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You Are Now Dictator of the United States

FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Brainmaster
Posts: 1,603
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6/25/2011 6:36:21 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Mobilize everyone I can to counterattack. If I lose, seppuku. If I win, restore the Earth (and have a good time doing so, wink wink)
Kfc.
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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6/25/2011 6:38:48 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Thank them, then get to work phasing in user fees and phasing out taxes.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/25/2011 7:11:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
The first thing I would do is tell the whole world that if they don't destroy all their nuclear weapons I will unleash all of Americas, thus destroying the Earth as we know it. To prove that I'm crazy enough, I would shoot myself in the foot while giving a speech and laugh hysterically.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Illegalcombatant
Posts: 4,008
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6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.
"Seems like another attempt to insert God into areas our knowledge has yet to penetrate. You figure God would be bigger than the gaps of our ignorance." Drafterman 19/5/12
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/25/2011 7:17:37 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would commission the construction of spacecraft and start allowing privatized space companies to begin launching their vessels into space as I begin plans on the potential terraforming of Mars. I would also put all of the An-Caps, Fascists, Communists, and Eugenicists on a series of O'Neil Cylinders and ship them off to other solar systems.
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/25/2011 7:18:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

I would, in all seriousness, do that, since I would make it illegal to farm animals for their meat.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/25/2011 7:19:22 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

This will not end well.
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
Brainmaster
Posts: 1,603
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6/25/2011 7:20:30 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:19:22 PM, SuperRobotWars wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

This will not end well.

There are black people in the US for God's sake, we can't risk an uprising!
Kfc.
quarterexchange
Posts: 1,549
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6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.
I don't discriminate....I hate everybody.
Brainmaster
Posts: 1,603
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6/25/2011 7:28:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.

They're not even a real country anyways!
Kfc.
quarterexchange
Posts: 1,549
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6/25/2011 7:31:41 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:28:16 PM, Brainmaster wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.

They're not even a real country anyways!

I just consider Canadians to be a sub human group of people

I mean, come on, we all watch South Park, so we all have a pretty good idea of how Canadian people act and behave.
I don't discriminate....I hate everybody.
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/25/2011 7:50:09 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.

Yeah!
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/25/2011 7:50:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:20:30 PM, Brainmaster wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:19:22 PM, SuperRobotWars wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

This will not end well.

There are black people in the US for God's sake, we can't risk an uprising!

Yeah beacuse you will lose.
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
SuperRobotWars
Posts: 3,906
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6/25/2011 7:50:50 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:32:56 PM, FREEDO wrote:
I would universalize marijuana. Free pot for everyone.

Yeah!
Minister Of Trolling
: At 12/6/2011 2:21:41 PM, badger wrote:
: ugly people should beat beautiful people ugly. simple! you'd be killing two birds with the one stone... women like violent men and you're making yourself more attractive, relatively. i met a blonde dude who was prettier than me not so long ago. he's not so pretty now! ha!
:
: ...and well, he wasn't really prettier than me. he just had nice hair.
Justin_Chains
Posts: 623
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6/25/2011 7:58:12 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would create a worldwide system for Panarchy and use my dictatorship to organize a group who oversees this system. The group would contain people from every smaller system (nations) within the larger Panarchy system (the world).

http://en.wikipedia.org...
Rob1_Billion
Posts: 1,300
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6/25/2011 11:07:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would order that every decision (particularly economic) that any person makes must be considered in it's entirety, without disregarding the externalities (e.g., environmental, social, etc.) of that action as someone else's problem. I would appoint local interdisciplinary boards to analyze and publish the results of as many of these decisions as possible (possibly by some random process), to create optimal transparency for people to see why we are getting into the messes we are ending up in.

I would abolish all law and property, simply giving people a territory to occupy for themselves which is not transferrable to friends or family. This territory would be subject to scrutiny by the local interdisciplinary board and published. Note that prime real-estate next to bodies of water, which we would expect to be the most bitterly fought over, would not be available anyway because scientists on the interdisciplinary panels would deem necessary riparian buffer zones. People could still hypothetically build here anyway and buck the published articles, but the neighboring community who recognizes the ill-intent of this action could simply not interact with these people. No man is an island, after all.

