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Good bye DDO.

missbailey8
Posts: 2,698
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7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey
~missbailey8~

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Mikal
Posts: 11,683
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7/6/2016 9:46:19 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey

There is never an easy fix for real life issues, I would imagine most of the people who use this site use it for an "escape" in some way or another. Whether it be to relax, to escape problems, or just to forget. DDO operates and serves as an outlet for most people. I also don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, while it's never a good idea to run away from problems having an outlet does far more than provide temporal relief. It serves as a way to help you function and cope with things that you are going through. People find outlets in a variety of forms. DDO is just one manifestation of a supply of endless forms. If you wish to leave and sort out stuff then I wish you the best of luck. Just remember those people you listed care about you, and it's always good to keep an outlet open because when used properly it can be both constructive and helpful.

Best of luck and I hope things sort themselves out for you
Emmarie
Posts: 1,909
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7/6/2016 10:01:02 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I know you just closed your account. I hope you are still following this thread. Please take some time to think about the defence mechanisms you learned in Kenpo. Apply The Art to whatever you are battling whether it be a physical fight or mental or emotional or spiritual. I know I don't know you well, but I really hope you work through whatever is troubling you!! Hope to see you back on DDO soon.
Semiya
Posts: 405
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7/6/2016 10:02:08 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Please don't kill yourself. I don't know you, but I promise that you're not a burden on the people who cherish you - and there are people who cherish you. No matter how bad things look now, they'll always improve over time.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey
Vaarka
Posts: 11,605
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7/6/2016 10:26:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey

*hugs* please come back ;_;
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SamStevens
Posts: 3,930
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7/6/2016 10:51:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey

I will miss your presence and friendship on this site. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this serious predicament.
"Watermelons are racially insensitive" Skep

"A moment or two of serious self-scrutiny, and you might observe that you no more decide the next thought you think than the next thought I write." Sam Harris, free will
1harderthanyouthink
Posts: 13,622
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7/6/2016 10:58:24 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

I used to have the same attitude on the site as you gave whoever asked you the question about staying here. I don't anymore. When I joined, I was depressed - and I still am. For a long time, I was completely socially isolated, I was bullied, and my mother was/is an abusive person.

My mental state has been a rollercoaster in the 21 months I've been an active member here. I've had days and weeks that I just felt great, and then had strings of months where all I could really think about was killing myself. I've been on 4 different anti-depressants, and I ended up just not taking the last two for long periods without telling anyone. Honestly, they never helped. It's the great disease of psychologists and psychiatrists today - when they never try to figure out what's wrong with people's lives and saying instead that they need to "change the way they see things". If you've ever gotten "professional" help, you probably know what I'm talking about.

There have been many times I was about to kill myself, but a few people here talked for me long enough to stop me from doing it. Without this site, I'd have killed myself at least a year ago. Even with the people here, I've felt like I can't handle my mental issues. Now, my attitude for my life is living as long as those closest to me do.

I'm thoroughly convinced that the world is bullsh!t - what people tell you to look forward to is wrong. A long while back, I gave up on my aspirations for life. From my point of view, life is meaningless - but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

And I'm not going to go on one of those "it gets better" things. The root problems have never, in my life, gotten better. Happiness is an illusory, fleeting feeling for me. But in my love for just two people, I live. And if they're not available to talk to, I know there are other people who care about whether I live or die. We're all in this together, and I don't want to see you leave. You're the kind of person who makes life liveable.
Why?

DDO Risk King
ShabShoral
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7/7/2016 1:04:02 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
My sincere best wishes. Don't give in.
: At 10/2/2017 3:00:43 AM, YYW wrote:
: Bossy: You are Regina.

:Inferno wrote:
:You sound rather gay.

-- And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

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because I had the nature of a Redeemer. "
thett3
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7/7/2016 1:06:15 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/7/2016 1:04:02 AM, ShabShoral wrote:
My sincere best wishes. Don't give in.
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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
1harderthanyouthink
Posts: 13,622
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7/7/2016 1:17:41 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

You won't do damage to people by staying. If they can't handle it, they don't deserve to be called your friend.
Why?

