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NotDebate. NeedYour Viewpoint (OneNightStand)

familiarity30
Posts: 2
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6/15/2016 10:42:25 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
Hello, I'm sorry English is my third language, so I apologize for my not perfect English grammars.. And I grow up in a very traditional culture, perhaps this is why I have a very hard time trying to understand this.
I'm sorry for the LONGGG post ahead, but please try to read it to the end for fairness and for the whole picture.
I really want your viewpoint on this guy, based ONLY on this situation on "How" he treats his past One Night Stand.
Who am I to him, is Irrelevant to the question in this thread. I just want to know your unbias viewpoint on what you think of Him based ONLY on 'the way' he handles/'How' he treats his ONS.
If you think he cold? He clearly capable of being cold. Perhaps he is a cold to the point he Not capable of love any girl?

okay what happened was: He had 2 'One Night Stand' in the past, back when he was 20 years old/the college age days (a decade ago).. He is now 30 years old.
He was single at the time he had the ONS . At the time he was not even talking to any girl, let alone see any girl. He not looking for a GF or a relationship. He not even looking for a FWB. Heck, he not even looking for a friend. What he wanted was just 1 thing--the 'Purely' physical sex.

He make it clear that in the begining that the arrangement was: Purely physical sex--condom on, and he leave right after sex.
He doesn't even want to hang out after sex, let alone stay the night. He will not call, will not text, will not keep in touch afterwards. He doesn't even see the need of send a thank you text afterwards to say thank you.. Basically right after sex, he will Disappeared.

He lays it all out on the table and does what he says.. He leave right after sex, and go on with his street life nothing happened. He doesn't see the need of being nice or being civil.
Both parties agree with the arrangement. He said he doesn't own the ONS girls anything. Because right at the begining, he make it very clear what the arrangement was. And the ONS girls agree to it.

He doesn't care that the ONS girls said she on birth control.. He wear a condom for his safety and protection.
All he want was just want the 'purely' physical sex--and that was all to it, zero feelings zero emotions involved. He doesn't know the ONS girls, and he doesn't want to get to know them.
How he had sex with the ONS: [ He already wear a condom but still extra careful that before he climax--even with the condom on he still pull out. Pull out with condom still on, and he finishes by hand help himself/jerk it off into the condom; all outside no where near her. ]
So it was two kinds of BC methods at once. The using condom on method, and pull out before climax method--two methods together.

Yes, you read it right. He wear a condom And pull out with the condom still on, and he finished by hand help himself--jerk it off into the condom. He use his hand help himself. His hand, Not her hand.
And does what he says in the arrangement. He leave right after sex, go on with his street life like nothing happened.

No, he doesn't love, doesn't miss, doesn't care for those ONS girls. He doesn't know and doesn't want to get to know them. He said it very easy for him to leave right after sex, because it just the 'purely' physical sex. There zero emotions zero feelings involved.

The bold part above was how he had sex with both his ONS, ONS #1 girl and ONS #2 girl.
Anyways, ONS #2 girl seems like she wants to keep in touch with him, perhaps want to be his booty call? Because before he leave, she said perhaps phone her sometimes to keep in touch. He flat out said No, rejected her. He will not phone her to keep in touch. He doesn't care if after sex she change her mind or not, it not his problem.
And he make it clear in the begining what the arrangement was, and he will stick to it regardless. He follow through with the arrangement, and want her to also follow through with it.

To him, ONS is a one time thing, done and over with.. It one time thing sex and it will remained a one time thing; there won't be a second time sex. He doesn't want a FWB or booty call, he just want the purely physical sex ONS.

Hope you make it through reading it. What your viewpoint on a guy like him? 'The way' he treats/ 'How' he had sex with the ONS girls. Isn't it cold? It clearly that he capable of being cold.
My heart bleeds and bleeds, when I think of "How" cold he treats his past ONS. It hurts NOT because he bedded the ONS girls. What hurt is 'How' cold he treated them, kwim? Tell me I'm a dumb f-u-c-k, because my heart bleeds because of this guy. I'm a dumb f-u-c-k because I fall for this guy.

It scary to see how he can clearly separate love, feelings/emotions and the physical sex. He can damn clearly separate if he loves the girl or not. He can beep face his emotions, when there no feelings then there no feelings. There no grey in between, it just so easy and so clearly to him.
And he doesn't need any girls to stroke his ego. He doesn't need a girl to be in relationship with. He very confident in himself.
I know because grow up in a very traditional culture, perhaps this is why I have a very hard time trying to understand about his ONS. And I know it just my insecurity, but I feel insecure due to I see 'how' cold he treats his ONS. I feel that he not capable of love any girl.

