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Death of a Lover

PetersSmith
Posts: 5,860
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7/28/2016 11:52:18 PM
Posted: 4 months ago
Hypothetically, let's say that you are happily dating your girlfriend/boyfriend. Let's then say that your girlfriend/boyfriend dies in a fatal accident, would you be comfortable with dating again after this? How short of a time span do you think you must be dating in order to feel comfortable with dating again, or does the years of dating does not matter? How long after their death? Or do you think you'll never be able to date again? Do you think it would be disrespectful to date again after their death, or do you think they'd want you to move on? How long would it take you to tell your new partner of what happened?

Let's then up the ante with a follow-up scenario, what if it was your wife/husband who died? Would there be a difference? Same questions apply.
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Emmarie
Posts: 1,907
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7/29/2016 12:03:19 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
At 7/28/2016 11:52:18 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
Hypothetically, let's say that you are happily dating your girlfriend/boyfriend. Let's then say that your girlfriend/boyfriend dies in a fatal accident, would you be comfortable with dating again after this? How short of a time span do you think you must be dating in order to feel comfortable with dating again, or does the years of dating does not matter? How long after their death? Or do you think you'll never be able to date again? Do you think it would be disrespectful to date again after their death, or do you think they'd want you to move on? How long would it take you to tell your new partner of what happened?

Let's then up the ante with a follow-up scenario, what if it was your wife/husband who died? Would there be a difference? Same questions apply.
I think the ending of any serious relationship, whether through death of just a break up requires some time to mourn the loss of that relationship as well as to rebuild an independent identity. For me it would take a year at the minimum, but since every individual grieves in their own way, it could take more or less time to heal.

I would tell my new partner immediately, to avoid bringing unforeseen baggage into the relationship. They really wouldn't become a "partner" without knowing what led to the ending of my last relationship is what I'm saying, they would have known while the relationship was still in a platonic stage.
Emmarie
Posts: 1,907
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7/29/2016 12:06:36 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
lol - you just changed your profile pic as i posted my comment. I like the B+W standing on the rock looking at the water below.
Hayd
Posts: 4,022
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7/29/2016 1:23:43 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
At 7/28/2016 11:52:18 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
Hypothetically, let's say that you are happily dating your girlfriend/boyfriend. Let's then say that your girlfriend/boyfriend dies in a fatal accident, would you be comfortable with dating again after this? How short of a time span do you think you must be dating in order to feel comfortable with dating again, or does the years of dating does not matter? How long after their death? Or do you think you'll never be able to date again? Do you think it would be disrespectful to date again after their death, or do you think they'd want you to move on? How long would it take you to tell your new partner of what happened?

Let's then up the ante with a follow-up scenario, what if it was your wife/husband who died? Would there be a difference? Same questions apply.

I think its ok to date again, but it takes some time first. Hopping into another relationship straight away is disrespectful to your partner's death, and besides you have to find closure after the death. Being in another relationship doesn't help that. The specific amount of time is relative to the individual, and the closeness of the relationship. For a married couple, I'd say a year or probably a couple years. For just partners I'd say a couple months to a year. But a couple months at least.
Hayd
Posts: 4,022
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7/29/2016 1:28:48 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
At 7/29/2016 12:03:19 AM, Emmarie wrote:
At 7/28/2016 11:52:18 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
Hypothetically, let's say that you are happily dating your girlfriend/boyfriend. Let's then say that your girlfriend/boyfriend dies in a fatal accident, would you be comfortable with dating again after this? How short of a time span do you think you must be dating in order to feel comfortable with dating again, or does the years of dating does not matter? How long after their death? Or do you think you'll never be able to date again? Do you think it would be disrespectful to date again after their death, or do you think they'd want you to move on? How long would it take you to tell your new partner of what happened?

Let's then up the ante with a follow-up scenario, what if it was your wife/husband who died? Would there be a difference? Same questions apply.
I think the ending of any serious relationship, whether through death of just a break up requires some time to mourn the loss of that relationship as well as to rebuild an independent identity. For me it would take a year at the minimum, but since every individual grieves in their own way, it could take more or less time to heal.

I would tell my new partner immediately, to avoid bringing unforeseen baggage into the relationship. They really wouldn't become a "partner" without knowing what led to the ending of my last relationship is what I'm saying, they would have known while the relationship was still in a platonic stage.

+1
HeavenlyPanda
Posts: 819
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7/29/2016 1:32:04 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
At 7/28/2016 11:52:18 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
Hypothetically, let's say that you are happily dating your girlfriend/boyfriend. Let's then say that your girlfriend/boyfriend dies in a fatal accident, would you be comfortable with dating again after this? How short of a time span do you think you must be dating in order to feel comfortable with dating again, or does the years of dating does not matter? How long after their death? Or do you think you'll never be able to date again? Do you think it would be disrespectful to date again after their death, or do you think they'd want you to move on? How long would it take you to tell your new partner of what happened?

Let's then up the ante with a follow-up scenario, what if it was your wife/husband who died? Would there be a difference? Same questions apply.

I doubt you would ever forget. There was never the "breaking up" feeling that broke the two of you up. Therefore you would always still love that person even a little bit. It would probably take more time than just a break up becuase there was no negative feelings between you and your SO.
HeavenlyPanda. The most heavenly of all heavenly creatures.
Nivek
Posts: 242
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7/29/2016 4:07:10 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
I'm only 18 so I'm not sure how life experiences will change me in the future but I will never, ever forget things that happen for the first time. To this day, I still refuse to believe that worthless "they come and go" bullsh!t talk that I receive once in a while from extroverted individuals. I spent most of my time alone, what little else I have left is usually spent socializing with my SO. Even if she were to disappear, I can still treasure it as part of my former happiness. There are always ways and means to recollect your memories and enjoy them just as much as you would when face to face.