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Advice please?

Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?
Iredia
Posts: 1,608
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3/16/2014 12:44:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Feel free to. Its you versus the world now. I wish you good luck in the fight. I'm sorry I can't do any more than this.
Porn babes be distracting me. Dudes be stealing me stuff. I'm all about the cash from now. I'm not playing Jesus anymore.
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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3/16/2014 12:55:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?

The real question here is, do you love him? If you love him there is no need to point out all the risks or changes, you'll just go. Just analyze everything with y'all's relationship and ask yourself I you love him and would want to spend the rest of your life with him. Hope this helps. :) best wishes though an sorry about your family situations. Must be pretty tough :/
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
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Jevinigh
Posts: 14
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3/16/2014 1:12:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Eh, I wouldn't recommend being so 'forever and ever' as GodChoseslife (GCL) would recommend. She is covertly saying that you should marry him if your going to live with him.

A new city is a big change! My advice is to first try and scope the area out, put in applications there before you move perhaps. Best of luck girl :)
Through out all of time and space, through the infinity of all that is and was and could have been, I met you. It was not by mistake we found each other here.
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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3/16/2014 1:21:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/16/2014 1:12:35 PM, Jevinigh wrote:
Eh, I wouldn't recommend being so 'forever and ever' as GodChoseslife (GCL) would recommend. She is covertly saying that you should marry him if your going to live with him.
Not necessarily. My Mom left her family at 14 to be with my dad .. They didn't marry until id say she was 21.. So it's possible to love someone and live with them with that intention.. I have side views when if comes to marriage.. Marriage is more explicit than how the world portrays it.. But again that's my opinion..

A new city is a big change! My advice is to first try and scope the area out, put in applications there before you move perhaps. Best of luck girl :)
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
"Good Times" ~ Max
"If Jesus isn't in heaven, then it's not heaven; instead, it's hell." ~anonymous
"Suffering is unimaginably confusing, but it's a way to be drawn closer to God" ~Me
"Tell me what consumes your heart most, and I'll tell you who your God is." ~Dad
yay842
Posts: 5,680
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3/16/2014 1:31:58 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
you flip a coin and let Aeolus decide for you
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XLAV
Posts: 13,711
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3/16/2014 1:36:28 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?
Well what else is left in your old life? Your aunt is going to kick you out anyway. Start a new life in the city with your love!
Mikal
Posts: 11,270
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3/16/2014 2:03:23 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?

do et. I had the same situation literally and it worked out. Gf moved with me XD
Khaos_Mage
Posts: 23,214
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3/17/2014 1:22:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?

Before you do anything, you should take a long look at yourself and how you got to where you are. Be objective. Most people aren't kicked out of their parent's house at 18, so this says something about you, them, or the way one of you were.
Further, you weren't welcome at his parent's house, and it isn't working out at your aunt's. The common thread is you, so be objective.

If you are okay, then you have to ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you in love with this boy?
2. Do you honestly see this relationship lasting?
3. Why is he moving there?
4. Is it detrimental to you to move with him? It doesn't seem you have anywhere else to go as it is, so moving an hour, or state, away isn't really a factor. The real issue is school and work.

If you look at all of this and see no issues, then go for it.
If, however, you see an issue with you, him, your relationship, the area, or it hurts your schooling/work prospects, I would recommend against it. It's not like an hour away is that far, assuming you have a car. I wouldn't call that long distance, and unless you or he is co-dependent and/or jealous, there is no reason for the relationship to not work due to the distance.

Just be careful about moving too fast. You are young, and things change quickly. You are already largely on your own, so maybe you won't change much, but he may.

"Freedom is scary."
-Bobby Strong
My work here is, finally, done.
Andromeda_Z
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3/17/2014 3:11:51 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/16/2014 1:12:35 PM, Jevinigh wrote:
Eh, I wouldn't recommend being so 'forever and ever' as GodChoseslife (GCL) would recommend. She is covertly saying that you should marry him if your going to live with him.

We've already talked about that. We love each other and would like to be together as long as possible, but see no reason to bother with rings, a ceremony, and a judge. I'm sure that's important to some people, it's just that we agreed it's superfluous.

