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Should I go for it?

XLAV
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12/24/2015 5:33:06 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Okay mates. The answers I get from this thread will determine my choices in the future.

So I met this nice girl in college somewhere around August. I like her and I can easily make her laugh, but I am not sure if I should be more than just a friend because I face three problems.

Problem one, I don't know if she likes me back the same way. There are times that I think she does and there times I think she doesn't. It's confusing me and making me crazy. Right now I made the conclusion that she doesn't because if she did like me, she'd also try to get closer to me. Then again, she is pretty shy.

The second problem would be logic vs emotion. To simply put, emotionally I'd want to go for it but logic says don't do it. Assuming she likes me, I couldn't see our relationship lasting, or even happen. As of now she is pretty hard to talk too because she prefers hanging out with her old friends in high school than her new college friends and our interests are MILES apart.

Lastly, its rejection effects. I can handle a rejection, but she and I have the same group of friends and I am worried that my ploy would divide our group of friends.

College is literally the first time I've experienced interacting with girls that are not in my family, so pls help.
sadolite
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12/24/2015 6:15:35 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Never make any decision using your emotions, it will always turn out badly. Listen to logic and reason, it will never let you down. But that only applies if you are not intellectually blind.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

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Diqiucun_Cunmin
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12/24/2015 6:25:52 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 5:33:06 PM, XLAV wrote:
Okay mates. The answers I get from this thread will determine my choices in the future.

So I met this nice girl in college somewhere around August. I like her and I can easily make her laugh, but I am not sure if I should be more than just a friend because I face three problems.

Problem one, I don't know if she likes me back the same way. There are times that I think she does and there times I think she doesn't. It's confusing me and making me crazy. Right now I made the conclusion that she doesn't because if she did like me, she'd also try to get closer to me. Then again, she is pretty shy.
https://i.imgflip.com...
The second problem would be logic vs emotion. To simply put, emotionally I'd want to go for it but logic says don't do it. Assuming she likes me, I couldn't see our relationship lasting, or even happen. As of now she is pretty hard to talk too because she prefers hanging out with her old friends in high school than her new college friends and our interests are MILES apart.
I think those concerns are secondary. Do you have the money to treat her to meals, movies, etc., and are you confident that you'll make as least as much as she will after graduation? (Civil engineers earn a lot here - certainly more than mechanical engineering, electrical and electronic engineering and computer science, to speak nothing of chemical engineering etc - but I'm not sure about the situation in the Philippines.) Will you be able to buy an apartment after graduation for marriage? If not, dating probably isn't a good idea.
Lastly, its rejection effects. I can handle a rejection, but she and I have the same group of friends and I am worried that my ploy would divide our group of friends.
This seems like a good reason not to tell her...
College is literally the first time I've experienced interacting with girls that are not in my family, so pls help.
You studied in a boys' school? o_0

PS Sorry for being blunt...
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XLAV
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12/24/2015 6:30:49 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 6:25:52 PM, Diqiucun_Cunmin wrote:
At 12/24/2015 5:33:06 PM, XLAV wrote:
Okay mates. The answers I get from this thread will determine my choices in the future.

So I met this nice girl in college somewhere around August. I like her and I can easily make her laugh, but I am not sure if I should be more than just a friend because I face three problems.

Problem one, I don't know if she likes me back the same way. There are times that I think she does and there times I think she doesn't. It's confusing me and making me crazy. Right now I made the conclusion that she doesn't because if she did like me, she'd also try to get closer to me. Then again, she is pretty shy.
https://i.imgflip.com...
Nigga
The second problem would be logic vs emotion. To simply put, emotionally I'd want to go for it but logic says don't do it. Assuming she likes me, I couldn't see our relationship lasting, or even happen. As of now she is pretty hard to talk too because she prefers hanging out with her old friends in high school than her new college friends and our interests are MILES apart.
I think those concerns are secondary. Do you have the money to treat her to meals, movies, etc., and are you confident that you'll make as least as much as she will after graduation? (Civil engineers earn a lot here - certainly more than mechanical engineering, electrical and electronic engineering and computer science, to speak nothing of chemical engineering etc - but I'm not sure about the situation in the Philippines.) Will you be able to buy an apartment after graduation for marriage? If not, dating probably isn't a good idea.
I'm not worried about those. I'm worried about a huge possibility of a break up because of our different interests and conflicting views.
Lastly, its rejection effects. I can handle a rejection, but she and I have the same group of friends and I am worried that my ploy would divide our group of friends.
This seems like a good reason not to tell her...
College is literally the first time I've experienced interacting with girls that are not in my family, so pls help.
You studied in a boys' school? o_0

Yes.
Vox_Veritas
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12/24/2015 6:37:59 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 6:36:52 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:15:02 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
Don't.

Why?

You've already basically admitted in the OP that it isn't a good idea.
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XLAV
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12/24/2015 6:42:48 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 6:37:59 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:36:52 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:15:02 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
Don't.

Why?

You've already basically admitted in the OP that it isn't a good idea.

Yeah, but I feel like I'm just scared of taking the risk.
ButterCatX
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12/24/2015 6:43:00 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Don't do it your interests are very different which will draw you apart and make you want to break up with her. But you won't break up with her because you are afraid of being mean for two reasons: A) she is your friend and you don't want her to be hurt B) She might turn some of your friends against you and make them stop talking to you. Also she might not like you and rejection would certainly hurt both your ego and friendship status with many people. It might also negatively affect your grades and learning. Whichever you choose I wish you the best of luck.
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XLAV
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12/24/2015 6:47:53 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Alright. If I'm gonna choose the don't path, how can I prevent my emotions to cloud my judgement? I can't just stop seeing her since she's always with my friends that I hang out with.
wipefeetnmat
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12/24/2015 7:53:43 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 5:33:06 PM, XLAV wrote:
Okay mates. The answers I get from this thread will determine my choices in the future.

So I met this nice girl in college somewhere around August. I like her and I can easily make her laugh, but I am not sure if I should be more than just a friend because I face three problems.

Problem one, I don't know if she likes me back the same way. There are times that I think she does and there times I think she doesn't. It's confusing me and making me crazy. Right now I made the conclusion that she doesn't because if she did like me, she'd also try to get closer to me. Then again, she is pretty shy.

Are you attractive, or popular, or intelligent, or etc? Even if she has never thought about you in the way you think about her, if you have even one of these features you have a chance to get your foot in the door and build those thoughts in her head.
The second problem would be logic vs emotion. To simply put, emotionally I'd want to go for it but logic says don't do it. Assuming she likes me, I couldn't see our relationship lasting, or even happen. As of now she is pretty hard to talk too because she prefers hanging out with her old friends in high school than her new college friends and our interests are MILES apart.

If your interests are miles apart and you don't think a relationship would last, why is it that you are attracted to her? If it is just physical attraction, you might as well forget it because you are right, it won't last. If there is something else, you should concentrate on that. That may be what makes the relationship work.
Lastly, its rejection effects. I can handle a rejection, but she and I have the same group of friends and I am worried that my ploy would divide our group of friends.

If your friends are willing to break up your friendship over something like you having the balls to ask a girl out, do they really matter?
College is literally the first time I've experienced interacting with girls that are not in my family, so pls help.

Good luck mate.
Use logic. Get win. Simple as that.
1harderthanyouthink
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12/24/2015 7:55:49 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
http://treasure.diylol.com...

But seriously, do what you think is best.
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XLAV
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12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.
sadolite
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12/25/2015 5:36:51 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 6:42:48 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:37:59 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:36:52 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:15:02 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
Don't.

Why?

You've already basically admitted in the OP that it isn't a good idea.

Yeah, but I feel like I'm just scared of taking the risk.

Schrodinger's Cat
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
bballcrook21
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12/25/2015 6:14:38 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 5:33:06 PM, XLAV wrote:
Okay mates. The answers I get from this thread will determine my choices in the future.

So I met this nice girl in college somewhere around August. I like her and I can easily make her laugh, but I am not sure if I should be more than just a friend because I face three problems.

Problem one, I don't know if she likes me back the same way. There are times that I think she does and there times I think she doesn't. It's confusing me and making me crazy. Right now I made the conclusion that she doesn't because if she did like me, she'd also try to get closer to me. Then again, she is pretty shy.

The second problem would be logic vs emotion. To simply put, emotionally I'd want to go for it but logic says don't do it. Assuming she likes me, I couldn't see our relationship lasting, or even happen. As of now she is pretty hard to talk too because she prefers hanging out with her old friends in high school than her new college friends and our interests are MILES apart.

Lastly, its rejection effects. I can handle a rejection, but she and I have the same group of friends and I am worried that my ploy would divide our group of friends.

College is literally the first time I've experienced interacting with girls that are not in my family, so pls help.

