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Learning how to trust others

Blade-of-Truth
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5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
I recently lost another great potential partner due to a lack of Trust. I simply do not trust anyone, ever. The problem is that with a lack of trust, there's no real foundation to build a lasting, substantial relationship. So I've done alot of interpersonal thinking and meditation on the issue and I've come to understand why I lack the ability to trust others, it's actually attributable to 3 key events in my life.

1) Christmas Day, 1996. On this particular Christmas day nothing was out-of-the-norm. Myself and my siblings woke up, ran downstairs after harassing our parents to wake up and began opening our presents. It was great. I got a new race-car track set and everything was groovy. Then, about an hour after opening presents and being in my bedroom playing with my new toys we were all summoned into my parents room. They sat us down and announced to us that they were separating.

Now, at the time my brother was 15-16, and my father wasn't even his real father, so with him having his own life and no real connection, he wasn't too affected. My sister was 4, a little too young to fully comprehend the ramifications of this, so she wasn't really affected either. I, however, was 6 years old. That perfect sweet spot where I was fully aware of what this meant, and yet so young/naive that I thought it was somehow my fault. I had heard them arguing before, but didn't realize it was this serious. I was crushed.

One of my first memories post-separation was of me crying hysterically for my dad, to see him again, and eventually my mom had enough and forced my brother to drive me to my dad's house so I could see him. I missed him alot and having to leave after only an hour or two destroyed me. A few months later a package came in the mail at my mom's house and I opened it. It was court documents for their Divorce. In it, it stated how my father believed my mother was unfaithful, had evidence, and therefore wished to end his marriage with her.

Now, I'm still 6, and to realize that my own mother broke a promise of fidelity was tough to swallow. Where was the trust? Where was the faithfulness? Up to this point in my life, I had no real good examples of either.

2) Remarriage and continued infidelity. Fast forward a few years and my mom has landed herself a new husband. He was a great guy, very successful, fun, and kind-hearted. I personally liked him but, again, there were nights where I was kept awake by them fighting. I even recall sitting around the corner wall and just listening to them fight. Idk why... Well, soon enough she started bringing my sister and I up to Cocoa Beach, Fl, where her friend Mike, a firefighter, lived with his two kids around our ages. Her story to us was that she was helping him sell his house, the real story is that they were lovers and she was cheating on my step-dad with him.

That's not the issue though, the issue came a few months later when my stepdad found out and kicked her out of the house. She sat me down and then admitted to me that her marriage with him wasn't even real. Sure, they did the church ceremony with all of our relatives and friends, but apparently they never went to the courthouse and actually filed the paperwork. I was 10 at the time, and, again, realizing that my entire living situation was a lie. The man who I had been called stepdad wasn't even... so again, where is the trust? Where is the faithfulness? It was all a lie.

3) Suicide. If we fast-forward a little further to when I was 14, this last instance really killed all hope for me. I had spent the night out at a friends and the next day needed a ride home. My mom wasn't answering her phone though, and I ultimately had to rely on my "step-dad" (who was still not back together with my mom but loved us as if we were his own). I get home and the first thing I notice is all of these half-empty water bottles all over the place. The hell? I walk further in and notice that the backdoor to the yard is open just enough for my dogs to get in and out and that their food bowl is just overflowing with food. The hell? I then walk into my mom's room and see her laying in the bed, blue-faced, and unresponsive. There are empty pill bottles all over her bed. She tried to kill herself. I immediately began CPR and after getting a response called my brother. He came over immediately and took her to the ER.

The kicker is that while they were gone, I was left all alone in this house, stunned and awed by the fact that I just saved my mothers life. While alone I got on the computer to distract myself and found a letter near the computer. It was my mom's suicide letter and will. I read it. She left all of her clothing and jewelry to my sister, left her car and other belongings to my brother, and then when it came to me she simply left me one thing - a sentence that said, "I failed to raise you, I hope you enjoy living with your father and his son of a bitch wife." That's it. She left me NOTHING, and yet I just saved this woman's life. It destroyed me, and to this day I've never felt so much torment. She was actually willing to abandon me fully, the woman who brought me into this world. I would not wish that experience, that feeling of complete abandonment, on my worst enemies.

So, where did these events leave me? Well, they left me with a few things:

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

3) I became a "player". Due to no good examples of love or trust, I was the guy in highschool with 3 girlfriends, constantly breaking hearts and giving no shits while doing it. I didn't realize that I was hurting these girls because I didn't have any sense of loyalty or love.

However, in college I met someone who I truly did care for. I can't really explain it but when I'd look in her eyes I'd see my unborn children. I would have given my life for the sake of hers. Unfortunately, it was my turn karma-wise and I was cheated on. My heart was broken and I'd even contemplated suicide (if my mom could do it, then so could I).

I eventually got past it, didn't kill myself, and have since dated sparingly while trying to be what my own parents never could - someone who can trust others and love others sincerely. For some reason though, I just can't. I cannot trust others for the life of me!

She can be the greatest girl in the world, but because I myself was a cheater at one point, that reality now exists as a fear in my mind all the time. Since my own mom was unfaithful, twice, I now can't accept it if a girl I'm with has 'guy friends' because hey, that's what my own mom had before admitting she was actually sleeping with him. It's scarred me for life.

I want to love truly, I want to trust fully, but for some reason I just can't, and it's costing me some of the greatest potential relationships I could imagine.

So here's my question to my fellow members:

How do you trust others, and how is it achievable if you've lost the ability to trust?

Can I ever re-teach myself to trust others? If so, how?

Any and all sincere advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm sick of losing great girls because of my own lack of ability to trust others.

Thank you in advance.
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Beauty_Of_Insanity
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5/31/2016 9:23:56 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I recently lost another great potential partner due to a lack of Trust. I simply do not trust anyone, ever. The problem is that with a lack of trust, there's no real foundation to build a lasting, substantial relationship. So I've done alot of interpersonal thinking and meditation on the issue and I've come to understand why I lack the ability to trust others, it's actually attributable to 3 key events in my life.

