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What's your mental diagnosis?

R0b1Billion
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6/16/2014 1:11:05 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Tell us about your psychological issues, or lack thereof. DDO has always been ripe with head-cases, so we should get a good conversation!

Perhaps 15 years ago I noticed something odd about myself; I would suddenly get an image in my head, a dream-like memory, and then it would vanish. The image is very odd in itself, because I almost immediately lose my memory of what it is, and I'm certain it's recurring (it's almost like a recurring waking dream). The image isn't the important part though, it's the feeling associated with it. During the few seconds I experience the waking dream, I can analyze it for content and it appears to be quite meaningless.

What is important is the emotional impact it has on me. I like to think of "joy" as being a gauge, like your tachometer or speedometer, which points straight up normally, and goes to the right when you are having a good time. But what causes this gauge to point to the left, in a negative direction? I believe one would instinctively answer things like "pain, boredom, drudgery/monotony, shame, embarrassment, guilt," and other directly negative emotions. But certain experiences have shown me that our emotional repertoire is more complex than this.

Many years ago when I was a teenager, I experimented with cocaine. While it was not a great idea overall, it helped me understand how emotions work. While on the drug, my joy was heightened, and very much so. It is like simulating the best day of your life (graduation, getting married, saving the world, etc) and the pure joy it creates is truly remarkable. But it's what happens afterwards that is interesting. When the drug wears off, your "tachometer of joy," if you will, starts to wind down. But it doesn't stop at zero, where you started, it takes you below that point to a state of negative joy. It's a terrible feeling. Absolutely terrible. There's no pain, no discomfort, no guilt, shame, or any other negative emotion you might use to describe it. It's just a state of dread, absent of any positivity.

Right now you probably aren't having the time of your life. You're browsing the internet, perhaps a bit bored, maybe in a slightly good or bad mood. But even if you're not feeling particularly great, your brain is keeping a steady stream of endorphins pumping and if those were suddenly turned off, you would feel drastically different. Even when you're in a bad mood, you still actually feel VERY good. Just how bad you are capable of feeling, you may not even know, especially if you think that badness is the list of negative emotions I used earlier ("pain, guilt, etc."). The worst feeling in the world isn't a negative feeling, it is a lack of good feeling. That's how depression feels.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
Dennybug
Posts: 711
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6/16/2014 1:31:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 1:11:05 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
Tell us about your psychological issues, or lack thereof. DDO has always been ripe with head-cases, so we should get a good conversation!

Perhaps 15 years ago I noticed something odd about myself; I would suddenly get an image in my head, a dream-like memory, and then it would vanish. The image is very odd in itself, because I almost immediately lose my memory of what it is, and I'm certain it's recurring (it's almost like a recurring waking dream). The image isn't the important part though, it's the feeling associated with it. During the few seconds I experience the waking dream, I can analyze it for content and it appears to be quite meaningless.

What is important is the emotional impact it has on me. I like to think of "joy" as being a gauge, like your tachometer or speedometer, which points straight up normally, and goes to the right when you are having a good time. But what causes this gauge to point to the left, in a negative direction? I believe one would instinctively answer things like "pain, boredom, drudgery/monotony, shame, embarrassment, guilt," and other directly negative emotions. But certain experiences have shown me that our emotional repertoire is more complex than this.

Many years ago when I was a teenager, I experimented with cocaine. While it was not a great idea overall, it helped me understand how emotions work. While on the drug, my joy was heightened, and very much so. It is like simulating the best day of your life (graduation, getting married, saving the world, etc) and the pure joy it creates is truly remarkable. But it's what happens afterwards that is interesting. When the drug wears off, your "tachometer of joy," if you will, starts to wind down. But it doesn't stop at zero, where you started, it takes you below that point to a state of negative joy. It's a terrible feeling. Absolutely terrible. There's no pain, no discomfort, no guilt, shame, or any other negative emotion you might use to describe it. It's just a state of dread, absent of any positivity.

Right now you probably aren't having the time of your life. You're browsing the internet, perhaps a bit bored, maybe in a slightly good or bad mood. But even if you're not feeling particularly great, your brain is keeping a steady stream of endorphins pumping and if those were suddenly turned off, you would feel drastically different. Even when you're in a bad mood, you still actually feel VERY good. Just how bad you are capable of feeling, you may not even know, especially if you think that badness is the list of negative emotions I used earlier ("pain, guilt, etc."). The worst feeling in the world isn't a negative feeling, it is a lack of good feeling. That's how depression feels.

nicely written
sadolite
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6/16/2014 4:00:48 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I can not view anything through an emotional or feelings based prism. I have no feelings for my fellow man but only that any help I afforded him has positive, usable and most importantly measurable results. I loath unplanned, unsearched, knee jerk good intentions. You may as well just go ahead and kill me now as opposed to subjecting me to your good intentions. I am a hard azz and can't help it, but I have helped many people even though they didn't care for my company on a personal level. Which is fine with me.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
GodChoosesLife
Posts: 3,461
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6/16/2014 5:50:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Ummmm I'm a bit confused?? Especially with you very last couple of sentences in your third paragraph.. Could you elaborate? @Rob
Better than deserved, as ALWAYS.
"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choices."
"The Lord doesn't promise us a perfect life that is free of problems, but he does promise that He'll get us through anything." ~SweeTea
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"If Jesus isn't in heaven, then it's not heaven; instead, it's hell." ~anonymous
"Suffering is unimaginably confusing, but it's a way to be drawn closer to God" ~Me
"Tell me what consumes your heart most, and I'll tell you who your God is." ~Dad
ESocialBookworm
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6/16/2014 5:57:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 5:50:27 PM, GodChoosesLife wrote:
Ummmm I'm a bit confused?? Especially with you very last couple of sentences in your third paragraph.. Could you elaborate? @Rob

I think he means it was so positive that it was scary.
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which is what everyone else should also care about.

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R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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6/16/2014 10:44:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 1:31:25 PM, Dennybug wrote:

nicely written

Thank you for your appreciation!
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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6/16/2014 10:52:00 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 4:00:48 PM, sadolite wrote:
I can not view anything through an emotional or feelings based prism.

Why do you feel compelled to?

I have no feelings for my fellow man

That, I do not believe.

but only that any help I afforded him has positive, usable and most importantly measurable results.

That seems to contradict your last statement, but perhaps it is simply the way you define such things...

I loath unplanned, unsearched, knee jerk good intentions. You may as well just go ahead and kill me now as opposed to subjecting me to your good intentions.

Could you give an example of what you're talking about?

I am a hard azz and can't help it, but I have helped many people even though they didn't care for my company on a personal level. Which is fine with me.

Are you saying there are those you choose not to help for some reason?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
Gustav_Adolf_II
Posts: 80
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6/16/2014 11:46:40 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Over the years, I've diagnosed myself hundreds of thousands of times in an effort to find out what I was like (I never really felt like I knew myself). From antisocial personality disorder, to dependant personality disorder, to ADHD, to multiple personality disorder, to schizophrenia (you can see where I'm going here). Then one day I realized that I could be like all of those things at times, it would depend on my mood at the moment. Then I finally accepted that I was either 1. multiple souls inside a single body fighting each other in my consciousness for control of my body, or 2. normal. I still can't figure out which is correct, and I'm not even going to try, because if there is one lesson that I have learned, it's that self-diagnosing is always incorrect.
"Quoting yourself only makes you look like an arrogant jerk" - Gustav_Adolf_II
R0b1Billion
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6/17/2014 1:08:09 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 5:50:27 PM, GodChoosesLife wrote:
Ummmm I'm a bit confused?? Especially with you very last couple of sentences in your third paragraph.. Could you elaborate? @Rob

Well In that paragraph I was describing what coming down off a coke binge feels like. I would say it was up there as one of the worst nights of my life. But it wasn't pain in the normal sense (nor was it sadness, fear, guilt, or anything else we are used to experiencing), it was simply like the happiness was being sucked out of me; it was an immense feeling of emptiness. I realized that night that at any moment in anybody's life, we are being constantly supplied with a steady stream of something... you could call it happiness, contentment, life-energy, God's love, vitality, or any number of things based on your philosophical perspective. But there is something there, underneath, that holds us together emotionally and I experienced for the only time in my life what if felt like to be without it - and no amount of pain is as terrible.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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6/17/2014 4:20:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 10:52:00 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 6/16/2014 4:00:48 PM, sadolite wrote:
I can not view anything through an emotional or feelings based prism.

Why do you feel compelled to?

Because decisions made based on feelings are almost always the worst decisions in the world and have the worst results for everyone involved.

I have no feelings for my fellow man

That, I do not believe.

Believe what you want. My compulsion to help a fellow man is not derived from pity or compassion for the person. It is exclusively based on that person not being a burden on me or society. I could care less about the circumstances that puts a person in a position to need my help. I will only help those that want help and want to improve their lot in life. All the others can die in the gutter for all I care for they don't want help only hand outs.

but only that any help I afforded him has positive, usable and most importantly measurable results.

That seems to contradict your last statement, but perhaps it is simply the way you define such things... Dependence breeds more dependence then entitlement then riots in the streets.

I loath unplanned, unsearched, knee jerk good intentions. You may as well just go ahead and kill me now as opposed to subjecting me to your good intentions.

Could you give an example of what you're talking about? The neighbor with his good intensions most recently hired a lawn service to mow my lawn as a gift for watching his house. The lawn service scalped my lawn killing almost half the lawn. Gee thanks.
I am a hard azz and can't help it, but I have helped many people even though they didn't care for my company on a personal level. Which is fine with me.

Are you saying there are those you choose not to help for some reason?

I answered this earlier. I will do nothing to help a person that wants a hand out and doesn't want to improve their lot in life. And don't tell me they don't choose that life. Because I chose that life once and have been around lots of people who chose that life. I know their game and I know their BS. You can't BS an ex BS'er
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,242
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6/17/2014 4:24:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 11:46:40 PM, Gustav_Adolf_II wrote:
Over the years, I've diagnosed myself hundreds of thousands of times in an effort to find out what I was like

lol wut. Clearly you're prone to excessive introspection.
Gustav_Adolf_II
Posts: 80
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6/17/2014 7:55:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/17/2014 4:24:06 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 6/16/2014 11:46:40 PM, Gustav_Adolf_II wrote:
Over the years, I've diagnosed myself hundreds of thousands of times in an effort to find out what I was like

lol wut. Clearly you're prone to excessive introspection.

Indeed
"Quoting yourself only makes you look like an arrogant jerk" - Gustav_Adolf_II
dylancatlow
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6/18/2014 11:07:21 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/18/2014 2:00:04 AM, Smithereens wrote:
I might be suffering from normality... D:

What must I do to be saved?

Watch Eraserhead.
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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6/18/2014 6:31:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/18/2014 11:07:21 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 6/18/2014 2:00:04 AM, Smithereens wrote:
I might be suffering from normality... D:

What must I do to be saved?

Watch Eraserhead.

Finally someone else who has seen that movie. I turned my teenage daughter on to it last year.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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6/22/2014 11:46:34 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/17/2014 4:20:53 PM, sadolite wrote:
At 6/16/2014 10:52:00 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 6/16/2014 4:00:48 PM, sadolite wrote:
I can not view anything through an emotional or feelings based prism.

Why do you feel compelled to?

Because decisions made based on feelings are almost always the worst decisions in the world and have the worst results for everyone involved.

Emotion is the basis of morality. There are certain emotions that are purely immoral, and certain emotions that are amoral. Immoral emotions are selfishness, pride, lust... the 7 sins sum them up nicely.

I have no feelings for my fellow man

That, I do not believe.

