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Cow Politics

Brian314
Posts: 47
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6/18/2011 3:59:36 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I'm sure some people have probably seen this before, but for those of you who haven't, I thought this was pretty funny- politics explained in terms of cows.

FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM:
You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering,intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

JAPANESE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so they don't ask any awkward questions about who you're giving the milk to.
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/18/2011 4:07:10 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I like this thread.
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
Brian314
Posts: 47
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6/19/2011 5:54:53 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/19/2011 12:48:33 PM, Greyparrot wrote:
I did not see Theocracy.

THEOCRACY:
You are not allowed to drink milk in the same meal with meat.
nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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6/19/2011 8:20:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

I literally LOL'd at this
Rob1_Billion
Posts: 1,300
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6/20/2011 11:28:13 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I thought the bureaucracy one was good. We do so much 'just because' of policy and the like, after all. But I don't see this as a function of only bureaucracy, I see it a lot in private enterprise as well. When I worked at Burger King I remember being told I had to throw out a cheeseburger that was out too long (not fresh enough to charge full-price for, but certainly fresh enough to eat) and that I could not eat it because it "had to go on the waste chart." I said I would be happy to eat it, and there are many people in the world who would be happy to eat it, but of course that sort of sense doesn't fly in the private sector when profits must be made. Lots of things must be intentionally wasted because it cuts down on free-riders. It's no wonder I have nurtured such a hatred for capitalism...
kfc
baggins
Posts: 855
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6/20/2011 11:47:19 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/20/2011 11:28:13 AM, Rob1_Billion wrote:
I thought the bureaucracy one was good. We do so much 'just because' of policy and the like, after all. But I don't see this as a function of only bureaucracy, I see it a lot in private enterprise as well. When I worked at Burger King I remember being told I had to throw out a cheeseburger that was out too long (not fresh enough to charge full-price for, but certainly fresh enough to eat) and that I could not eat it because it "had to go on the waste chart." I said I would be happy to eat it, and there are many people in the world who would be happy to eat it, but of course that sort of sense doesn't fly in the private sector when profits must be made. Lots of things must be intentionally wasted because it cuts down on free-riders. It's no wonder I have nurtured such a hatred for capitalism...

Naturally. They didn't let you cheeseburger! :)
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See they not how Allah originates creation, then repeats it: truly that is easy for Allah.

Say: "Travel through the earth and see how Allah did originate creation; so will Allah produce a later creation: for Allah has power over all things.