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My Social Ineptness and Introversion

1harderthanyouthink
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5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.
"It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here,
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear - that I'm not here."

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ShabShoral
Posts: 3,228
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5/17/2015 11:24:51 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

Have you tried a therapist? I'm not joking - social anxiety can be treated.
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Lee001
Posts: 3,168
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5/18/2015 2:34:17 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

I agree with you....I love my online friends better then my IRL friends.
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cybertron1998
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5/18/2015 7:06:02 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/18/2015 2:34:17 AM, Lee001 wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

I agree with you....I love my online friends better then my IRL friends.

mmhm >.>
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YYW
Posts: 36,252
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5/18/2015 8:03:25 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

You are blunt... It doesn't bother me though.
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RevNge
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5/18/2015 8:04:52 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/18/2015 8:03:25 AM, YYW wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

You are blunt... It doesn't bother me though.

You're blunt too, lol.
YYW
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5/18/2015 8:20:39 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/18/2015 8:04:52 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 5/18/2015 8:03:25 AM, YYW wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

You are blunt... It doesn't bother me though.

You're blunt too, lol.

lol I can be, yeah.
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Harper
Posts: 374
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5/18/2015 8:21:30 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.
I'm right there with you.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.
Yeah. I know, it sucks, especially since conversation skills and networking are so important if you want to launch a career. (And this doesn't even scratch the surface. People like us also suffer in the dating scene. I mean, try getting a girl to go out with you if you can't even properly speak to her...)

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.
I've also had folks call me blunt before. Polite, but blunt still.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.
It's a viscious cycle.
The-Voice-of-Truth
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5/18/2015 12:14:45 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

Wow.... I feel the same.


That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

I understand how you feel; I used to be that way. But hey. you seem to be doing well initiating conversation right now ;).


Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

I am attracted to blunt people, as I am the same way. And I guess that would explain the 37.x announcement PM, LOL.


So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

I get how you feel. Only recently have I began talking to people openly IRL.
Suh dude

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BLAHthedebator
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5/18/2015 10:51:10 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

I disagree. In my PM's with you sometimes I struggle to keep them interesting. Compared to you, I suck. You are definitely not terrible at talking to other people.
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TruthS4yer
Posts: 55
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5/19/2015 10:30:01 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them.
Well there is a distinction between simply not wanting to socialise and wanting to more than your competence permits. I fall largely in to the former category, though that's relatively unique.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here.
Dungeons and dragons online?

A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know.
The same is true for most humans in my experience. Don't fall for the depiction in TV shows that everybody has a continuous witty dialogue to share... they are reading from scripts... though I sometimes wonder if it subconsciously encourages us to expect the same from ourselves.

And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.
Personally, I'm leaning towards regarding "socialising" as a artificial and unhelpful construct... artificial in the sense that it is divorced from the reality of how we are naturally predisposed to interact. I expect that historically/evolutionarily, we spent most of our time working, when we didn't have machines to do it for us, so we'd always be performing some chore or another and our interactions would be structured around cooperatively achieving tasks, as they are at work to some extent.

What I'm getting at is that the phenomenon of "socialising" perhaps shouldn't come naturally to us in the first place... and that's in person... online socialising would be yet a further step removed from our natural proclivities.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation.
I don't tend to do things that I don't enjoy either, where possible... I don't see this as a bad thing, though I realise you may have a conflict between your inclinations and your ability to satisfy those inclinations. I suppose you could say I have the same issue though within a different context.

Anyhow, aside from that, I thought Harper made some particularly good points.
Please avoid quoting all of large posts - it needlessly means we have to scroll through them to navigate a thread.
1harderthanyouthink
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5/19/2015 10:50:55 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/19/2015 10:30:01 AM, TruthS4yer wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
Dungeons and dragons online?

Is that a joke?
"It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here,
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear - that I'm not here."

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TruthS4yer
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5/19/2015 10:54:53 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/19/2015 10:50:55 AM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
At 5/19/2015 10:30:01 AM, TruthS4yer wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
Dungeons and dragons online?

Is that a joke?
I'm new to this site, though I've since seen a few references to DDO in other posts since commenting here, none so far that clarify the acronym's meaning.
Please avoid quoting all of large posts - it needlessly means we have to scroll through them to navigate a thread.
1harderthanyouthink
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5/19/2015 10:57:37 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/19/2015 10:54:53 AM, TruthS4yer wrote:
At 5/19/2015 10:50:55 AM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
At 5/19/2015 10:30:01 AM, TruthS4yer wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
Dungeons and dragons online?

Is that a joke?
I'm new to this site, though I've since seen a few references to DDO in other posts since commenting here, none so far that clarify the acronym's meaning.