1) Christmas Day, 1996. On this particular Christmas day nothing was out-of-the-norm. Myself and my siblings woke up, ran downstairs after harassing our parents to wake up and began opening our presents. It was great. I got a new race-car track set and everything was groovy. Then, about an hour after opening presents and being in my bedroom playing with my new toys we were all summoned into my parents room. They sat us down and announced to us that they were separating.

Now, at the time my brother was 15-16, and my father wasn't even his real father, so with him having his own life and no real connection, he wasn't too affected. My sister was 4, a little too young to fully comprehend the ramifications of this, so she wasn't really affected either. I, however, was 6 years old. That perfect sweet spot where I was fully aware of what this meant, and yet so young/naive that I thought it was somehow my fault. I had heard them arguing before, but didn't realize it was this serious. I was crushed.

One of my first memories post-separation was of me crying hysterically for my dad, to see him again, and eventually my mom had enough and forced my brother to drive me to my dad's house so I could see him. I missed him alot and having to leave after only an hour or two destroyed me. A few months later a package came in the mail at my mom's house and I opened it. It was court documents for their Divorce. In it, it stated how my father believed my mother was unfaithful, had evidence, and therefore wished to end his marriage with her.

Now, I'm still 6, and to realize that my own mother broke a promise of fidelity was tough to swallow. Where was the trust? Where was the faithfulness? Up to this point in my life, I had no real good examples of either.

2) Remarriage and continued infidelity. Fast forward a few years and my mom has landed herself a new husband. He was a great guy, very successful, fun, and kind-hearted. I personally liked him but, again, there were nights where I was kept awake by them fighting. I even recall sitting around the corner wall and just listening to them fight. Idk why... Well, soon enough she started bringing my sister and I up to Cocoa Beach, Fl, where her friend Mike, a firefighter, lived with his two kids around our ages. Her story to us was that she was helping him sell his house, the real story is that they were lovers and she was cheating on my step-dad with him.

That's not the issue though, the issue came a few months later when my stepdad found out and kicked her out of the house. She sat me down and then admitted to me that her marriage with him wasn't even real. Sure, they did the church ceremony with all of our relatives and friends, but apparently they never went to the courthouse and actually filed the paperwork. I was 10 at the time, and, again, realizing that my entire living situation was a lie. The man who I had been called stepdad wasn't even... so again, where is the trust? Where is the faithfulness? It was all a lie.

3) Suicide. If we fast-forward a little further to when I was 14, this last instance really killed all hope for me. I had spent the night out at a friends and the next day needed a ride home. My mom wasn't answering her phone though, and I ultimately had to rely on my "step-dad" (who was still not back together with my mom but loved us as if we were his own). I get home and the first thing I notice is all of these half-empty water bottles all over the place. The hell? I walk further in and notice that the backdoor to the yard is open just enough for my dogs to get in and out and that their food bowl is just overflowing with food. The hell? I then walk into my mom's room and see her laying in the bed, blue-faced, and unresponsive. There are empty pill bottles all over her bed. She tried to kill herself. I immediately began CPR and after getting a response called my brother. He came over immediately and took her to the ER.

The kicker is that while they were gone, I was left all alone in this house, stunned and awed by the fact that I just saved my mothers life. While alone I got on the computer to distract myself and found a letter near the computer. It was my mom's suicide letter and will. I read it. She left all of her clothing and jewelry to my sister, left her car and other belongings to my brother, and then when it came to me she simply left me one thing - a sentence that said, "I failed to raise you, I hope you enjoy living with your father and his son of a bitch wife." That's it. She left me NOTHING, and yet I just saved this woman's life. It destroyed me, and to this day I've never felt so much torment. She was actually willing to abandon me fully, the woman who brought me into this world. I would not wish that experience, that feeling of complete abandonment, on my worst enemies.

So, where did these events leave me? Well, they left me with a few things:

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

So here's my question to my fellow members:

How do you trust others, and how is it achievable if you've lost the ability to trust?

Can I ever re-teach myself to trust others? If so, how?

Any and all sincere advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm sick of losing great girls because of my own lack of ability to trust others.

Thank you in advance.

At least you have faith in the world.

Actually i don't really trust much of anything.

Only what doesn't change.

I'm so untrusting that i have no friends.

You need to learn quality where i need to learn quantity.

Anyways here are some tips:

1). Look for faithfullness. This world is full of all kinds of mixes of traits. You want trust and stability? Try to spot what is important right away. Analyze the actions and judge if they resemble the desired traits. Remember though to figure out intentions too.

2). Understanding is great. Know each other. This will soften judgment greatly and make things go slower for control.

I have more but gtg.

Any tips on being social?

My problem is i can't read anything without a good enough connection. I also can't really find anyone that understands me.
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MasonicSlayer
Posts: 2,287
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5/31/2016 9:43:36 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
To trust nothing is to test everything. Detest the test, to further now are thee in the clutches forever in distrust. When trust I say is trust everyone until given them to you a reason to trust no more. And then kill them with kindness, I say to trust them even more. To see the good is to give the most to the end will this one receive the most.
Wylted
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5/31/2016 10:50:41 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
Qhen you push away from something it pushes back harder. If a large rock is on top of you, the harder you push it, the heavier it will feel.

There are tqo types of ways humans set goals. One is pushing away goals, the other is reaching for goals.

Pushing away is good for immediate threats such as a snake about to bite you, you try to avoid getting bitten, but it is bad for longterm goals. If you push away from being homeless you will go live in a cave, but if instead you make a reaching for goal of building a house you will end up building a nice house.

Right now you are pushing away from having a relationship with somebody who is a cheater. This pushing away goal actually moves you further from what you want because you push women away.

Instead you should look inside and see what you really want. What you really want is probably a good long term monogamous relationship. So instead of pushing away from cheating you should ve working towards a longterm healthy monogamous relationship.

You can see how the firat goal actually get s you further away from what you actually want, while the second one gets you closer to what you want.

Source: Werner Earheart and dam near every psychologist who has studied the issue
Emmarie
Posts: 1,907
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5/31/2016 11:09:24 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I recently lost another great potential partner due to a lack of Trust. I simply do not trust anyone, ever. The problem is that with a lack of trust, there's no real foundation to build a lasting, substantial relationship. So I've done alot of interpersonal thinking and meditation on the issue and I've come to understand why I lack the ability to trust others, it's actually attributable to 3 key events in my life.

1) Christmas Day, 1996. On this particular Christmas day nothing was out-of-the-norm. Myself and my siblings woke up, ran downstairs after harassing our parents to wake up and began opening our presents. It was great. I got a new race-car track set and everything was groovy. Then, about an hour after opening presents and being in my bedroom playing with my new toys we were all summoned into my parents room. They sat us down and announced to us that they were separating.

Now, at the time my brother was 15-16, and my father wasn't even his real father, so with him having his own life and no real connection, he wasn't too affected. My sister was 4, a little too young to fully comprehend the ramifications of this, so she wasn't really affected either. I, however, was 6 years old. That perfect sweet spot where I was fully aware of what this meant, and yet so young/naive that I thought it was somehow my fault. I had heard them arguing before, but didn't realize it was this serious. I was crushed.

One of my first memories post-separation was of me crying hysterically for my dad, to see him again, and eventually my mom had enough and forced my brother to drive me to my dad's house so I could see him. I missed him alot and having to leave after only an hour or two destroyed me. A few months later a package came in the mail at my mom's house and I opened it. It was court documents for their Divorce. In it, it stated how my father believed my mother was unfaithful, had evidence, and therefore wished to end his marriage with her.

Now, I'm still 6, and to realize that my own mother broke a promise of fidelity was tough to swallow. Where was the trust? Where was the faithfulness? Up to this point in my life, I had no real good examples of either.

2) Remarriage and continued infidelity. Fast forward a few years and my mom has landed herself a new husband. He was a great guy, very successful, fun, and kind-hearted. I personally liked him but, again, there were nights where I was kept awake by them fighting. I even recall sitting around the corner wall and just listening to them fight. Idk why... Well, soon enough she started bringing my sister and I up to Cocoa Beach, Fl, where her friend Mike, a firefighter, lived with his two kids around our ages. Her story to us was that she was helping him sell his house, the real story is that they were lovers and she was cheating on my step-dad with him.

That's not the issue though, the issue came a few months later when my stepdad found out and kicked her out of the house. She sat me down and then admitted to me that her marriage with him wasn't even real. Sure, they did the church ceremony with all of our relatives and friends, but apparently they never went to the courthouse and actually filed the paperwork. I was 10 at the time, and, again, realizing that my entire living situation was a lie. The man who I had been called stepdad wasn't even... so again, where is the trust? Where is the faithfulness? It was all a lie.

3) Suicide. If we fast-forward a little further to when I was 14, this last instance really killed all hope for me. I had spent the night out at a friends and the next day needed a ride home. My mom wasn't answering her phone though, and I ultimately had to rely on my "step-dad" (who was still not back together with my mom but loved us as if we were his own). I get home and the first thing I notice is all of these half-empty water bottles all over the place. The hell? I walk further in and notice that the backdoor to the yard is open just enough for my dogs to get in and out and that their food bowl is just overflowing with food. The hell? I then walk into my mom's room and see her laying in the bed, blue-faced, and unresponsive. There are empty pill bottles all over her bed. She tried to kill herself. I immediately began CPR and after getting a response called my brother. He came over immediately and took her to the ER.

The kicker is that while they were gone, I was left all alone in this house, stunned and awed by the fact that I just saved my mothers life. While alone I got on the computer to distract myself and found a letter near the computer. It was my mom's suicide letter and will. I read it. She left all of her clothing and jewelry to my sister, left her car and other belongings to my brother, and then when it came to me she simply left me one thing - a sentence that said, "I failed to raise you, I hope you enjoy living with your father and his son of a bitch wife." That's it. She left me NOTHING, and yet I just saved this woman's life. It destroyed me, and to this day I've never felt so much torment. She was actually willing to abandon me fully, the woman who brought me into this world. I would not wish that experience, that feeling of complete abandonment, on my worst enemies.

So, where did these events leave me? Well, they left me with a few things:

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

3) I became a "player". Due to no good examples of love or trust, I was the guy in highschool with 3 girlfriends, constantly breaking hearts and giving no shits while doing it. I didn't realize that I was hurting these girls because I didn't have any sense of loyalty or love.

However, in college I met someone who I truly did care for. I can't really explain it but when I'd look in her eyes I'd see my unborn children. I would have given my life for the sake of hers. Unfortunately, it was my turn karma-wise and I was cheated on. My heart was broken and I'd even contemplated suicide (if my mom could do it, then so could I).

I eventually got past it, didn't kill myself, and have since dated sparingly while trying to be what my own parents never could - someone who can trust others and love others sincerely. For some reason though, I just can't. I cannot trust others for the life of me!

She can be the greatest girl in the world, but because I myself was a cheater at one point, that reality now exists as a fear in my mind all the time. Since my own mom was unfaithful, twice, I now can't accept it if a girl I'm with has 'guy friends' because hey, that's what my own mom had before admitting she was actually sleeping with him. It's scarred me for life.

I want to love truly, I want to trust fully, but for some reason I just can't, and it's costing me some of the greatest potential relationships I could imagine.

So here's my question to my fellow members:

How do you trust others, and how is it achievable if you've lost the ability to trust?

Can I ever re-teach myself to trust others? If so, how?

Any and all sincere advice would be greatly appreciated, I'm sick of losing great girls because of my own lack of ability to trust others.

Thank you in advance.
I have trust issues myself, and it's one of the most difficult things to overcome.

