Total Posts:20|Showing Posts:1-20
Jump to topic:

Political Philosophy 101

emospongebob527
Posts: 790
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 1:52:13 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
The Two Cows Example of Political Philosophy begins with two cows.*

FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You have *got* to have some of this milk. I mean totally.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

THERAPYISM:
You have two cows. One is a metaphor for your inner child. The other is the manifestation of anger toward a parental figure. You take one of the cows on walks through grassy fields by the gentle ocean waves. The other you beat with an anger bat.

RECOVERYISM:
You have twelve cows ... and a sponsor.

INSURANCISM:
You have two cows. The Federal regulator requires you to hold one cow in reserve because they predict a shortage of milk. The Provincial/State regulator requires you to drop the price of milk because they predict a surplus of milk. The courts deem your cows inherently dangerous and order you to provide free milk to anyone who has ever been frightened by a farm animal. The marketing people are promising chocolate milk at an enhanced commission and you discover your own actuaries have been building pricing models assuming goats instead to save on the expense line.

OLTHETENISM:
You have two cows. You milk them and sell the milk in the Discovery Cafe.
"not to toot my own horn (it aint need no tooin if u know what im saying), but my writings on "viciousness: the one true viture (fancy spelling for virtue)" and my poem "A poem I wrote about DDO" put me in a class of my damn own. im just an UNRECONGIZED geniuse" -bananafana
AlwaysMoreThanYou
Posts: 2,900
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 2:09:49 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/27/2012 1:52:13 PM, emospongebob527 wrote:
PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

I think it would be more along the lines of 'The community has two cows. Everyone helps take care of them, and everyone shares the milk.'
'When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.' - John 16:13
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 3:53:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
FREEDOISM

You have two governments. A cow takes them and gives them to FREEDO. Free weed for everyone.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Clash
Posts: 220
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 4:54:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I think I would disagree with all these political systems/philosophies, especially Fascism, Dictatorship, Militariansim, and of course Anarchism. This, however, is a great way of explaining political philosophies in simple terms.

Political philosophy is something which is very important to know about. By reading about political philosophy, you will learn very much more about the world and how it works etc. I'm not that very knowledgeable about political philosophy myself, but I have read some of it. I plan to read "Political Philosophy: A Beginners' Guide for Students and Politicians" in a couple of weeks. I've gone through it and looked at its context, and I can tell that this book is very good.
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 4:59:59 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You left out the funniest one (besides bureaucracy)!

NAZISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 6:34:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
SIMPSONISM Don"t have a cow man!!
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
Chicken
Posts: 1,296
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 6:54:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/27/2012 3:53:35 PM, FREEDO wrote:
FREEDOISM

You have two governments. A cow takes them and gives them to FREEDO. Free weed for everyone.

That is why I am a FREEDOIST.
Disciple of Koopin
Right Hand Chicken of the Grand Poobah DDO Vice President FREEDO

Servant of Kfc
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/27/2012 7:18:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
GEOLAUREATE8ISM: :
You have two cows, the Freemasons take them and give the milk to the Illuminati in the New World Order.

000IKEISM:
You have a bifurcated dichotomy of bos taurus eutherian mammals, therefore God doesn"t exist.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
MouthWash
Posts: 2,607
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/28/2012 8:35:43 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/27/2012 4:59:59 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
You left out the funniest one (besides bureaucracy)!

NAZISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

That was Dictatorship.
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)
emospongebob527
Posts: 790
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/28/2012 10:13:54 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
EMOSPONGEBOB527ISM:

You have two cows. All other forms of government that use two cows are false because they are sure there two cows are applicable, I don't know and neither do you.
"not to toot my own horn (it aint need no tooin if u know what im saying), but my writings on "viciousness: the one true viture (fancy spelling for virtue)" and my poem "A poem I wrote about DDO" put me in a class of my damn own. im just an UNRECONGIZED geniuse" -bananafana
Stephen_Hawkins
Posts: 5,316
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/28/2012 11:50:33 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/27/2012 4:54:00 PM, Clash wrote:
I think I would disagree with all these political systems/philosophies, especially Fascism, Dictatorship, Militariansim, and of course Anarchism. This, however, is a great way of explaining political philosophies in simple terms.

Not in any way, no. They're a series of jokes (that is their aim: to be funny). Look at "therapyism", or "counterculture". They take the mick out of the ideologies (though the communism one isn't funny. I prefer the "you have no cows, because ownership is the symbol of the bourgeoisie expropriating surplus value via corrupted totalitarianism viva la revolution maxist-leninist proletariatisation. Therefore the government owns all your cows" version) for comedic purposes, being explicitly erroneous.

In short, taking any of the descriptions as serious is silly. Taking the descriptions as silly is to be promoted. If you do so, I will give you back all your cows. Apart from those two.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to be Gay, he'll positively influence the GDP.

Social Contract Theory debate: http://www.debate.org...
badger
Posts: 11,793
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/29/2012 12:27:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
VEGANISM:
You have two cows. They are just looking at you, like cows. One of them dies. Is the other cow sad? I dunno. Now what? Will we have a funeral for the dead cow? Let's bury him and have a little ceremony I guess. Will we coax that other cow along or something? I dunno. Do. Hey, he just sh1t on his buddy's grave...
signature
badger
Posts: 11,793
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/29/2012 2:57:28 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
REAL AND PURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Some dude tries to kill you, or con you. Fvck you, you're for his profit, he wants your cows. You guys war over the cows. Either, one of you wins, taking what's left, perhaps the other under slavery even. Or, you both die, perhaps the cows survive... cows might take over the world. or cockroaches. Everyone's dead anyway.
signature
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/29/2012 3:57:47 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 11/29/2012 3:53:39 PM, badger wrote:
ALCOHOLISM:
You have two cows. It's rare you can see them, though.

You have only one cow, but it looks like two.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
badger
Posts: 11,793
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/29/2012 4:00:07 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
MISANTHROPISM:
You have two cows. You take them into a lab and breed a super virus in them, make cow zombies of them or something, then release them upon the world.
signature
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/29/2012 8:09:32 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
DETECTABLENINJISM

You have two cows. The government really wants you to milk them. But, you know, the government hopes it doesn't offend you if you don't want to. And if you don't want to, hey, they're your cows. The government thinks not milking them is absolutely wrong, so if you want to have a conversation with the government about what should be done with the cows, then cool! But, please, let the government know if at any time it offends you. That is totally not the intention of the government.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus