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life has become hell :/ i really need help

angii
Posts: 130
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6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(
BrOkEn AnGii
Unknown_player
Posts: 56
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6/7/2014 12:22:01 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm so sorry to hear that :( Death is such a hard thing to deal with. If you ever need to talk about anything, just PM me or anyone else here that's willing to talk.

What I would do in this situation is this: I would sit down with no distractions, clear my mind, and start completely getting everything thought through. I would ask myself some hard questions such as, "What should I do now?" "What would they tell me if they were right here at this moment?" "What will change?" "How can I get used to it all?"

They're hard questions that you may not even want to answer. I'm not sure what problems you have at home, so I can't really give solid advice for that. I would just say, take your time. It's natural to feel this way. Here's a poem that might help a little http://www.hwlongfellow.org...

So sorry this happened to you :(
I'll put something here later...
bladerunner060
Posts: 7,126
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6/7/2014 12:23:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm sorry things are so rough!

Unknown hit the nail on the head, but if it would help to just spout/ramble, you can do that, too...
Assistant moderator to airmax1227. PM me with any questions or concerns!
angii
Posts: 130
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6/7/2014 1:17:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 12:22:01 PM, Unknown_player wrote:
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm so sorry to hear that :( Death is such a hard thing to deal with. If you ever need to talk about anything, just PM me or anyone else here that's willing to talk.

What I would do in this situation is this: I would sit down with no distractions, clear my mind, and start completely getting everything thought through. I would ask myself some hard questions such as, "What should I do now?" "What would they tell me if they were right here at this moment?" "What will change?" "How can I get used to it all?"

They're hard questions that you may not even want to answer. I'm not sure what problems you have at home, so I can't really give solid advice for that. I would just say, take your time. It's natural to feel this way. Here's a poem that might help a little http://www.hwlongfellow.org...

So sorry this happened to you :(

thanks i ll try that might be useful for me too
thanks for being here
BrOkEn AnGii
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,354
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6/7/2014 8:31:15 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm sorry to hear that. I am hear if you need to talk.

Just remember that you have us on DDO!

I know it seems hard right now and I wish I would tell you it gets better.

What I do know is this: you are an amazing person and individual, with a purpose and you can do great things in your life. You are going to get through this and we'll be with you all the way.

It'll be hard, that I know for sure, but one day, you'll be able to feel happy again.

Find things to do to express your feelings: sing, draw, debate, scream...
Anything that makes your comfortable and safe.

If you have a close friend or guidance counsellor or relative, talk to them.

If you need any advice or just someone to talk tom don't hesitate to PM me.
I'm here, along with everyone else.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
Windwalker
Posts: 6
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6/7/2014 11:32:28 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Angie, first of all, this sort of thing hurts. Maybe you're ready to ask hard questions, like some people are suggesting, but be aware that this cannot be rushed. You will feel awful, you will feel lost, and that is normal. Grief is a process that everybody experiences differently. My advice is to focus on the things that give you joy when you feel able to, and try to use them to consciously lift yourself out of the depression. Here's a site that I find helpful: http://www.sevenponds.com...

I read on your profile that you're a Muslim, Angie, and I completely respect that. But these verses comfort me, so I hope that they will do the same for you.

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. "
Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Cowardice is not the opposite of courage: conformity is. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
-Ephesians 4:29
angii
Posts: 130
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6/8/2014 3:42:28 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:32:28 PM, Windwalker wrote:
Angie, first of all, this sort of thing hurts. Maybe you're ready to ask hard questions, like some people are suggesting, but be aware that this cannot be rushed. You will feel awful, you will feel lost, and that is normal. Grief is a process that everybody experiences differently. My advice is to focus on the things that give you joy when you feel able to, and try to use them to consciously lift yourself out of the depression. Here's a site that I find helpful: http://www.sevenponds.com...

I read on your profile that you're a Muslim, Angie, and I completely respect that. But these verses comfort me, so I hope that they will do the same for you.