Believe what you want. My compulsion to help a fellow man is not derived from pity or compassion for the person.

I think you probably define compassion in a certain way that fits your paradigm. I think if sadolite was pried open we'd find compassion in there, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

It is exclusively based on that person not being a burden on me or society. I could care less about the circumstances that puts a person in a position to need my help. I will only help those that want help and want to improve their lot in life. All the others can die in the gutter for all I care for they don't want help only hand outs.

You don't want to be taken advantage of... Jesus taught that there is no such thing as being taken advantage of. When I heard his opinion, it was a load off my chest because it's more trouble for me to worry about that sort of thing than it is for that sort of thing to actually happen.

but only that any help I afforded him has positive, usable and most importantly measurable results.

That seems to contradict your last statement, but perhaps it is simply the way you define such things... Dependence breeds more dependence then entitlement then riots in the streets.

I loath unplanned, unsearched, knee jerk good intentions. You may as well just go ahead and kill me now as opposed to subjecting me to your good intentions.

Could you give an example of what you're talking about? The neighbor with his good intensions most recently hired a lawn service to mow my lawn as a gift for watching his house. The lawn service scalped my lawn killing almost half the lawn. Gee thanks.
I am a hard azz and can't help it, but I have helped many people even though they didn't care for my company on a personal level. Which is fine with me.

Are you saying there are those you choose not to help for some reason?

I answered this earlier. I will do nothing to help a person that wants a hand out and doesn't want to improve their lot in life. And don't tell me they don't choose that life. Because I chose that life once and have been around lots of people who chose that life. I know their game and I know their BS. You can't BS an ex BS'er

Well it's pretty clear that a "hand-out" doesn't help somebody anyway. If you see someone who needs discipline and you just hand them something for free, then you could call it a "hand-out" and claim you are "helping" them but look at it clearly for a moment - you know inside that you're only enabling them to be worse people so it's not "help" at all! You can HELP a person by denying them what they want, even denying them what they need.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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6/23/2014 3:53:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/22/2014 11:46:34 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 6/17/2014 4:20:53 PM, sadolite wrote:
At 6/16/2014 10:52:00 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 6/16/2014 4:00:48 PM, sadolite wrote:
I can not view anything through an emotional or feelings based prism.

Why do you feel compelled to?

Because decisions made based on feelings are almost always the worst decisions in the world and have the worst results for everyone involved.

Emotion is the basis of morality. There are certain emotions that are purely immoral, and certain emotions that are amoral. Immoral emotions are selfishness, pride, lust... the 7 sins sum them up nicely.

I have no feelings for my fellow man

That, I do not believe.

Believe what you want. My compulsion to help a fellow man is not derived from pity or compassion for the person.

I think you probably define compassion in a certain way that fits your paradigm. I think if sadolite was pried open we'd find compassion in there, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

It is exclusively based on that person not being a burden on me or society. I could care less about the circumstances that puts a person in a position to need my help. I will only help those that want help and want to improve their lot in life. All the others can die in the gutter for all I care for they don't want help only hand outs.

You don't want to be taken advantage of... Jesus taught that there is no such thing as being taken advantage of. When I heard his opinion, it was a load off my chest because it's more trouble for me to worry about that sort of thing than it is for that sort of thing to actually happen.

but only that any help I afforded him has positive, usable and most importantly measurable results.

That seems to contradict your last statement, but perhaps it is simply the way you define such things... Dependence breeds more dependence then entitlement then riots in the streets.

I loath unplanned, unsearched, knee jerk good intentions. You may as well just go ahead and kill me now as opposed to subjecting me to your good intentions.

Could you give an example of what you're talking about? The neighbor with his good intensions most recently hired a lawn service to mow my lawn as a gift for watching his house. The lawn service scalped my lawn killing almost half the lawn. Gee thanks.
I am a hard azz and can't help it, but I have helped many people even though they didn't care for my company on a personal level. Which is fine with me.

