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How NOT to be so try to be someone i'm not

shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?
Timmy
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,078
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9/30/2015 5:58:46 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Perhaps you can isolate yourself from people for a while and find out what kind of person you are. Then act like this person regardless of who you're around (of course, you must maintain stuff like good behavior and having good manners).
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

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#drinkthecoffeenotthekoolaid
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Devilry
Posts: 469
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9/30/2015 6:07:37 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
The way I seem to do it is ... I have strong feelings. Or so I think anyway.
: : : At 11/15/2016 6:22:17 PM, Greyparrot wrote:
: That's not racism. Thats economics.
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/1/2015 3:23:08 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Ha ha,No. Why would you even ask that?
Timmy
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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10/1/2015 3:37:56 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/1/2015 3:23:08 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Ha ha,No. Why would you even ask that?

Sociopaths try to mimic everybody they're around. It's not like you'd know or even admit it if you did know. Why do you think you're not a sociopath? Why do you mimic everyone you're around?
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/2/2015 1:54:50 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/1/2015 3:37:56 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 10/1/2015 3:23:08 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Ha ha,No. Why would you even ask that?

Sociopaths try to mimic everybody they're around. It's not like you'd know or even admit it if you did know. Why do you think you're not a sociopath? Why do you mimic everyone you're around?

Well I guess I don't really know, I just don't think I am one. And I don't mimic people, I want people to like me so... for example, one of my friends is very controlling and likes being dominant..... so I just t go along with it and act shy (I am shy I think...) but I act more so sometimes coz I feel like she doesn't like it when I argue with her. I basically just try to please everyone. I don't copy anyone...
Timmy
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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10/2/2015 7:44:00 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/2/2015 1:54:50 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 10/1/2015 3:37:56 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 10/1/2015 3:23:08 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Ha ha,No. Why would you even ask that?

Sociopaths try to mimic everybody they're around. It's not like you'd know or even admit it if you did know. Why do you think you're not a sociopath? Why do you mimic everyone you're around?

Well I guess I don't really know, I just don't think I am one. And I don't mimic people, I want people to like me so... for example, one of my friends is very controlling and likes being dominant..... so I just t go along with it and act shy (I am shy I think...) but I act more so sometimes coz I feel like she doesn't like it when I argue with her. I basically just try to please everyone. I don't copy anyone...

Yep, that's what sociopaths do. It's easier to manipulate people that like you
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/7/2015 12:19:52 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/2/2015 7:44:00 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 10/2/2015 1:54:50 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 10/1/2015 3:37:56 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 10/1/2015 3:23:08 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
At 9/30/2015 6:03:39 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

Are you a sociopath?
Ha ha,No. Why would you even ask that?

Sociopaths try to mimic everybody they're around. It's not like you'd know or even admit it if you did know. Why do you think you're not a sociopath? Why do you mimic everyone you're around?

Well I guess I don't really know, I just don't think I am one. And I don't mimic people, I want people to like me so... for example, one of my friends is very controlling and likes being dominant..... so I just t go along with it and act shy (I am shy I think...) but I act more so sometimes coz I feel like she doesn't like it when I argue with her. I basically just try to please everyone. I don't copy anyone...

Yep, that's what sociopaths do. It's easier to manipulate people that like you

Riiiiiiighhht...well since you seem fixed on the idea that I'm a sociopath I guess it would be pointless telling you that I have never manipulated anyone. Wouldn't it?
Timmy
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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10/7/2015 2:52:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Riiiiiiighhht...well since you seem fixed on the idea that I'm a sociopath I guess it would be pointless telling you that I have never manipulated anyone. Wouldn't it?

Quote pyramids are annoying. Copy and paste the relevant portions for god's sake. If you're not trying to manipulate people, why do you try to mold your personality to suit each person or group you're around?

Also it feels like you're trying to manipulate me here, instead of just saying an alternate reason for you trying to fit in, you just try to make me feel bad for you by claiming your intent isn't to manipulate. A normal person in this situation, makes their reasons for this clear, but a sociopath instead of being direct and making their reason clear, will typically play the victim.
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/7/2015 5:11:52 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/7/2015 2:52:59 PM, Wylted wrote:

Quote pyramids are annoying. Copy and paste the relevant portions for god's sake. If you're not trying to manipulate people, why do you try to mold your personality to suit each person or group you're around?

Also it feels like you're trying to manipulate me here, instead of just saying an alternate reason for you trying to fit in, you just try to make me feel bad for you by claiming your intent isn't to manipulate. A normal person in this situation, makes their reasons for this clear, but a sociopath instead of being direct and making their reason clear, will typically play the victim.

Uhh sorry about the quote pyramid, my bad. And as for the alternate reason thing, maybe it's because from my past experiences, people, meaning this group of kids I hung out with didn't like me BECUASE I was apparently big headed, or too... girly..... and I think one of them said I was too bold. And then they got mad at me for something, so I'm guessing that I didn't like that and wanted everyone to like me afterwards.
And also, I'm asking for advice on how to STOP my habit of being MANIPULATED by my associates, not trying to figure out if I'm a sociopath or not. (I mean, who the heack would want to KNOW that right?) so thanks for your feed back, but unless you have an answer to my problem, don't keep telling me I'm a sociopath please because it's not helping my insecurities.
Timmy
Lee001
Posts: 3,168
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10/7/2015 5:43:43 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
I want everyone to like me, so for as long as I remember I've been trying to please everyone. And act differently to each person according to how I think or know they want me to.... it's stressful, and now I don't even know what my original personality was anymore. I'm trying to not be so.... I dunno. But I just can't it's natural instinct now.
Any advice?

I know *exactly* how you feel.