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. "

thanks a lot and we as Muslims also have the same belief He never burdens His creations with a load their soul can not take...
He must be having greater plans and rewards for me later on in life or in hereafter...
BrOkEn AnGii
angii
Posts: 130
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6/8/2014 3:46:34 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 8:31:15 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm sorry to hear that. I am hear if you need to talk.

Just remember that you have us on DDO!

I know it seems hard right now and I wish I would tell you it gets better.

What I do know is this: you are an amazing person and individual, with a purpose and you can do great things in your life. You are going to get through this and we'll be with you all the way.

It'll be hard, that I know for sure, but one day, you'll be able to feel happy again.

Find things to do to express your feelings: sing, draw, debate, scream...
Anything that makes your comfortable and safe.

If you have a close friend or guidance counsellor or relative, talk to them.


If you need any advice or just someone to talk tom don't hesitate to PM me.
I'm here, along with everyone else.

we are all so broken at home i have no one to talk to thats why i decided to talk on DDO and luckily you people are supporting me and it all really makes me feel better i cordially thank you guys for helping me in my tough time....
BrOkEn AnGii
YYW
Posts: 36,243
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6/8/2014 7:41:41 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm so sorry for you. There really isn't anything that anyone can say that will make you feel better. The next few months are going to be very hard, because you're going to be learning how to live your life without your mom, but day by day it will get easier. Of course I didn't know your mom, but I'm sure she would have wanted you to not lose sight of your goals -because she was your mom. Don't try to run away from feeling the weight of losing your mom, face it, accept it and then you can move forward.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,354
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6/8/2014 7:42:49 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/8/2014 3:46:34 AM, angii wrote:
At 6/7/2014 8:31:15 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I'm sorry to hear that. I am hear if you need to talk.

Just remember that you have us on DDO!

I know it seems hard right now and I wish I would tell you it gets better.

What I do know is this: you are an amazing person and individual, with a purpose and you can do great things in your life. You are going to get through this and we'll be with you all the way.

It'll be hard, that I know for sure, but one day, you'll be able to feel happy again.

Find things to do to express your feelings: sing, draw, debate, scream...
Anything that makes your comfortable and safe.

If you have a close friend or guidance counsellor or relative, talk to them.


If you need any advice or just someone to talk tom don't hesitate to PM me.
I'm here, along with everyone else.

we are all so broken at home i have no one to talk to thats why i decided to talk on DDO and luckily you people are supporting me and it all really makes me feel better i cordially thank you guys for helping me in my tough time....

It's not a problem. Feel free to contact me whenever you wish to talk. I am almost always online.
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
PeacefulChaos
Posts: 2,610
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6/8/2014 11:00:58 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I cannot possibly understand what you're going through right now, and I'm sorry for your loss. But my sorrow alone is not enough to help heal what has happened, and I apologize for this. Nor is my apology sufficient ...

Regardless, I have a suggestion. I cannot fully comprehend what it must feel like in your situation, so I do not know if this will help at all or if it will assist you, but I hope it does.

You have counted what you have lost. But count what you still have.

Fully contemplate on it. Fully understand what you still have in your life. Your friends. Other family. Your teachers. The people you will meet in the future. Your future. The future you can make for yourself, and what you can do with it. Your interests, your hobbies, the things you enjoy, the food you like, the clothes you have, your house, your happy and your sad memories, your qualities and attributes. Kindness, love, moderation, determination, steadfastness, trustworthiness, tact, humor, patience, knowledge, compassion.

The list above is inadequate to describe what you have, because I don't know you or understand the situation. Only you can know that, and only you can understand.

Even though the recommendation I've provided may be meaningless to you, I hope it provided you with something. Maybe something to clear your mind, or something for you to strive for, or something to give you more "purpose." But I hope it gave you something.
docstop
Posts: 6
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6/12/2014 9:15:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

Hello angii,

Complete stranger her and brand new to the debate boards. I was browsing and came across your thread and felt the need to send some support your way, if that is okay.

