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How do you deal with people who swear?

Zarroette
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12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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12/3/2015 10:19:53 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I used to have a similar aversion to profanity and would ask friends to abstain from swearing whenever we were together. Most obliged, but some didn't (or couldn't). As I got older and had more control over who was in my social circles, I found myself spending less time with the latter group. Currently, I can't think of anyone in my immediate social or professional circles who swears regularly, and I suspect you may find yourself starting to keep company with those with similar inclinations as you.

I wouldn't advocate anything more than simply asking that they stop, and realizing that, with time, the company we keep changes to better suit our interests. Our tolerances also change; I don't mind profanity as much anymore, but I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm not exposed to it much, either.
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Geogeer
Posts: 4,296
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12/3/2015 10:20:06 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

Tell her to #$%& clean up her #$%& language before you #$@& and @$&% lose it on her.

More seriously, just tell her to grow up and that it makes her sound childish. Bad language either makes you sound childish - tee hee look mommy's not around now I can sound grown up - or it makes you sound stupid - if you were smart you could come up with a witty way of saying something, but since your not you just swear to try to create shock value.
TheFlex
Posts: 1,745
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12/3/2015 10:20:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

I think it might depend on how much you value your friendship with person and how far you would take it to convey your seriousness on the issue.
I'm not big against swearing since I do a lot myself, however, if a friend of mine was swearing around my son I'd insist they watch it around him. ( I watch my swearing around him as well. ) If they were actively trying stop swearing then that's fine but if they made no attempt to stop themselves I just wouldn't allow them around my son and vice versa.
Rosalie
Posts: 4,628
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12/4/2015 12:42:25 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

Be striahgt up with her. Tell her if she doesn't stop, you can't continue to be friends.
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imabench
Posts: 21,230
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12/4/2015 3:31:49 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

As an expert in the art of trolling, I recommend that you find a behavior that SHE finds to be rather repulsive, and then you start behaving in that way so that she starts to get the idea of how you feel when you hear her swear.

If that doesnt work. Killing them is also a great way to get them to stop cursing*

*(You will probably get caught and arrested for this)
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SamStevens
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12/4/2015 3:37:25 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

If I dealt with a person who cannot remove their mouth from the gutter, I would call them out on it, list several reasons as to why swearing ought to be avoided, and tell them how their actions make me feel.

If they are unwilling to change after a number of attempts, it may be time to remove that person from your "social circle".
"This is the true horror of religion. It allows perfectly decent and sane people to believe by the billions, what only lunatics could believe on their own." Sam Harris
Life asked Death "Why do people love me but hate you?"
Death responded: "Because you are a beautiful lie, and I am the painful truth."
Zarroette
Posts: 2,951
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12/4/2015 5:55:15 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
Thank you for all the responses (albeit, less thanks for the, well, rather exaggerated ones).

I did apply some of what was said in this thread, and she apologised for her language =)
UtherPenguin
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12/4/2015 5:56:33 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 3:11:47 AM, SM2 wrote:
"How do you deal with people who swear?"

Eh, _fuck 'em.

How did you bypass the swear fitler?! https://31.media.tumblr.com...
"Praise Allah."
~YYW
Envisage
Posts: 3,646
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12/4/2015 6:41:15 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1. Lay out your expectations. Tell her you find swearing extremely disrespectful and that you aren't interested in engaging with it.

2. If she continues to ignore them even once then just ignore her and refuse to engage with her until she apologises.
SM2
Posts: 546
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12/4/2015 7:08:10 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 5:56:33 AM, UtherPenguin wrote:
At 12/4/2015 3:11:47 AM, SM2 wrote:
"How do you deal with people who swear?"

Eh, _fuck 'em.

How did you bypass the swear fitler?! https://31.media.tumblr.com...

Underscore at the beginning or end of the swear word.
Rosalie
Posts: 4,628
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12/4/2015 8:04:58 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 7:08:10 AM, SM2 wrote:
At 12/4/2015 5:56:33 AM, UtherPenguin wrote:
At 12/4/2015 3:11:47 AM, SM2 wrote:
"How do you deal with people who swear?"

Eh, _fuck 'em.

How did you bypass the swear fitler?! https://31.media.tumblr.com...

Underscore at the beginning or end of the swear word.

Naughty..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

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SamStevens
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12/4/2015 1:16:45 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 5:55:15 AM, Zarroette wrote:
Thank you for all the responses (albeit, less thanks for the, well, rather exaggerated ones).

I did apply some of what was said in this thread, and she apologised for her language =)

Do you notice a reduction of her profanity use?
"This is the true horror of religion. It allows perfectly decent and sane people to believe by the billions, what only lunatics could believe on their own." Sam Harris
Life asked Death "Why do people love me but hate you?"
Death responded: "Because you are a beautiful lie, and I am the painful truth."
SamStevens
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12/4/2015 1:18:52 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 1:16:45 PM, SamStevens wrote:
At 12/4/2015 5:55:15 AM, Zarroette wrote:
Thank you for all the responses (albeit, less thanks for the, well, rather exaggerated ones).

I did apply some of what was said in this thread, and she apologised for her language =)

Do you notice a reduction [in] her profanity use?
"This is the true horror of religion. It allows perfectly decent and sane people to believe by the billions, what only lunatics could believe on their own." Sam Harris
Life asked Death "Why do people love me but hate you?"
Death responded: "Because you are a beautiful lie, and I am the painful truth."
Defro
Posts: 847
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12/4/2015 7:09:26 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

Open your mind and you'll find it less repulsive. She obviously takes swearing less seriously than you, and may not find it repulsive like you.

I have a friend who enjoys eating fried bees, and I find that repulsive. But I'm not going to force him to stop eating bees because I know that he is accustomed to it.

Honestly, casually swearing is not that bad between friends. In fact, it may be a sign that she considers you a close friend rather than an acquaintance. I never swear in front of people unless I am close to them.
Zarroette
Posts: 2,951
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12/4/2015 8:28:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 1:16:45 PM, SamStevens wrote:
At 12/4/2015 5:55:15 AM, Zarroette wrote:
Thank you for all the responses (albeit, less thanks for the, well, rather exaggerated ones).

I did apply some of what was said in this thread, and she apologised for her language =)

Do you notice a reduction of her profanity use?

Yes, she's stopped, for now.
komododragon8
Posts: 405
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12/4/2015 8:46:28 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

I just stopped being so politically correct.
lannan13
Posts: 23,111
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12/4/2015 9:39:28 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

I tell them to "Watch your mouth, there are laddies present." Even when there aren't women in the area it still works.
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ColeTrain
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12/4/2015 10:08:08 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to.

I've experienced this as well. :(

Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

Likewise! It's quite frustrating, too, when people continue to use it relentlessly. It's disgusting, one of society's biggest blights.

What is a reasonable course of action?

I normally respond with a plea to stop, or something like "the language is not necessary." Lol :P
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sadolite
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12/4/2015 11:17:09 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

LET IT GO. people who swear are more trustworthy. I don't trust anyone who doesn't swear a little bit
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

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YYW
Posts: 36,403
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12/4/2015 11:30:01 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
How do you deal with people who swear?

You deal with it in one of three ways: ignore it, confront it, or distance yourself from it.

Ignoring it is likely not to change anything.

Confronting it is likely to lead to social exclusion.

Distancing yourself from it is virtually certain to lead to (self imposed) social exclusion.

The reality is that people swear (although in my experience, Aussies, the British, and People form Massachusetts tend to be the most wanton offenders). Hearing language of that kind is a part of being part of the world.

There are certainly some people who prefer to segregate themselves from the world, rather than live in the world and accept it for what it is. In my experience, the world is usually better off when that happens, in part because the offended individual is no longer offended as they have removed themselves from the situation, but primarily because the world at large no longer has to reconcile with such a person.

This may seem insensitive, but it's really not. It's just practical. If people don't want to be around other people who use language they don't like, the problem is *not* the people using language that everyone else is using. The problem is the person who is offended (with very few exceptions, in the present day).

Some kinds of speech (e.g. use of the word "f@ggot" or "n!gger" are morally repugnant in any kind of discussion) but your garden variety (e.g. "fvck" or "sh!t" or "bitch") or whatever is hardly an issue. It's just a part of being in the world, especially, again, if you are in certain areas of the world which are cultural predisposed to utilize such language.

The people who tend to exclude themselves (and I am not speaking specifically about the OP, but about people who generally fall within this category) in general entertain a false and dubious sense of moral superiority which really typically manifests as a kind of self-aggrandizement. This is the case because people who, for instance, exclude themselves from others on the basis of the language they use tend to regard themselves (for unwarranted reasons) as "morally superior" to all of "those other people" who use words that they find offensive. And, without question, people who distance themselves from others (and especially their friends) for such trivial reasons are likely to be regarded negatively by the rest of the world, whether they're cognizant of it or not.

It's usually the case that as people get older, they "get over themselves" in the sense that they eventually come to be able to meaningfully distinguish things that matter (like actions) from things that don't (like how people talk about things). That comes with emotional and interpersonal maturity, but then again there may be some who reach their middle ages who still (for specious reasons) think that they're so much better than other people that they just can't stand to be around others who, for instance, might say something like:

"Hey hey! How the fvck are you?" In a friendly way.