Although I have practically no experience in the field, I would not go for it.

That's just my opinion though, because I could never have a relationship with someone who is either intellectually incapable or has very different interests.
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Blade-of-Truth
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12/25/2015 6:22:24 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM, XLAV wrote:
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.

Just ask her to lunch. It's not dinner so if she doesn't like you that way it won't affect the friendship, but if she DOES like you, then you'll have a great opportunity to find out during that lunch. If it goes well, jokingly suggest that you two should do this again but over dinner next time. If she says yes - bam. If she says no - then utilize the slightly joking tone and say, "Perhaps you're right, this lunch was great - let's do this again with our friends."

It's a sure way and has worked for me before.
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XLAV
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12/25/2015 6:26:30 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/25/2015 6:22:24 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM, XLAV wrote:
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.

Just ask her to lunch. It's not dinner so if she doesn't like you that way it won't affect the friendship, but if she DOES like you, then you'll have a great opportunity to find out during that lunch. If it goes well, jokingly suggest that you two should do this again but over dinner next time. If she says yes - bam. If she says no - then utilize the slightly joking tone and say, "Perhaps you're right, this lunch was great - let's do this again with our friends."

It's a sure way and has worked for me before.

Thanks for the tip!
XLAV
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12/25/2015 6:29:36 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/25/2015 6:22:24 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM, XLAV wrote:
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.

Just ask her to lunch. It's not dinner so if she doesn't like you that way it won't affect the friendship, but if she DOES like you, then you'll have a great opportunity to find out during that lunch. If it goes well, jokingly suggest that you two should do this again but over dinner next time. If she says yes - bam. If she says no - then utilize the slightly joking tone and say, "Perhaps you're right, this lunch was great - let's do this again with our friends."

It's a sure way and has worked for me before.

How can i tell if she likes me though? What body language do I have to watch out for?
FourTrouble
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12/25/2015 10:03:43 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/25/2015 6:29:36 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/25/2015 6:22:24 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM, XLAV wrote:
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.

Just ask her to lunch. It's not dinner so if she doesn't like you that way it won't affect the friendship, but if she DOES like you, then you'll have a great opportunity to find out during that lunch. If it goes well, jokingly suggest that you two should do this again but over dinner next time. If she says yes - bam. If she says no - then utilize the slightly joking tone and say, "Perhaps you're right, this lunch was great - let's do this again with our friends."

It's a sure way and has worked for me before.

How can i tell if she likes me though? What body language do I have to watch out for?

kiss her... if she kisses you back, she likes you
Smithereens
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12/26/2015 12:49:18 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
I met my current partner under similar circumstances. We were both the only high level trombonists that could play in the competitive school bands, so we ended up rehearsing quite a bit together. Eventually the conversations got a bit personal etc and when it was pretty obvious we liked each other, I asked her out. We've been together ever since, despite the differences we have.

I suggest slowing it right down. I first started liking her in March, and it was February of the next year when I first asked her out. The 11 months in between were kinda vital. Don't throw them away just because you want a relationship now.
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XLAV
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12/26/2015 1:24:15 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/26/2015 1:16:42 AM, Zarroette wrote:
If you're asking if you should go for it, she's already lost interest.

oMG stop harrassing me!!!! Y r u telling a teenager like me to kill myselfff?!? I am going to report u to Airmax and ask for a restraining order over the internet!!!!
FourTrouble
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12/26/2015 1:43:02 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/26/2015 1:24:15 AM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/26/2015 1:16:42 AM, Zarroette wrote:
If you're asking if you should go for it, she's already lost interest.

oMG stop harrassing me!!!! Y r u telling a teenager like me to kill myselfff?!? I am going to report u to Airmax and ask for a restraining order over the internet!!!!

lol
WillYouMarryMe
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12/26/2015 1:59:28 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/26/2015 1:24:15 AM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/26/2015 1:16:42 AM, Zarroette wrote:
If you're asking if you should go for it, she's already lost interest.

oMG stop harrassing me!!!! Y r u telling a teenager like me to kill myselfff?!? I am going to report u to Airmax and ask for a restraining order over the internet!!!!

I love you
Blade-of-Truth
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12/26/2015 6:11:42 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/25/2015 6:29:36 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/25/2015 6:22:24 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 12/25/2015 3:53:57 PM, XLAV wrote:
So I've made my decision to try and know her better first. Maybe from there I'll make my choice if I want to pursue it or not.