The only advice that I can give you, is to first learn to trust yourself, by being trustworthy. If you can trust yourself, and keep your word, even in the smallest of matters, you will be more likely to be attracted to that trait in others, as well as to attract someone with those qualities.
Sapphique
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6/1/2016 1:45:21 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:

I've never been in a romantic relationship myself, but I think trust looks the same just about everywhere, so maybe try this? (I'm no expert so this is just my opinion.) Start out small. Trust needs to be built over time, so when you first meet someone, don't immediately worry about whether they're going to cheat on you. Get to know and understand them and their life situation. When you feel more comfortable, start trusting them with little things. If they're responsible with small things, this will hopefully form a foundation of a trusting relationship and you can start trusting each other with slightly bigger things. Also I guess it's important to always be clear on both of your expectations for the relationship. If the other person isn't really looking for a serious relationship (as you seem to be), you might run into issues if you assume that she is, or vice versa. That's about all I have; I hope it helps.
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Blade-of-Truth
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6/1/2016 1:50:44 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 10:50:41 PM, Wylted wrote:
Qhen you push away from something it pushes back harder. If a large rock is on top of you, the harder you push it, the heavier it will feel.

There are tqo types of ways humans set goals. One is pushing away goals, the other is reaching for goals.

Pushing away is good for immediate threats such as a snake about to bite you, you try to avoid getting bitten, but it is bad for longterm goals. If you push away from being homeless you will go live in a cave, but if instead you make a reaching for goal of building a house you will end up building a nice house.

Right now you are pushing away from having a relationship with somebody who is a cheater. This pushing away goal actually moves you further from what you want because you push women away.

I would love to have a relationship with someone, which is the issue. I keep dating these great girls but then my lack of trust gets the best of me and things go downhill. I do tend to push them away though, it's a way to ensure I don't get hurt, but assuming the worst is a terrible way to live or experience a relationship. I want to put an end to that.

Instead you should look inside and see what you really want. What you really want is probably a good long term monogamous relationship. So instead of pushing away from cheating you should ve working towards a longterm healthy monogamous relationship.

Yeah, that is what I want. I haven't cheated on someone since my freshman year in college, its been years. For some reason though, it's as if I expect everyone else to be capable of such a thing just because I used to do it myself. Clearly I realize that that's not necessarily the case, but it's always a fear I have in the back of my mind. I strongly dislike it.

You can see how the firat goal actually get s you further away from what you actually want, while the second one gets you closer to what you want.

Source: Werner Earheart and dam near every psychologist who has studied the issue
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Blade-of-Truth
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6/1/2016 1:55:08 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 11:09:24 PM, Emmarie wrote:
I have trust issues myself, and it's one of the most difficult things to overcome.

The only advice that I can give you, is to first learn to trust yourself, by being trustworthy. If you can trust yourself, and keep your word, even in the smallest of matters, you will be more likely to be attracted to that trait in others, as well as to attract someone with those qualities.

Yeah, I've gotten that advice before, which is why I did stop cheating in the first place, but for some reason it hasn't really helped me so far. I've been faithful in every relationship in the last 4 years, and have purposely stopped lying to those I date and people in general. Even though I've done these things, I still can't trust them until they prove themselves trustworthy. I'd like to get to a point where they don't have to "prove themselves" to me, ya know?
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Blade-of-Truth
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6/1/2016 2:00:27 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 1:45:21 AM, Sapphique wrote:
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:

I've never been in a romantic relationship myself, but I think trust looks the same just about everywhere, so maybe try this? (I'm no expert so this is just my opinion.) Start out small. Trust needs to be built over time, so when you first meet someone, don't immediately worry about whether they're going to cheat on you. Get to know and understand them and their life situation. When you feel more comfortable, start trusting them with little things. If they're responsible with small things, this will hopefully form a foundation of a trusting relationship and you can start trusting each other with slightly bigger things. Also I guess it's important to always be clear on both of your expectations for the relationship. If the other person isn't really looking for a serious relationship (as you seem to be), you might run into issues if you assume that she is, or vice versa. That's about all I have; I hope it helps.

This was really good, thank you. I haven't tried starting with the small things first and building off of that, and I do think that dating someone who I share similar goals with in terms of what we'd like out of the relationship would be a good start. I think the latter is a big issue for me, and an instant killer. There's been a few times where I've started dating someone only to discover that I'm not the only guy she's talking to/dating. It usually ends with her saying that she's just exploring her options, and me telling myself that I can do better than someone like her. This cycle has repeated itself a few times now actually. I think making my intentions clear from the start would be a good way to avoid that issue.
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Emmarie
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6/1/2016 2:09:46 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 1:55:08 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 5/31/2016 11:09:24 PM, Emmarie wrote:
I have trust issues myself, and it's one of the most difficult things to overcome.

The only advice that I can give you, is to first learn to trust yourself, by being trustworthy. If you can trust yourself, and keep your word, even in the smallest of matters, you will be more likely to be attracted to that trait in others, as well as to attract someone with those qualities.

Yeah, I've gotten that advice before, which is why I did stop cheating in the first place, but for some reason it hasn't really helped me so far. I've been faithful in every relationship in the last 4 years, and have purposely stopped lying to those I date and people in general. Even though I've done these things, I still can't trust them until they prove themselves trustworthy. I'd like to get to a point where they don't have to "prove themselves" to me, ya know?

Yeah, and It's actually wise to take things as slowly as possible and build trust among each other. With that being said, sometimes feelings are overwhelming and you find yourself feeling strong emotions quickly and then the lack of trust gets magnified. I hope you find someone to trust and can heal from the tragedies that happened in your life :)

The reason I don't watch any "realistic" TV ( I do like adult cartoons) with actors and actresses portraying ideal relationships or over dramatized ones, is because it causes people to expect relationships are easy, or it causes people to be desensitized to disloyalty / cheating. I'm not saying this is the case with you personally, I'm just stating that watching fiction about relationships makes real ones more challenging.
Sapphique
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6/1/2016 2:11:21 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 2:00:27 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Glad I could help a little. I hope things work out for you :D Also (I'm sure you know this already but it bears mentioning) no one is going to be perfect all the time, so if they have small lapses sometimes I don't think you should break it off with them due to a minor incident.
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"We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form...the shape of happiness might resemble glass...even though you don't usually notice it, it's still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently." ~Lelouch
Ragnar
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6/1/2016 3:04:02 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I simply do not trust anyone, ever.