The point of this is to suggest, not specifically to the OP, but to DDO at large, that we have two options as people: accept people for who they are, and roll with it (the reasonable and mature, as well as the gracious and benevolent thing to do) or, in the alternative, judge people in thought and segregate ourselves from them in deed (the unreasonable, immature, ungracious, and antisocial thing to do, for reasons like language use preferences).

So, even if you're personally offended by, for example, the word "fvck" in the long run it's going to be better to just get over it, because there are so many more important things in life to be concerned with. People like Maikuru who explicitly say that they segregate themselves from the world... I'd suggest that that's not the kind of person you (or any normal person) probably want to be.
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YYW
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12/4/2015 11:30:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/4/2015 11:17:09 PM, sadolite wrote:
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

LET IT GO. people who swear are more trustworthy. I don't trust anyone who doesn't swear a little bit

I would agree with this statement completely.
Tsar of DDO
Envisage
Posts: 3,646
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12/5/2015 3:15:00 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1. Tell exactly what they are doing and why you find it unacceptable, and then instruct them to stop.

2. If they do not stop, then ignore/refuse to continue to engage with them until you receive an apology.

You don't have to listen to people if they can't converse with you respectfully. I even do this to my bosses, stand your ground. Clearly laying out your expectations means there is no room for ignorance or argument.
Zarroette
Posts: 2,951
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12/5/2015 8:09:57 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/5/2015 3:15:00 AM, Envisage wrote:
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1. Tell exactly what they are doing and why you find it unacceptable, and then instruct them to stop.

2. If they do not stop, then ignore/refuse to continue to engage with them until you receive an apology.

You don't have to listen to people if they can't converse with you respectfully. I even do this to my bosses, stand your ground.

I sometimes become a bit frightened, when I have to stand my ground. Is this normal? Should I ignore my feelings and stand my ground? How often should I be standing my ground like that?

Clearly laying out your expectations means there is no room for ignorance or argument.
Blade-of-Truth
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12/5/2015 11:04:00 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1) Accept her nature as a crude person. 2) Hope that someday, someone capable of truly influencing her actions will come along and convince her to stop. 3) Decide whether or not you want to keep her in your life until that change occurs.

If you choose to keep her in your life, see step 1.
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Envisage
Posts: 3,646
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12/5/2015 4:02:58 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/5/2015 8:09:57 AM, Zarroette wrote:
At 12/5/2015 3:15:00 AM, Envisage wrote:
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1. Tell exactly what they are doing and why you find it unacceptable, and then instruct them to stop.

2. If they do not stop, then ignore/refuse to continue to engage with them until you receive an apology.

You don't have to listen to people if they can't converse with you respectfully. I even do this to my bosses, stand your ground.

I sometimes become a bit frightened, when I have to stand my ground. Is this normal? Should I ignore my feelings and stand my ground? How often should I be standing my ground like that?

Only once if you lay out your expectations clearly. Using a formal tone that's different to how you normally speak, and state it very stoically/seriously. Don't show that you are annoyed or angry or upset, since it will make your position less clear.

Try to use as few words as possible, so that it doesn't convolute your message. The most important thing is that you find his/her use of swearing unacceptable, and that you are not interested in engaging with them unless they stop.


Clearly laying out your expectations means there is no room for ignorance or argument.
Zarroette
Posts: 2,951
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12/5/2015 9:03:40 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/5/2015 4:02:58 PM, Envisage wrote:
At 12/5/2015 8:09:57 AM, Zarroette wrote:
At 12/5/2015 3:15:00 AM, Envisage wrote:
At 12/3/2015 10:04:49 PM, Zarroette wrote:
Recently, I was conversing with a friend of mine. However, she continues to swear, even after I asked her not to. Whilst it has not always been the case, I find swearing to be rather repulsive.

What is a reasonable course of action?

1. Tell exactly what they are doing and why you find it unacceptable, and then instruct them to stop.

2. If they do not stop, then ignore/refuse to continue to engage with them until you receive an apology.

You don't have to listen to people if they can't converse with you respectfully. I even do this to my bosses, stand your ground.

I sometimes become a bit frightened, when I have to stand my ground. Is this normal? Should I ignore my feelings and stand my ground? How often should I be standing my ground like that?

Only once if you lay out your expectations clearly. Using a formal tone that's different to how you normally speak, and state it very stoically/seriously. Don't show that you are annoyed or angry or upset, since it will make your position less clear.

Try to use as few words as possible, so that it doesn't convolute your message. The most important thing is that you find his/her use of swearing unacceptable, and that you are not interested in engaging with them unless they stop.

Okay. Thank you for the help, Envisage.



Clearly laying out your expectations means there is no room for ignorance or argument.