A new city is a big change! My advice is to first try and scope the area out, put in applications there before you move perhaps. Best of luck girl :)

Sounds rational. I've been working on that, seeing as I've never even been to this city.
Andromeda_Z
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3/17/2014 4:21:04 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 1:22:29 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:
Before you do anything, you should take a long look at yourself and how you got to where you are. Be objective. Most people aren't kicked out of their parent's house at 18, so this says something about you, them, or the way one of you were.
Further, you weren't welcome at his parent's house, and it isn't working out at your aunt's. The common thread is you, so be objective.

I know. Things didn't work out with my parents because they were abusive and I couldn't just sit there and take it anymore, I had to move out of my boyfriend's house because that was only meant to be temporary to begin with (I was going to get an apartment with a coworker, but that fell through and my boyfriend still lives with his dad and he wasn't ok with it turning into a permanent home for me), and my aunt and I just are a bad match for housemates. It's probably more my fault than hers (I'm the new one here, she had everything figured out just fine before she took me in), but it really does just seem to be a bad match. If I were to live with someone who didn't go to bed at 9 (I often get out of work at 9 or later) and was a bit more communicative about household responsibilities, I think things would work out just fine.

If you are okay, then you have to ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you in love with this boy?

Absolutely.
2. Do you honestly see this relationship lasting?

Yes. Nothing's ever perfect in life, but as long as things can be worked out and everyone gets listened to, relationships can last, and ours definitely works like that.
3. Why is he moving there?

The way he sees it, there's more negatives to living here than positives, and that city is a better place to live. He'd much rather move to Germany or something, but that's a bit like saying "I want to move to the moon!" and we both know it.
4. Is it detrimental to you to move with him? It doesn't seem you have anywhere else to go as it is, so moving an hour, or state, away isn't really a factor. The real issue is school and work.

School could probably work out just fine. There are colleges there with the same program I'm in now, and my grades are more than good enough to transfer. Work would be the only issue, but that's an issue here, too. It's just hard to find a job that pays well enough without a degree, wherever you are. I think if I were to move, I'd probably want to start applying to jobs as soon as I could, so I had something lined up long before I got there.

If you look at all of this and see no issues, then go for it.
If, however, you see an issue with you, him, your relationship, the area, or it hurts your schooling/work prospects, I would recommend against it. It's not like an hour away is that far, assuming you have a car. I wouldn't call that long distance, and unless you or he is co-dependent and/or jealous, there is no reason for the relationship to not work due to the distance.

That's the thing, I don't. I don't have an absurdly high income, and with my driving record, insurance (required in my state, idk about yours) is too expensive. And I don't see it as a good solution to just have him drive an hour each way whenever we wanted to see each other, unless I were to help pay for the gas or something.

Just be careful about moving too fast. You are young, and things change quickly. You are already largely on your own, so maybe you won't change much, but he may.

"Freedom is scary."
-Bobby Strong

Yeah, it really can be. It's a wonderful thing.
Khaos_Mage
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3/17/2014 4:34:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 4:21:04 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
At 3/17/2014 1:22:29 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:

If you look at all of this and see no issues, then go for it.
If, however, you see an issue with you, him, your relationship, the area, or it hurts your schooling/work prospects, I would recommend against it. It's not like an hour away is that far, assuming you have a car. I wouldn't call that long distance, and unless you or he is co-dependent and/or jealous, there is no reason for the relationship to not work due to the distance.


That's the thing, I don't. I don't have an absurdly high income, and with my driving record, insurance (required in my state, idk about yours) is too expensive. And I don't see it as a good solution to just have him drive an hour each way whenever we wanted to see each other, unless I were to help pay for the gas or something.

It is in every state I believe.
But, if he has a car, and is a real man (traditional sex roles) then he'd have no problem coming to see you when it is time. Chip in gas money, it's all good.

Of course, this assume he has a car.
But, it appears that there is no issue with school, and you don't care too much about your family (at least immediate), then there is nothing holding you back.

Enjoy the adventure.


Just be careful about moving too fast. You are young, and things change quickly. You are already largely on your own, so maybe you won't change much, but he may.

"Freedom is scary."
-Bobby Strong

Yeah, it really can be. It's a wonderful thing.
My work here is, finally, done.
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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3/17/2014 7:01:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 4:34:16 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:
At 3/17/2014 4:21:04 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
That's the thing, I don't. I don't have an absurdly high income, and with my driving record, insurance (required in my state, idk about yours) is too expensive. And I don't see it as a good solution to just have him drive an hour each way whenever we wanted to see each other, unless I were to help pay for the gas or something.

