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Self-flattery???...

ElCorazonAma
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10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,368
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10/25/2014 2:32:38 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
It's okay to be confident, and like yourself. It's good to say good things to yourself, imho, instead of putting yourself down. But you shouldn't overdo it- like out loud be very arrogant.
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ElCorazonAma
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10/25/2014 2:34:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:32:38 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
It's okay to be confident, and like yourself. It's good to say good things to yourself, imho, instead of putting yourself down. But you shouldn't overdo it- like out loud be very arrogant.

I concur to this, but there are ways. So yes I can reason with this. However confidence and conceitedness are two separate situational reactions. Just so that's clear.
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
mishapqueen
Posts: 3,995
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10/25/2014 2:43:40 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?
Someone once said that humility isn't thinking selflessly, but thinking of yourself less.
You cannot choose whether or not you will live by rules, but you can choose which rules you will live by. --Me

"I was wrong. Squirrels are objectively superior to bunnies in every conceivable dimension."
--Joey

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" --PetersSmith

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Truth_seeker
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10/25/2014 2:47:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

I'm the same way depending on the situation, but i say wait until people praise you for your achievements and humbly accept the compliments but also acknowledge them yourself. I see arrogance as thinking you are better than others because of those accomplishments which should never be done. Although i don't know about the term self flattery aha. You should never flatter yourself.
Such
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10/25/2014 2:49:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

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ElCorazonAma
Posts: 781
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10/25/2014 3:17:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:43:40 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?
Someone once said that humility isn't thinking selflessly, but thinking of yourself less.

I completely agree and have heard the phrase as well.
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
mishapqueen
Posts: 3,995
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10/25/2014 3:19:03 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 3:17:16 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:43:40 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?
Someone once said that humility isn't thinking selflessly, but thinking of yourself less.

I completely agree and have heard the phrase as well.

I also think a simple thank you is the only necessary response. It sounds like we found another thing we agree on. :D
You cannot choose whether or not you will live by rules, but you can choose which rules you will live by. --Me

"I was wrong. Squirrels are objectively superior to bunnies in every conceivable dimension."
--Joey

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" --PetersSmith

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Truth_seeker
Posts: 1,811
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10/26/2014 3:10:54 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:43:40 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?
Someone once said that humility isn't thinking selflessly, but thinking of yourself less.

I think one should never flatter him or herself.wait until others praise you. Jesus Himself said whoever humbles himself shall be exalted. I don't think a little self praise is harmful, it's only when its done excessively that it becomes harmful. by self praise I mean that you acknowledge and appreciate who you are in Christ and give God the glory. usually when I compliment someone, I want them to see a particular improvement or accomplishment of great importance.
mishapqueen
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10/26/2014 3:14:46 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:10:54 PM, Truth_seeker wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:43:40 PM, mishapqueen wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?
Someone once said that humility isn't thinking selflessly, but thinking of yourself less.

I think one should never flatter him or herself.wait until others praise you. Jesus Himself said whoever humbles himself shall be exalted. I don't think a little self praise is harmful, it's only when its done excessively that it becomes harmful. by self praise I mean that you acknowledge and appreciate who you are in Christ and give God the glory. usually when I compliment someone, I want them to see a particular improvement or accomplishment of great importance.
My thoughts exactly.
You cannot choose whether or not you will live by rules, but you can choose which rules you will live by. --Me

"I was wrong. Squirrels are objectively superior to bunnies in every conceivable dimension."
--Joey

"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" --PetersSmith

Nunc aut Numquam
PotBelliedGeek
Posts: 4,298
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10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.
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Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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10/26/2014 3:21:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.

lol this.
PotBelliedGeek
Posts: 4,298
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10/26/2014 3:30:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:21:16 PM, Cermank wrote:
At 10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.

lol this.

Wat? Iz true!
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Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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10/26/2014 3:33:58 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:30:42 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/26/2014 3:21:16 PM, Cermank wrote:
At 10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.

lol. this.

Wat? Iz true!

one of those times where punctuation was important haha

fix'd
debatability
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10/26/2014 3:37:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

lol, im going to look like a huge hypocrite when i say this because i'm guilty of going *against* what i'm about to say all the time

The *best* response to a comment is a simple thank you.
Further flattering one's self will usually come off as a self absorbed action. It just depends.

So take "Your outfit looks great. " as an example.
Saying "I know, I'm so good at compiling cute outfits." would is not very humble response. However, saying something like "Thanks, i felt like it looked good." (while perhaps being a form of self flattery) is a very appropriate response. Really, the extent to which someone flatters themselves will dictate whether or not their response is appropriate.
Another example might be, a compliment such as "That is a strong debate case."
A response such as "Thanks, I won a competition with it." is iffy, and the reaction that the person giving the compliment will have simply depends on *why* they gave the compliment, and their feeling on self flattery.
My point is, it's not black and white. I think sometimes self flattery is okay and sometimes it isnt.

I will note that I firmly believe fishing for compliments is a form of self flattery, and the worst form of that. I'm probably frequently guilty of this (as are most people), but I might as well mention it.
Going back to the "your outfit looks great" example.
A response such as "no it makes me look fat" or "no im ugly" is probably the most inappropriate response possible. The general motive in a response such as that is usually the desire to be further complimented (which I think falls into the catagory of self flattery), because while it seems to lie in the catagory of self deprication, the motive lies in opposite area.
Even if you are genuine, you've rejected the person's compliment, and thus rejected their judgement. But I mainly wanted to get into the "self flattery" aspect of rejecting compliments.

Anyway, sorry if that was way to long. But that's my stance on the issue.
ElCorazonAma
Posts: 781
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10/26/2014 3:37:26 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.

