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How do you raise your children?

Wylted
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6/21/2016 12:38:43 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:28:59 PM, XLAV wrote:
If you're a parent, how are you going to raise your child?

Are you going to be strict, lax, or somewhere in between?

I don't think a scale of strict or lax is something to go by. Some children I assume you have to be strict with, others lax.

I know I have certain rules I go by, though it is too early to use on the newborn.

1. I only say no once. It won't be said again there will be consequences if you disobey. Too many parents say no, but don't mean it so their child continues their destructive behavior. You see some of these hooligans in public.

2. Remain calm at all times. If I lose my cool, then they have won, because I will not discipline while angry. There are rules, and I do not make them up on the spot. Making them up on the spot to fit my mood is unfair.

3. I will let them fail. Even now. If he drops his bottle, he is the one who has to pick it up. Preventing failure stunts growth.

4. Give them a bunch of love.

5. Teach how to think, not what to think
Vaarka
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6/21/2016 12:40:56 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:28:59 PM, XLAV wrote:
If you're a parent, how are you going to raise your child?

Are you going to be strict, lax, or somewhere in between?

I raise my children rather well, thank you very much.

But as a parent, I feel like I'd be somewhere inbetween. Naturally, I'm really calm and relaxed, so I couldn't be strict. However, I don't want to have a spoiled brat, nor do I want one of those kids who basically see me as the worst person on earth because I turned off their data or something. If my kid is being that kid, I won't put up with it.
You're probably thinking right now "haha I'm a genius". Well you're not -Valkrin

inferno: "I don't know, are you attracted to women?"
ButterCatX: "No, Vaarka is mine!"

All hail scum Vaarka, wielder of the bastard sword, smiter of nations, destroyer of spiders -VOT

"Vaarka, I've been thinking about this for a long time now," (pulls out small box made of macaroni) "W-will you be my noodle buddy?" -Kirigaya
Vaarka
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6/21/2016 12:44:46 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:40:56 PM, Vaarka wrote:
At 6/21/2016 12:28:59 PM, XLAV wrote:
If you're a parent, how are you going to raise your child?

Are you going to be strict, lax, or somewhere in between?

I raise my children rather well, thank you very much.

But as a parent, I feel like I'd be somewhere inbetween. Naturally, I'm really calm and relaxed, so I couldn't be strict. However, I don't want to have a spoiled brat, nor do I want one of those kids who basically see me as the worst person on earth because I turned off their data or something. If my kid is being that kid, I won't put up with it.

Now the word comes to mind. Ignore the above. If I have a disrespectful child, I won't put up with that.
You're probably thinking right now "haha I'm a genius". Well you're not -Valkrin

inferno: "I don't know, are you attracted to women?"
ButterCatX: "No, Vaarka is mine!"

All hail scum Vaarka, wielder of the bastard sword, smiter of nations, destroyer of spiders -VOT

"Vaarka, I've been thinking about this for a long time now," (pulls out small box made of macaroni) "W-will you be my noodle buddy?" -Kirigaya
XLAV
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6/21/2016 1:31:45 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:38:43 PM, Wylted wrote:

I don't think a scale of strict or lax is something to go by. Some children I assume you have to be strict with, others lax.

I know I have certain rules I go by, though it is too early to use on the newborn.

1. I only say no once. It won't be said again there will be consequences if you disobey. Too many parents say no, but don't mean it so their child continues their destructive behavior. You see some of these hooligans in public.

2. Remain calm at all times. If I lose my cool, then they have won, because I will not discipline while angry. There are rules, and I do not make them up on the spot. Making them up on the spot to fit my mood is unfair.

3. I will let them fail. Even now. If he drops his bottle, he is the one who has to pick it up. Preventing failure stunts growth.

4. Give them a bunch of love.

5. Teach how to think, not what to think
Nigga, I'm so gonna be like you.
XLAV
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6/21/2016 1:35:26 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
But yeah, for me, it depends on what kind of child I'm going to have. If I don't think I can trust my child to be smart enough to know whats right or wrong, then I may have to step up and be a little more strict. But if my child is smart enough to learn from his mistakes and knows whats right and wrong, then I can be lenient.

However, the problem with this is if I have two or more children. If one of them is spoiled, but the other obedient then its kind of unfair, at least in there perspective, that I'm treating them differently from one another.
Wylted
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6/21/2016 1:39:44 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 1:31:45 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 6/21/2016 12:38:43 PM, Wylted wrote:

I don't think a scale of strict or lax is something to go by. Some children I assume you have to be strict with, others lax.

I know I have certain rules I go by, though it is too early to use on the newborn.

1. I only say no once. It won't be said again there will be consequences if you disobey. Too many parents say no, but don't mean it so their child continues their destructive behavior. You see some of these hooligans in public.

2. Remain calm at all times. If I lose my cool, then they have won, because I will not discipline while angry. There are rules, and I do not make them up on the spot. Making them up on the spot to fit my mood is unfair.

3. I will let them fail. Even now. If he drops his bottle, he is the one who has to pick it up. Preventing failure stunts growth.

4. Give them a bunch of love.

5. Teach how to think, not what to think
Nigga, I'm so gonna be like you.

Especially learn the first one. Kids misbehave because parents ignore rule number one. Why the hell would your kid ever listen to no, if they know the consequences of ignoring it is merely screaming at them, saying no 200 more times and counting down. Counting down for your kid is idiotic. Once they hit 7 years old it's too late. Your kid is already a dik, now even uf you start disciplining them the first time you say no, they have already internalized that other behavior, and the worst part is they are getting old enough to know they are just a few years from being able to take your old washed up asss in a fight. Make them behave before they can beat you down, because you can't do it afterword.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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6/21/2016 1:47:02 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 1:35:26 PM, XLAV wrote:
But yeah, for me, it depends on what kind of child I'm going to have.

Yep, they dictate your actions.

If I don't think I can trust my child to be smart enough to know whats right or wrong, then I may have to step up and be a little more strict.

Not necessarily. Sometimes you can get creative. If they keep annoying you about expensive clothes, rake your monthly clothing budget you usually use for clothes and hand it to them to spend however they like, but explain you are no longer buying their clothes. They will not complain about being restricted in what they but, plus they will learn to be frugal.

If a kid is reaching for a hot candle, you don't have to keep swatting his hand away, you can let him touch it, and learn the natural consequences of bad behavior.

If a kid wants to stay up past his bed time, let him. When he goes to school for a few days on 2 hpurs of sleep he can feel the consequences.

But if my child is smart enough to learn from his mistakes and knows whats right and wrong, then I can be lenient.

However, the problem with this is if I have two or more children. If one of them is spoiled, but the other obedient then its kind of unfair, at least in there perspective, that I'm treating them differently from one another.

Just explain that they are individuals and that you should treat them as unique individuals.
UtherPenguin
Posts: 3,684
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6/21/2016 5:00:52 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 1:31:45 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 6/21/2016 12:38:43 PM, Wylted wrote:

I don't think a scale of strict or lax is something to go by. Some children I assume you have to be strict with, others lax.

I know I have certain rules I go by, though it is too early to use on the newborn.

1. I only say no once. It won't be said again there will be consequences if you disobey. Too many parents say no, but don't mean it so their child continues their destructive behavior. You see some of these hooligans in public.

2. Remain calm at all times. If I lose my cool, then they have won, because I will not discipline while angry. There are rules, and I do not make them up on the spot. Making them up on the spot to fit my mood is unfair.

3. I will let them fail. Even now. If he drops his bottle, he is the one who has to pick it up. Preventing failure stunts growth.

4. Give them a bunch of love.

5. Teach how to think, not what to think
*African american brother, I look to thee as a exemplary model of being
"Praise Allah."
~YYW
OlaNordmann
Posts: 87
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6/21/2016 5:25:05 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:38:43 PM, Wylted wrote:
5. Teach how to think, not what to think

I love this!

I know a lot of people are annoyed by the curiosity of children that ask "why?" all the time, but I would love to humor it endlessly.
Rosalie
Posts: 4,628
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6/21/2016 5:50:41 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
My mom use to spank me with a plastic coat hanger.
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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6/21/2016 6:09:04 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 5:50:41 PM, Rosalie wrote:
My mom use to spank me with a plastic coat hanger.

That's bad parenting. It should have been with a wooden spoon!!!
Rosalie
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6/21/2016 6:11:31 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 6:09:04 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 6/21/2016 5:50:41 PM, Rosalie wrote:
My mom use to spank me with a plastic coat hanger.

That's bad parenting. It should have been with a wooden spoon!!!

Lol, the wooden spoon didn't hurt though. :p
" We need more videos of cat's playing the piano on the internet" - My art professor.

"Criticism is easier to take when you realize that the only people who aren't criticized are those who don't take risks." - Donald Trump
Vaarka
Posts: 7,639
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6/21/2016 6:21:14 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 6:20:05 PM, Ciacco wrote:
I elevate them slightly.

with a rope or via different devices?
You're probably thinking right now "haha I'm a genius". Well you're not -Valkrin

inferno: "I don't know, are you attracted to women?"
ButterCatX: "No, Vaarka is mine!"