It is in every state I believe.
But, if he has a car, and is a real man (traditional sex roles) then he'd have no problem coming to see you when it is time. Chip in gas money, it's all good.

Of course, this assume he has a car.

He does have a car, and he is into chivalry, but if he's going to drive 70-something miles each way to see me, then I'm putting some gas in his car and that's that!
But, it appears that there is no issue with school, and you don't care too much about your family (at least immediate), then there is nothing holding you back.

Enjoy the adventure.

I will :) Thanks for the help
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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3/17/2014 7:25:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Do it, because you dont want to be left without a partner when the zombie apocalypse starts
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
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"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

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Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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3/17/2014 8:35:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 7:25:36 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
Do it, because you dont want to be left without a partner when the zombie apocalypse starts

Lol, this is true... He'd make an awesome zombie-killing partner, too.
YYW
Posts: 36,282
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3/17/2014 10:15:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/15/2014 4:49:14 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
Background info that's kinda relevant: I was kicked out of my parents house a year ago, lived with my boyfriend for like 2-3 months (left because he still lives with his dad and his dad wanted me to go), and then moved in with my aunt. I'm still dating said boyfriend, we've been together for a year now.

Problem is, my aunt wants me to find another place to live by May. Our lifestyles just don't work out so well. She has an early morning job; I go to college and work and I'm pretty much always coming home later than she'd like because of this. We just make terrible housemates. When I move, I'll need a roommate, and my boyfriend and I are happy to live together again, especially since it worked pretty well last time. Thing is, he's now thinking he wants to move to a city an hour away in the summer. Should I go with him? I could get a job there, there's plenty of colleges I could transfer to with my same program, it could work. But it's a huge change and probably a bit of a risk. Should I move to the new city?

Based on what you told me, I would go with him and I wouldn't look back if I were in your situation.
Tsar of DDO
Andromeda_Z
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3/17/2014 11:25:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 10:15:47 PM, YYW wrote:
Based on what you told me, I would go with him and I wouldn't look back if I were in your situation.

That's what I'm thinking. I have a million reasons this could work out great, and nothing really tying me to here. Chances are that I'll end up moving out there anyway in a couple years; I did some research and the field I want to work in (allied health) is pretty huge there.
YYW
Posts: 36,282
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3/17/2014 11:35:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 11:25:53 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
At 3/17/2014 10:15:47 PM, YYW wrote:
Based on what you told me, I would go with him and I wouldn't look back if I were in your situation.

That's what I'm thinking. I have a million reasons this could work out great, and nothing really tying me to here. Chances are that I'll end up moving out there anyway in a couple years; I did some research and the field I want to work in (allied health) is pretty huge there.

*in my gayest possible voice, which really isn't very gay at all, but anyway*

Go get it, girl!

And good luck too! I know it's a big leap, but it seems like it's a chance worth taking.
Tsar of DDO
Zaradi
Posts: 14,125
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3/18/2014 1:55:48 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/17/2014 7:25:36 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
Do it, because you dont want to be left without a partner when the zombie apocalypse starts

False. If your partner gets infected, the emotional attachment makes it harder to kill them and put them out of their misery.

#foreverheartless
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Andromeda_Z
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3/18/2014 9:19:54 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 1:55:48 AM, Zaradi wrote:
At 3/17/2014 7:25:36 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
Do it, because you dont want to be left without a partner when the zombie apocalypse starts

False. If your partner gets infected, the emotional attachment makes it harder to kill them and put them out of their misery.

#foreverheartless

Not necessarily. Remember on the Walking Dead when Carl killed his mom after she died so he knew she wouldn't become a zombie? Yeah that was HIS MOM.
Buddamoose
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3/18/2014 9:25:01 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/18/2014 9:19:54 AM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
At 3/18/2014 1:55:48 AM, Zaradi wrote:
At 3/17/2014 7:25:36 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
Do it, because you dont want to be left without a partner when the zombie apocalypse starts

False. If your partner gets infected, the emotional attachment makes it harder to kill them and put them out of their misery.

#foreverheartless

Not necessarily. Remember on the Walking Dead when Carl killed his mom after she died so he knew she wouldn't become a zombie? Yeah that was HIS MOM.

^^this
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion