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Should I tell her... Yay or Nay

DNoel95
Posts: 4
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10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?
apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/24/2014 8:47:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

Tell your mother, and expect that she'll call a liar. This has two possible outcomes:

1. She doesn't believe you. However, you expected that, so there's no surprise. You now also know that she doesn't really care about you, and therefore you've lost nothing by damaging your relationship with her.

2. She believes you. You expected her not to, so you're pleasantly surprised. You now also know that she cares about you more than you thought, and therefore you've gained something by strengthening your relationship with her.
Dennybug
Posts: 711
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10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision
Ajabi
Posts: 1,504
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10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....
Dennybug
Posts: 711
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10/24/2014 11:49:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Well, why should the OP have to live with that burden on her own? Both her parents have the right to know. Her mother would most definitely want to know about something like this. Whether she rejects the truth or not is a separate issue.

OP should not have to try and resist telling her mother on the basis that her mother will be hurt by it. Since it isn't even about the mother.
PotBelliedGeek
Posts: 4,298
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10/25/2014 10:53:34 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Hiding it can result in horrible psychological effects down the line. She should make it known to the people she trusts, and seek help in coping with the stress that she is feeling.
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SamStevens
Posts: 3,819
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10/25/2014 11:12:48 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

You should trim the leaves of deception from the tree of life, shave away the unkempt side burns from the face of truth. You should lay your cards on the table and tell her what happened.
"This is the true horror of religion. It allows perfectly decent and sane people to believe by the billions, what only lunatics could believe on their own." Sam Harris
Life asked Death "Why do people love me but hate you?"
Death responded: "Because you are a beautiful lie, and I am the painful truth."
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,065
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10/25/2014 11:15:07 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

I have several questions that you should base your decision on:
1. How traumatic was it?
2. Does your half brother still molest children? Would he do it again if it were to happen all over again?
3. Could you bear admitting that you have been raped?
4. Could you take living your life with no one knowing?
5. Do you hate your half brother for what happened?
6. If you don't tell, will others like you be victimized in the future by him?
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Such
Posts: 1,110
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10/25/2014 11:19:41 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

You should sit down with your father and discuss sitting down with the four of you and bringing it out to the open.

How much older than you is your 0.5bro? I think that's relevant to planning this effectively. If he was an adult when it happened, I'd skip your Mom and take that fool to the authorities. I'm serious.

If not, then we need more context to this situation. What has your father said? That's not his son, so the fact that you're considering what you should do next and not both of your is nebulous to me. As far as I'm concerned, if my daughter were to come to me and tell me that my ex's son molested her, that guy would end up with some broken legs fer sher.
Ajabi
Posts: 1,504
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10/25/2014 1:02:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 10:53:34 AM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Hiding it can result in horrible psychological effects down the line. She should make it known to the people she trusts, and seek help in coping with the stress that she is feeling.

Considering how she has told her father, and could tell her psychologist, there is no repression in keeping it from the mother.
Dennybug
Posts: 711
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10/25/2014 1:11:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 1:02:38 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/25/2014 10:53:34 AM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Hiding it can result in horrible psychological effects down the line. She should make it known to the people she trusts, and seek help in coping with the stress that she is feeling.

Considering how she has told her father, and could tell her psychologist, there is no repression in keeping it from the mother.

Jeez mom, not like you're interested or anything, but you sort of sh!t out a bad egg. Oh, there is no point in telling you that you've kind of given birth to a sexual deviant? Okay well guess I'll just let it eat me alive until I'm on my death bed.
Ajabi
Posts: 1,504
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10/25/2014 1:19:31 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 1:11:59 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/25/2014 1:02:38 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/25/2014 10:53:34 AM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Hiding it can result in horrible psychological effects down the line. She should make it known to the people she trusts, and seek help in coping with the stress that she is feeling.

Considering how she has told her father, and could tell her psychologist, there is no repression in keeping it from the mother.

Jeez mom, not like you're interested or anything, but you sort of sh!t out a bad egg. Oh, there is no point in telling you that you've kind of given birth to a sexual deviant? Okay well guess I'll just let it eat me alive until I'm on my death bed.

You're just upset because I did not cum in your butt. Chill down mate.
Dennybug
Posts: 711
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10/25/2014 1:21:48 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 1:19:31 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/25/2014 1:11:59 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/25/2014 1:02:38 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/25/2014 10:53:34 AM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:45:24 PM, Ajabi wrote:
At 10/24/2014 11:40:50 PM, Dennybug wrote:
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

yes you should absolutely make the truth known. You have that power and you should exercise it. If it is something heavy on your heart then you should most definitely let her know, you were wronged and you need to make it known. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you're happy with your decision

Absolutely not! Unless you are willing to live with the bloated pain that comes afterwards. In the interest of reason since this news would only cause pain for your mother, so long as your dad knows, and that you yourself come to terms on it, there is no good reason why you would tell your mother.

Unless you want to test whether she'll believe you, in which case telling her might be a fun thought....but I dont think you want that (actually I do, but its not the "said thing".)

And dont worry there are plenty of bastards around here....

Hiding it can result in horrible psychological effects down the line. She should make it known to the people she trusts, and seek help in coping with the stress that she is feeling.

Considering how she has told her father, and could tell her psychologist, there is no repression in keeping it from the mother.

Jeez mom, not like you're interested or anything, but you sort of sh!t out a bad egg. Oh, there is no point in telling you that you've kind of given birth to a sexual deviant? Okay well guess I'll just let it eat me alive until I'm on my death bed.

You're just upset because I did not cum in your butt. Chill down mate.

Yeah...I'm feeling great though
ESocialBookworm
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10/25/2014 2:21:13 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/24/2014 7:17:37 PM, DNoel95 wrote:
When I was little, my half brother molested me on several occasions. I never told anybody anything because I was scared, but now that I'm older I regret the fact I never said anything. My mother and father were never together, I guess you could call me a bastard child, but either way I live with my father and my mother lives someplace else, which at her house is where my half brother... well, you know:/ I finally came out to my dad on what my half brother did, and I'm still contemplating on whether I should tell my mother or not. There's a side of me that says that she will deny the fact it happened, or tell me that I'm a big fat liar. The other side says that she'll do something about it. I can't decide, should I tell her, or should I leave it behind closed doors?

I don't know much about your situation, but definitely talk to someone. I can guarantee it will help. Find a trust-worthy, smart adult, or friend older than you or your age, that knows your family and life well, and confide in that person. It'll help because you both be venting, and not stuffing your feelings inside of you, and you'd also be getting good advice, hopefully.

It's best to let someone know, or you'll forever probably be haunted with the memories of what happened. Some victims become insomniacs even.
If it ever happens again, go straight to an adult, or authoritative figure and inform them RIGHT AWAY.

Trust me, I know it's hard- not knowing whether they'll believe you because it's a relative, and stuff, but it might be best to let them know, so that they can get him help, or he might do it to someone else.

Your mum might most likely, if she believes you, move you away from your half brother, but I don't know whether she'll press charges, since it is your half brother. I mean, where I am from, they wouldn't really press charges, because reputation and how the family looks is pretty important. Plus, they'd care for your half brother.

Please PM me if you ever want to talk. I'm here. I'll listen and provide the best advice I can. I'm sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves anything like this to happen to them.
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