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If I Became Dictator of America...

FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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10/11/2011 1:36:44 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Ahehehehe, I would unleash my madness on the peoples of the Earth.

Firstly, I would call together a mass assembly of leaders at the United Nations. I would step up on the stage, look out to everyone and exclaim to the world that if their countries do not begin immediate military, particularly nuclear, disarmament, I will just go ahead and use all of mine on them. Everything we have. WWIII. I would make the world choose between peace or total alienation. And, frankly, either sounds dandy to me. I'm not looking for any specific result, it's just fun seeing what happens. And to prove my serious-as-shitness I would laugh maniacally, then proceed to pull out a gun and shoot myself in the leg five times.

If we end up surviving that, it's then on to economic policy. I could actually be viewed as a hero at this point but it won't last for long. I would immediately begin to intentionally send the country into a depression. I would do this behind the cloak of completely paying off the national debt. This would be done through a completely reformed tax policy. ALL taxes except sales tax would be abolished and then the sales tax would simply be sky rocketed. But I would then radically expand the social safety net to cover all basic needs. The point of the depression isn't to torture people after-all, it is to teach them a lesson. No longer will they be able to keep up on the latest luxury goods and all the senseless crap. They will know the meaning of a modest life where they know they will have the basic needs for life and will learn to be content with this because it is all they are going to get. To further ensure this, I would then raise the minimum wage to 200 dollars and hour. For the first time, the MAJORITY of Americans will be out of a job. To further put people out of work and to prevent the formation of a huge worker black-market, I would then provide free automation for any job that could be automated. The economy would be almost entirely automated and only highly trained specialists would hold jobs. Lastly, since Americans need at least one form of entertainment amongst this collapse of materialistic culture, I would establish a Universal Marijuana Service and distribute it free to anyone, as a right.

Now onto civil policy! I would begin an immediate and severe campaign against the male race, in the name of reducing crime. Men, after-all, are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime. There would be required abortion of all male fetuses. Scientific research would begin immediately on artificial impregnation without actual male sperm and for predestination of a fetus' sex. Men would also be prohibited from voting, running for public office and from owning firearms. The voting age would be dropped to 12. The Republican and Democratic parties would be abolished. No one who has ever registered with either party would be allowed to run for public office. The farming of animals for consumption would be outlawed, though sale and consumption itself would remain legal. Lastly, marriage would be defined as between a human and a shoe.

leeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleelee

leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
DanT
Posts: 5,693
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10/11/2011 1:41:12 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 1:36:44 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Ahehehehe, I would unleash my madness on the peoples of the Earth.

Firstly, I would call together a mass assembly of leaders at the United Nations. I would step up on the stage, look out to everyone and exclaim to the world that if their countries do not begin immediate military, particularly nuclear, disarmament, I will just go ahead and use all of mine on them. Everything we have. WWIII. I would make the world choose between peace or total alienation. And, frankly, either sounds dandy to me. I'm not looking for any specific result, it's just fun seeing what happens. And to prove my serious-as-shitness I would laugh maniacally, then proceed to pull out a gun and shoot myself in the leg five times.

If we end up surviving that, it's then on to economic policy. I could actually be viewed as a hero at this point but it won't last for long. I would immediately begin to intentionally send the country into a depression. I would do this behind the cloak of completely paying off the national debt. This would be done through a completely reformed tax policy. ALL taxes except sales tax would be abolished and then the sales tax would simply be sky rocketed. But I would then radically expand the social safety net to cover all basic needs. The point of the depression isn't to torture people after-all, it is to teach them a lesson. No longer will they be able to keep up on the latest luxury goods and all the senseless crap. They will know the meaning of a modest life where they know they will have the basic needs for life and will learn to be content with this because it is all they are going to get. To further ensure this, I would then raise the minimum wage to 200 dollars and hour. For the first time, the MAJORITY of Americans will be out of a job. To further put people out of work and to prevent the formation of a huge worker black-market, I would then provide free automation for any job that could be automated. The economy would be almost entirely automated and only highly trained specialists would hold jobs. Lastly, since Americans need at least one form of entertainment amongst this collapse of materialistic culture, I would establish a Universal Marijuana Service and distribute it free to anyone, as a right.

Now onto civil policy! I would begin an immediate and severe campaign against the male race, in the name of reducing crime. Men, after-all, are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime. There would be required abortion of all male fetuses. Scientific research would begin immediately on artificial impregnation without actual male sperm and for predestination of a fetus' sex. Men would also be prohibited from voting, running for public office and from owning firearms. The voting age would be dropped to 12. The Republican and Democratic parties would be abolished. No one who has ever registered with either party would be allowed to run for public office. The farming of animals for consumption would be outlawed, though sale and consumption itself would remain legal. Lastly, marriage would be defined as between a human and a shoe.


leeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleelee

leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

TL;DR
"Chemical weapons are no different than any other types of weapons."~Lordknukle
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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10/11/2011 1:44:30 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 1:42:06 AM, darkkermit wrote:
cool story bro

I'm wearing a hat of worms right now.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
DanT
Posts: 5,693
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10/11/2011 1:48:59 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I read the 1st paragraph I'll read the rest tomorrow... I'm gonna hit the hay. (3am)
"Chemical weapons are no different than any other types of weapons."~Lordknukle
kogline
Posts: 134
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10/11/2011 6:06:41 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
haha, see i would pour resources into genetic engineering research and basically make female humans into brainless birthing machines, similar to the tleilaxu in the Dune series.

although with modern technology it may be inefficient to alter females into breeding tanks when we could just learn how to create embryos from scratch and grow them in labs, then just get rid of women altogether.

of course in a world without females sexbots would be perfected within months, wouldn't even need to be subsidized. although i think subsidizing the sexbots so that each man gets at least one would solve many of the crime problems you like to reference so much.

;D
if state farm has perfected teleportation technology why do they still sell car insurance?
kogline
Posts: 134
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10/11/2011 6:08:04 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
most of the other stuff though i agree with you on, especially automation. not voting as that would not be a dictatorship. unless the voting is simply a means of letting the dictator know what they want rather than a way of getting what they want.
if state farm has perfected teleportation technology why do they still sell car insurance?
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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10/11/2011 10:22:59 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 6:06:41 AM, kogline wrote:
haha, see i would pour resources into genetic engineering research and basically make female humans into brainless birthing machines, similar to the tleilaxu in the Dune series.

sooooo, go back 70 years?


although with modern technology it may be inefficient to alter females into breeding tanks when we could just learn how to create embryos from scratch and grow them in labs, then just get rid of women altogether.

I can't live without boobies, so that is not an option.


of course in a world without females sexbots would be perfected within months, wouldn't even need to be subsidized. although i think subsidizing the sexbots so that each man gets at least one would solve many of the crime problems you like to reference so much.

I'm too poor to buy a new model, and I really REALLY don't want a used one.


;D
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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10/11/2011 11:29:04 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I'd sell off parts of it, either to other nations, or to themselves so they could be independent nations. I'd probably just keep Oregon, Washington, and the northern part of Cali (from San Fran and up).
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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10/11/2011 11:34:07 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 11:32:00 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
Why a shoe? That sounds painful.

only the first time.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
kogline
Posts: 134
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10/11/2011 1:01:32 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 10:22:59 AM, Ore_Ele wrote:
At 10/11/2011 6:06:41 AM, kogline wrote:
haha, see i would pour resources into genetic engineering research and basically make female humans into brainless birthing machines, similar to the tleilaxu in the Dune series.

sooooo, go back 70 years?


women didn't have brains 70 years ago? hmm your almost as sexist as me and freedo.
if state farm has perfected teleportation technology why do they still sell car insurance?
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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10/11/2011 1:28:51 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 1:36:44 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Ahehehehe, I would unleash my madness on the peoples of the Earth.

Firstly, I would call together a mass assembly of leaders at the United Nations. I would step up on the stage, look out to everyone and exclaim to the world that if their countries do not begin immediate military, particularly nuclear, disarmament, I will just go ahead and use all of mine on them. Everything we have. WWIII. I would make the world choose between peace or total alienation. And, frankly, either sounds dandy to me. I'm not looking for any specific result, it's just fun seeing what happens. And to prove my serious-as-shitness I would laugh maniacally, then proceed to pull out a gun and shoot myself in the leg five times.

If we end up surviving that, it's then on to economic policy. I could actually be viewed as a hero at this point but it won't last for long. I would immediately begin to intentionally send the country into a depression. I would do this behind the cloak of completely paying off the national debt. This would be done through a completely reformed tax policy. ALL taxes except sales tax would be abolished and then the sales tax would simply be sky rocketed. But I would then radically expand the social safety net to cover all basic needs. The point of the depression isn't to torture people after-all, it is to teach them a lesson. No longer will they be able to keep up on the latest luxury goods and all the senseless crap. They will know the meaning of a modest life where they know they will have the basic needs for life and will learn to be content with this because it is all they are going to get. To further ensure this, I would then raise the minimum wage to 200 dollars and hour. For the first time, the MAJORITY of Americans will be out of a job. To further put people out of work and to prevent the formation of a huge worker black-market, I would then provide free automation for any job that could be automated. The economy would be almost entirely automated and only highly trained specialists would hold jobs. Lastly, since Americans need at least one form of entertainment amongst this collapse of materialistic culture, I would establish a Universal Marijuana Service and distribute it free to anyone, as a right.

Now onto civil policy! I would begin an immediate and severe campaign against the male race, in the name of reducing crime. Men, after-all, are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime. There would be required abortion of all male fetuses. Scientific research would begin immediately on artificial impregnation without actual male sperm and for predestination of a fetus' sex. Men would also be prohibited from voting, running for public office and from owning firearms. The voting age would be dropped to 12. The Republican and Democratic parties would be abolished. No one who has ever registered with either party would be allowed to run for public office. The farming of animals for consumption would be outlawed, though sale and consumption itself would remain legal. Lastly, marriage would be defined as between a human and a shoe.


leeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleeleelee

leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

So what could we read into your particular brand of selfloathing?
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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10/11/2011 5:39:09 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 1:28:51 PM, innomen wrote:
So what could we read into your particular brand of selfloathing?

Idk, I haven't been able to find anything on it. Just me.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
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10/11/2011 7:12:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would kill myself not really I would overthrow your goverment in 24 hours.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
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10/11/2011 7:15:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would destroy the west coast.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
DanT
Posts: 5,693
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10/13/2011 5:29:22 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 7:12:19 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
I would kill myself not really I would overthrow your goverment in 24 hours.

I would stage a Coup D'état, and create a Imperial Autocratic Stratocracy.

I would than use spies to plant nukes in every capital of the world, including DC, and I would "conveniently" vacation in Alaska, when the bombs simultaneously go off crippling every major world government. I would than seize control of the world through the UN, after gaining sympathy as the only surviving figurehead of the most influential countries and from there I would declare global martial law, I would than have all the men castrated and breed with all the women of the earth, thus creating a world in my own image.
"Chemical weapons are no different than any other types of weapons."~Lordknukle
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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10/13/2011 3:47:40 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
If I became Dictator of America, I'd legalize everything, get rid of the police, and charge people with taking care of their own defense.

The government's role would be basically to hold model U.N.(congress?) meetings, and argue over the flavor of cake that the strippers are going to be jumping out of.

All the money that the government had before would be used to fund "The Capital Fortress" which is where these events would take place. Like before, the people would elect represenatives, but in reality, they don't have any power, they are more there for entertainment purposes.. But for that reason, both the house and the senate become infinitely more entertaining, and both Cspans get a slight increase in viewership.

Taxes will be abolished, and be completely voluntary. The government would basically turn into public radio/television, except with more blackjack, hookers, and hopefully less advertisements keeping you from getting back to watching the annual congressional royal rumble.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
Crypto247
Posts: 11
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10/13/2011 9:11:22 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I would privalize everything. From Health Care, to jobs, to schools, to even beaches, stores, fire centers, police stations, and even towns. No public anything. The only thing I would force on people is church. But I will allow gay marriage for the heck of it.