Then don't trust them... But if you can, try to accept them.

You can't change your past, and it's no one's job to make it better for you, yet like a lot of us you expect the scales to balance (I sometimes default to that, it's not a good thing). You've by now realized they won't, but if they won't and it's not doing you any good waiting for them to, why not make the most of what you do have?

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

Quit looking at what others have, figure out what you actually want. Most people assume they should want what some movie when they were a kid told them to want, and follow that blindly, yet it does not lead to happiness for most (just look at the divorce rate). When you know what you do want, you can pursue someone compatible with that (sadly what we want is ever evolving, so this advice would not fix the divorce rate).

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

Don't trust them. The first time I left my soulmate alone in my house I barely knew her (met at school), and I knew that I had valuable stuff laying out... I had to get to class, and she wanted to sleep in... It was a leap of faith, and I did not do it out of trust, but out of self interest that what she might steal (and yeah, my mind went there) wasn't that important to me. Sure enough she did not steal anything, but she snooped through everything, and pretty quickly revealed that she had copied the contents of a thumb drive with sensitive information on it.

I ended up knowing the single most happy year of my life with her.
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Beauty_Of_Insanity
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6/1/2016 3:09:07 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
I don't have a trust problem.

I think i have a social problem.

I can't make a buddy.

Help?

I'm just a random indestructable geode (probably spelled wrong, never used the term before but know it) in the middle of modern society.

But you have to get deep to see the crystal inside.

Help?

Any very specific issues?

I an provide more probably useless tips later but i actually need help but am a mirror of your situation.

How can i seriously open myself up?
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6/1/2016 5:11:06 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
Trust PFFF Trust the ones closet to you the least. They will use your trust against you because they think they can get away with it because you are family or close. Trust your enemies to always do what you expect them to do.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
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6/1/2016 7:50:09 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 2:09:46 AM, Emmarie wrote:
At 6/1/2016 1:55:08 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 5/31/2016 11:09:24 PM, Emmarie wrote:
I have trust issues myself, and it's one of the most difficult things to overcome.

The only advice that I can give you, is to first learn to trust yourself, by being trustworthy. If you can trust yourself, and keep your word, even in the smallest of matters, you will be more likely to be attracted to that trait in others, as well as to attract someone with those qualities.

Yeah, I've gotten that advice before, which is why I did stop cheating in the first place, but for some reason it hasn't really helped me so far. I've been faithful in every relationship in the last 4 years, and have purposely stopped lying to those I date and people in general. Even though I've done these things, I still can't trust them until they prove themselves trustworthy. I'd like to get to a point where they don't have to "prove themselves" to me, ya know?

Yeah, and It's actually wise to take things as slowly as possible and build trust among each other. With that being said, sometimes feelings are overwhelming and you find yourself feeling strong emotions quickly and then the lack of trust gets magnified. I hope you find someone to trust and can heal from the tragedies that happened in your life :)

Thank you. My life sounds so depressing in this thread, lol, but it hasn't really been too bad considering the grand scheme of things - just these few extreme instances that happened to leave marks. I think taking things slowly and building trust over time is certainly the best approach to take.

The reason I don't watch any "realistic" TV ( I do like adult cartoons) with actors and actresses portraying ideal relationships or over dramatized ones, is because it causes people to expect relationships are easy, or it causes people to be desensitized to disloyalty / cheating. I'm not saying this is the case with you personally, I'm just stating that watching fiction about relationships makes real ones more challenging.

I couldn't agree more. I try not to personify the relationships I see on TV, but what seems to happen more often than not is that the girls I date do. They try to emulate these Hollywood couples and stuff. It's quite the turn-off for me to be honest. I'm actually somewhat adventurous and like doing things like hiking or meeting at the library for a first date. This dinner and movie stuff is good on rainy days, but I'd prefer to just be somewhere comfortable for the both of us where we can have fun while getting to know one another.
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6/1/2016 8:08:18 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 2:11:21 AM, Sapphique wrote:
At 6/1/2016 2:00:27 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Glad I could help a little. I hope things work out for you :D Also (I'm sure you know this already but it bears mentioning) no one is going to be perfect all the time, so if they have small lapses sometimes I don't think you should break it off with them due to a minor incident.

Thank you. I'm not sure if you're familiar with astrology but I'm a Virgo with a deep need for structure, while also being an INTJ, so I am a natural perfectionist or at-least strive to be. This has certainly hindered some of my relationships though. I'm also my own worst critic in this regard, so holding myself to such high standards kind of spills into holding others to similar high standards, which is unfair but something I do without notice most of the time. I'm starting to check myself more and more, but I'm also a firm believer in the saying, "... in our efforts to attain perfection, we shall surely achieve excellence."
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Skepsikyma
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6/1/2016 8:36:01 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:

This interview, from this point until like five or ten minutes in, is one of the most interesting and thought-provoking takes on love that I've ever found:

https://youtu.be...
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
- Hilaire Belloc -
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6/1/2016 8:37:13 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 3:04:02 AM, Ragnar wrote:
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I simply do not trust anyone, ever.

Then don't trust them... But if you can, try to accept them.

How can I truly accept that which I can't trust? Is it possible to do so with a romantic partner? I could see accepting others that I don't necessarily trust such as co-workers, extended family, or basically anyone, but when it comes to a romantic partner, or even good friends, I've always believed that trust is one of the foundations to a lasting relationship.

You can't change your past, and it's no one's job to make it better for you, yet like a lot of us you expect the scales to balance (I sometimes default to that, it's not a good thing). You've by now realized they won't, but if they won't and it's not doing you any good waiting for them to, why not make the most of what you do have?

That's a good question, and to be honest I have been trying to make the most of what I have. I am not someone who *needs* a girlfriend or anything like that, but I'm at a point in my life where I'd truly like to have one, or at-least someone that I can see myself building a future with. I suppose I could stop actively seeking something I don't necessarily need and let things come as they will, but the highs of love are quite addicting and I enjoy the feeling of companionship greatly.

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

Quit looking at what others have, figure out what you actually want. Most people assume they should want what some movie when they were a kid told them to want, and follow that blindly, yet it does not lead to happiness for most (just look at the divorce rate). When you know what you do want, you can pursue someone compatible with that (sadly what we want is ever evolving, so this advice would not fix the divorce rate).

I've turned away from the "Hollywood" idea of love long ago. Ironically that seems to be the problem, which you astutely pointed out with the high divorce rate in America. Most girls my age are fixated on having that type of love, which, for the most part, renders us completely incompatible. This is a whole different matter entirely though and one that can be resolved, for me, by simply dating outside of the american pool currently at my disposal. I long ago accepted that my future wife is most likely not going to be American. Regardless, I want to be able to trust others before I even think about crossing that bridge. I do not want this shortcoming of mine to hinder my real efforts when the time truly comes.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

Don't trust them. The first time I left my soulmate alone in my house I barely knew her (met at school), and I knew that I had valuable stuff laying out... I had to get to class, and she wanted to sleep in... It was a leap of faith, and I did not do it out of trust, but out of self interest that what she might steal (and yeah, my mind went there) wasn't that important to me. Sure enough she did not steal anything, but she snooped through everything, and pretty quickly revealed that she had copied the contents of a thumb drive with sensitive information on it.

I ended up knowing the single most happy year of my life with her.

Even after she copied the contents of a thumb drive of yours without your knowledge?
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6/1/2016 8:43:42 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 5:11:06 AM, sadolite wrote:
Trust PFFF Trust the ones closet to you the least. They will use your trust against you because they think they can get away with it because you are family or close. Trust your enemies to always do what you expect them to do.

This strikes me as a dark outlook, and one that I'm really trying to avoid having myself. I still hold out hope that I can find a trustworthy romantic partner. Is it a fool's errand? Perhaps, but I figure I've still got a few years to spend seeking.
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VelCrow
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6/1/2016 9:11:02 AM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 8:43:42 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 6/1/2016 5:11:06 AM, sadolite wrote:
Trust PFFF Trust the ones closet to you the least. They will use your trust against you because they think they can get away with it because you are family or close. Trust your enemies to always do what you expect them to do.

This strikes me as a dark outlook, and one that I'm really trying to avoid having myself. I still hold out hope that I can find a trustworthy romantic partner. Is it a fool's errand? Perhaps, but I figure I've still got a few years to spend seeking.

trust is giving someone the ability to hurt you and having the faith that they wont.

love is giving everything you have to someone in hopes that the someone would find their happiness.

trust and love arent mutually exclusive. but what you are looking for isnt trust. its mutual love.
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Ragnar
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6/1/2016 2:23:06 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 8:37:13 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 6/1/2016 3:04:02 AM, Ragnar wrote:
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I simply do not trust anyone, ever.

Then don't trust them... But if you can, try to accept them.

How can I truly accept that which I can't trust? Is it possible to do so with a romantic partner? I could see accepting others that I don't necessarily trust such as co-workers, extended family, or basically anyone, but when it comes to a romantic partner, or even good friends, I've always believed that trust is one of the foundations to a lasting relationship.

One of the things is trust is not built overnight. Trying to accept them before you learn to trust them, is a way to make an ideal environment that trust can grow in.

You can't change your past, and it's no one's job to make it better for you, yet like a lot of us you expect the scales to balance (I sometimes default to that, it's not a good thing). You've by now realized they won't, but if they won't and it's not doing you any good waiting for them to, why not make the most of what you do have?

That's a good question, and to be honest I have been trying to make the most of what I have. I am not someone who *needs* a girlfriend or anything like that, but I'm at a point in my life where I'd truly like to have one, or at-least someone that I can see myself building a future with. I suppose I could stop actively seeking something I don't necessarily need and let things come as they will, but the highs of love are quite addicting and I enjoy the feeling of companionship greatly.

I'm there with you on that.

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

Quit looking at what others have, figure out what you actually want. Most people assume they should want what some movie when they were a kid told them to want, and follow that blindly, yet it does not lead to happiness for most (just look at the divorce rate). When you know what you do want, you can pursue someone compatible with that (sadly what we want is ever evolving, so this advice would not fix the divorce rate).

I've turned away from the "Hollywood" idea of love long ago. Ironically that seems to be the problem, which you astutely pointed out with the high divorce rate in America. Most girls my age are fixated on having that type of love, which, for the most part, renders us completely incompatible. This is a whole different matter entirely though and one that can be resolved, for me, by simply dating outside of the american pool currently at my disposal. I long ago accepted that my future wife is most likely not going to be American. Regardless, I want to be able to trust others before I even think about crossing that bridge. I do not want this shortcoming of mine to hinder my real efforts when the time truly comes.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

Don't trust them. The first time I left my soulmate alone in my house I barely knew her (met at school), and I knew that I had valuable stuff laying out... I had to get to class, and she wanted to sleep in... It was a leap of faith, and I did not do it out of trust, but out of self interest that what she might steal (and yeah, my mind went there) wasn't that important to me. Sure enough she did not steal anything, but she snooped through everything, and pretty quickly revealed that she had copied the contents of a thumb drive with sensitive information on it.

I ended up knowing the single most happy year of my life with her.

Even after she copied the contents of a thumb drive of yours without your knowledge?

Yes. Granted had it been financial information or something like that, it probably would have turned out different... As was, I paused to consider if it was important to me that she had not seen what was on it; continuing the friendship it was really embarrassing (particularly the jokes she alluded to it), but if I cut her than it wouldn't matter... I wanted it to matter, not for her sake, but for my own. After not long we ended up dating.

The one rule I ask of every partner is simply "No Lies." In the case of that woman, it took her a little while to build into it, and I still rememebr her crying one time because she realized how pathetic a small lie she had told me was, and she turned beet red when I told her that I already knew and loved her anyway. Yeah I could not yet trust her word fully, but by accepting her and not placing her on the pedestal (if unfamiliar with that term I can provide context), I could trust my predictions of her actions (yes, I know how egotistical that sounds).

... I'd talk more, but an ex-girlfriend (different one) is en route, we're headed to the beach shortly.
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Emmarie
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6/1/2016 2:28:54 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 7:50:09 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 6/1/2016 2:09:46 AM, Emmarie wrote:
At 6/1/2016 1:55:08 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 5/31/2016 11:09:24 PM, Emmarie wrote:
I have trust issues myself, and it's one of the most difficult things to overcome.

The only advice that I can give you, is to first learn to trust yourself, by being trustworthy. If you can trust yourself, and keep your word, even in the smallest of matters, you will be more likely to be attracted to that trait in others, as well as to attract someone with those qualities.

Yeah, I've gotten that advice before, which is why I did stop cheating in the first place, but for some reason it hasn't really helped me so far. I've been faithful in every relationship in the last 4 years, and have purposely stopped lying to those I date and people in general. Even though I've done these things, I still can't trust them until they prove themselves trustworthy. I'd like to get to a point where they don't have to "prove themselves" to me, ya know?

Yeah, and It's actually wise to take things as slowly as possible and build trust among each other. With that being said, sometimes feelings are overwhelming and you find yourself feeling strong emotions quickly and then the lack of trust gets magnified. I hope you find someone to trust and can heal from the tragedies that happened in your life :)

Thank you. My life sounds so depressing in this thread, lol, but it hasn't really been too bad considering the grand scheme of things - just these few extreme instances that happened to leave marks. I think taking things slowly and building trust over time is certainly the best approach to take.

The reason I don't watch any "realistic" TV ( I do like adult cartoons) with actors and actresses portraying ideal relationships or over dramatized ones, is because it causes people to expect relationships are easy, or it causes people to be desensitized to disloyalty / cheating. I'm not saying this is the case with you personally, I'm just stating that watching fiction about relationships makes real ones more challenging.

I couldn't agree more. I try not to personify the relationships I see on TV, but what seems to happen more often than not is that the girls I date do. They try to emulate these Hollywood couples and stuff. It's quite the turn-off for me to be honest. I'm actually somewhat adventurous and like doing things like hiking or meeting at the library for a first date. This dinner and movie stuff is good on rainy days, but I'd prefer to just be somewhere comfortable for the both of us where we can have fun while getting to know one another.

I kinda vibed that Hollywood ideas about relationships affects some of the females that you dated. I also vibe that you are attracted to females that maintain traditional feminine roles who compare their lives with the lives of characters in Hollywood dramas. This is why I said in another post I made, that I can see you meeting and falling in love with someone outside of your race, eventually.

I apologize if I'm stepping outside of my bounds by what I'm about to write. You are an in depth guy, who seems to defend traditional ideas about race and gender, but in pursuing relationships that fit that bill, you are left feeling a lack of trust for the individuals who fulfill those roles, because of your own experiences. Why not just reevaluate the entire concept of intellectual superiority, and get to know more people who fall outside of the roles you are expected to trust, but actually are leery of? Despite the way you have been accustomed to think about society, I can tell that you think about things more deeply than many guys do.

I just read that you are a Virgo. I am too, and it is the most misunderstood sign, in my opinion. The man I've been with for 6 years is also a Virgo, so at least we understand the way each other thinks to a degree. We both have trust issues because of things that happened to us in our lives before we met, as well as his use of porn during the relationship, has left me wanting to distance myself from him emotionally somewhat. He has proven himself trustworthy, outside of his use of porn though.

I hope you find someone and a relationship based on trust.
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6/1/2016 8:02:12 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 8:36:01 AM, Skepsikyma wrote:
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:

This interview, from this point until like five or ten minutes in, is one of the most interesting and thought-provoking takes on love that I've ever found:

https://youtu.be...

I really value Toni Morrison's incredibly refreshing perspective and this clip is no different. I appreciate you sharing this with me, thank you Skep.
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6/1/2016 8:50:11 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 9:11:02 AM, VelCrow wrote:
At 6/1/2016 8:43:42 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 6/1/2016 5:11:06 AM, sadolite wrote:
Trust PFFF Trust the ones closet to you the least. They will use your trust against you because they think they can get away with it because you are family or close. Trust your enemies to always do what you expect them to do.

This strikes me as a dark outlook, and one that I'm really trying to avoid having myself. I still hold out hope that I can find a trustworthy romantic partner. Is it a fool's errand? Perhaps, but I figure I've still got a few years to spend seeking.

trust is giving someone the ability to hurt you and having the faith that they wont.

So then how does one rebuild that faith that they won't?

love is giving everything you have to someone in hopes that the someone would find their happiness.

trust and love arent mutually exclusive. but what you are looking for isnt trust. its mutual love.
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6/1/2016 8:53:55 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 2:23:06 PM, Ragnar wrote:
At 6/1/2016 8:37:13 AM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
At 6/1/2016 3:04:02 AM, Ragnar wrote:
At 5/31/2016 8:38:22 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
I simply do not trust anyone, ever.

Then don't trust them... But if you can, try to accept them.

How can I truly accept that which I can't trust? Is it possible to do so with a romantic partner? I could see accepting others that I don't necessarily trust such as co-workers, extended family, or basically anyone, but when it comes to a romantic partner, or even good friends, I've always believed that trust is one of the foundations to a lasting relationship.

One of the things is trust is not built overnight. Trying to accept them before you learn to trust them, is a way to make an ideal environment that trust can grow in.

That's a good point, thanks for clearing that up.

You can't change your past, and it's no one's job to make it better for you, yet like a lot of us you expect the scales to balance (I sometimes default to that, it's not a good thing). You've by now realized they won't, but if they won't and it's not doing you any good waiting for them to, why not make the most of what you do have?

