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Is it wrong to wish for your parents death

paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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11/16/2014 4:17:43 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Both my parents are in their eighties and live 100 mls from me. My mother lives in a care home. She has advanced dementia, she sleeps 18 hours a day, and spends the rest of it staring at the wall. My father is addicted to pain killers, is presently in a mental health unit, and has also been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, with only six months to live.

I am going to be honest, I desperately want them both to die. Neither of them want to be alive, and I hate seeing them suffer. As a guardian I believe that with their age taken into account, I should be able to order their execution (with want of a better word).

On several occasions I have discussed on other forums, a world where people can retire early, be given a good state pension, and then be executed at 70. Initially this sounds horrific, but once thought through it makes perfect financial sense, for the people concerned and society alike. Of course it won't happen, because we are animals of emotion, rather than logic.

Regrettably people now live far to long, to the point where they are a drain on society. I believe that we should take drastical measures to reduce the amount of humans on the planet. Ideas such as the one above would help, but eugenics is the real answer.
paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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11/16/2014 11:58:46 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 8:37:25 AM, Cermank wrote:
do they want to die?

=============

I think my posts says they do. My father is desperate to die, and my mother now knows little about anything.

The majority of sensible people believe in the right to decide over your own death. Needless to say that only applies to people older enough and mature enough to make such choices. ie an 18 year old girl losing her boyfriend shouldn't be able to make her way to Switzerland. I on the other hand see life in a more logical sense. If an old person who is in pain and costing society a fortune wants to stay alive for the sake of it, I would take the choice away from them, and likewise with a badly handicapped younger people. I think if we looked at people in much the same way we looked at our pets, we may get a better perspective on the value of life.
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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11/16/2014 12:28:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 11:58:46 AM, paininthenuts wrote:
At 11/16/2014 8:37:25 AM, Cermank wrote:
do they want to die?

=============

I think my posts says they do. My father is desperate to die, and my mother now knows little about anything.

The majority of sensible people believe in the right to decide over your own death. Needless to say that only applies to people older enough and mature enough to make such choices. ie an 18 year old girl losing her boyfriend shouldn't be able to make her way to Switzerland. I on the other hand see life in a more logical sense. If an old person who is in pain and costing society a fortune wants to stay alive for the sake of it, I would take the choice away from them, and likewise with a badly handicapped younger people. I think if we looked at people in much the same way we looked at our pets, we may get a better perspective on the value of life.

I don't really think the value of your life diminishes if you have a larger share of suffering. Aya Kito, for example. Had spirocerebeller ataxia, her brain got locked inside her body as th edisease progressed. She wrote a diary through her pain, which is now a source of inspiration, comfort, and strength for people with the same disease. She achieved something that a lot of us just dream of achieving.

A person not wanting to live is a different situation though. I still think that we as a society shouldn't rationalize that will to die, but perhaps there needs to be a balance there. Make sure the decision to die has been made in sound mind, and then administer euthanasia.
paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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11/16/2014 1:37:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 12:28:44 PM, Cermank wrote:
At 11/16/2014 11:58:46 AM, paininthenuts wrote:
At 11/16/2014 8:37:25 AM, Cermank wrote:
do they want to die?

=============

I think my posts says they do. My father is desperate to die, and my mother now knows little about anything.

The majority of sensible people believe in the right to decide over your own death. Needless to say that only applies to people older enough and mature enough to make such choices. ie an 18 year old girl losing her boyfriend shouldn't be able to make her way to Switzerland. I on the other hand see life in a more logical sense. If an old person who is in pain and costing society a fortune wants to stay alive for the sake of it, I would take the choice away from them, and likewise with a badly handicapped younger people. I think if we looked at people in much the same way we looked at our pets, we may get a better perspective on the value of life.

I don't really think the value of your life diminishes if you have a larger share of suffering. Aya Kito, for example. Had spirocerebeller ataxia, her brain got locked inside her body as th edisease progressed. She wrote a diary through her pain, which is now a source of inspiration, comfort, and strength for people with the same disease. She achieved something that a lot of us just dream of achieving.

A person not wanting to live is a different situation though. I still think that we as a society shouldn't rationalize that will to die, but perhaps there needs to be a balance there. Make sure the decision to die has been made in sound mind, and then administer euthanasia.

=======================

My mother is in a semi vegetative state and can't make decision about anything. Is it really right to keep her alive indefinitely. If she was a dog, you would be prosecuted for keeping her suffering.
Max.Wallace
Posts: 29
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11/16/2014 9:06:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
@pain, a good kid would not have allowed their folks to be that way. You must be a big disappointment to them.
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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11/16/2014 9:47:31 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 9:06:02 PM, Max.Wallace wrote:
@pain, a good kid would not have allowed their folks to be that way. You must be a big disappointment to them.

LOL
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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11/16/2014 11:05:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 9:06:02 PM, Max.Wallace wrote:
@pain, a good kid would not have allowed their folks to be that way. You must be a big disappointment to them.

That made me snort milk.
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Atheist-Independent
Posts: 776
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11/16/2014 11:38:05 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 4:17:43 AM, paininthenuts wrote:
Both my parents are in their eighties and live 100 mls from me. My mother lives in a care home. She has advanced dementia, she sleeps 18 hours a day, and spends the rest of it staring at the wall. My father is addicted to pain killers, is presently in a mental health unit, and has also been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, with only six months to live.

I am going to be honest, I desperately want them both to die. Neither of them want to be alive, and I hate seeing them suffer. As a guardian I believe that with their age taken into account, I should be able to order their execution (with want of a better word).

On several occasions I have discussed on other forums, a world where people can retire early, be given a good state pension, and then be executed at 70. Initially this sounds horrific, but once thought through it makes perfect financial sense, for the people concerned and society alike. Of course it won't happen, because we are animals of emotion, rather than logic.

Regrettably people now live far to long, to the point where they are a drain on society. I believe that we should take drastical measures to reduce the amount of humans on the planet. Ideas such as the one above would help, but eugenics is the real answer.

Honestly what you want is that your parents get to be in the most comfortable situation as possible. Not necessarily that they should die. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Given that the best situation for them at this point is actually death, I think you shouldn't feel bad about having these feelings.
Garbanza
Posts: 1,997
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11/17/2014 2:18:06 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Yes it's wrong. You can't help what you feel but you shouldn't try and justify it in the way you are. That's my opinion.

Just personally, I think there are certain times in your life that have more meaning and weight than other times, and how you behave in them matters for you and your whole family. Everyone will see it and remember, and this is such a time.
Garbanza
Posts: 1,997
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11/17/2014 2:28:24 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
What I mean is, it was like that in my family when people died. It was really horrible and some people behaved well and some not and it doesn't matter what else happens in a way, I will always know. Most of all, I know I did the best I could and that really matters even years later. It REALLY matters. Just saying for me, but everyone has a different life and maybe it will be different for you.
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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11/17/2014 10:44:57 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I don't believe it is right to wish death upon anybody. If there is still breath in their lungs then they still have a right to live. Sorry if seeing them suffer is a burden to you or if you're sick of taking care of them but as long as they have life they should live.
paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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11/17/2014 12:33:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/17/2014 10:44:57 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
I don't believe it is right to wish death upon anybody. If there is still breath in their lungs then they still have a right to live. Sorry if seeing them suffer is a burden to you or if you're sick of taking care of them but as long as they have life they should live.

This is where we differ. So many people see death as bad thing, I just see it as part of a cycle. From day one we were genically programmed to reach certain stages, and death is just one of them. It only becomes distressing when the stages are reached at the wrong time, or the person is a spouse or child. I love both my parents, and believe that their time has, as do they. I just wish we all had an on/off switch
ConservativePolitico
Posts: 8,210
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11/18/2014 10:07:08 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/17/2014 12:33:44 PM, paininthenuts wrote:
At 11/17/2014 10:44:57 AM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
I don't believe it is right to wish death upon anybody. If there is still breath in their lungs then they still have a right to live. Sorry if seeing them suffer is a burden to you or if you're sick of taking care of them but as long as they have life they should live.

This is where we differ. So many people see death as bad thing, I just see it as part of a cycle. From day one we were genically programmed to reach certain stages, and death is just one of them. It only becomes distressing when the stages are reached at the wrong time, or the person is a spouse or child. I love both my parents, and believe that their time has, as do they. I just wish we all had an on/off switch

That's great and all for you. If you want to switch yourself off fine but I don't think its right to project that opinion onto others.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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11/18/2014 9:18:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I don't like the idea of dying at 70 - unless of course you choose to do that which is your right. You can already do that now if you'd like. You can save, retire at 50 and kill yourself whenever you want in theory. Euthanasia and assisted suicide is only legal in 6 states (I think it should be legal everywhere) but I don't think, and wouldn't encourage people to kill themselves when they are of sound mind and body just because they have aged, or their body is not as functioning as it once was, or because they don't want to be a "burden" on their family - financial or otherwise. My grandmother is my favorite person in the world. She's almost 80 and her mind is sharp as a tack. I hope she lives in good health for another 20 years; I'm glad she would never imagine taking her own life and especially not at 70 ten years ago.

Terminal illness is often grounds for welcoming death with dignity (euthanasia), but I wouldn't agree that dementia would or should give you the right to end another's life. If someone is a burden to you, try to relinquish legal (and maybe conscientious) responsibility if that's what you need to do. As my father's care taker for a long time - he suffers TBI and is paralyzed after an accident - I know how stressful, exhausting, expensive and draining care taking can be. I wouldn't blame you for needing a break. But as for your mom, remember that while her brain might not be functioning in your reality, she is experiencing life in another reality - through another lens - and if she not a threat to anyone's life then nobody should threaten hers. Of course whether or not you or anyone else has an inherent responsibility to care for one with dementia is subject for debate, but in terms of pulling the plug on someone with alzheimer's, I would say no that should not be legal. Terminal illness - yes - especially if it's their choice, but simply existing in another dimension so to speak is not grounds for taking a human life. I understand your frustration and sadness though. Hang in there.
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miraculous
Posts: 139
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11/22/2014 2:43:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 4:17:43 AM, paininthenuts wrote:
Both my parents are in their eighties and live 100 mls from me. My mother lives in a care home. She has advanced dementia, she sleeps 18 hours a day, and spends the rest of it staring at the wall. My father is addicted to pain killers, is presently in a mental health unit, and has also been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, with only six months to live.

I am going to be honest, I desperately want them both to die. Neither of them want to be alive, and I hate seeing them suffer. As a guardian I believe that with their age taken into account, I should be able to order their execution (with want of a better word).

On several occasions I have discussed on other forums, a world where people can retire early, be given a good state pension, and then be executed at 70. Initially this sounds horrific, but once thought through it makes perfect financial sense, for the people concerned and society alike. Of course it won't happen, because we are animals of emotion, rather than logic.

Regrettably people now live far to long, to the point where they are a drain on society. I believe that we should take drastical measures to reduce the amount of humans on the planet. Ideas such as the one above would help, but eugenics is the real answer.
I guess considering your circumstances, it's not bizarre to wish for your parents death. But phrasing it as "I want my parents to die" may seem a bit awkward don't you think?
If I went back in time and murdered my grandmother, therefor preventing my existence, then who killed my grandmother?
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,354
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11/22/2014 3:14:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/16/2014 9:06:02 PM, Max.Wallace wrote:
@pain, a good kid would not have allowed their folks to be that way. You must be a big disappointment to them.

I don't agree with the OP but come on man, that wasn't nice.
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