I'm the same way when it comes to compliments.
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
ElCorazonAma
Posts: 781
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10/26/2014 3:52:32 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:37:08 PM, debatability wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

lol, im going to look like a huge hypocrite when i say this because i'm guilty of going *against* what i'm about to say all the time

The *best* response to a comment is a simple thank you.
Further flattering one's self will usually come off as a self absorbed action. It just depends.

So take "Your outfit looks great. " as an example.
Saying "I know, I'm so good at compiling cute outfits." would is not very humble response. However, saying something like "Thanks, i felt like it looked good." (while perhaps being a form of self flattery) is a very appropriate response. Really, the extent to which someone flatters themselves will dictate whether or not their response is appropriate.
Another example might be, a compliment such as "That is a strong debate case."
A response such as "Thanks, I won a competition with it." is iffy, and the reaction that the person giving the compliment will have simply depends on *why* they gave the compliment, and their feeling on self flattery.
My point is, it's not black and white. I think sometimes self flattery is okay and sometimes it isnt.

I will note that I firmly believe fishing for compliments is a form of self flattery, and the worst form of that. I'm probably frequently guilty of this (as are most people), but I might as well mention it.
Going back to the "your outfit looks great" example.
A response such as "no it makes me look fat" or "no im ugly" is probably the most inappropriate response possible. The general motive in a response such as that is usually the desire to be further complimented (which I think falls into the catagory of self flattery), because while it seems to lie in the catagory of self deprication, the motive lies in opposite area.
Even if you are genuine, you've rejected the person's compliment, and thus rejected their judgement. But I mainly wanted to get into the "self flattery" aspect of rejecting compliments.

Anyway, sorry if that was way to long. But that's my stance on the issue.

Si, ma, I understand and no it's fine for a long reply. To be honest, I'm surprised you even wrote to my thread lol.

But like I'm one of those people that if you compliment me depending on who it is I'll either ignore or just stand there with a blank face and say "ooooo kkkkk" and on the flip side I'll give a hesitant thank you and then progress to change the topic by saying "anyways" I'm not good with compliments. Like AT ALL.
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
Truth_seeker
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10/26/2014 3:53:54 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:18:28 PM, PotBelliedGeek wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

It really depends on the situation. I do not believe in false modesty, nor in bragging. If I am an expert in a given field, I will not pretend to be humble about it, I assert my authority. Ido not, at the same time, bask in praise or admiration. Quite frankly, I'm not good with handling compliments or flattery. I get all flustered and try to change the subject.

I am like the first part of what you said and used to be the second part of what you said about flattery ironically lol. If I see that on debates I lost, I will humbly admit defeat. If I am knowledgeable on a particular subject then I will speak boldly.in the past, I used to associate compliments with arrogance and pride, but that slowly changed after a few years. I can see why you would be like that.
debatability
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10/26/2014 3:55:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/26/2014 3:52:32 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
At 10/26/2014 3:37:08 PM, debatability wrote:
At 10/25/2014 2:29:21 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
Do you think it's really appropriate to be self flattering more so when someone flatters you?

If yes, why? If no, why?

I say no, because if someone is giving me a compliment I wonder what the motive or intent is. I also think it is inappropriate to be self-flattering because it makes it seem like arrogance or a hothead or just pure conceitedness. To me if someone is likable or noticeable then that should be enough flattery and even if they compliment a simple thank you or some form of appreciation would suffice because that would be more humble and purely acceptable. Just my honest opinion though.

What about you, DDO? What's your opinion?

lol, im going to look like a huge hypocrite when i say this because i'm guilty of going *against* what i'm about to say all the time

The *best* response to a comment is a simple thank you.
Further flattering one's self will usually come off as a self absorbed action. It just depends.

So take "Your outfit looks great. " as an example.
Saying "I know, I'm so good at compiling cute outfits." would is not very humble response. However, saying something like "Thanks, i felt like it looked good." (while perhaps being a form of self flattery) is a very appropriate response. Really, the extent to which someone flatters themselves will dictate whether or not their response is appropriate.
Another example might be, a compliment such as "That is a strong debate case."
A response such as "Thanks, I won a competition with it." is iffy, and the reaction that the person giving the compliment will have simply depends on *why* they gave the compliment, and their feeling on self flattery.
My point is, it's not black and white. I think sometimes self flattery is okay and sometimes it isnt.

I will note that I firmly believe fishing for compliments is a form of self flattery, and the worst form of that. I'm probably frequently guilty of this (as are most people), but I might as well mention it.
Going back to the "your outfit looks great" example.
A response such as "no it makes me look fat" or "no im ugly" is probably the most inappropriate response possible. The general motive in a response such as that is usually the desire to be further complimented (which I think falls into the catagory of self flattery), because while it seems to lie in the catagory of self deprication, the motive lies in opposite area.
Even if you are genuine, you've rejected the person's compliment, and thus rejected their judgement. But I mainly wanted to get into the "self flattery" aspect of rejecting compliments.

Anyway, sorry if that was way to long. But that's my stance on the issue.

Si, ma, I understand and no it's fine for a long reply. To be honest, I'm surprised you even wrote to my thread lol.

But like I'm one of those people that if you compliment me depending on who it is I'll either ignore or just stand there with a blank face and say "ooooo kkkkk" and on the flip side I'll give a hesitant thank you and then progress to change the topic by saying "anyways" I'm not good with compliments. Like AT ALL.

that makes sense. I wouldn't see such a response as a form of rejecting a compliment though. It just depends on the nature of the conversation. Kind of like pot's was saying, if I am conversing about a topic I am knowledgable in, I would prefer to share my knowledge at the risk of looking like I am flattering myself, then stay silent. Though, that probably doesnt pertain to compliments as much.