Just ask her to lunch. It's not dinner so if she doesn't like you that way it won't affect the friendship, but if she DOES like you, then you'll have a great opportunity to find out during that lunch. If it goes well, jokingly suggest that you two should do this again but over dinner next time. If she says yes - bam. If she says no - then utilize the slightly joking tone and say, "Perhaps you're right, this lunch was great - let's do this again with our friends."

It's a sure way and has worked for me before.

How can i tell if she likes me though? What body language do I have to watch out for?

Body language wise - if she's playing with her hair, smiling alot, giggling at stuff that isn't really that funny, etc.,

Body language isn't key though - it's the dinner proposal after the lunch that'll be the deciding factor.

Ultimately, you're young, and even if it doesn't work out with this one, there are 3.5 billion others out there.
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Khaos_Mage
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12/26/2015 12:25:30 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/24/2015 6:42:48 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:37:59 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:36:52 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/24/2015 6:15:02 PM, Vox_Veritas wrote:
Don't.

Why?

You've already basically admitted in the OP that it isn't a good idea.

Yeah, but I feel like I'm just scared of taking the risk.

You are scared of taking the risk.
However, you've also admitted that the relationship will not last. In fact, it almost sounds like you don't even like her very much; you like the idea of her.

What are you looking for? Sex? I'd move on, as that will likely cause a rift among your friends, especially if she is shy. Relationship? You've already said you can't even see one, and you have no common interests, and, a relationship tried and failed is far more likely to cause a rift amongst friends than just sex.

The fact that she is more interested in her old friends than her new ones suggests she is either clinging to the past (based on her shyness, she seems to prefer that with which she is familiar), which means sex would destroy the friendship, and thus, would cause a rift, or she doesn't actually like her new friends as much as her old ones.

My advice is to stay away, if you value your other friends more.
My work here is, finally, done.
XLAV
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12/26/2015 4:23:38 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/26/2015 12:25:30 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:

You are scared of taking the risk.
However, you've also admitted that the relationship will not last. In fact, it almost sounds like you don't even like her very much; you like the idea of her.
To be honest, I think I wrote that the relationship wouldn't last just because I am scared of taking the risk.

What do you mean by the idea of her?

What are you looking for? Sex? I'd move on, as that will likely cause a rift among your friends, especially if she is shy. Relationship? You've already said you can't even see one, and you have no common interests, and, a relationship tried and failed is far more likely to cause a rift amongst friends than just sex.
Nah. If I wanted sex I'd ask the other girls who I know likes me.
Besides, I'm planning to take it slow and get to know her better like what Smith did. Also, she plays mafia!
The fact that she is more interested in her old friends than her new ones suggests she is either clinging to the past (based on her shyness, she seems to prefer that with which she is familiar), which means sex would destroy the friendship, and thus, would cause a rift, or she doesn't actually like her new friends as much as her old ones.
Makes sense.
My advice is to stay away, if you value your other friends more.
Khaos_Mage
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12/27/2015 2:58:49 AM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/26/2015 4:23:38 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 12/26/2015 12:25:30 PM, Khaos_Mage wrote:

You are scared of taking the risk.
However, you've also admitted that the relationship will not last. In fact, it almost sounds like you don't even like her very much; you like the idea of her.
To be honest, I think I wrote that the relationship wouldn't last just because I am scared of taking the risk.
So, which is it? You know her enough to say you don't have any similar interests, or you don't know her well at all?
I can't give meaningful advice if you can't be objective.


What do you mean by the idea of her?

Well, given that I have no idea what you mean anymore, it is moot.
But, I meant that you like certain aspects about her (she laughts at you, is nice to you, and assuming she looks good), but don't seem to actually like her, given her interests don't interest you. You liking some general charactistics about her, but not the specifics that make her her, is liking the idea of her, and not her. Make sense? (but, as I said, it is moot, as I misunderstood your dilemma)

If you don't know her that well, then I suggest taking Smith's advice and taking it slow.


What are you looking for? Sex? I'd move on, as that will likely cause a rift among your friends, especially if she is shy. Relationship? You've already said you can't even see one, and you have no common interests, and, a relationship tried and failed is far more likely to cause a rift amongst friends than just sex.
Nah. If I wanted sex I'd ask the other girls who I know likes me.
Besides, I'm planning to take it slow and get to know her better like what Smith did. Also, she plays mafia!

lol, and here I thought you knew her well because you were friends. Oh, young people and their liberal use of this term....
My work here is, finally, done.