Debate (Dot) Org
"It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here,
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear - that I'm not here."

-Syd Barrett

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bsh1
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5/19/2015 11:11:17 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
Maybe we can work on this when we chat tonight.
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Khaos_Mage
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5/19/2015 11:53:23 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

Welcome to my world, mate ;)
You will get over it, when you get older, trust me, as we know a big part of the cause of this, and once you get away from it, your outlook on life ought to improve.

However, you are not me, and I am similar, but opposite.
I despise small talk, so, I often don't talk to people at all, and when I do, it's because I have something to say, or that needs addressing, and that puts them off.
I consider myself a selective introvert, but what you describe seems similar enough to me where I can relate.

My advice - don't care what people think. Be you, love yourself, and associate with those that want to be around you. They should understand you don't talk in depth, though, I assume over time, you will be more inclined.
My work here is, finally, done.
xXCryptoXx
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5/19/2015 8:04:48 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/18/2015 8:03:25 AM, YYW wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

You are blunt... It doesn't bother me though.

The world needs more blunt people.
Nolite Timere
YYW
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5/19/2015 10:42:31 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/19/2015 8:04:48 PM, xXCryptoXx wrote:
At 5/18/2015 8:03:25 AM, YYW wrote:
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

You are blunt... It doesn't bother me though.

The world needs more blunt people.

Why do you think so?
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1harderthanyouthink
Posts: 13,100
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5/25/2015 11:28:53 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
I'm naturally quiet. So I fvcking hate it when I respond to someone, and because someone else doesn't hear it they get pissed off at me.

My brother does this all the time. He thinks I'm a rude a$shole if I don't address everything said to me with a loud answer. So he tells at me basically every day because he didn't hear me answer someone. He'll say something like - "You could stay quiet, but you can also speak when people talk to you. But what you're doing is fine. Keep being an a$shole."

And I can't stand it. Not only does it make me hate my family more and more, it makes me more introverted, because I don't want to be around people anymore. When someone bothers me about my introversion, I bottle up more.
"It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here,
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear - that I'm not here."

-Syd Barrett

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Anna08
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5/25/2015 2:14:37 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/25/2015 11:28:53 AM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
Do you always get angry or do you imagine being angry which makes you cool off?
Vox_Veritas
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5/25/2015 2:30:54 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Probably most of the regulars on DDO are anti-social. No surprise here.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

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#drinkthecoffeenotthekoolaid
1harderthanyouthink
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5/25/2015 4:46:17 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/25/2015 4:20:12 PM, Death23 wrote:
Find a girl and fall I love with her. I've noticed it changes things like this.

You're suggesting that to the wrong person.
"It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here,
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear - that I'm not here."

-Syd Barrett

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Death23
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5/25/2015 4:52:53 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/25/2015 4:46:17 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
At 5/25/2015 4:20:12 PM, Death23 wrote:
Find a girl and fall I love with her. I've noticed it changes things like this.

You're suggesting that to the wrong person.

Well you could always go for the pills. I think most medical insurance doesn't require a referral from a PCP for mental health issues.
sadolite
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5/25/2015 6:18:31 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
"I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more."

Ya, so? 50 % of all people are like that. Completely normal. Introverts, we don't have a mental disorder. We just aren't narssicistic attention whores like extroverts. And that's normal for extroverts. There is nothing wrong with you.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
Adam_Godzilla
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5/25/2015 10:02:23 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 5/17/2015 11:10:10 PM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
I know, such shock given that I'm on this site.

I hate interaction IRL. I don't like people, I don't trust them, and I'm not happy around them. Beyond my closest friends, I keep interaction to small talk out of a sense of courtesy - nothing more.

That translates onto DDO because I want to talk to more people than I do here. I can exchange pleasantries, and that'll be it, A PM might last 4, 5, 6 messages - because I can't initiate actual conversation. I just say "hey" and "how are you?" because those are the only things I know. And when my PM with someone ends after 4 messages, I don't feel good about it, and I get rather frustrated with myself for being terrible at holding up conversation.

Then you factor in my utter bluntness and lack of filter, which even Rev has commented on to me, and nobody ever approaches me. Nobody has ever gotten to know me unless I contacted them, and by some miracle the conversation held up. It's incredibly frustrating.

So as a result of my failures, I have trouble even saying "hello" to people - because I dread the feelings I get from not holding up conversation. My isolation adds to my sefl-consciousness. It is extremely frustrating.

Sir, you are suffering from the most common illness of all mankind. Social integration.
Don't worry, I think about 40% of members suffer from it too. Myself to some degree.
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Episode 4 - They walk among us