Total Posts:23|Showing Posts:1-23
Jump to topic:

Philosophy Jokes

Blade-of-Truth
Posts: 5,035
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/11/2014 10:00:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Descartes takes his date, Jeanne, to a posh restaurant for her birthday.

The sommelier hands them the wine list, and Jeanne asks to order the most expensive bottle on the list.

"I think not!" exclaims an indignant Descartes, and *POOF* he disappears.

***************************

When Plato first met Socrates,

Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"

Socrates: "You ask too many questions."

***************************

How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

***************************

Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

***************************

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

****************************

How did the solipsist break up with her boyfriend?

"It's not you, it's me."

**************************

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com...

*************************

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark...

****************************

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

*****************************

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?

About 50,000 a year.

****************************

Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori.
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.

*****************************
Debate.org Deputy Vote Moderator
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DDO Voting Guide: http://www.debate.org...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Need a judge on your debate? Nominate me! http://www.debate.org...
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/11/2014 10:02:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/11/2014 10:00:08 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Descartes takes his date, Jeanne, to a posh restaurant for her birthday.

The sommelier hands them the wine list, and Jeanne asks to order the most expensive bottle on the list.

"I think not!" exclaims an indignant Descartes, and *POOF* he disappears.

***************************

When Plato first met Socrates,

Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"

Socrates: "You ask too many questions."

***************************

How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

***************************

Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

***************************

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

****************************

How did the solipsist break up with her boyfriend?

"It's not you, it's me."

**************************

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com...

*************************

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark...

****************************

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

*****************************

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?

About 50,000 a year.

****************************

Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori.
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.

*****************************

Two behaviorists have sex. The guy says to the girl: That was good for you. Was it good for me?
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
zmikecuber
Posts: 4,093
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/11/2014 10:06:11 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/11/2014 10:00:08 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Descartes takes his date, Jeanne, to a posh restaurant for her birthday.

The sommelier hands them the wine list, and Jeanne asks to order the most expensive bottle on the list.

"I think not!" exclaims an indignant Descartes, and *POOF* he disappears.

***************************

When Plato first met Socrates,

Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"

Socrates: "You ask too many questions."

***************************

How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

***************************

Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

***************************

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

****************************

How did the solipsist break up with her boyfriend?

"It's not you, it's me."

**************************

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com...

*************************

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark...

****************************

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

*****************************

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?

About 50,000 a year.

****************************

Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori.
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.

*****************************

Three logicians go to a bar and each have a beer. The bartender comes up to them and says "Would all three of you like another drink?" The first one says: I don't know. The second one says: I don't know. The third one says: Yes.
"Delete your fvcking sig" -1hard

"primal man had the habit, when he came into contact with fire, of satisfying the infantile desire connected with it, by putting it out with a stream of his urine... Putting out the fire by micturating was therefore a kind of sexual act with a male, an enjoyment of sexual potency in a homosexual competition."
xXCryptoXx
Posts: 5,000
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/11/2014 10:45:11 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/11/2014 10:00:08 PM, Blade-of-Truth wrote:
Descartes takes his date, Jeanne, to a posh restaurant for her birthday.

The sommelier hands them the wine list, and Jeanne asks to order the most expensive bottle on the list.

"I think not!" exclaims an indignant Descartes, and *POOF* he disappears.

***************************

When Plato first met Socrates,

Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"

Socrates: "You ask too many questions."

***************************

How many marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

***************************

Why do Marxists only ever drink horrible tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

***************************

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

****************************

How did the solipsist break up with her boyfriend?

"It's not you, it's me."

I thought this was the funniest.


**************************

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com...

*************************

How many skeptics does it take to change a light bulb?

Actually, they won't do it--they have no sense of urgency about the situation--they aren't sure they're really in the dark

This one was pretty clever

****************************

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

Lol'd at this one


*****************************

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?

About 50,000 a year.

****************************

Philosophers do it deeper.
Philosophers do it a posteriori.
Philosophers do it consistently.
Philosophers do it conceptually.
Philosophers do it for pure reasons.
Philosophers do it with their minds.
Philosophers think about doing it.
Philosophers wonder why they did it.