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Here is what I don't get. Why he doesn't do what other men do? There tons of other men out there who had ONS and doesn't treats their ONS girls cold like how he treats his ONS.
For example there plenty of men who have ONS and turn into 'Booty call' and 'Friend with benefits'. Kwim?
But him? No. He doesn't want a booty call, he doesn't want a FWB.. All he wanted was just the 'purely physical sex', and it one time sex, that's it. He doesn't want a second time sex. It just a one time thing, done, over, nothing else to it.
Example that ONS #2 girl seems like she wants to keep in touch with him, perhaps want to be his booty call.. But he rejected her. He flat out said he will not phone her to keep in touch. He doesn't care if after sex she change her mind or not, it not his problem.
He make it clear in the begining what the arrangement was, and he will stick to it regardless.. It clearly he doesn't want a second time sex with her. Why he so cold?
Why won't he turn his ONS into booty call or FWB like how other men out there do?

Another example. There alot men out there who didn't leave right away after sex, they stay a bit for couple hours. Or they stay overnight with their ONS and left in morning.. There men out there who have ONS, some don't even wear condom, let alone wear condom and still pull out.
But him? He leave right after sex, and go on with his street life nothing happened. Basically right after sex, he Disappeared.
What harm does it do if he stay for a while and talk afterwards? You know just be civil, kwim? I don't get it.
AND
How he had sex with the ONS girls? [He already wear a condom but still extra careful that before he climax--even with the condom on he still pull out. Pull out with condom still on, and he finishes by hand/he use his hand jerk it off into the condom; all outside no where near her.]
I don't get it. There plenty of other men out there who had ONS sex, didn't/don't have ONS sex that way like the way he had it. Why he so cold?
And wouldn't the ONS girls would be more satisfy if he didn't pull out (since he already wear a condom anyways), why still need to pull out? The whole point of wear a condom is you don't have to pull out, But he still pull out before he climax.
Other men out there who have ONS some don't even wear a condom. Those who wear a condom doesn't pull out like him, (use 2 birth control methods like him).. He different. Why he doesn't do what other men do?
And why he was so cold? Based on 'How' he treats his ONS/'How' he had sex wit
matt8800
Posts: 2,077
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6/16/2016 7:33:17 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/15/2016 10:42:25 AM, familiarity30 wrote:
Hello, I'm sorry English is my third language, so I apologize for my not perfect English grammars.. And I grow up in a very traditional culture, perhaps this is why I have a very hard time trying to understand this.
I'm sorry for the LONGGG post ahead, but please try to read it to the end for fairness and for the whole picture.
I really want your viewpoint on this guy, based ONLY on this situation on "How" he treats his past One Night Stand.
Who am I to him, is Irrelevant to the question in this thread. I just want to know your unbias viewpoint on what you think of Him based ONLY on 'the way' he handles/'How' he treats his ONS.
If you think he cold? He clearly capable of being cold. Perhaps he is a cold to the point he Not capable of love any girl?

You answered your own question - He is an a$$hole.

I have had more one night stands than I can count but I have always treated the girl as a valuable person that has feelings. Having one night stands and treating people like throw away garbage are two different things.

There is some psychological reason why many women get attached to men that treat them like garbage. Avoid that.

If you cant have a one night stand without getting attached, you probably should not have them.
Emmarie
Posts: 1,907
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6/17/2016 12:03:48 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
Be glad it's done and over with. It seems like he has deep seated issues with intimacy. In a way though he's better than guys who draw your emotions into them and still aren't there for you when you need them. Let by gones be bygones. He may have more respect for females than guys who use women while playing with their emotions. As long as it was consensual, he doesn't owe a woman touchy feely afterthoughts. I'm not saying it is right, but it's no more wrong than guys who have ONS and kiss the girl goodbye with feeling and still never call.
Peepette
Posts: 1,237
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6/17/2016 12:46:19 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
There are people out in the world out for themselves only. He did make his intentions clear. Unfortunately sex, especially for women, is not just a physical act. Few can distance themselves from the emotional end. I cannot fault the man because he did make his intentions known, but in general he"s a d#ck. Only a person who can detach themselves would agree to such an encounter, few people could. Even with friends with benefits there"s the friends part of the relationship that smooths over the bumps and at least there is mutual respect for one another. From my point of view this guy was just too cheap to pay for a prostitute. Not that this profession is admirable or endorsed; it"s lowly and sad that a woman would subject herself to such userage. I"m sorry this happened to you, but he did forewarn. The expectation of more or at least courtesy or respect was an expectation on your part, not his. It was a hard life lesson I"m sure your won"t fall for again and that"s a positive.
MasonicSlayer
Posts: 2,287
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6/17/2016 4:31:55 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
Seems the person complaining is just as guilty for engaging in twisted intimacies, to which the rules conduct were clearly stated in the beginning.
familiarity30
Posts: 2
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6/17/2016 1:55:39 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
Thank you so much for your replies. I know everyone time is precious, so I really appreciate it that you spare few minutes of your precious time reply help give me your viewpoint/advice. I know different people have different opinions, but I just want to hear other viewpoint on it.

