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Secrets

queenofmayhem
Posts: 132
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3/29/2014 10:08:41 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I have been considering something like this for a while, and I decided I would try it out here.

I think we have all have had our share of bad experiences, whether it be something as serious as death or as minor as a bad day. But when you hold these ugly bad things inside you it hurt a lot.

I am 15 and have been to rehab and hospitalization programs many times, and my favorite part was always group therapy. You were talking with people close to your age or people who had been through similar things, and you could just open up and receive advice and comfort and support from the most unlikely of people.

I figured this could be kind of like a group therapy. Just open up and get things of your chest, and we can kind of build up a support system.

My best friend of five years, Ashley, committed suicide over the summer of 2013. I would beat myself up about it and I blamed myself and I still do to this day. I could have been there for her, I could have stopped her. I should have died and she should have lived, it wasn't fair that one of us woke up and one of us didn't.

To sum things up, I know there are other Ashleys out there, contemplating this. There are people who feel alone or ashamed and just need to get things of their chest so they won't break.

I hope this can help. I know this is debate.org, but if you are like me this is like my facebook. I don't have a Facebook, I have this. Some people are here to debate only, and that is what I was here for at first, but some people take advantage of this community and turn it into something more. That's what I am trying to do here.

<3 go for it.
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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3/29/2014 11:56:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I like this. Great idea! :)
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
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"Suffering is unimaginably confusing, but it's a way to be drawn closer to God" ~Me
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Zarroette
Posts: 2,951
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3/30/2014 3:34:25 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/29/2014 10:08:41 PM, queenofmayhem wrote:
I have been considering something like this for a while, and I decided I would try it out here.

I think we have all have had our share of bad experiences, whether it be something as serious as death or as minor as a bad day. But when you hold these ugly bad things inside you it hurt a lot.

I am 15 and have been to rehab and hospitalization programs many times, and my favorite part was always group therapy. You were talking with people close to your age or people who had been through similar things, and you could just open up and receive advice and comfort and support from the most unlikely of people.

I figured this could be kind of like a group therapy. Just open up and get things of your chest, and we can kind of build up a support system.

My best friend of five years, Ashley, committed suicide over the summer of 2013. I would beat myself up about it and I blamed myself and I still do to this day. I could have been there for her, I could have stopped her. I should have died and she should have lived, it wasn't fair that one of us woke up and one of us didn't.

To sum things up, I know there are other Ashleys out there, contemplating this. There are people who feel alone or ashamed and just need to get things of their chest so they won't break.

I hope this can help. I know this is debate.org, but if you are like me this is like my facebook. I don't have a Facebook, I have this. Some people are here to debate only, and that is what I was here for at first, but some people take advantage of this community and turn it into something more. That's what I am trying to do here.

<3 go for it.

It's starting to scare me that your life is so much like mine.

I too had someone close to me kill herself, back when I was ~15. I can see that it's affected you badly, like me, and that you're blaming yourself over it. Just keep reminding yourself that it was her decision in the end, not yours. I mean, I really don't know the full context, nor exactly the kind of suffering you're experiencing, but please remind yourself that it really wasn't your fault. Life isn't fair, and that's not your fault, Bella.
Illegalcombatant
Posts: 4,008
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3/30/2014 4:46:54 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
See the thing is if I told you............it wouldn't be a secret now would it ?

Kinda self defeating eh ?
"Seems like another attempt to insert God into areas our knowledge has yet to penetrate. You figure God would be bigger than the gaps of our ignorance." Drafterman 19/5/12
Mysterious_Stranger
Posts: 1,562
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3/30/2014 3:23:03 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The secret is I have returned, I welcome myself back and look forward to seeing DDO in it's current stages, anyone want to help me out and tell me what's been going down whilst I've been gone?
Turn around, go back.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,733
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3/30/2014 4:33:17 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/29/2014 10:08:41 PM, queenofmayhem wrote:
I have been considering something like this for a while, and I decided I would try it out here.

Good idea, DDO is versatile and useful for many things.

I am 15 and have been to rehab and hospitalization programs many times, and my favorite part was always group therapy. You were talking with people close to your age or people who had been through similar things, and you could just open up and receive advice and comfort and support from the most unlikely of people.

Group therapy is powerful because you see others in your situation, and you can see that your problems aren't unique. We all have problems of some sort. I've opened up about my problems on DDO in the past (some of them quite embarrassing) and definitely not regretted it. You can't make the mistake of thinking there are necessarily going to be others just like you on here, since this community is so small and many people won't even choose to participate. It is definitely helpful though to, as you say, get it of your chest. When you keep your problems inside, you can demonize yourself, and it helps to see that others really aren't that put off by what you have to say and have no problems forgiving and accepting you.

I figured this could be kind of like a group therapy. Just open up and get things of your chest, and we can kind of build up a support system.

It isn't quite as effective online (compared to IRL), but it's definitely better than nothing. DDOers can be very supportive and helpful, as long as you are strong enough to put aside the trolls.

My best friend of five years, Ashley, committed suicide over the summer of 2013. I would beat myself up about it and I blamed myself and I still do to this day. I could have been there for her, I could have stopped her. I should have died and she should have lived, it wasn't fair that one of us woke up and one of us didn't.

Those are some dangerous thoughts. I was suicidal in my teenage years too, being a teenager is a crazy time because you have "grown up" thoughts but you lack the emotional infrastructure to deal with your experiences. Highschoolers often think their classmates are the world, however once you graduate you realize all those people couldn't have mattered less. I'm 33 and I have very few friends now that I even had in my twenties, nevermind my teenage years. There isn't anybody in my life today that existed before my twenties other than my father.

As far as what you could have or should have done, those thoughts are utter nonsense. Your friend wasn't strong enough and didn't make it. It is not your responsibility to account for her emotional development. Children have parents that MUST take care of their children so that they are strong enough and have the support necessary to survive. You have no business taking on the responsibility, being a child yourself. If you were mean to her or took advantage of this particular child then you have legitimate regrets that will stick with you but I seriously doubt that was the case. What is more likely (from what I can tell) is that you simply wish you could have helped her. I think it's important you come to terms with the fact that there was nothing you could have done to help this person. You are not her parent, you don't have the wisdom and otherwise capability at your age to make that much of a difference.

Your friend is dead. Death is not a negative thing. When my mother died, the priest was smiling at her funeral and for an instant I was like "WTF?" But I quickly realized he was much wiser than I was. We all die, and dead people feel no pain. For all we know it is the dead that feel sorry for US. Feeling sorry for the dead is a common and absolutely ridiculous notion. We feel bad for OURSELVES. You feel bad for yourself, not her. Please ponder that. You are the one who lost a friend, who is left with feelings of confusion and regret, and who must struggle to live with these losses. Feeling bad for yourself doesn't help her or her family.

To sum things up, I know there are other Ashleys out there, contemplating this. There are people who feel alone or ashamed and just need to get things of their chest so they won't break.

I think you're already doing the right thing by attempting to reach out to others. You have a good heart and you will no doubt help others as you get older and take on more responsibilities.

I hope this can help. I know this is debate.org, but if you are like me this is like my facebook. I don't have a Facebook, I have this. Some people are here to debate only, and that is what I was here for at first, but some people take advantage of this community and turn it into something more. That's what I am trying to do here.

<3 go for it.

DDO, even before the forums were developed, was always about more than just debating. It is about community and learning. Unfortunately there are many who use it for negative purposes as well, simply to cock off to others or to impose their views with no other intention than to "win" an argument for themselves. Don't be disappointed if you aren't as successful as you might like here. There is a high turnover rate and every couple months the members of this community change drastically (with a few exceptions). If you hang around for a long time, you'll meet lots of different people and watch a lot of people disappear.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
queenofmayhem
Posts: 132
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3/30/2014 5:12:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/30/2014 3:34:25 AM, Zarroette wrote:
At 3/29/2014 10:08:41 PM, queenofmayhem wrote:
I have been considering something like this for a while, and I decided I would try it out here.

I think we have all have had our share of bad experiences, whether it be something as serious as death or as minor as a bad day. But when you hold these ugly bad things inside you it hurt a lot.

I am 15 and have been to rehab and hospitalization programs many times, and my favorite part was always group therapy. You were talking with people close to your age or people who had been through similar things, and you could just open up and receive advice and comfort and support from the most unlikely of people.

I figured this could be kind of like a group therapy. Just open up and get things of your chest, and we can kind of build up a support system.

My best friend of five years, Ashley, committed suicide over the summer of 2013. I would beat myself up about it and I blamed myself and I still do to this day. I could have been there for her, I could have stopped her. I should have died and she should have lived, it wasn't fair that one of us woke up and one of us didn't.

To sum things up, I know there are other Ashleys out there, contemplating this. There are people who feel alone or ashamed and just need to get things of their chest so they won't break.

I hope this can help. I know this is debate.org, but if you are like me this is like my facebook. I don't have a Facebook, I have this. Some people are here to debate only, and that is what I was here for at first, but some people take advantage of this community and turn it into something more. That's what I am trying to do here.

<3 go for it.

It's starting to scare me that your life is so much like mine.

I too had someone close to me kill herself, back when I was ~15. I can see that it's affected you badly, like me, and that you're blaming yourself over it. Just keep reminding yourself that it was her decision in the end, not yours. I mean, I really don't know the full context, nor exactly the kind of suffering you're experiencing, but please remind yourself that it really wasn't your fault. Life isn't fair, and that's not your fault, Bella.

Oh wow, I had no idea. That means a lot though, what you said :)
thett3
Posts: 14,371
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3/30/2014 10:37:15 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right