All hail scum Vaarka, wielder of the bastard sword, smiter of nations, destroyer of spiders -VOT

"Vaarka, I've been thinking about this for a long time now," (pulls out small box made of macaroni) "W-will you be my noodle buddy?" -Kirigaya
Ciacco
Posts: 40
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6/21/2016 6:25:14 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 6:21:14 PM, Vaarka wrote:
At 6/21/2016 6:20:05 PM, Ciacco wrote:
I elevate them slightly.

with a rope or via different devices?

I use a stool or a chair. It depends on how lazy I am.
lannan13
Posts: 23,107
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6/21/2016 6:47:43 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 6:11:31 PM, Rosalie wrote:
At 6/21/2016 6:09:04 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 6/21/2016 5:50:41 PM, Rosalie wrote:
My mom use to spank me with a plastic coat hanger.

That's bad parenting. It should have been with a wooden spoon!!!

Lol, the wooden spoon didn't hurt though. :p

I would think it's the other way around.
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bballcrook21
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6/22/2016 1:11:27 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:28:59 PM, XLAV wrote:
If you're a parent, how are you going to raise your child?

Are you going to be strict, lax, or somewhere in between?

Very strict in some cases, relaxed in the other.
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Friedman

Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. -Friedman

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sadolite
Posts: 8,842
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6/22/2016 9:24:56 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
I raised them like I was raised. First I put the fear of god in them at a very early age when they started with the disrespect and ignoring. Never had to deal with that ever again. Then I didn't shelter them from anything. I told them exactly how the real world is and how to spot trouble and perversion and what to do to avoid it. I don't censor anything they watch on TV or video games. This teaches them situations to look for in real life and how to be prepared for those situations. I also teach them that more people suck than don't. Never trust anyone or count on anyone 100%. Not even me. I will let you down one day, I am not perfect. And lastly always, always have a plan B for everything when you have to entrust someone else to do something you can't do without their help.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

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XLAV
Posts: 13,720
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6/23/2016 4:56:30 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 1:47:02 PM, Wylted wrote:

Not necessarily. Sometimes you can get creative. If they keep annoying you about expensive clothes, rake your monthly clothing budget you usually use for clothes and hand it to them to spend however they like, but explain you are no longer buying their clothes. They will not complain about being restricted in what they but, plus they will learn to be frugal.

If a kid is reaching for a hot candle, you don't have to keep swatting his hand away, you can let him touch it, and learn the natural consequences of bad behavior.

If a kid wants to stay up past his bed time, let him. When he goes to school for a few days on 2 hpurs of sleep he can feel the consequences.
The problem is, what if they don't learn? What if they tolerate these little problems but are actually a big problem? I'm guilty of this sometimes. Like I always sleep late and cram my homework.


Just explain that they are individuals and that you should treat them as unique individuals.
That is not the case, usually. They'll probably think its favoritism or some shiz.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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6/24/2016 3:16:37 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/23/2016 4:56:30 PM, XLAV wrote:
At 6/21/2016 1:47:02 PM, Wylted wrote:

Not necessarily. Sometimes you can get creative. If they keep annoying you about expensive clothes, rake your monthly clothing budget you usually use for clothes and hand it to them to spend however they like, but explain you are no longer buying their clothes. They will not complain about being restricted in what they but, plus they will learn to be frugal.

If a kid is reaching for a hot candle, you don't have to keep swatting his hand away, you can let him touch it, and learn the natural consequences of bad behavior.

If a kid wants to stay up past his bed time, let him. When he goes to school for a few days on 2 hpurs of sleep he can feel the consequences.
The problem is, what if they don't learn? What if they tolerate these little problems but are actually a big problem? I'm guilty of this sometimes. Like I always sleep late and cram my homework.


Just explain that they are individuals and that you should treat them as unique individuals.
That is not the case, usually. They'll probably think its favoritism or some shiz.

The first thought that pops into my mind is "who gives a fvck what they think".
ironslippers
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6/24/2016 3:39:45 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/21/2016 12:28:59 PM, XLAV wrote:
If you're a parent, how are you going to raise your child?

I don't. I have 5 rats by 4 baby mommas, I'll let the ex-rachets new simp boos raise them until school age then let Common Core finish the job.
Everyone stands on their own dung hill and speaks out about someone else's - Nathan Krusemark
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TBR
Posts: 9,991
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6/25/2016 5:05:59 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
Yea, the question is too loose.