Are you saying there are those you choose not to help for some reason?

I answered this earlier. I will do nothing to help a person that wants a hand out and doesn't want to improve their lot in life. And don't tell me they don't choose that life. Because I chose that life once and have been around lots of people who chose that life. I know their game and I know their BS. You can't BS an ex BS'er

Well it's pretty clear that a "hand-out" doesn't help somebody anyway. If you see someone who needs discipline and you just hand them something for free, then you could call it a "hand-out" and claim you are "helping" them but look at it clearly for a moment - you know inside that you're only enabling them to be worse people so it's not "help" at all! You can HELP a person by denying them what they want, even denying them what they need.

"Emotion is the basis of morality." It most certainly is not, emotion is the bases for the worst decisions and the most tyrannical policies imposed ever in the history of man kind
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
YYW
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6/23/2014 4:46:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/16/2014 1:11:05 PM, R0b1Billion wrote:
Tell us about your psychological issues, or lack thereof. DDO has always been ripe with head-cases, so we should get a good conversation!

I have none. I can come across as an @sshole at times, though.
queenofmayhem
Posts: 132
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7/10/2014 12:55:10 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
With DDO being "ripe with head cases" I certainly have not let it down.

Severe Generalized Anxiety, Severe Recurring Depression, PTSD, Bipolar II, ADHD, DID, Panic Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and insomnia. I have problems, but I wear them nicely ;)

Kind of like Gaga and her meat dress.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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7/10/2014 1:26:19 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I know I have a lot of social anxiety. Sometimes I have panic attacks over the thought of death, which I manage to hide well, and I'm probably a little shizoid. I've had the panic attacks since I was like 5 years old. I've never bothered to see a professional over it. So I don't know what they signify.
R0b1Billion
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7/13/2014 12:55:24 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/23/2014 4:50:40 PM, Sargon wrote:
I am prescribed Prozac for General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

What are the effects like if you don't take your medicine?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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7/13/2014 12:55:55 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 6/23/2014 5:02:08 PM, TN05 wrote:
I have Asperger Syndrome.

What is that like?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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7/13/2014 12:56:42 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/9/2014 10:12:06 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
PTSD and Bipolar II. I'm on Trileptal for the latter.

Are these linked or is it just a coincidence you have two disorders?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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7/13/2014 12:59:35 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/10/2014 12:55:10 AM, queenofmayhem wrote:
With DDO being "ripe with head cases" I certainly have not let it down.

Severe Generalized Anxiety, Severe Recurring Depression, PTSD, Bipolar II, ADHD, DID, Panic Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and insomnia. I have problems, but I wear them nicely ;)

Kind of like Gaga and her meat dress.

I'm assuming your problems stem from whatever caused you the PTSD?
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
Posts: 3,726
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7/13/2014 1:06:32 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/10/2014 1:26:19 AM, Wylted wrote:
I know I have a lot of social anxiety. Sometimes I have panic attacks over the thought of death, which I manage to hide well, and I'm probably a little shizoid. I've had the panic attacks since I was like 5 years old. I've never bothered to see a professional over it. So I don't know what they signify.

Do you believe you can help yourself without a professional?

As you get older, fear of death starts to wane, naturally - death has some remarkable benefits...
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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7/13/2014 1:12:48 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 7/13/2014 1:06:32 AM, R0b1Billion wrote:
At 7/10/2014 1:26:19 AM, Wylted wrote:
I know I have a lot of social anxiety. Sometimes I have panic attacks over the thought of death, which I manage to hide well, and I'm probably a little shizoid. I've had the panic attacks since I was like 5 years old. I've never bothered to see a professional over it. So I don't know what they signify.

Do you believe you can help yourself without a professional?

I don't think I need help. What they call mental illness I call a personality trait.

As you get older, fear of death starts to wane, naturally - death has some remarkable benefits...

How would you know it starts to wane? I heard Warran Buffet has had the same unnatural fear of death as me since childhood and still experiences it.