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No Friends for Me

Harper
Posts: 374
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2/13/2015 6:15:27 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I am an introvert. I can't bother with small talk, and parties leave me feeling hollow somehow. I love solitude. Not necessarily because I hate social interaction, I just hate *shallow* social interaction. I don't want to talk about what was on the television or about how much we hate English class or about what food we'd like to eat. I want to talk about philosophy and politics and religion and science. I want to discuss problems and solutions, and try to answer questions that may never be solved. I want to see open-mindedness in my friends, and talk rationally about taboos and seriously consider radical ideas. I want a friend who doesn't get emotional about their own political and religious convictions. I want someone who understands the value of taking unpopular positions. But I've never met anyone in person who was like that, and I'm not willing to settle for friendships with shallow people.

I've met many who are incredibly involved in philosophical and political issues, but they're in it to preserve their own convictions, instead of being interested in finding truth and in the best path for humanity to take. They get angry when you propose an idea that threatens what they think. I simply don't understand it-- if it's not true, just leave it--why the emotional attachment? Then there are the types who are more mainstream about politics and philosophy. When you begin to ponder social taboos and question socially acceptable ideas they think of you as a repulsive individual instead of someone who simply wants to be open to the truth, wherever or whatever it may be.

I love solitude, but it'd be nice to have someone I can honestly talk to. So, why can't I find a person who 1. is incredibly open minded and 2. is devoted to finding the truth? It's a little frustrating because, while I'd be delighted to have a companion to share my experiences with, I'm not willing to surround myself with people who are either too apathetic about matters of truth or too closed minded to consider opposing views. I want someone to ponder the world with, but I just can't seem to find the right person. It's resulted in me not having any friends (I have acquaintances, but none of them fit my criteria, they're too frivolous). And I'm quite sure my standards aren't too high, because I think I myself have both characteristics. Again, I don't mind being alone at all, but I think that it'd behoove me to have at least one close friend.
Varrack
Posts: 2,410
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2/13/2015 7:13:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/13/2015 6:15:27 PM, Harper wrote:
I am an introvert. I can't bother with small talk, and parties leave me feeling hollow somehow. I love solitude. Not necessarily because I hate social interaction, I just hate *shallow* social interaction. I don't want to talk about what was on the television or about how much we hate English class or about what food we'd like to eat. I want to talk about philosophy and politics and religion and science. I want to discuss problems and solutions, and try to answer questions that may never be solved. I want to see open-mindedness in my friends, and talk rationally about taboos and seriously consider radical ideas. I want a friend who doesn't get emotional about their own political and religious convictions. I want someone who understands the value of taking unpopular positions. But I've never met anyone in person who was like that, and I'm not willing to settle for friendships with shallow people.

I've met many who are incredibly involved in philosophical and political issues, but they're in it to preserve their own convictions, instead of being interested in finding truth and in the best path for humanity to take. They get angry when you propose an idea that threatens what they think. I simply don't understand it-- if it's not true, just leave it--why the emotional attachment? Then there are the types who are more mainstream about politics and philosophy. When you begin to ponder social taboos and question socially acceptable ideas they think of you as a repulsive individual instead of someone who simply wants to be open to the truth, wherever or whatever it may be.

I love solitude, but it'd be nice to have someone I can honestly talk to. So, why can't I find a person who 1. is incredibly open minded and 2. is devoted to finding the truth? It's a little frustrating because, while I'd be delighted to have a companion to share my experiences with, I'm not willing to surround myself with people who are either too apathetic about matters of truth or too closed minded to consider opposing views. I want someone to ponder the world with, but I just can't seem to find the right person. It's resulted in me not having any friends (I have acquaintances, but none of them fit my criteria, they're too frivolous). And I'm quite sure my standards aren't too high, because I think I myself have both characteristics. Again, I don't mind being alone at all, but I think that it'd behoove me to have at least one close friend.

Well, you came to the right place.
Dumbo
Posts: 22
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2/17/2015 10:02:42 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/13/2015 6:15:27 PM, Harper wrote:
I am an introvert. I can't bother with small talk, and parties leave me feeling hollow somehow. I love solitude. Not necessarily because I hate social interaction, I just hate *shallow* social interaction. I don't want to talk about what was on the television or about how much we hate English class or about what food we'd like to eat. I want to talk about philosophy and politics and religion and science. I want to discuss problems and solutions, and try to answer questions that may never be solved. I want to see open-mindedness in my friends, and talk rationally about taboos and seriously consider radical ideas. I want a friend who doesn't get emotional about their own political and religious convictions. I want someone who understands the value of taking unpopular positions. But I've never met anyone in person who was like that, and I'm not willing to settle for friendships with shallow people.

I've met many who are incredibly involved in philosophical and political issues, but they're in it to preserve their own convictions, instead of being interested in finding truth and in the best path for humanity to take. They get angry when you propose an idea that threatens what they think. I simply don't understand it-- if it's not true, just leave it--why the emotional attachment? Then there are the types who are more mainstream about politics and philosophy. When you begin to ponder social taboos and question socially acceptable ideas they think of you as a repulsive individual instead of someone who simply wants to be open to the truth, wherever or whatever it may be.

I love solitude, but it'd be nice to have someone I can honestly talk to. So, why can't I find a person who 1. is incredibly open minded and 2. is devoted to finding the truth? It's a little frustrating because, while I'd be delighted to have a companion to share my experiences with, I'm not willing to surround myself with people who are either too apathetic about matters of truth or too closed minded to consider opposing views. I want someone to ponder the world with, but I just can't seem to find the right person. It's resulted in me not having any friends (I have acquaintances, but none of them fit my criteria, they're too frivolous). And I'm quite sure my standards aren't too high, because I think I myself have both characteristics. Again, I don't mind being alone at all, but I think that it'd behoove me to have at least one close friend.

I used to be like that, but opening up like that over and over again showed me my first true friend (surprisingly not the person who I thought was my best friend). Just keep doing this, and I wish you the best of luck. You can do it! If you want a friend, go for it.
-The Long-Eared Elephant
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
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2/17/2015 10:14:35 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/13/2015 6:15:27 PM, Harper wrote:
I am an introvert. I can't bother with small talk, and parties leave me feeling hollow somehow. I love solitude. Not necessarily because I hate social interaction, I just hate *shallow* social interaction. I don't want to talk about what was on the television or about how much we hate English class or about what food we'd like to eat. I want to talk about philosophy and politics and religion and science. I want to discuss problems and solutions, and try to answer questions that may never be solved. I want to see open-mindedness in my friends, and talk rationally about taboos and seriously consider radical ideas. I want a friend who doesn't get emotional about their own political and religious convictions. I want someone who understands the value of taking unpopular positions. But I've never met anyone in person who was like that, and I'm not willing to settle for friendships with shallow people.

I've met many who are incredibly involved in philosophical and political issues, but they're in it to preserve their own convictions, instead of being interested in finding truth and in the best path for humanity to take. They get angry when you propose an idea that threatens what they think. I simply don't understand it-- if it's not true, just leave it--why the emotional attachment? Then there are the types who are more mainstream about politics and philosophy. When you begin to ponder social taboos and question socially acceptable ideas they think of you as a repulsive individual instead of someone who simply wants to be open to the truth, wherever or whatever it may be.

I love solitude, but it'd be nice to have someone I can honestly talk to. So, why can't I find a person who 1. is incredibly open minded and 2. is devoted to finding the truth? It's a little frustrating because, while I'd be delighted to have a companion to share my experiences with, I'm not willing to surround myself with people who are either too apathetic about matters of truth or too closed minded to consider opposing views. I want someone to ponder the world with, but I just can't seem to find the right person. It's resulted in me not having any friends (I have acquaintances, but none of them fit my criteria, they're too frivolous). And I'm quite sure my standards aren't too high, because I think I myself have both characteristics. Again, I don't mind being alone at all, but I think that it'd behoove me to have at least one close friend.

You'd be surprised how incredibly rare people like you are. Maybe the reason you can't find another person like you is because they too enjoy solitude and don't like to bother with frivolous social matters. As long as you keep looking, I'm sure you'll find someone, because I am certain there are more than a few (but not much more) out there.
Nolite Timere
Royalone
Posts: 8
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2/18/2015 6:43:59 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/13/2015 6:15:27 PM, Harper wrote:
I am an introvert. I can't bother with small talk, and parties leave me feeling hollow somehow. I love solitude. Not necessarily because I hate social interaction, I just hate *shallow* social interaction. I don't want to talk about what was on the television or about how much we hate English class or about what food we'd like to eat. I want to talk about philosophy and politics and religion and science. I want to discuss problems and solutions, and try to answer questions that may never be solved. I want to see open-mindedness in my friends, and talk rationally about taboos and seriously consider radical ideas. I want a friend who doesn't get emotional about their own political and religious convictions. I want someone who understands the value of taking unpopular positions. But I've never met anyone in person who was like that, and I'm not willing to settle for friendships with shallow people.

I've met many who are incredibly involved in philosophical and political issues, but they're in it to preserve their own convictions, instead of being interested in finding truth and in the best path for humanity to take. They get angry when you propose an idea that threatens what they think. I simply don't understand it-- if it's not true, just leave it--why the emotional attachment? Then there are the types who are more mainstream about politics and philosophy. When you begin to ponder social taboos and question socially acceptable ideas they think of you as a repulsive individual instead of someone who simply wants to be open to the truth, wherever or whatever it may be.

I love solitude, but it'd be nice to have someone I can honestly talk to. So, why can't I find a person who 1. is incredibly open minded and 2. is devoted to finding the truth? It's a little frustrating because, while I'd be delighted to have a companion to share my experiences with, I'm not willing to surround myself with people who are either too apathetic about matters of truth or too closed minded to consider opposing views. I want someone to ponder the world with, but I just can't seem to find the right person. It's resulted in me not having any friends (I have acquaintances, but none of them fit my criteria, they're too frivolous). And I'm quite sure my standards aren't too high, because I think I myself have both characteristics. Again, I don't mind being alone at all, but I think that it'd behoove me to have at least one close friend.
I cannot see why people waste their time taking about senseless stuff and I like you don't even want to answer or agree with that meaningless conversation. I have realized though that some of them just don't know what else to say. They need to realize that it's better to just not say nothing at all. Or is it? Suppose nobody talked to you or suppose those who didn't know what else to say really was an introvert too wondering if bland talk got your simple mind moving. Remember you don't know the others like you because they are fending people off rather with a cold shoulder or pointless talk. Voice your thoughts and concerns when you felt upset red by these things. I once told a woman I worked with who started in on how we needed rain; so you really care how much it rains or do you just find weather fascinating cuz I don't. She asked then "you don't what?" " care how much it rains or find weather interesting?" Looking stunned trying to answer both things with one word I realized just because people don't seem like they are amused by nothing more than the bubble around them you would be surprised how many think just like you or could give light to looking at a conversation a little deeper.
royalone2
Harper
Posts: 374
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2/18/2015 8:44:29 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/17/2015 10:14:35 AM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
You'd be surprised how incredibly rare people like you are. Maybe the reason you can't find another person like you is because they too enjoy solitude and don't like to bother with frivolous social matters. As long as you keep looking, I'm sure you'll find someone, because I am certain there are more than a few (but not much more) out there.

Yes, it's the big old catch-22 situation. I'm a solitary person in search for other solitary people, it's only natural for there to be little social interaction. I'm going off to college next semester, and I'd be damned if I didn't find someone at least a little like myself-- it's a big college. But, hey, we'll see.
Harper
Posts: 374
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2/18/2015 8:49:41 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/18/2015 6:43:59 AM, Royalone wrote:
I cannot see why people waste their time taking about senseless stuff and I like you don't even want to answer or agree with that meaningless conversation.
Ugh, yes, tell me about it.

I have realized though that some of them just don't know what else to say. They need to realize that it's better to just not say nothing at all. Or is it? Suppose nobody talked to you or suppose those who didn't know what else to say really was an introvert too wondering if bland talk got your simple mind moving. Remember you don't know the others like you because they are fending people off rather with a cold shoulder or pointless talk. Voice your thoughts and concerns when you felt upset red by these things. I once told a woman I worked with who started in on how we needed rain; so you really care how much it rains or do you just find weather fascinating cuz I don't. She asked then "you don't what?" " care how much it rains or find weather interesting?" Looking stunned trying to answer both things with one word I realized just because people don't seem like they are amused by nothing more than the bubble around them you would be surprised how many think just like you or could give light to looking at a conversation a little deeper.

Yeah, that's pretty much my challenge at this point. I can only stand intimate, meaningful conversation but to get to that stage with someone I first have to put up with the small talk. I just don't have the willpower to prefer going to some stupid movie with someone I barely know only to talk about the weather when I could be alone, thinking and contemplating. But I guess it's a trade-off; you can't have your cake and eat it too.
Harper
Posts: 374
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2/18/2015 8:52:22 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/17/2015 10:02:42 AM, Dumbo wrote:
I used to be like that, but opening up like that over and over again showed me my first true friend (surprisingly not the person who I thought was my best friend). Just keep doing this, and I wish you the best of luck. You can do it! If you want a friend, go for it.
That's the thing though, I've got to go for it. Being so used to solitude makes that an awfully awkward venture, but it's one we humans must go through, if not for anything but our mental health.
Royalone
Posts: 8
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2/18/2015 9:51:25 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 2/18/2015 8:52:22 AM, Harper wrote:
At 2/17/2015 10:02:42 AM, Dumbo wrote:
I used to be like that, but opening up like that over and over again showed me my first true friend (surprisingly not the person who I thought was my best friend). Just keep doing this, and I wish you the best of luck. You can do it! If you want a friend, go for it.
That's the thing though, I've got to go for it. Being so used to solitude makes that an awfully awkward venture, but it's one we humans must go through, if not for anything but our mental health.

I just got a dog a smaller smart one. I never really was an animal person until I met my schnauzer mix, Leroy . He knew how I was feeling before I did and he doesn't do the small talk. Haha I swear a dog can be better than a human friend and the bond is real. Ok I'm crazy but I'm happy and want nothing more. Haha good luck!!
royalone2