I'm an analytical person, perhaps over-anylitical but I like to see things on both sides for fairness.
Anyways, there is a lady that give me advice, since she been giving advice for the past 2 years, I did ask her to give me advice regarding this ONS topic.. And guess what that lady said? She said he was cold to treat the ONS girls like they were a piece of meat, regardless have their consented. She said what he do is pretty much use the ONS girls to get a release, the only difference is that he's not paying.
AND
In his eyes, he only see those ONS girls as a piece of meat for physical sex, that was why he didn't do "intimate" things with them. As in this: [He already wear a condom but still extra careful that before he climax--even with the condom on he still pull out. Pull out with condom still on, and he finishes by hand/he use his hand jerk it off into the condom; all outside no where near her.]
And he leave right after sex, go on with his street life like nothing happened.
That lady that gave me advice asked did the ONS girls climax? If not, then he was selfish (because before he 'climax' he pull out with the condom still on, and use his hand to finished/jerk it off into the condom).. She bets the ONS girls would be more satisfy if he didn't pull out (since he already wear a condom). She said did the ONS girls climax? If the ONS girls Didn't climax, then he was selfish.
Agree or disagree is up to the individual viewpoint, but that was what that lady said.

I dunno, perhaps that lady was right. He should be more caring to those ONS girls, and puts those ONS girls need first above his.. I do want him to be more nicer to those ONS girls, be more nicer and more caring. And be civil, he clearly wasn't very civil.

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Disclaimer: I want to make it clear, I'm talking about the ONE guy in my post, Him and Him ONLY.. I'm NOT talking about other men out there, I'm just talking about 1 person--HIM ONLY.
I know there are 7 Billions people in the world and half of it is men, there 3.5 Billions men in this world, nobody is the same. But I'm talking about 1 person, Him and ONLY Him.
I know there are men in this forum. Please forgive me if I say anything wrong, but I'm ONLY talking about ONE guy--it the guy in my post.

I'm very analytical, and I like to see things on both sides.. Perhaps I'm a pessimistic person. And I feel insecure due to I see 'How' cold he treats his ONS/'How' he had sex with his ONS. But this is what I feel, I know my feelings.
I just want to see things on both sides. I don't want just to be optimistic, I want to see the pessimistic side too that perhaps he not able to love any girl, not even me.

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Regarding this: [ He already wear a condom but still extra careful that before he climax--even with the condom on he still pull out. Pull out with condom still on, and he finishes by hand help himself/jerk it off into the condom; all outside no where near her. ]
You know what he said, he said he doesn't do ininimate things with the ONS because he have zero emotions zero feelings for the ONS girls, he doesn't love the ONS girls so why do he need to do intimate things with her like not wear a condom and finished inside her?
He said he doesn't care to to pleasure the ONS girls. He said why do he need to try to pleasure her when he will just Disappeared right after sex, and she will never see him again? He said he never want to see her again, he never want to have sex with her again, so why do he need to care to pleasure her? He doesn't want a Booty call or a FWB, there won't be a second time sex with her.

He said he doesn't care for the ONS girls, nor care whether they get pleasure or not. It was a one time sex, done, over with. He will Disappeared after sex, those ONS girls will never see him again. He doesn't know those ONS girls, and he doesn't want to get to know those ONS girls.
I did say to him why he not be more caring, at least give the ONS orgasm, why pull out with condom still on, and he finishes by hand help himself/jerk it off into the condom? Why not give the ONS girls orgasm first.
He said why would he care about give her orgasm? It simply just a one time f-u-c-k and he disappeared. There won't be a second time f-u-c-k, so why do he need to try to pleasure the ONS girls and try to give him orgasm?
He doesn't want to come back from a second time f-u-c-k, so what is the point of try to pleasure the ONS girls? It was just one time f-u-c-k, done, over with. He disappeared, gone, out the door; he doesn't want to see her again.

He said the ONS girls were just stranger girls, he doesn't know them, and doesn't want to get to know them. He never care for them, never love them, so why do he needs to do intimate things with them? Or like try to pleasure them? Why try to pleasure a girl that he only want a one time f-u-c-k, he not coming back for a second time f-u-c-k, so why he needs to pleasure her?
I find him to cold and cocky.

You know what he said? He said it very easy for him to leave right after sex, because it just the 'purely' physical sex. There zero emotions zero feelings involved.. To him; when it come to the 'purely' physical sex, he will always Win. Because he doesn't have feelings for the girls, there zero emotional attachment between him and them--the ONS girls. (He never love, never care for the ONS girl).
He will Only lose when he love the girl, have feelings for her. When he have the emotional attachment to her/emotionally attach to the girl that is when he will Lose.

I'm sorry but I find him cold. The way he had sex with the ONS girls, and the way he treats the ONS girls was cold. I don't know why I still love him despite I know he capable of being cold like this to the ONS girls.
In my OP post I did say I'm a Dumb f-u-c-k because I love him. I fully know about his ONS, I fully know about his attitude regarding ONS. I know it all, and I still love him. This is all a "Me" problem, and it is all my fault. Out of billions of men in this world I don't love, but I love this cold guy. So I have nobody to blame, except myself.

Anyways, thank you everyone for your reply, I really appreciate it.. I know this is an all "Me" problem. I need to figure it out. I know it all my 'Insecurity', it all a 'Me" problem. I need to work on myself, I have alot of working on myself to do if I want to have peace inside myself. Again, thank you everyone. Happy Friday and early Happy weekend to everyone.