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Missing my parents for the holidays

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11/22/2016 2:54:17 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
First time actually discussing this online but just wanted to share a brief person thought about my parents for these thanksgiving holidays. In 2000 I lost my mother to her battle with breast cancer. I was 19 at the time and prior to her passing, she was actually in remission but soon as she and I moved back to California from Arizona, apparently the cancer came back and it soon quickly spread from her lymph nodes to her brain which ultimately caused her condition to deteriorate quickly. I remember plain as day while living with her in our apartment seeing her lie on a medical bed in our living room deteriorating seeing her just sleep and having to take care of her like a baby it was the hardest thing to experience as a 19 year old. When her conditioned further deteriorated (due to the cancer spreading to her brain) we decided to place her in a convalescent home.

Let me just say the day that she died, I remember how she looked before she passed and when she finally took her last breathe before the people that cared about her the most I remember storming out being angry but at the same time relieved that she was not in pain anymore. I will say I will never forget that........

My father and I were never had the best relationship because he was always drunk and working. Gambling on horses, shooting dice, betting at the bookie joints and so on. A retiree from IBM as a manager, he too, developed cancer later on and I did not find out until after I graduated from college. When he passed I remember that phone call I got from work from my sister who was crying and I knew the possible worse thing has happened. Walking in that room looking at his lifeless body on the floor was too painful. Having to bury my father who also shares the same name as I (obviously not Hiu), I felt as if I was dead. I think the best gift I gave for my father who was so proud that I graduated from a university was giving him my college diploma, placing it in his casket. My father was a vet so we received the folded flag.

I say all that to say is anyone who has had to deal with a loved one with cancer knows the pain and agony one can truly feel. I have missed 16 years of birthdays, thanksgivings, christmas' that I want to share with my mother and have missed 6 of those from my dad. I implore all of you to cherish your loved ones closely and wish all of you a happy holidays and hope none of you, even the ones that piss me off sometimes have had to deal with the things I've had to deal with. This thread was perhaps the hardest thing to write.