*****************************
Nolite Timere
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 12:20:29 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
*Hegel

Why did the eliminative materialist cross the road? One day Neuroscience will tell us.

"Werner Heisenberg, Kurt G"del, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" G"del replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.

Get it?
Wana hear a joke about retro-causality?
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.
socialpinko
Posts: 10,458
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 9:53:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Marx and Hegel go to a movie. At the concession stand, Hegel turns to ask if Marx wants any popcorn. Marx scoffs, "Keep yer bougie popcorn. I prefer the kernel."
: At 9/29/2014 10:55:59 AM, imabench wrote:
: : At 9/29/2014 9:43:46 AM, kbub wrote:
: :
: : DDO should discredit support of sexual violence at any time and in every way.
:
: I disagree.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:08:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 9:53:27 PM, socialpinko wrote:
Marx and Hegel go to a movie. At the concession stand, Hegel turns to ask if Marx wants any popcorn. Marx scoffs, "Keep yer bougie popcorn. I prefer the kernel."

Explain pls.
socialpinko
Posts: 10,458
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:22:23 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 11:08:44 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:53:27 PM, socialpinko wrote:
Marx and Hegel go to a movie. At the concession stand, Hegel turns to ask if Marx wants any popcorn. Marx scoffs, "Keep yer bougie popcorn. I prefer the kernel."

Explain pls.

"My dialectic method is not only different from the Hegelian, but is its direct opposite. To Hegel, the life-process of the human brain, i.e., the process of thinking, which, under the name of "the Idea," he even transforms into an independent subject, is the demiurgos of the real world, and the real world is only the external, phenomenal form of "the Idea." With me, on the contrary, the ideal is nothing else than the material world reflected by the human mind, and translated into forms of thought. [.....] The mystification which dialectic suffers in Hegel"s hands, by no means prevents him from being the first to present its general form of working in a comprehensive and conscious manner. With him it is standing on its head. It must be turned right side up again, if you would discover the rational kernel within the mystical shell."

-Karl Marx
: At 9/29/2014 10:55:59 AM, imabench wrote:
: : At 9/29/2014 9:43:46 AM, kbub wrote:
: :
: : DDO should discredit support of sexual violence at any time and in every way.
:
: I disagree.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:38:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.

I might just have to russell their feathers then.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:42:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 11:38:18 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.

I might just have to russell their feathers then.

You're going to get yourself in moore trouble.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,245
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/12/2014 11:52:31 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 11:42:47 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:38:18 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.

I might just have to russell their feathers then.

You're going to get yourself in moore trouble.

It would seem the hobbes are against me, but I think I have a chance.
n7
Posts: 1,360
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/13/2014 12:07:24 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/12/2014 11:52:31 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:42:47 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:38:18 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.

I might just have to russell their feathers then.

You're going to get yourself in moore trouble.

It would seem the hobbes are against me, but I think I have a chance.

Just don't popper top in court.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
11/13/2014 11:36:32 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 11/13/2014 12:07:24 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:52:31 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:42:47 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:38:18 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 11:27:24 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 9:47:47 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 6:13:04 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 5:49:28 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 4:56:42 PM, n7 wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:51:30 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 11/12/2014 12:16:57 AM, n7 wrote:
At 11/11/2014 11:23:12 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
I would like to make a philosophy joke, but I kant.

I'd sell you a philosophy joke, but you'd have to Hagel.

I'm not interested in your freudulent offer.

But I haven't gave you an offer. Don't put Descartes before the horse.

Don't try to put this on me. It was your foucault to begin with.

You started it. I'm calling the police and they'll kick you in your monads and Locke you up!

I'd better be careful. I already have two marx against me.

They're not going to appreciate your Humeor.

I might just have to russell their feathers then.

You're going to get yourself in moore trouble.

It would seem the hobbes are against me, but I think I have a chance.

Just don't popper top in court.

Oman, once you Sartre, you can't stop Tillich becomes a Bohr, that's Watts wrong, if you two are Smart, you Sneed to realize you Otto quit Wright now.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater