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How do I fix this problem with my mom?

Dishoungh
Posts: 150
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12/11/2014 8:54:22 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I just want to know what to do when I encounter this such issue with my mother again because this has happened multiple times and it's really annoying and I want to have this issue rectified before I go out and break stuff out of anger. So, sit down, let me explain...

So, once upon a time, I was watching this YouTube from VanossGaming. You probably have heard of him. He's one of my favorite YouTubers and I love his videos. His videos basically make my day everyday, and I'm basically having a rough year because of school. I think I went to the hospital (not emergency) 3 times because I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack soon because of heavy stress I've been having lately. So, anyway, if you watch Vanoss, you might notice that he has a lot of profanity in his videos and to me, that's okay because it's a practice of freedom of speech and such profanity is allowed on YouTube. So, I was watching one of his videos and my mom came in and she went on a rant about how she doesn't like hearing that and she doesn't like to hear such things. So, I argued with her to justify my position on the matter. So, she started using the annoying and infamous "you should listen to me because I'm your mother" argument and she had no other reason to conform. Then, she started repeating her arguments, but she still managed to win the argument. Now, that was just one situation.

So, basically, I'm pissed off at this for 2 reasons:

1. It just shows how hypocritical adults are, especially parents. She came out here and tells me that she doesn't like to hear profanity from a YouTube video, but every week, we go see a movie with 10 times the amount of profanity. Literally, I watched The Wolf of Wall Street (if you don't know what that movie is, that movie says the F- word over 506 times including with sexuality and plenty of graphic nudity.) with my mom and she didn't say ONE WORD about it. But, oh, when it's YouTube or if it's not a movie, then it's somehow different. Plus, most of the videos I watch only say the F- word about 2 times max. But, oh, here's my mom's counter-argument. You ready? "I don't like because...it doesn't have a "story"."
[http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net...]
I don't need to explain how stupid this logic is. I can't even watch a video from YouTube when my mom is around. I turn the speakers to a whisper level and I have to lean to the screen to hear.

And plus, this pisses off even more because my mom tries to tell me what I can or can't watch on YouTube just because she's "offended" even when she's really not. She's just complaining to just complain to make an invalid point.

2. She used the "I'm the authority figure, so shut up, throw logic out the window, and listen to me because I said so" argument. I hate it when people use this argument. It just makes me want to go out and punch someone. Out of everything else, things like this makes me want to go on the internet or go somewhere and rant for hours on end, despite if other people are annoyed or not. It's a stupid, cheap argument tactic that adults or some other authority figure uses to escape from being proven wrong. I don't care who it is. I don't care if it's Jesus himself. If you're wrong and I prove that you're wrong and your logic is fallacious and invalid, that's your fault regardless of your status. If you just ignore that and throw logic out the window, it pisses me off to the max because using this resort to authority argument clearly shows that you don't have any valid arguments left and you know that I'm right. It's just a sign of defeat. So, you use this argument to deflect my arguments, ignore them, and just resort to your authority or other invalid sources of argumentation instead of using actual reasoning. So many times I've encountered these arguing problems with my mom and it's sickening. I actually think I'm going to have a heart attack and die because of this garbage.

So, anyway, enough of me ranting, how can I build up my relationship with my mom? What can I say to her because we're not doing so great relationship-wise? Actually, I think I have a better relationship with my dad most of the time than my mom, which is not surprising because my dad actually understands logic a lot better than my mom. Yeah, he pisses me off sometimes too, but that doesn't happen nearly as frequently. Like, literally, our relationship went down to the next level a couple of months ago. I yelled at her because she made me so mad that I screamed at the top of my lungs at her. It hurt too because I lost my voice afterwards. I screamed at her because she made this stupid assumption that I'm arguing with her trying to be "cute", which made so mad, I wanted to punch my mom. I swear to God, I'm not joking. I don't remember exactly why I was mad and the whole context of the fight, but I do remember that I was trying to tell her something important, but again, she just ignored it and she saw it as a ploy to get attention and she just left my message under the rug like it was unimportant, like I don't matter to her and it made me cry. So, I don't know what's wrong with us.

I want to tell her that she's not doing it right and I'm tired of her making excuses for her mistakes, asking me "do I own a car?" or "do I pay the bills" or "who gives you the food you eat?" or "who's the child, me or you?", telling me the important roles of a parent, which I am aware of and I'm highly grateful for, but that still doesn't excuse your wrongdoings and mistakes as a parent. And what kind of argument you're going to use next? I'm a child and I can't possibly know what it's like to be a parent? Sure, I'm not an adult, but at least I have enough common sense to know that using this authority argument doesn't resolve anything. It just teaches the child to be rebellious because that child just feels like he's a pawn to his parent and he's/she's not valued because every time he/she makes a statement for him/herself, his/her parent will just throw it away like it's unimportant. Also, if you just use that argument, it just teaches the child to follow than to lead or think for himself because using such an argument teaches the child that everything happens for a reason and that reason is because his/her parents say so.

Please don't see this as just a rant. See this message as a request for help. I'm tired of asking people for help and since people think it's rant-ish, they just ignore my request for help and refuse to help, despite the fact that this is more than a rant, it's addressing an issue.
I may be somewhat ingenuous. But, I will defy against all odds to seek righteousness and justice. That's my goal.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,361
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12/11/2014 8:58:47 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/11/2014 8:54:22 PM, Dishoungh wrote:
Get headphones.

OR

Don't go on youtube when she's around.
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Dishoungh
Posts: 150
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12/11/2014 9:02:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/11/2014 8:58:47 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 12/11/2014 8:54:22 PM, Dishoungh wrote:
Get headphones.

OR

Don't go on youtube when she's around.

That doesn't work because one, I have to wait to get some headphones because she promised me to get some "REAL" headphones that will work. I doubt she will because she has a history of breaking promises. I'm probably going to wait a couple more months to get the headphones I want because I refuse to use the P.O.S headphones I got because they break to easily and they have poor sound quality. Plus, she's ALWAYS around. So, I can't control that. My parent's room are close to my room. So, my mom can hear what I'm watching even when my speakers are at 50%.
I may be somewhat ingenuous. But, I will defy against all odds to seek righteousness and justice. That's my goal.
Defro
Posts: 847
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12/14/2014 11:01:02 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/11/2014 9:02:35 PM, Dishoungh wrote:

I agree with Esocialbookworm. Get freakin headphones. Even if she's around, she won't hear what's coming out of your headphones. Are you really going to complain about poor audio quality at this point? At least you can hear. Jeez.

I know exactly what your going through. I have that exact same thing with my mom but worse, and it's annoying as hell. But you know what? Both our mom's are right and there's nothing we can do to win the argument.

Unlikely you, I always win the arguments using logic and showing her hypocrisy. So every time we get into a fight, she pretty much admits and concedes that I have a better point than her, but because she is the mom, I have to listen to her, which is fair.
I get the pleasure of knowing she's wrong and I'm right, and she get's the pleasure of winning in the end and I still have to listen to her.

I want to tell her that she's not doing it right and I'm tired of her making excuses for :her mistakes, asking me "do I own a car?" or "do I pay the bills" or "who gives you the :food you eat?" or "who's the child, me or you?", telling me the important roles of a :parent, which I am aware of and I'm highly grateful for, but that still doesn't excuse :your wrongdoings and mistakes as a parent.

Owning the car and paying the bills actually does excuse her "wrongdoings."
It's her house, so she has the right to do anything she wants in her house as long as it doesn't violate any laws. But if she's at someone else's house, she doesn't have this right because she must abide by the house owner's rules.
Smoking is legal, but if a building has a no-smoking sign in it, you can't smoke there.
You also don't have this right because legally, it's not your house, it's your mom's.

I'm not an adult, but at least I have enough common sense to know that using this :authority argument doesn't resolve anything. It just teaches the child to be :rebellious...

If you have the common sense you claim you have, you would know that there is no way you can win the fight with your mother, because ultimately she has almost total control of your life until you are 16. You just have to suck it all up and listen to her. If it is making you feel rebellious, then you obviously don't have that claimed common sense because being rebellious will make it worse.

Once you're 16, you are legally allowed to leave home and live by yourself. If you live by yourself, pay your own bills, your mom has no control over you in your house.

I'm not trying to be hard on you, I'm just giving it to you straight, the hard truth. Until you can live independently, you are almost completely under her control.

It just teaches the child to be rebellious because that child just feels like he's a pawn :to his parent and he's/she's not valued because every time he/she makes a statement :for him/herself, his/her parent will just throw it away like it's unimportant.

Yes, it does make you feel like your mom's b*tch doesn't it? But she certainly values you if she feeds you and takes care of you.

The thing is, she doesn't throw away your statements because they are unimportant, she does it because she can.

it just teaches the child to follow than to lead or think for himself

I disagree. Trust me, my mom was worse than yours. One time, she was like "If you're not going to listen to me, you don't have to live in my house! And you don't have to eat my food or wear the clothes I buy you!" Then, she kicked me out of my house and forced me to take off all my clothes except my underwear. I walked around my village half naked for 2 hours before I decided to go home and apologize to my mom.

From then on, I learned to suck it up, and take all her sh*t. I have no choice but to listen to her.

So yes, it taught me to follow. But it also taught me to lead and think for myself.

This inspired me, because I was so mad at my mom. I disagreed with her every thought, but I had no right to disagree because I lived in her house, used her money, ate her food, and wore clothes she bought.

So I earned my own money through a job, bought a tent, packed only clothes that I bought with my own money or clothes that were given to me by friends as a gift. I left home and lived alone in a tent near school for a week. I would shower and clean myself at school and eat wherever I want. I learned to live by myself.

After a week, I decided I couldn't take it anymore and went home, and I truly appreciated my mother, although I still hate her. I understood that I was literally financially leeching from her like a parasite. Until I leave home permanently, I must obey her, and you should obey your mother too.