I would also appoint ethics panels to publish articles, based on local submissions from journalists, on the moral states of those who are especially helpful or non-helpful to the communities at large. In particular, people would be judged at how they weighed their decisions on a logic-versus-emotional basis. Those making logical decisions that are constructive would be praised and celebrated, inducing more help and support from the community. Those who act based on emotion against logical interests (e.g., consuming resources lavishly/unsustainably/unfairly to sate greedy desires), would be highlighted and possibly have a harder time interacting with those who are paying the price for their illogical decisions.
kfc
el-badgero
Posts: 1,045
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6/25/2011 11:10:12 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
you can't beat a good war with aliens.
DATCMOTO's moustache makes him look like an eejit...

edit: nah, i'm jealous... God's an eejit definitely though!
Rockylightning
Posts: 2,862
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6/25/2011 11:18:24 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
-Illegalize meat
-legalize euthanasia
-legalize marijuana
-Create a lasting peace with the aliens.
-disarm all nuclear weapons
-close all nuclear powerplants
-Make solar farms on the roofs of cities and other places
-legalize gay marriage
-create synthetic kfc to appease the masses
-immortalize myself
-revive these people with my revive machine: Rene Descartes, Albert Einstein, Copernicus, Ptolemy (just to shove it in his face the Sun is the center), and more.
quarterexchange
Posts: 1,549
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6/25/2011 11:22:07 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 11:18:24 PM, Rockylightning wrote:
-Illegalize meat
-legalize euthanasia
-legalize marijuana
-Create a lasting peace with the aliens.
-disarm all nuclear weapons
-close all nuclear powerplants
-Make solar farms on the roofs of cities and other places
-legalize gay marriage
-create synthetic kfc to appease the masses
-immortalize myself
-revive these people with my revive machine: Rene Descartes, Albert Einstein, Copernicus, Ptolemy (just to shove it in his face the Sun is the center), and more.

You're joking right?
I don't discriminate....I hate everybody.
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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6/25/2011 11:39:26 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:18:16 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

I would, in all seriousness, do that, since I would make it illegal to farm animals for their meat.

I most likely would commit suicide. You would be taking away my love of food, and the carrier I've wanted since age 12.
kfc
Brainmaster
Posts: 1,603
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6/25/2011 11:40:21 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 7:31:41 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:28:16 PM, Brainmaster wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.

They're not even a real country anyways!

I just consider Canadians to be a sub human group of people

I mean, come on, we all watch South Park, so we all have a pretty good idea of how Canadian people act and behave.

You watch SP and didn't get the reference?
Kfc.
Grape
Posts: 989
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6/25/2011 11:41:35 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 11:39:26 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:18:16 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

I would, in all seriousness, do that, since I would make it illegal to farm animals for their meat.

I most likely would commit suicide. You would be taking away my love of food, and the carrier I've wanted since age 12.

Not just his carrier, but his battleship and his patrol boat. Yes, his patrol boat. That little son of a bitch that you can never find.

Koopin would never win at Battleship! again.
quarterexchange
Posts: 1,549
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6/25/2011 11:43:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 11:40:21 PM, Brainmaster wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:31:41 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:28:16 PM, Brainmaster wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:23:14 PM, quarterexchange wrote:
I would begin to order the summary executions of Disney Channel celebrities as well as their fans, quarantine San Francisco to prevent the crazy from leaking out, and finally invade Canada and enslave all Canadians.

They're not even a real country anyways!

I just consider Canadians to be a sub human group of people

I mean, come on, we all watch South Park, so we all have a pretty good idea of how Canadian people act and behave.

You watch SP and didn't get the reference?

No. I apologize.

BTW, did you see that episode of SP where Ike had to save the Princess of Canada?
I don't discriminate....I hate everybody.
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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6/25/2011 11:44:28 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/25/2011 11:41:35 PM, Grape wrote:
At 6/25/2011 11:39:26 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:18:16 PM, FREEDO wrote:
At 6/25/2011 7:15:21 PM, Illegalcombatant wrote:
At 6/25/2011 6:32:10 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A race of aliens have discovered Earth, known as the Trollians.
They vastly out-power the human-race.
But don't worry, they are peaceful, sorta.
Fur shitsn'giggles they select one random person to be the dictator of the United States.
Everyone is forced to accept you as dictator, including yourself.
What do you do?

Ban KFC.

I would, in all seriousness, do that, since I would make it illegal to farm animals for their meat.

I most likely would commit suicide. You would be taking away my love of food, and the carrier I've wanted since age 12.

Not just his carrier, but his battleship and his patrol boat. Yes, his patrol boat. That little son of a bitch that you can never find.

Koopin would never win at Battleship! again.

lol, oops.
kfc
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/25/2011 11:46:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would pay back all debts immediately and pay the populace of every authoritarian country in exchange for reforming their governments tremendously. The degree to which I would pay them would be high enough that the populace would revolt if the governments didn't accept.

I would also withdraw all military personal from overseas.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord