 4 times, and each of these 4 times she tells me how much she needs me and loves me and wants to keep me in her life. Only two other times in the 3 months we've been together has she actually told me why she loves me or showed true affection where I didn't have to prod her or initiate it first.

Does she truly even love me? If not, is that plausible grounds to leave her? If she does is it plausible, might we just have different needs and she is failing to satisfy mine? Help would be appreciated.

Thanks!
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 7:13:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!

If you're talking about some of the other stuff you mentioned, you should know that it's all pretty much ordinary for a girl. You've actually provided excellently as regards building a psychological profile. Pretty tough, reading it. Brings back memories, lol.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 7:36:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 7:13:50 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!

If you're talking about some of the other stuff you mentioned, you should know that it's all pretty much ordinary for a girl. You've actually provided excellently as regards building a psychological profile. Pretty tough, reading it. Brings back memories, lol.

I thought it was typically the girl that was more open and intense in expressing affection towards their significant other? I mean, I am sincerely asking since I'm new ish to relationships. Also it does hurt, I am a pretty emotional person and while I usually can't help it, every time I tell her I love her and she doesn't reciprocate, it does generate pain. I just, unlike a lot of men; have a relatively high need for affection,but also a relatively high capacity for expressing it. So I am not asking for anything I wouldn't give, but I do have my needs too that aren't being fulfilled.
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 8:13:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 7:36:59 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:13:50 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!

If you're talking about some of the other stuff you mentioned, you should know that it's all pretty much ordinary for a girl. You've actually provided excellently as regards building a psychological profile. Pretty tough, reading it. Brings back memories, lol.

I thought it was typically the girl that was more open and intense in expressing affection towards their significant other? I mean, I am sincerely asking since I'm new ish to relationships. Also it does hurt, I am a pretty emotional person and while I usually can't help it, every time I tell her I love her and she doesn't reciprocate, it does generate pain. I just, unlike a lot of men; have a relatively high need for affection,but also a relatively high capacity for expressing it. So I am not asking for anything I wouldn't give, but I do have my needs too that aren't being fulfilled.

No, you've got that backwards. Guys are the romancers, girls are the romancees (if that's a word - apparently not). What you've detailed in your OP is pretty much the typical female, unsure of herself with you, feeling she needs you all the same - the psychology of it is pretty depressing, to be honest - and this makes for that imbalance of affection you're talking about. Basically, she has more to lose in allowing herself to become hugely attached to you than you do her. The world is a more frightening place for a girl dude.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 8:21:52 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 8:13:38 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:36:59 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:13:50 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!

If you're talking about some of the other stuff you mentioned, you should know that it's all pretty much ordinary for a girl. You've actually provided excellently as regards building a psychological profile. Pretty tough, reading it. Brings back memories, lol.

I thought it was typically the girl that was more open and intense in expressing affection towards their significant other? I mean, I am sincerely asking since I'm new ish to relationships. Also it does hurt, I am a pretty emotional person and while I usually can't help it, every time I tell her I love her and she doesn't reciprocate, it does generate pain. I just, unlike a lot of men; have a relatively high need for affection,but also a relatively high capacity for expressing it. So I am not asking for anything I wouldn't give, but I do have my needs too that aren't being fulfilled.

No, you've got that backwards. Guys are the romancers, girls are the romancees (if that's a word - apparently not). What you've detailed in your OP is pretty much the typical female, unsure of herself with you, feeling she needs you all the same - the psychology of it is pretty depressing, to be honest - and this makes for that imbalance of affection you're talking about. Basically, she has more to lose in allowing herself to become hugely attached to you than you do her. The world is a more frightening place for a girl dude.

That is extremely intriguing and eye opening, actually. Although you are also right in that it is very depressing. I suppose you are right, what you are saying makes good sense. You seem to know what you are talking about, do you mind if I shoot you the occasional message for advice? I appreciate it once again, thanks!
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 8:24:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 8:21:52 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:13:38 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:36:59 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:13:50 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 7:05:50 PM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 5:57:49 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
Also, you're basically preying on fear when you threaten to leave her so she'll say nice things to you. That'd be a member here's fabled "uncertainty principle", which is really something quite disgusting. Don't do that.

I don't leave her because she doesn't show affection, it is usually for different reasons.

i.e I don't think we are compatible.

There have been other incidences too.

But thank you for your advice!

If you're talking about some of the other stuff you mentioned, you should know that it's all pretty much ordinary for a girl. You've actually provided excellently as regards building a psychological profile. Pretty tough, reading it. Brings back memories, lol.

I thought it was typically the girl that was more open and intense in expressing affection towards their significant other? I mean, I am sincerely asking since I'm new ish to relationships. Also it does hurt, I am a pretty emotional person and while I usually can't help it, every time I tell her I love her and she doesn't reciprocate, it does generate pain. I just, unlike a lot of men; have a relatively high need for affection,but also a relatively high capacity for expressing it. So I am not asking for anything I wouldn't give, but I do have my needs too that aren't being fulfilled.

No, you've got that backwards. Guys are the romancers, girls are the romancees (if that's a word - apparently not). What you've detailed in your OP is pretty much the typical female, unsure of herself with you, feeling she needs you all the same - the psychology of it is pretty depressing, to be honest - and this makes for that imbalance of affection you're talking about. Basically, she has more to lose in allowing herself to become hugely attached to you than you do her. The world is a more frightening place for a girl dude.


That is extremely intriguing and eye opening, actually. Although you are also right in that it is very depressing. I suppose you are right, what you are saying makes good sense. You seem to know what you are talking about, do you mind if I shoot you the occasional message for advice? I appreciate it once again, thanks!

I lol'd. Sure, dude. Even if you're troll I can't allow for the possibility that you might hurt some poor girl =P
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.
Nolite Timere
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 9:08:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

Absolutely disgusting post, fueled by absolute childishness. Leave the defiance at home bro.
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 9:15:43 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 9:08:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

Absolutely disgusting post, fueled by absolute childishness. Leave the defiance at home bro.

You're silly
Nolite Timere
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 9:22:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 9:15:43 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
At 1/7/2014 9:08:45 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

Absolutely disgusting post, fueled by absolute childishness. Leave the defiance at home bro.


You're silly

You've never been in a relationship, know NOTHING about people, and just suggested this dude cause pain to a girl because you wanted to disagree with me. You should be ashamed of yourself. Peace.
Contra
Posts: 3,941
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 9:37:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

I have to say that I agree with Crypto. I know what you're going through, and if things don't change, you probably should move past her. Obviously easier said than done.
"The solution [for Republicans] is to admit that Bush was a bad president, stop this racist homophobic stuff, stop trying to give most of the tax cuts to the rich, propose a real alternative to Obamacare that actually works, and propose smart free market solutions to our economic problems." - Distraff

"Americans are better off in a dynamic, free-enterprise-based economy that fosters economic growth, opportunity and upward mobility." - Paul Ryan
1810929
Posts: 11
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 9:44:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 4:15:57 PM, Objectivity wrote:
Hello fellow DDOers, I am 16 years of age and in need of relationship assistance.

I am a male and in one of my first relationships, and I am at a complete loss to what has been going on lately and how to deal with it, there is a complete imbalance of affection, both verbally and sometimes physically in my relationship.

I usually tell my girlfriend I love her a dozen times a day if we are talking for more then a couple hours, I sincerely enjoy displaying my affection for her and she enjoys receiving it, but not giving it back. She only says she loves me (and then only after I say it first) when we go to bed at night, and very rarely then returns an 'I love you' when I say it to her. I commonly like to be romantic and do sweet things like give her little notes and gifts, and do things like buy her chocolate when she is on her period, but she has not given me one gift. I usually have to initiate our kisses, and when I do she sometimes pulls away and just gives me an odd look. I commonly tell her all the things I love about her and enjoy flattering her and making her feel special, sometimes for 10-15 minutes at a time just ranting about how much I love her and why.

Now here is where the real dilemma comes in, it seems as if the only time she is willing to show real, deep affection is when I am going to leave her. I have tried to leave her 4 times, and each of these 4 times she tells me how much she needs me and loves me and wants to keep me in her life. Only two other times in the 3 months we've been together has she actually told me why she loves me or showed true affection where I didn't have to prod her or initiate it first.

Does she truly even love me? If not, is that plausible grounds to leave her? If she does is it plausible, might we just have different needs and she is failing to satisfy mine? Help would be appreciated.

Thanks!

As a girl who just left her teenage years, I'll tell you several things a guy in his 25th year can't tell you. Or any guy to be honest unless they are a disgusting ladies' man. Please re-think about what she said when she told you what she liked about you; was it personal? such as, I like you giving me affections and I like your personality? Or was it "I love you out of the whole wide world, and I don't want you to leave me"? If it is the second one, there may be other reasons she is with you and not for YOU. Such as, showing off the fact that she has a bf (sad, but girls do this, yes. Especially teens).

I agree with the guy above, women are the romancee and guys are usually the romancers, and it is cruel because we often don't give out clear clues in when we want it; (a ladies' man are the ones that would have perfected the subtle clues in when we do want it hahaha), so you've got to minimise the affections you give; make her want it and ask for it, don't dish it out so she doesn't have to try!

From the mere fact that she looks at you funny when you try to kiss her tells me she is not putting in as much effort (obvious, yes, but analyse your relationship balance) as you are; and in a relationship (no matter how early on, or how young you are), you would want a balanced relationship, or it will end up with you questioning your ownself, as well as your relationship.

I am not in your shoes, or your gf's shoes, so I can't tell you to end the relationship (it is a decision only you must make; not other people, including myself, your friends, strangers from internet and even your parents). Hard, but ask yourself this, are you happy in your relationship? Does your gf make you feel all fluffy inside 80% of the time? Do you often think about how your relationship can be better? Would you rather be happy with another person, or would you rather stay with this girl and try to make it happen, even if it means you may miss out on being happy with another girl?
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 11:07:46 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 4:15:57 PM, Objectivity wrote:
Hello fellow DDOers, I am 16 years of age and in need of relationship assistance.

WHY DID YOU COME HERE FOR THIS?!


I am a male

Well there's yer problem.

and in one of my first relationships, and I am at a complete loss to what has been going on lately and how to deal with it, there is a complete imbalance of affection, both verbally and sometimes physically in my relationship.

I usually tell my girlfriend I love her a dozen times a day if we are talking for more then a couple hours, I sincerely enjoy displaying my affection for her and she enjoys receiving it, but not giving it back. She only says she loves me (and then only after I say it first) when we go to bed at night, and very rarely then returns an 'I love you' when I say it to her. I commonly like to be romantic and do sweet things like give her little notes and gifts, and do things like buy her chocolate when she is on her period, but she has not given me one gift. I usually have to initiate our kisses, and when I do she sometimes pulls away and just gives me an odd look. I commonly tell her all the things I love about her and enjoy flattering her and making her feel special, sometimes for 10-15 minutes at a time just ranting about how much I love her and why.

Now here is where the real dilemma comes in, it seems as if the only time she is willing to show real, deep affection is when I am going to leave her. I have tried to leave her 4 times, and each of these 4 times she tells me how much she needs me and loves me and wants to keep me in her life. Only two other times in the 3 months we've been together has she actually told me why she loves me or showed true affection where I didn't have to prod her or initiate it first.

Does she truly even love me? If not, is that plausible grounds to leave her? If she does is it plausible, might we just have different needs and she is failing to satisfy mine? Help would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Please ignore everything I said.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
AnDoctuir
Posts: 11,060
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 11:14:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I am appreciative of your burying yourself in numbers and bad jokes, Ore_Ele. I'll not say the bad stuff.
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/7/2014 11:20:05 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 11:14:35 PM, AnDoctuir wrote:
I am appreciative of your burying yourself in numbers and bad jokes, Ore_Ele. I'll not say the bad stuff.

Numbers are bad jokes...

as is my life...
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 10:43:33 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 9:37:18 PM, Contra wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

I have to say that I agree with Crypto. I know what you're going through, and if things don't change, you probably should move past her. Obviously easier said than done.

The advice I am getting is relatively split. I actually asked my father and he said "If you ever feel like you are trapped in a relationship, it's time to move on", I do feel like this (somewhat) because when she asks for me to come back, I usually come back due to a mixture of pity and that I believe what she says when she sweet talks me, trying to get me back. It seems as if AnDoc is more worried about the woman's feelings than my own, and while I care deeply about her feelings, I came here for advice about what would be best for me (sorry AnDoc), so I am not sure which I will do now.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 10:48:57 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I mean, will I really have to deal with the reality that for the duration of my life I will never receive the level or kind of affection I am forced to give to get a woman? Is this really the reality of heterosexual relationships? Or will I have to hide how I feel about a woman and minimize the affection I give her so I might receive some back, hence playing psychological games with her? None of these are desirable options.

Is it really true that males just bare this relatively painful and tedious burden of being the romancers, while women simply get to sit back and receive everything and give very little back?

I am bisexual, but I have never been with a man, is this disparity of affection alleviated in homosexual relationships if both men are the romancers?

I would also like to rectify that I have no problem giving out affection and the vast majority of the time I enjoy it, it's just when I receive little to none back that it starts to become more of a tedious chore that is painful, rather than something I enjoy doing.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 10:50:09 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/7/2014 11:07:46 PM, Ore_Ele wrote:
At 1/7/2014 4:15:57 PM, Objectivity wrote:
Hello fellow DDOers, I am 16 years of age and in need of relationship assistance.

WHY DID YOU COME HERE FOR THIS?!


I am a male

Well there's yer problem.

and in one of my first relationships, and I am at a complete loss to what has been going on lately and how to deal with it, there is a complete imbalance of affection, both verbally and sometimes physically in my relationship.

I usually tell my girlfriend I love her a dozen times a day if we are talking for more then a couple hours, I sincerely enjoy displaying my affection for her and she enjoys receiving it, but not giving it back. She only says she loves me (and then only after I say it first) when we go to bed at night, and very rarely then returns an 'I love you' when I say it to her. I commonly like to be romantic and do sweet things like give her little notes and gifts, and do things like buy her chocolate when she is on her period, but she has not given me one gift. I usually have to initiate our kisses, and when I do she sometimes pulls away and just gives me an odd look. I commonly tell her all the things I love about her and enjoy flattering her and making her feel special, sometimes for 10-15 minutes at a time just ranting about how much I love her and why.

Now here is where the real dilemma comes in, it seems as if the only time she is willing to show real, deep affection is when I am going to leave her. I have tried to leave her 4 times, and each of these 4 times she tells me how much she needs me and loves me and wants to keep me in her life. Only two other times in the 3 months we've been together has she actually told me why she loves me or showed true affection where I didn't have to prod her or initiate it first.

Does she truly even love me? If not, is that plausible grounds to leave her? If she does is it plausible, might we just have different needs and she is failing to satisfy mine? Help would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Please ignore everything I said.

psh, goofball. This is the first time I've used this forum, usually I just watch you dorks on the philosophy, political, society, history, and news forums. Although I occasionally interject, more amusing to just watch.
Khaos_Mage
Posts: 23,214
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 11:03:23 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/8/2014 10:43:33 AM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 9:37:18 PM, Contra wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

I have to say that I agree with Crypto. I know what you're going through, and if things don't change, you probably should move past her. Obviously easier said than done.


The advice I am getting is relatively split. I actually asked my father and he said "If you ever feel like you are trapped in a relationship, it's time to move on", I do feel like this (somewhat) because when she asks for me to come back, I usually come back due to a mixture of pity and that I believe what she says when she sweet talks me, trying to get me back. It seems as if AnDoc is more worried about the woman's feelings than my own, and while I care deeply about her feelings, I came here for advice about what would be best for me (sorry AnDoc), so I am not sure which I will do now.

First, ignore AnDoc, he is a troll.

Second, do you think she actually loves you?
Just because she doesn't express it the same way you do, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Just as she isn't making you feel loved, you may also be making her feel uncomfortable by expresing your love for her for 10 minutes at a time.

Third, if the above is true, can you deal with her unwillingness to show emotion?
If so, deal with it.
If not, end it, and explain why.
If maybe, explain it and try again.

Fourth, you sound creepy, dude. No offense.
What I mean is, I would be 100% uncomfortable being doted upon like you do to her. It makes me think you may have some co-dependancy/self-worth issues. If not, I apologize, but you seem WAY into this relationship. Obviously, this is made with only the OP as background, but a 3 month relationship (granted you are a teen) seems strange to say "I love you" every 10 minutes.

Welcome to the grown up world... It sucks!!!
My work here is, finally, done.
Khaos_Mage
Posts: 23,214
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 11:10:24 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I should also preface my advice with two things:
1. I am a fairly reserved person, although I know I am also damaged. I generally only show anger and sadness, and rarely express fits of joy. Perhaps I am bipolar...
2. Relationships are hard work. Period. If they were easy, they wouldn't be all that special, would they?
My work here is, finally, done.
Objectivity
Posts: 1,073
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
1/8/2014 11:22:30 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 1/8/2014 11:03:23 AM, Khaos_Mage wrote:
At 1/8/2014 10:43:33 AM, Objectivity wrote:
At 1/7/2014 9:37:18 PM, Contra wrote:
At 1/7/2014 8:54:23 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
Not worth it leave her

Obviously you are looking for a serious relationship and if you have to question the relationship at all then she is not right for you.

I have to say that I agree with Crypto. I know what you're going through, and if things don't change, you probably should move past her. Obviously easier said than done.


The advice I am getting is relatively split. I actually asked my father and he said "If you ever feel like you are trapped in a relationship, it's time to move on", I do feel like this (somewhat) because when she asks for me to come back, I usually come back due to a mixture of pity and that I believe what she says when she sweet talks me, trying to get me back. It seems as if AnDoc is more worried about the woman's feelings than my own, and while I care deeply about her feelings, I came here for advice about what would be best for me (sorry AnDoc), so I am not sure which I will do now.

First, ignore AnDoc, he is a troll.

well, troll or not, what he says might have some validity to it.

Second, do you think she actually loves you?
Just because she doesn't express it the same way you do, doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Just as she isn't making you feel loved, you may also be making her feel uncomfortable by expresing your love for her for 10 minutes at a time.

I am relatively sure she appreciates it, and she has never expressed discomfort over it, although noted.

Third, if the above is true, can you deal with her unwillingness to show emotion?
If so, deal with it.
If not, end it, and explain why.
If maybe, explain it and try again.

Fair enough.

Fourth, you sound creepy, dude. No offense.
What I mean is, I would be 100% uncomfortable being doted upon like you do to her. It makes me think you may have some co-dependancy/self-worth issues. If not, I apologize, but you seem WAY into this relationship. Obviously, this is made with only the OP as background, but a 3 month relationship (granted you are a teen) seems strange to say "I love you" every 10 minutes.

Well that is hyperbole, but granted I do say it often. I actually am (as classified by a psychologist) a narcissist and have a superiority complex, so I am relatively sure if there is any inaccurate perception of self worth, it is on the opposite pole of what you are speaking of. Although Co-Dependency is possible. I am just very expressive of my emotions, i.e I wear my heart on my sleeve, if I despise someone they will probably know it through rude comments and dirty looks, if I like someone they will know it through friendly expressions, smiles and compliments, if I love someone deeply they will know it through well, me doting on them and giving them a lot of affection and attention. So the affection I give her isn't exclusive nor does it defy my normal standards of simply being expressive of my emotions.

Welcome to the grown up world... It sucks!!!

eh, I actually have immensely enjoyed my teen years besides this particular expereince.