That's a good question, and to be honest I have been trying to make the most of what I have. I am not someone who *needs* a girlfriend or anything like that, but I'm at a point in my life where I'd truly like to have one, or at-least someone that I can see myself building a future with. I suppose I could stop actively seeking something I don't necessarily need and let things come as they will, but the highs of love are quite addicting and I enjoy the feeling of companionship greatly.

I'm there with you on that.

1) No sense of what love actually is. I never had a good example of a healthy relationship.

Quit looking at what others have, figure out what you actually want. Most people assume they should want what some movie when they were a kid told them to want, and follow that blindly, yet it does not lead to happiness for most (just look at the divorce rate). When you know what you do want, you can pursue someone compatible with that (sadly what we want is ever evolving, so this advice would not fix the divorce rate).

I've turned away from the "Hollywood" idea of love long ago. Ironically that seems to be the problem, which you astutely pointed out with the high divorce rate in America. Most girls my age are fixated on having that type of love, which, for the most part, renders us completely incompatible. This is a whole different matter entirely though and one that can be resolved, for me, by simply dating outside of the american pool currently at my disposal. I long ago accepted that my future wife is most likely not going to be American. Regardless, I want to be able to trust others before I even think about crossing that bridge. I do not want this shortcoming of mine to hinder my real efforts when the time truly comes.

2) No sense of trust. My own mother was untrustworthy. If I can't trust the person that brought me into this world, how can I trust those I don't even have blood relations with?

Don't trust them. The first time I left my soulmate alone in my house I barely knew her (met at school), and I knew that I had valuable stuff laying out... I had to get to class, and she wanted to sleep in... It was a leap of faith, and I did not do it out of trust, but out of self interest that what she might steal (and yeah, my mind went there) wasn't that important to me. Sure enough she did not steal anything, but she snooped through everything, and pretty quickly revealed that she had copied the contents of a thumb drive with sensitive information on it.

I ended up knowing the single most happy year of my life with her.

Even after she copied the contents of a thumb drive of yours without your knowledge?

Yes. Granted had it been financial information or something like that, it probably would have turned out different... As was, I paused to consider if it was important to me that she had not seen what was on it; continuing the friendship it was really embarrassing (particularly the jokes she alluded to it), but if I cut her than it wouldn't matter... I wanted it to matter, not for her sake, but for my own. After not long we ended up dating.

The one rule I ask of every partner is simply "No Lies." In the case of that woman, it took her a little while to build into it, and I still rememebr her crying one time because she realized how pathetic a small lie she had told me was, and she turned beet red when I told her that I already knew and loved her anyway. Yeah I could not yet trust her word fully, but by accepting her and not placing her on the pedestal (if unfamiliar with that term I can provide context), I could trust my predictions of her actions (yes, I know how egotistical that sounds).

... I'd talk more, but an ex-girlfriend (different one) is en route, we're headed to the beach shortly.

That's interesting, I think you have a far better ability to put aside the little things than I do. I don't think I'd be able to trust or accept her if I found out she did that after I gave her a chance to prove her trustworthiness by letting her stay in my room while I was gone.

If it led to a good relationship though, then more power to you, I suppose I've robbed myself of several good ones based on little things like that.
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bsh1
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6/1/2016 9:00:20 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
You can relearn trust, but I think it's a rather paradoxical process. For you to be able to trust again, you must have a successful experience with trust. That means forcing yourself to trust in someone, and, if it goes well, you will begin to relearn the ability.
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MasonicSlayer
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6/1/2016 9:23:38 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
The only form of real trust that never degenerates into rusty despises for one another is patience that knows best to wait for the inevitable encountering to one's soulmate. Once these two souls meet and no better is I to say not even death itself can be the solvent strong enough to dilute the binding force of true love.
Beauty_Of_Insanity
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6/1/2016 9:45:40 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
I need help too BoT!

Any tips for me? ;(

See earlier posts.
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Harikrish
Posts: 11,005
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6/1/2016 10:02:56 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 5/31/2016 9:43:36 PM, MasonicSlayer wrote:
To trust nothing is to test everything. Detest the test, to further now are thee in the clutches forever in distrust. When trust I say is trust everyone until given them to you a reason to trust no more. And then kill them with kindness, I say to trust them even more. To see the good is to give the most to the end will this one receive the most.

Because of your early childhood experiences you put a lot of emphasis on trust and that in turn sets a very high expectation on you and your partner. You should look for a relationship which is based on mutual benefit to both. The relationship now benefits both and that should be the motivating factor to keep it alive. When it is one sided then suspicion, doubt and mistrust creeps in.

The more you enjoy doing things that are enjoyable to both the more you want to be with the other. And that begins by identifying what your goals and priorities are and if they are mutually compatible.

For example: if you like math and your partner like poetry. Convert the poem to mathematical expression while she converts your numbers to poetry. That might be doable or provide the incentive to the two to switch to something less demanding.
MasonicSlayer
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6/1/2016 10:28:01 PM
Posted: 6 months ago
At 6/1/2016 10:02:56 PM, Harikrish wrote:
At 5/31/2016 9:43:36 PM, MasonicSlayer wrote:
To trust nothing is to test everything. Detest the test, to further now are thee in the clutches forever in distrust. When trust I say is trust everyone until given them to you a reason to trust no more. And then kill them with kindness, I say to trust them even more. To see the good is to give the most to the end will this one receive the most.

Because of your early childhood experiences you put a lot of emphasis on trust and that in turn sets a very high expectation on you and your partner. You should look for a relationship which is based on mutual benefit to both. The relationship now benefits both and that should be the motivating factor to keep it alive. When it is one sided then suspicion, doubt and mistrust creeps in.

The more you enjoy doing things that are enjoyable to both the more you want to be with the other. And that begins by identifying what your goals and priorities are and if they are mutually compatible.

For example: if you like math and your partner like poetry. Convert the poem to mathematical expression while she converts your numbers to poetry. That might be doable or provide the incentive to the two to switch to something less demanding.

I'm wondering if your response was meant for Blade of Distrust, when for truth nothing has been said of my life's intimacies.