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Feeling Sublime!...?

Ajabi
Posts: 1,504
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11/1/2014 11:52:43 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I just feel elated today. :P I mean everything awesome happened. I had an amazing dream, where I had lucidity (thanks again lizz). Then I woke up feeling amazing. My leg hurt really little, I stuffed myself with soda (after live forrrrevaaa). Then my grandparents came to visit (one of the only family members I like a lot), I talked with one of my old friends (Shameen be her name) and got to read Nausea.

Its weird, no? You try so hard to fight life, and life just shits on you. Then that one day comes where everything works out. Wait, thats wrong: I have many a worry, and trouble but its like there are days you are content.

My predicament is similar to Werther, who in Goethe's novel (out of delusions) says: 'my days are as happy as God sets aside for his saints'.

It is the calm before the storm, but I am fine with that. I like the calm, it gives me one last breather...but trust me a storm is brewing in my life. My friendship with Dennis which started over the internet may become real (I am going to Thailand) or it may break; my A levels (similar to AP) are coming up in May/June and these will decide the rest of my life. I am in the critical point in life where I have come to doubt everything. My ideals, my beliefs, what profession I am to choose are becoming more apparent (hey life can change, but there is now a greater probability that these sink in).

Today was a day i did not worry, but relished in all this. How spectacular is God's given life? I mean our lives are so enthralling, so captivating. To see how one's fate can change, how meaningful all the abovemust seem to me, when in truth perhaps in a few years it won't even matter.

I mean if I ace my A levels, then I'll move onto college and this will seem lost; if I fail them even then I will move on. If my friendship with Dennis breaks off I will eventually push him into a corner of my mind, perhaps remiss once a few years; if it become solid then I won't appreciate it, as it will become casual. If I choose and become a Mathematician then I will go into this field, forgetting consciously all the hope, aspiration and sacrifice came with it (I will never, as no one can, truly appreciate it). if I do not then I choose another field and life goes on.

Is it not spectacular?!? How fickle, and yet beautiful this creature that is man. I know not what to take meaningfully, and what not! Ha!

I am then not wise, but I consider myself "touched". I believe that this thought is truly a blessing I have. I love the way I see liife, the way my mind works, I want to sometimes be upset about it: to not think, or analyze so much, but if push comes to shove it is my truth. <3

This is an extremely narcisstic post. Why do I share it? I am perhaps one of the few who openly admits I love debate.org, and I consider this society a family. I know I can talk to whiteflame, wylted about serious concerns, take thoughts from airmax. I have Dennis, Rebekah, Krit, Kitty for my fun times, for support. NiamC is my boo. I have convo's with Sargon, and TRY TO HAVE CONVOS WITH SUBUTAI BUT HE IGNORES ME. So yeah ddo, I love you all, very dearly.

This is my diary, what goes on in my head. To be accepted, to be counted on, to be trusted, to be loved. These are my aspirations. I want fame, I crave it so much. I do love myself, I love reason, and yet have often succumbed to emotion. So in this charade that we call life, let us, you and I, be the dancers together.
ElCorazonAma
Posts: 781
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11/1/2014 1:14:09 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I still find that lucid dreaming weird...
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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11/1/2014 1:18:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/1/2014 1:14:09 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
I still find that lucid dreaming weird...

XD That's your only comment?
ElCorazonAma
Posts: 781
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11/1/2014 1:20:01 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/1/2014 1:18:24 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 11/1/2014 1:14:09 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
I still find that lucid dreaming weird...

XD That's your only comment?

Lol yes!! They were talking about it on hangouts last night so I just find it weird lol.. :P
Stalking my posts, are we? :P
The verb is real but the adjective is only a hypothetical ideal. ~ Freedo
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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11/1/2014 1:38:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/1/2014 1:20:01 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
At 11/1/2014 1:18:24 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 11/1/2014 1:14:09 PM, ElCorazonAma wrote:
I still find that lucid dreaming weird...

XD That's your only comment?

Lol yes!! They were talking about it on hangouts last night so I just find it weird lol.. :P
Stalking my posts, are we? :P

XD Nah, I was just reading the post because there were no replies, then I found your reply and I felt like replying to it. Problem? o3o