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A friend..

Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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12/12/2015 4:11:11 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

He's messing up. Friends don't give friends ultimatums, and friends don't require you to change to be around them. You need to find people who will accept these supposed mess ups, and not care about them.
XLAV
Posts: 13,719
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12/12/2015 4:15:52 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:11:11 PM, Wylted wrote:

He's messing up. Friends don't give friends ultimatums, and friends don't require you to change to be around them. You need to find people who will accept these supposed mess ups, and not care about them.

So wise.

#Wylted4Pres
Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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12/12/2015 4:16:42 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:11:11 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

He's messing up. Friends don't give friends ultimatums, and friends don't require you to change to be around them. You need to find people who will accept these supposed mess ups, and not care about them.

But the choices I make hurt him..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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12/12/2015 4:19:15 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:16:42 PM, Rosalie wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:11:11 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

He's messing up. Friends don't give friends ultimatums, and friends don't require you to change to be around them. You need to find people who will accept these supposed mess ups, and not care about them.

But the choices I make hurt him..

Sounds like you need to be around people who aren't hurt by your choices. I know it hurts, but you won't be happy around this dude. If people are hurt by your actions, that's a reflection on them, not you. A lot of times people are merely pretending to be hurt, to manipulate your actions. In fact I'd say most of the time.

Be yourself, be around people you can grow your true self to, and leave the haters in the past
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,077
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12/12/2015 4:24:37 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

Sounds like your only good option for maintaining the friendship is for you to change. Whatever you're hanging on to that causes him to be hurt, do you consider that thing to be worth more than your friendship? This question is key.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

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Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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12/12/2015 4:26:20 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:24:37 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

Sounds like your only good option for maintaining the friendship is for you to change. Whatever you're hanging on to that causes him to be hurt, do you consider that thing to be worth more than your friendship? This question is key.

I values out friendship much more...but he's done with me now. He won't talk to me..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,077
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12/12/2015 4:32:47 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:26:20 PM, Rosalie wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:24:37 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

Sounds like your only good option for maintaining the friendship is for you to change. Whatever you're hanging on to that causes him to be hurt, do you consider that thing to be worth more than your friendship? This question is key.

I values out friendship much more...but he's done with me now. He won't talk to me..

Have you changed? (Honestly, though, I can't really give you a good answer when I don't know the specifics of this, nor can most other people here.)
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

The DDO Blog:
https://debatedotorg.wordpress.com...

#drinkthecoffeenotthekoolaid
SM2
Posts: 546
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12/12/2015 9:56:42 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:26:20 PM, Rosalie wrote:
I values out friendship much more...but he's done with me now. He won't talk to me..

It sounds like you care about him more than he cares about you. People who truly care don't sever ties: deep down, they're always hoping they can mend fences.
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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12/12/2015 10:02:59 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
$10 he probably constructed this situation himself. If he doesn't talk to you, try avoiding him and see if he reaches out to you. If so then he probably does this because he wants your attention, if not then he really doesn't care at all.

~just don't blame yourself >.<
Music composition contest: http://www.debate.org...
Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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12/12/2015 11:17:55 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 10:02:59 PM, Smithereens wrote:
$10 he probably constructed this situation himself. If he doesn't talk to you, try avoiding him and see if he reaches out to you. If so then he probably does this because he wants your attention, if not then he really doesn't care at all.

~just don't blame yourself >.<

He doesn't care about me anymore..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
beng100
Posts: 1,055
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12/12/2015 11:27:43 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 4:09:39 PM, Rosalie wrote:
There is this friend I've know for a long time. He has been nothing but kind and caring to me..

But me, being myself, I always seem to hurt him emotionally. I always breakup our friendship because of my stupid choices. I really love this person, and he gave me a last chance, but I messed up, horribly...again. I don't blame him for being this way. But, I need him back in my life. I swore to change my ways millions of times, but I keep messing up. I would do anything to get him back because he means the word to me..and I love him.

I don't know what to do..

I suppose it depends how bad messing up was but my advice would be to leave it a couple of weeks for any immediate bad feelings he has to subside and then offer him another apology. I know this seems desperate but if you think your relationship with him is that valuable to you personally it's definately worth a try. Maybe think of saying something about how you have actually changed now and the latest event has made u realize where u were going wrong and how u needed to rectify it.
Smithereens
Posts: 5,512
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12/13/2015 2:57:38 AM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 11:17:55 PM, Rosalie wrote:
At 12/12/2015 10:02:59 PM, Smithereens wrote:
$10 he probably constructed this situation himself. If he doesn't talk to you, try avoiding him and see if he reaches out to you. If so then he probably does this because he wants your attention, if not then he really doesn't care at all.

~just don't blame yourself >.<

He doesn't care about me anymore..

Imo if you make yourself appear attached to him he'll be able to manipulate you. He might actually care if he loses you, if he's your friend he can't really be heartless right?

I hope everything turns out okay.. O.o
Music composition contest: http://www.debate.org...
Rosalie
Posts: 4,612
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12/13/2015 3:39:17 AM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/12/2015 9:56:42 PM, SM2 wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:26:20 PM, Rosalie wrote:
I values out friendship much more...but he's done with me now. He won't talk to me..

It sounds like you care about him more than he cares about you. People who truly care don't sever ties: deep down, they're always hoping they can mend fences.

I think the first sentence might be true. But there is a point when you screw up so much, that they won't forgive you. I mean, he has forgiven me time after time..
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump

Officially Mrs. 16Kadams 8-30-16
SM2
Posts: 546
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12/13/2015 12:02:19 PM
Posted: 12 months ago
At 12/13/2015 3:39:17 AM, Rosalie wrote:
At 12/12/2015 9:56:42 PM, SM2 wrote:
At 12/12/2015 4:26:20 PM, Rosalie wrote:
I values out friendship much more...but he's done with me now. He won't talk to me..

It sounds like you care about him more than he cares about you. People who truly care don't sever ties: deep down, they're always hoping they can mend fences.

I think the first sentence might be true. But there is a point when you screw up so much, that they won't forgive you. I mean, he has forgiven me time after time..

No matter how badly you screw up, as long as you're sincere in your repentance, a true friend will always forgive you. However, a friend who keeps "giving you another chance" isn't really forgiving you; they're just trying to ignore some incompatibility between the two of you. If your friendship has been on-again-off-again, that could be a sign that you're "flogging a dead horse".