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My toilet phobea problem - can anyone help me

PennyH
Posts: 4
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6/30/2016 8:58:26 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
I have a secret that I feel I must share with someone otherwise I'll go mad. In sharing my problem perhaps someone can find a solution?

My secret problem is that when nature calls and I need to wee I simply cannot gain relief anywhere other than in my own toilet at home. I've tried using public toilets many times but no matter how much I need to wee, I just can't. It's hugely embarrassing and awkward. As you can imagine, I hate long trips away from home but I haven't the courage to tell anyone I know.

Now I've met a charming man who I'll need to tell about my phobia, but how? I have been to his flat a few times but the need to get home to use my own toilet always results in me leaving much sooner than he (or I) would like. I'm dreading outings especially. When I have to be out and about I wear an adult nappy so I don't have to face the terror of having a humiliating accident, but how can I have a night away from home?

I've tried so many ways to overcome this phobia. It's totally irrational, I know, but now it's threatening this new relationship as well as making my life hell.

I know this phobia is called paruresis, and I know it affects many people, but knowing its got a name hardly helps!

My divorced husband knew I couldn't wee away from home but he was totally unsympathetic. I got to the point where I wouldn't tell him I needed to wee, and that's when I started wearing an adult nappy when out. This really disgusted him. Will this new man feel the same way about me wearing nappies?

Please - can anyone find a way forward?
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,070
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7/1/2016 7:35:44 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
Here's some advice:
1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.
2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.
3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.
4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.
5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.
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Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,070
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7/1/2016 7:40:44 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
Also, if available and depending on the severity of your condition, you might want to explore the options of therapy/medication.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

The DDO Blog:
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#drinkthecoffeenotthekoolaid
PennyH
Posts: 4
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7/1/2016 9:01:19 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
Hi Cain
Thank you for your suggestions as to how to manage my problem.

1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.

I certainly do, sometimes repeatedly until I'm sure there's not a drop remaining inside me.

2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.

I'll not drink anything for hours before leaving home.

3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.

I usually do anyway

4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.

Oh if it were that simple. Even the thought of trying to use a strange toilet scares me.

5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.

That's good advice. If I'm careful I can cope for 7 or 8 hours but one never knows how long it will actually take to get home. The longest I endured was 11 hours 20 minutes and not through choice. I think I have trained my bladder unintentionally to cope with a working day but it doesn't always cope.

You suggest therapy and/or medication. Well I've read how breathing exercises are helpful to some people but I think I'm so controlled by my bladder that in my case I need something more than that. I have some tablets that suppress the need to wee but they give me such a dry mouth, and on the few occasions I have taken them its made hardly any difference to my endurance.

The problem really is how to let my new man know I have this affliction. I'm scared he'll walk (or even run) away!
Vox_Veritas
Posts: 7,070
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7/2/2016 4:08:29 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/1/2016 9:01:19 PM, PennyH wrote:
Hi Cain
Thank you for your suggestions as to how to manage my problem.

1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.

I certainly do, sometimes repeatedly until I'm sure there's not a drop remaining inside me.

2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.

I'll not drink anything for hours before leaving home.

3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.

I usually do anyway

4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.

Oh if it were that simple. Even the thought of trying to use a strange toilet scares me.

5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.

That's good advice. If I'm careful I can cope for 7 or 8 hours but one never knows how long it will actually take to get home. The longest I endured was 11 hours 20 minutes and not through choice. I think I have trained my bladder unintentionally to cope with a working day but it doesn't always cope.

You suggest therapy and/or medication. Well I've read how breathing exercises are helpful to some people but I think I'm so controlled by my bladder that in my case I need something more than that. I have some tablets that suppress the need to wee but they give me such a dry mouth, and on the few occasions I have taken them its made hardly any difference to my endurance.

The problem really is how to let my new man know I have this affliction. I'm scared he'll walk (or even run) away!

First of all, how long have you known him? If it's your second date or something, then of course he'd probably be scared off. But if you've been dating for 3 months then it's probably safe to let him know.
Call me Vox, the Resident Contrarian of debate.org.

The DDO Blog:
https://debatedotorg.wordpress.com...

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Willows
Posts: 2,039
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7/2/2016 7:58:15 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/1/2016 9:01:19 PM, PennyH wrote:
Hi Cain
Thank you for your suggestions as to how to manage my problem.

1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.

I certainly do, sometimes repeatedly until I'm sure there's not a drop remaining inside me.

2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.

I'll not drink anything for hours before leaving home.

3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.

I usually do anyway

4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.

Oh if it were that simple. Even the thought of trying to use a strange toilet scares me.

5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.

That's good advice. If I'm careful I can cope for 7 or 8 hours but one never knows how long it will actually take to get home. The longest I endured was 11 hours 20 minutes and not through choice. I think I have trained my bladder unintentionally to cope with a working day but it doesn't always cope.

You suggest therapy and/or medication. Well I've read how breathing exercises are helpful to some people but I think I'm so controlled by my bladder that in my case I need something more than that. I have some tablets that suppress the need to wee but they give me such a dry mouth, and on the few occasions I have taken them its made hardly any difference to my endurance.

The problem really is how to let my new man know I have this affliction. I'm scared he'll walk (or even run) away!

You would have to ask yourself, "if he couldn't put up with something so inoffensive then what other things about my life is he not going to tolerate."

The best thing you can do is tell him; if he can't (or won't) handle it then let him walk. If on the other hand he has a genuine love for you and cares for you he will share the issue with you and help you through it.
I would find it an interesting pursuit anyway and look at the fun, humorous side of helping you through it.
My feeling is that finding ways of coping with the situation is not necessarily going to help you overcome it. Like any fear, phobia etc it is facing it that will free you. It won't be easy but having someone objective and inventive to help you and be with you is a great step forward.
PennyH
Posts: 4
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7/2/2016 11:26:58 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/2/2016 7:58:15 AM, Willows wrote:
At 7/1/2016 9:01:19 PM, PennyH wrote:
Hi Cain
Thank you for your suggestions as to how to manage my problem.

1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.

I certainly do, sometimes repeatedly until I'm sure there's not a drop remaining inside me.

2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.

I'll not drink anything for hours before leaving home.

3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.

I usually do anyway

4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.

Oh if it were that simple. Even the thought of trying to use a strange toilet scares me.

5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.

That's good advice. If I'm careful I can cope for 7 or 8 hours but one never knows how long it will actually take to get home. The longest I endured was 11 hours 20 minutes and not through choice. I think I have trained my bladder unintentionally to cope with a working day but it doesn't always cope.

You suggest therapy and/or medication. Well I've read how breathing exercises are helpful to some people but I think I'm so controlled by my bladder that in my case I need something more than that. I have some tablets that suppress the need to wee but they give me such a dry mouth, and on the few occasions I have taken them its made hardly any difference to my endurance.

The problem really is how to let my new man know I have this affliction. I'm scared he'll walk (or even run) away!

You would have to ask yourself, "if he couldn't put up with something so inoffensive then what other things about my life is he not going to tolerate."

The best thing you can do is tell him; if he can't (or won't) handle it then let him walk. If on the other hand he has a genuine love for you and cares for you he will share the issue with you and help you through it.
I would find it an interesting pursuit anyway and look at the fun, humorous side of helping you through it.
My feeling is that finding ways of coping with the situation is not necessarily going to help you overcome it. Like any fear, phobia etc it is facing it that will free you. It won't be easy but having someone objective and inventive to help you and be with you is a great step forward.

Oh, such wise words! You are of course totally right in saying he has to know, and I know I'll have to tell him. getting up the courage will be tricky, I know, but like you say, if he can't accept my problem then I would indeed be better off letting him 'walk'. I've known him only for just over a month, during which time I seen him five or six times, so I don't really know him well enough to judge how he'll react. Part of me wants to wait telling him until I know him better, and during that time it's almost inevitable that my bladder would force me into explaining why I need to get home. On the other hand I might find a way of bringing the subject up in the meantime. I'm not really sure!
Willows
Posts: 2,039
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7/2/2016 4:26:18 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/2/2016 11:26:58 AM, PennyH wrote:
At 7/2/2016 7:58:15 AM, Willows wrote:
At 7/1/2016 9:01:19 PM, PennyH wrote:
Hi Cain
Thank you for your suggestions as to how to manage my problem.

1. Immediately prior to leaving the house for an extended period of time, use the bathroom.

I certainly do, sometimes repeatedly until I'm sure there's not a drop remaining inside me.

2. Do not drink water within 30 minutes prior to leaving the house.

I'll not drink anything for hours before leaving home.

3. If at home, use the bathroom every night prior to going to bed.

I usually do anyway

4. When any from home, if you know that you have a "clear shot" of using the bathroom unhindered, take it.

Oh if it were that simple. Even the thought of trying to use a strange toilet scares me.

5. Train yourself to be able to hold it in for up to 8 waking hours.

That's good advice. If I'm careful I can cope for 7 or 8 hours but one never knows how long it will actually take to get home. The longest I endured was 11 hours 20 minutes and not through choice. I think I have trained my bladder unintentionally to cope with a working day but it doesn't always cope.

You suggest therapy and/or medication. Well I've read how breathing exercises are helpful to some people but I think I'm so controlled by my bladder that in my case I need something more than that. I have some tablets that suppress the need to wee but they give me such a dry mouth, and on the few occasions I have taken them its made hardly any difference to my endurance.

The problem really is how to let my new man know I have this affliction. I'm scared he'll walk (or even run) away!

You would have to ask yourself, "if he couldn't put up with something so inoffensive then what other things about my life is he not going to tolerate."

The best thing you can do is tell him; if he can't (or won't) handle it then let him walk. If on the other hand he has a genuine love for you and cares for you he will share the issue with you and help you through it.
I would find it an interesting pursuit anyway and look at the fun, humorous side of helping you through it.
My feeling is that finding ways of coping with the situation is not necessarily going to help you overcome it. Like any fear, phobia etc it is facing it that will free you. It won't be easy but having someone objective and inventive to help you and be with you is a great step forward.

Oh, such wise words! You are of course totally right in saying he has to know, and I know I'll have to tell him. getting up the courage will be tricky, I know, but like you say, if he can't accept my problem then I would indeed be better off letting him 'walk'. I've known him only for just over a month, during which time I seen him five or six times, so I don't really know him well enough to judge how he'll react. Part of me wants to wait telling him until I know him better, and during that time it's almost inevitable that my bladder would force me into explaining why I need to get home. On the other hand I might find a way of bringing the subject up in the meantime. I'm not really sure!

Taking the next step. The biggest fears are fear of the unknown and fear itself. It is never that bad when you are there, in fact you will feel relieved (sorry about the pun) and glad after telling him.
Perhaps you could take the initiative and ask him if he has any phobias....perfectly normal question when you are finding out about each other; and of course he has, he wouldn't be human otherwise. Hear him out and take interest then say, "So what, I......".
That's all part of being in a relationship, sharing and helping.
I think you'll be over it in no time at all.
Deb-8-A-Bull
Posts: 2,181
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7/2/2016 4:36:02 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/30/2016 8:58:26 PM, PennyH wrote:
I have a secret that I feel I must share with someone otherwise I'll go mad. In sharing my problem perhaps someone can find a solution?

My secret problem is that when nature calls and I need to wee I simply cannot gain relief anywhere other than in my own toilet at home. I've tried using public toilets many times but no matter how much I need to wee, I just can't. It's hugely embarrassing and awkward. As you can imagine, I hate long trips away from home but I haven't the courage to tell anyone I know.

Now I've met a charming man who I'll need to tell about my phobia, but how? I have been to his flat a few times but the need to get home to use my own toilet always results in me leaving much sooner than he (or I) would like. I'm dreading outings especially. When I have to be out and about I wear an adult nappy so I don't have to face the terror of having a humiliating accident, but how can I have a night away from home?

I've tried so many ways to overcome this phobia. It's totally irrational, I know, but now it's threatening this new relationship as well as making my life hell.

I know this phobia is called paruresis, and I know it affects many people, but knowing its got a name hardly helps!

My divorced husband knew I couldn't wee away from home but he was totally unsympathetic. I got to the point where I wouldn't tell him I needed to wee, and that's when I started wearing an adult nappy when out. This really disgusted him. Will this new man feel the same way about me wearing nappies?

Please - can anyone find a way forward?

Your a sock puppet .
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skipsaweirdo
Posts: 1,863
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7/7/2016 1:11:52 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/30/2016 8:58:26 PM, PennyH wrote:
I have a secret that I feel I must share with someone otherwise I'll go mad. In sharing my problem perhaps someone can find a solution?

My secret problem is that when nature calls and I need to wee I simply cannot gain relief anywhere other than in my own toilet at home. I've tried using public toilets many times but no matter how much I need to wee, I just can't. It's hugely embarrassing and awkward. As you can imagine, I hate long trips away from home but I haven't the courage to tell anyone I know.

Now I've met a charming man who I'll need to tell about my phobia, but how? I have been to his flat a few times but the need to get home to use my own toilet always results in me leaving much sooner than he (or I) would like. I'm dreading outings especially. When I have to be out and about I wear an adult nappy so I don't have to face the terror of having a humiliating accident, but how can I have a night away from home?

I've tried so many ways to overcome this phobia. It's totally irrational, I know, but now it's threatening this new relationship as well as making my life hell.

I know this phobia is called paruresis, and I know it affects many people, but knowing its got a name hardly helps!

My divorced husband knew I couldn't wee away from home but he was totally unsympathetic. I got to the point where I wouldn't tell him I needed to wee, and that's when I started wearing an adult nappy when out. This really disgusted him. Will this new man feel the same way about me wearing nappies?

Please - can anyone find a way forward?
Go to the lake and pee in it. Go to the ocean and pee in it. Pee outside while its raining hard while wearing sweat pants shorts. Bring a bucket of warm water and pour it down your pants out in the rain.