I am a social worker/addiction counselor in Canada and often work with individuals who are having major difficulties getting through loss and grief. Its tough to go through and you will be in my prayers tonight. The one thing I would pass along is that sometimes people will feel that they shouldn't be feeling so upset and depressed when however you are feeling right now is perfectly right. Does that make sense? You may not like feeling upset but try to not add more stress by judging yourself as to how you are experiencing this loss. I apologize if my words seem incredibly hollow, maybe even insensitive, as you don't even know me and I don't know what you are going through. This is another topic that sometimes come up in my conversations with my clients... a lot of people may say to you, "I know exactly how you feel," when, in reality, no one will know exactly how you feel. Often people will say this trying to be supportive but it can backfire too.

A little more info for you before I sign off for the night... generally speaking people will go through the 4 or 5 stages of grief and loss. `1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression and then 5. Resolution/Acceptance. The one stage that is sometimes left out is Bargaining. Everyone is different but often people will go through the stages 1 - 5 with some jumping back and forth and over certain stages. Someone else mentioned this earlier, but seeking out a counselor may be helpful.

If you would like to PM me, consider me available to chat and take care.
Never deprive anyone of hope... it may be all they have.
Fight4Liberty
Posts: 23
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6/15/2014 1:36:51 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

I can understand what you are going through, my brother was suicidal. My brother is my everything. Through love, 2 am phone calls, crying together and being there for him, he didn't.
It still feels like he died though, he took so many pills to overdose, somehow, by God's grace he didn't. He took 2x more than the amount able to kill someone.
Along with my problems, aspergers, addiction and isolation/no friends to the point I became numb. Numb to the point I didn't care what happened, I hated myself and what I had become; a monster.

What you must do:
* If you weren't the child of a single parent, I cannot stress this enough to you, do not take it out on your father or relatives. Especially your father. Men naturally want to protect their family, and when something is out of their control, they feel an overwhelming amount of failure as a protector. Love and treasure him, share your heart and what you're going through.
* Refrain from going numb. Numbness is hands down the scariest thing that can happen to a person. (This is coming from a person who has almost been robbed, almost molested, and killed several occasions.)
You MUST make something positive out of this. (I know, you're probably thinking "go to hell because you don't understand.") This is the way out to numbness. Talk to others who have had parents divorce, or family problems. Make a support group at your school.
* You ARE numb and in shock. Talk to others before you worry about superficial things such as exams.
* Pray. I was agnostic when all this crud was happening to me. If you submit and revere the Lord, He WILL answer your cries. And listen to a song called: Oceans by Hillsong and check out my other song list on my profile.

From all of this, I became a Christian.
Revoloution
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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6/15/2014 1:45:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

PM me... Better yet, I'll PM you..
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
"Good Times" ~ Max
"If Jesus isn't in heaven, then it's not heaven; instead, it's hell." ~anonymous
"Suffering is unimaginably confusing, but it's a way to be drawn closer to God" ~Me
"Tell me what consumes your heart most, and I'll tell you who your God is." ~Dad
Juan_Pablo
Posts: 2,052
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6/15/2014 2:34:40 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/7/2014 11:15:09 AM, angii wrote:
my mother and brother passed away in a car accident a month ago
life is being so hard on me so many problems n m so done with my life at home i have no one to talk to i dont know what do to with my life anymore i have to give my exams this month and i cant even study i need to talk to people i need to divert my mind i need help... :'(

Angii, I recommend that you find a peer counseling group (people that have experienced things similar like this--the death of a family member) to help you deal with the emotional/psychological turmoil going on inside of you. It'll help you readjust to the present situation and it'll give you people you can relate to, which is indeed helpful!

Also, if you have other siblings or a father, don't avoid them--and don't be afraid to talk.

You can also share things with us. I was in a traumatic accident five years ago, so I understand the stress this can place on family members.