Honestly, my first 2 semesters of college, I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I was trying to fit in the crowd, and the crowd I was trying to associate my self with was not a good one. This semester, I started dressing how I normally would. I'm the kind of person who wears preppy clothing at more professional clothing to school. I mean, that's just how I am. And when people see me, they think I'm snobby and a rich preppy girl because of how I dress. But I don't really care. There are allot of other people at my college that are just like me. I fit in the crowd that doesn't talk about gossip or drama, but one that associates themselves in their studies after class.

The point I'm trying to make is, be yourself. And you will attract others like you, and you will be able to have friends that share the same interest of you. You aren't going to be able to please everyone.
"Condoms are societal constructs created by the government to restrain 'Murican freedom!"-SolonKR

"But I jest and digress (sick rhymes, yo); every boob is equal in the eyes of the Lord."- SolonKR

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Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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10/7/2015 6:38:46 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/7/2015 5:11:52 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
Uhh sorry about the quote pyramid, my bad.

I forgive you.

And as for the alternate reason thing, maybe it's because from my past experiences,

Everything we do could be defined as being a result of our past experiences. This is basically a non statement.

people, meaning this group of kids I hung out with didn't like me BECUASE I was apparently big headed, or too... girly..... and I think one of them said I was too bold. And then they got mad at me for something, so I'm guessing that I didn't like that and wanted everyone to like me afterwards.

This seems silly. Why would you care if everyone likes you? Also by do you think being fake is more likable than being real. People hate fake people.

And also, I'm asking for advice on how to STOP my habit of being MANIPULATED by my associates,

Your the one manipulating though. They aren't changing so you like them, you're changing so they like you. I'm just trying to figure out why you want their approval.

not trying to figure out if I'm a sociopath or not. (I mean, who the heack would want to KNOW that right?) so thanks for your feed back, but unless you have an answer to my problem, don't keep telling me I'm a sociopath please because it's not helping my insecurities.

Do you really have insecurities?
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/8/2015 12:01:05 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/7/2015 6:38:46 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 10/7/2015 5:11:52 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:
Uhh sorry about the quote pyramid, my bad.

I forgive you
) thanks
Everything we do could be defined as being a result of our past experiences. This is basically a non statement.

Good point I suppose, and personally I think that everything we do IS a Result of our past experiences.

people, meaning this group of kids I hung out with didn't like me BECUASE I was apparently big headed, or too... girly..... and I think one of them said I was too bold. And then they got mad at me for something, so I'm guessing that I didn't like that and wanted everyone to like me afterwards.

This seems silly. Why would you care if everyone likes you? Also by do you think being fake is more likable than being real. People hate fake people.

Some people are strong, others are not. I'm part of the not. Besides, I was a attention seeking little brat, and used to people liking me so I guess I just felt like I'd done something wrong when they didn't. (and people DO hate fake people, but at the same time they like them... most of them anyway. Unless yup are one of those good people who can stick to a opinion and not want anything remotely away from the path you chose to look down)

Your the one manipulating though. They aren't changing so you like them, you're changing so they like you. I'm just trying to figure out why you want their approval.

I think I want their approval becuase I don't want to be alone. Probably BECUASE I'm so attached to them that it hurts when I upset them? Not sure if that answers WHY I want their approval.... I guess you could compare it to wanting to make your parents proud, because though I DO feel like I'm being used sometimes, I really love my friends.

Do you really have insecurities?
I'm guessing that if I say 'yes, doesn't everyone?' it would be seen as dodging the question. (Guessing here.) But still i'll say it, becuase I'm sure it's true.
Timmy
shadowkingsoffantasy
Posts: 10
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10/8/2015 12:04:42 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/7/2015 5:43:43 PM, Lee001 wrote:
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:

I know *exactly* how you feel.

Honestly, my first 2 semesters of college, I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I was trying to fit in the crowd, and the crowd I was trying to associate my self with was not a good one. This semester, I started dressing how I normally would. I'm the kind of person who wears preppy clothing at more professional clothing to school. I mean, that's just how I am. And when people see me, they think I'm snobby and a rich preppy girl because of how I dress. But I don't really care. There are allot of other people at my college that are just like me. I fit in the crowd that doesn't talk about gossip or drama, but one that associates themselves in their studies after class.

The point I'm trying to make is, be yourself. And you will attract others like you, and you will be able to have friends that share the same interest of you. You aren't going to be able to please everyone.

But what if my actual self is a bit mean? I want to give my honest opinion on things but I don't sometimes because I'm afraid it would be mean. And I've been established as anything BUT mean....
Plus thank you for your advice:) I'd appreciate more....
Timmy
Nivek
Posts: 242
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10/9/2015 3:36:10 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 5:11:26 PM, shadowkingsoffantasy wrote:

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone." ~Ralph Emerson

I don't think you should base your well being on the social approval of others. Just stand your ground. That's the best way to approach life. everyone will judge you, bully you and laugh at you for not conforming to such pathetic rules but by the end of the first few months, they'll start to respect you for holding your own principles.
Nivek
Posts: 242
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10/9/2015 3:37:55 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/7/2015 5:43:43 PM, Lee001 wrote:
I know *exactly* how you feel.

Honestly, my first 2 semesters of college, I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I was trying to fit in the crowd, and the crowd I was trying to associate my self with was not a good one. This semester, I started dressing how I normally would. I'm the kind of person who wears preppy clothing at more professional clothing to school. I mean, that's just how I am. And when people see me, they think I'm snobby and a rich preppy girl because of how I dress. But I don't really care. There are allot of other people at my college that are just like me. I fit in the crowd that doesn't talk about gossip or drama, but one that associates themselves in their studies after class.

The point I'm trying to make is, be yourself. And you will attract others like you, and you will be able to have friends that share the same interest of you. You aren't going to be able to please everyone.

This is true. lol freshman year was also the worst year of my life lmao.