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Late-Night 10-Point Plan to Save America

JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 1:32:38 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
1 - Hike up gas prices to $10+ per gallon. This will force innovation and bring new forms of energy to the market, reduce emissions, and Save America.

2 - Increase the national debt by $16.43 trillion over the next 5 years. It doesn't matter where the money goes, just that the government spends it. This will increase demand and create jobs, and Save America.

3 - Pass an amendment that states the federal budget must grow by at least 10% every year. This will guarantee that nobody will ever be able to reign in spending, so we can continuously reap the benefits of increased demand and more jobs, and Save America.

4 - Nationalize everything. Health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, home insurance, utilities, telecommunications, all payroll departments, and fast-food. This will bring government oversight, regulation, and efficiency into more aspects of our lives, and Save America.

5 - Institute 100%-coverage safety nets. Any American who doesn't have a job, or makes less than $250,000/year, will qualify for an unlimited, $1,000/week paycheck, $500/month food stamps, full medical, dental, vision, and be given a house(there are enough of them on the market). This will ensure that nobody in America ever goes hungry again, thereby Save America.(grammatical disconnect intended)

6 - Mandate that 10% of all free-time go toward working for the government. This will be required because of the size of the new government. This will also increase life-skills for all Americans, who will gain valuable skills such as pooper-scooper, janitor, garbage-man, postal worker, surgeon, etc... The new and improved, well-rounded citizenry will Save America.

7 - Make everyone a Lottery winner every time. This will make people feel lucky, increasing reckless decisions, and thereby increasing accidental successes and discoveries, which will Save America.

8 - Elect African Gray Parrots as Politicians. They have a big enough vocabulary to read a teleprompter. Human ex-politicians can be harvested for valuable resources like hair, Italian suits, and fertilizer. This will ease the burden on Italian cows, bald people, and the pooper-scoopers, and Save America.

9 - Adopt the metric system, and U.K. accents. This will have the effect of stimulating demand in the 'al-you-min-ee-yum' foil industry, which in turn will help to cool the earth by having more sun rays reflecting off of aluminium foil, and Save America.

10 - Institute 'eye for an eye' law across the nation. Lock up puppy mill owners in cages, kill murderers, take everything away from thieves(including organs, which will save lives and Save America), and make politicians listen to the crazy senile lady on the balcony of the corner store for hours on end. Clearly, this will Save America.

11 - What do you think, ideas grow on trees?

12 - Learn how to grow ideas on trees. This will Save America, but I won't know how until the ideas are fully ripe.
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
thett3
Posts: 14,345
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3/13/2012 1:34:52 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Jaxsonraine 2016.
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 1:39:41 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:34:52 AM, thett3 wrote:
Jaxsonraine 2016.

No FOOL! I"m notta parrot!

Give me 50 thett bucks/points/dollars/kittens/whatevers. Now go do my laundry.

*runs away to investigate the feasibility of impersonating an African Gray Parrot*
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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3/13/2012 1:53:27 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.

Lucky for you, I am high as a kite.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 1:56:11 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:53:27 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.

Lucky for you, I am high as a kite.

In 3rd grade we had a kite day and I had a really cool big blue kite and I liked to fly it and I was really excited to show off and I got one of the extra-big spools and I got another one and I undid that one and tied it to the other one and wound it up so I had one really big double spool and I took my kite to school and I wanted to impress Kylee and I let my kite go all the wya out and we couldn't see it and the bell rang and we had to go in but I was stuck trying to reel in my kite and it took me like a million years and everyone went in without me and I was really embarrassed but Kylee thought it was really cool and I tried to give her a kiss on valentines day and she hit me in the face with her umbrella.

I miss my kite.
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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3/13/2012 2:02:49 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 1:56:11 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:53:27 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.

Lucky for you, I am high as a kite.

In 3rd grade we had a kite day and I had a really cool big blue kite and I liked to fly it and I was really excited to show off and I got one of the extra-big spools and I got another one and I undid that one and tied it to the other one and wound it up so I had one really big double spool and I took my kite to school and I wanted to impress Kylee and I let my kite go all the wya out and we couldn't see it and the bell rang and we had to go in but I was stuck trying to reel in my kite and it took me like a million years and everyone went in without me and I was really embarrassed but Kylee thought it was really cool and I tried to give her a kiss on valentines day and she hit me in the face with her umbrella.

I miss my kite.

I wish I could sig all that.

*insert funny comment that I'm too lazy to think of right now*
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 2:04:48 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 2:02:49 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:56:11 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:53:27 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.

Lucky for you, I am high as a kite.

In 3rd grade we had a kite day and I had a really cool big blue kite and I liked to fly it and I was really excited to show off and I got one of the extra-big spools and I got another one and I undid that one and tied it to the other one and wound it up so I had one really big double spool and I took my kite to school and I wanted to impress Kylee and I let my kite go all the wya out and we couldn't see it and the bell rang and we had to go in but I was stuck trying to reel in my kite and it took me like a million years and everyone went in without me and I was really embarrassed but Kylee thought it was really cool and I tried to give her a kiss on valentines day and she hit me in the face with her umbrella.

I miss my kite.

I wish I could sig all that.

*insert funny comment that I'm too lazy to think of right now*

What if I take out all the spaces?
twocupcakes: 15 = 13
FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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3/13/2012 2:06:46 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 3/13/2012 2:04:48 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 2:02:49 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:56:11 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:53:27 AM, FREEDO wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:51:01 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:47:32 AM, JaxsonRaine wrote:
At 3/13/2012 1:46:13 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Sounds about right.

I left out point 13... I didn't want to hurt your feelings FREEDO.

13 - Reveal that the Illuminati is a lie, FREEDO is really Wall-E, and DDO is a governmental testing-site for psychotropic neuroelectric radio-spline mind control. This will really have no net effect on the nation, which will Save America.

Lucky for you, I am high as a kite.

In 3rd grade we had a kite day and I had a really cool big blue kite and I liked to fly it and I was really excited to show off and I got one of the extra-big spools and I got another one and I undid that one and tied it to the other one and wound it up so I had one really big double spool and I took my kite to school and I wanted to impress Kylee and I let my kite go all the wya out and we couldn't see it and the bell rang and we had to go in but I was stuck trying to reel in my kite and it took me like a million years and everyone went in without me and I was really embarrassed but Kylee thought it was really cool and I tried to give her a kiss on valentines day and she hit me in the face with her umbrella.

I miss my kite.

I wish I could sig all that.

*insert funny comment that I'm too lazy to think of right now*

What if I take out all the spaces?

Then I may have to arrest you for eye rape.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
JaxsonRaine
Posts: 3,606
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3/13/2012 2:11:21 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Kinky.

In3rdgradewehadakitedayandIhadareallycoolbigbluekiteandIlikedtoflyitandIwasreallyexcitedtoshowoffandIgotoneoftheextrabigspoolsandIgotanotheroneandIundidthatoneandtiedittotheotheroneandwounditupsoIhadonereallybigdoublespoolandItookmykitetoschoolandIwantedtoimpressKyleeandIletmykitegoallthewyaoutandwecouldn'tseeitandthebellrangandwehadtogoinbutIwasstucktryingtoreelinmykiteandittookmelikeamillionyearsandeveryonewentinwithoutmeandIwasreallyembarrassedbutKyleethoughtitwasreallycoolandItriedtogiveherakissonvalentinesdayandshehitmeinthefacewithherumbrella.
twocupcakes: 15 = 13