I am very "permissive" with my son. I don't care is he takes apart the laptop, or stereo. I don't care if he swearers, I don't scold him for being rowdy.

He MUST say - thank-you, please. He MUST say Sir or Mam to anyone he meets. He MUST introduce himself (including "I like Robots"). He MUST be kind to every animal he meets. He MUST be thoughtful and have respect for his soundings.
YYW
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6/25/2016 6:36:22 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/23/2016 4:52:21 PM, XLAV wrote:
I'm surprised that I haven't seen anyone mention spanking and being strict af.

When I was younger, my parents were very strict, but by the time I was in high school, as long as I had good grades I more or less had the freedom to do anything I wanted.

I didn't really have a curfew. I was able to kind of "inform" them of where I would be, and it was almost never questioned.

Pre-high school, that was a different story. Very bad consequences for bad grades, and those would have probably continued when I was in high school if I ever brought home bad grades. But I never did.
Tsar of DDO
YYW
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6/25/2016 6:41:16 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/25/2016 5:05:59 AM, TBR wrote:
Yea, the question is too loose.

I am very "permissive" with my son. I don't care is he takes apart the laptop, or stereo. I don't care if he swearers, I don't scold him for being rowdy.

He MUST say - thank-you, please. He MUST say Sir or Mam to anyone he meets. He MUST introduce himself (including "I like Robots"). He MUST be kind to every animal he meets. He MUST be thoughtful and have respect for his soundings.

When I was *much* younger... think age 6 to 12 or so...

Yeah I disassembled a few electronics when I was a kid too. A gameboy, a Nintendo 64, various others. Was punished each time I did it. That didn't really stop me though.

I got into stuff, too. Paint, tools, parent's stuff, file cabinets (and I read what was inside), etc. All resulted in bad consequences if I got caught. So I got good at not getting caught. The money stuff was especially interesting to me; cancelled checks, tax returns, etc. I really liked that, but never got caught looking. My dad was adamant that I would never know how much he made, from a very early age, which is probably what prompted my interest.

I also went through his old Army stuff, too. Like, everything. Old records, awards, etc. Always enjoyed doing that, because it was all very well hidden in the back of the basement. Got caught going through that. Got punished there, too.
Tsar of DDO
YYW
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6/25/2016 6:44:57 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
I expect I'll be a pretty permissive, lassies faire type parent. I don't like yelling or anger, but I also cannot stand crying or whining.

I don't know if I'd spank my kids or not. I know that I was when I was growing up, and while I think most of the "literature" on the subject of corporal punishment is pretty much horseshit, at the same time don't know if it's something I would be comfortable doing.

What I really don't know is how I'd be able to deal with younger kids, babies, or even young teenagers. I think (hope) I'm a more patient person when I have kids, but now I know I'm not so I don't plan on having kids (or being married, a prerequisite to having kids) any time soon.
Tsar of DDO
TBR
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6/25/2016 7:12:38 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/25/2016 6:41:16 PM, YYW wrote:
At 6/25/2016 5:05:59 AM, TBR wrote:
Yea, the question is too loose.

I am very "permissive" with my son. I don't care is he takes apart the laptop, or stereo. I don't care if he swearers, I don't scold him for being rowdy.

He MUST say - thank-you, please. He MUST say Sir or Mam to anyone he meets. He MUST introduce himself (including "I like Robots"). He MUST be kind to every animal he meets. He MUST be thoughtful and have respect for his soundings.

When I was *much* younger... think age 6 to 12 or so...

Yeah I disassembled a few electronics when I was a kid too. A gameboy, a Nintendo 64, various others. Was punished each time I did it. That didn't really stop me though.

I got into stuff, too. Paint, tools, parent's stuff, file cabinets (and I read what was inside), etc. All resulted in bad consequences if I got caught. So I got good at not getting caught. The money stuff was especially interesting to me; cancelled checks, tax returns, etc. I really liked that, but never got caught looking. My dad was adamant that I would never know how much he made, from a very early age, which is probably what prompted my interest.

I also went through his old Army stuff, too. Like, everything. Old records, awards, etc. Always enjoyed doing that, because it was all very well hidden in the back of the basement. Got caught going through that. Got punished there, too.

Its always fun prowling through things like filing cabinets or trunks. They seem "off-limit's" and mysterious.

As to the electronics. I took apart just about everything. My father did encourage... generally. I want him to know that things are not complex or unknowable. I want him to feel everything around him he is capable of understanding.