DDO Risk King
1harderthanyouthink
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7/7/2016 1:30:39 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

I understand what it's like to be on the verge of ending it. Despite my introversion, what hurts me the most is loneliness. You may think you can't be helped...and I understand that feeling too - I still feel that way about myself. But you're a good person - a much better one than me.

Never bottle your feelings. Talk openly about them with someone. You can't handle your feelings by yourself, but that doesn't mean you need to kill yourself. That just means you need someone to be there when you need them.
Why?

DDO Risk King
SamStevens
Posts: 3,930
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7/7/2016 2:31:43 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

I have yet to see any evidence in your actions/behaviors that would influence a reasonable person to come to the conclusion that you would damage DDO and its users. It is extremely unlikely that your presence on DDO affected anyone in a negative way and entertaining the idea that your presence is a liability to the site is unwise.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey
"Watermelons are racially insensitive" Skep

"A moment or two of serious self-scrutiny, and you might observe that you no more decide the next thought you think than the next thought I write." Sam Harris, free will
lannan13
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7/7/2016 3:19:27 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/7/2016 2:31:55 AM, someloser wrote:
At 7/7/2016 1:04:02 AM, ShabShoral wrote:
My sincere best wishes. Don't give in.
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bballcrook21
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7/7/2016 3:19:48 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/7/2016 1:04:02 AM, ShabShoral wrote:
My sincere best wishes. Don't give in.
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Friedman

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SolonKR
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7/7/2016 4:05:51 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
For the record, I don't mind at all that you're careful about who you meet IRL (it's a good thing), and I thought the axe murderer thing was funny. But I've been where you're at before. Those feelings of guilt that I might have hurt someone with my words or actions, even when others see it as perfectly benign, were especially the worst. Sometimes I still feel guilty about those sorts of things.

I too, wanted it to end a few years ago. But there is a better answer. It's getting help. For me, that help was the hospital, which gets stigmatized a lot, but it can be a life-changing experience for the better. It could be a counselor instead, anyone who can help you vent your feelings and deal with them constructively. College is an easy place to get away from family problems, at least, and it can be the best time to get a new lease on life if you utilize the resources available.

You're a great friend, and I don't want to see you go :(
Bailey <3

"For often evil men are rich, and good men poor;
But we will not exchange with them
Our virtue for their wealth, since one abides always,
While riches change their owners every day." - Solon, Plutarch's "Life of Solon"
Vaarka
Posts: 11,605
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7/7/2016 5:16:45 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/7/2016 4:05:51 AM, SolonKR wrote:
For the record, I don't mind at all that you're careful about who you meet IRL (it's a good thing), and I thought the axe murderer thing was funny. But I've been where you're at before. Those feelings of guilt that I might have hurt someone with my words or actions, even when others see it as perfectly benign, were especially the worst. Sometimes I still feel guilty about those sorts of things.

I too, wanted it to end a few years ago. But there is a better answer. It's getting help. For me, that help was the hospital, which gets stigmatized a lot, but it can be a life-changing experience for the better. It could be a counselor instead, anyone who can help you vent your feelings and deal with them constructively. College is an easy place to get away from family problems, at least, and it can be the best time to get a new lease on life if you utilize the resources available.

You're a great friend, and I don't want to see you go :(

+1
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PetersSmith
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7/7/2016 5:42:53 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
This is it, the thread I wanted to make the least. To tell the truth, I thought I would've lasted far longer here. I remember answering a question regarding how long I'd stay with the reply "Until I die or DDO does." That is the mentality I wish I could've kept. The community here is all sorts of crazy in the best kind of way. I've met some fantastic people here, all of whom have been inviting to me, but I'm not leaving because of the site. I'm leaving because of me.

There's no easy way to say this, but I'm suicidal, and more than I have been in the past. My mental state is getting worse and I simply can't handle it. DDO was the place to run away to when I needed to get away from my toxic family, my mind, and all my problems, but now I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

Before I go, I must give shout outs to those who impacted my experience for the best on DDO.

Thank you to lannan13 for getting me into Google Hangouts.

Thank you to Vaarka and Sapphique for getting me into mafia.

Thank you to Hayd for being my mentor.

Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

Thank you to airmax1227 for trying to run this site the best you can. (Even though I did submit to the Criticize Airmax Truthbox.)

Thank you to SamStevens for posting all those questions on my profile at 2 am.

Thank you donald.keller and TUF for running the wonderful Voters Union.

Thank you to SolonKR for our five hour conversations in Google Hangouts. You've probably been the best friend I've had on this site, whether that be for the best or not. I'm sorry that I said that I didn't want to meet you in real life and that you were an axe murderer.

I wish you all the best.

Good bye DDO. I hold you near and dear.

-Bailey

That PM is still open...
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tejretics
Posts: 6,800
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7/7/2016 9:04:16 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
You're a good member, Bailey. And I'm really sorry to hear about this.

People can be horrible. Life can suck. I can't pretend to know what it feels like, but I do know that it isn't any good. But DDO enjoyed your presence, and I know that you felt sheltered by the community. And the community is willing to be that shelter -- it's willing to be that place you can be secure from anything else.

However bad life is, it doesn't mean you can't still enjoy it.

Your debates were great. It's been fun talking to you, and I would love to do it even more.

I really, really cling on to the hope that you return.
"Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe." - Frederick Douglass

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1harderthanyouthink
Posts: 13,622
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7/7/2016 11:04:07 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
It's only been 13 hours since you posted, but I'm really afraid.

I wish that I had seen this thread earlier. Maybe then I could be more confident you could see what I said.

I wish I had said more to you when I thought you needed it. I knew you had problems, but I also had gut feelings you weren't doing well even when you said you were okay. I'm upset over my lack of expressing my thoughts when they were on my mind. Maybe if I wasn't so damn socially inept in one-on-one situations, I could have said more than a few words.
Why?

DDO Risk King
Sapphique
Posts: 4,306
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7/7/2016 5:51:12 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:

Gosh, 13 hours ago. I hope to God you're still reading this thread. I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but please know--truly know--that many people here do genuinely love and care about you. You're an amazing person, and I enjoy talking to you. So, like some others have said, use this place as a refuge instead of bottling up your feelings. Rant as long as you need to, joke around and laugh, knowing that DDO is a community that welcomes you with open arms.
DDO Beginners' Mafia Moderator -- PM me if you'd like to learn how to play mafia!

"We wondered what happiness would look like if we could give it a physical form...the shape of happiness might resemble glass...even though you don't usually notice it, it's still definitely there. You merely have to change your point of view slightly, and then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light. I doubt that anything else could argue its own existence more eloquently." ~Lelouch
I_Wanna_Rawk
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7/7/2016 8:23:13 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/7/2016 1:17:41 AM, 1harderthanyouthink wrote:
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
I want to just end it all before I do damage to the people I care about in real life or DDO.

You won't do damage to people by staying. If they can't handle it, they don't deserve to be called your friend.

I don't know you, but playing Mafia with you I think you are a pretty good person. I want to say amen to this post, as it robes true. I hope that you do not kill yourself, and manage to sort things out. I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through.
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,637
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7/7/2016 8:49:19 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:
Thank you to ESocialBookworm for always being so damn pleasant.

I'm here for you if you ever need me, even if it's just to chill in a hangout or talk. You have me on g+, or my email. Stay strong sweetie <3
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.
Deep down, we're all dumbassses who act like shittheads

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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7/7/2016 11:45:53 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 7/6/2016 9:35:27 PM, missbailey8 wrote:


Sh it.

I was suicidal too once. And I used the site to escape all the bad stuff in my life. I wish I could've helped people here too.

I don't really know you, sure, but I like people, and I like you.

Sometimes I really get sentimental with people. Too much. But I've talked with a lot of people with a lot of problems. I learnt most people have problems and there's nothing I can do to really help them.

I am really f ucking sad you're leaving and sadder to think you're suffering at the same time while doing it. That f ucks me up.

I don't know if that's worth anything but hey, least I'm not saying goodbye. Cause I really hate that.

One day, if you keep living long enough, life will change for the better, especially if you've got the financial support. I hope that happens for you. I hope you find satisfaction in the things you do, love in the people you talk to, and motivation to reach every goal you've ever had.
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us