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Politics Explained

Vi_Veri
Posts: 4,487
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11/23/2009 10:13:33 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Just in case someone here hasn't seen this:


FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

American Democracy:: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate." The cows are set free.

Democracy, Democrat-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being so successful. You vote politicians into office who tax your cows, which forces you to sell one to pay the tax. The politicians use the tax money to buy a cow for your neighbor. You feel good. Barbra Streisand sings for you.

Democracy, Republican-style: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You move to a better neighborhood.

Communism Version 2: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for you share of the milk, but it's so long that the milk is sour by the time you get it.

Militarism: :You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man's farm and sells it, using the money to purchase US military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.

Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one to a subsidiary company and lease it back to yourself so you can declare it as a tax loss. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. You inject the cows with drugs and they produce four times the normal amount of milk. Your bosses give you a huge bonus. When the drugs cause one of the cows to drop dead you announce to the press that you have down-sized, reducing expenses by 50 percent. The company stock goes up and your bosses give you a huge bonus. You lay off all your workers and move your production facilities to Mexico. You get a huge bonus. You contribute some of your profit to the President's re-election campaign. The President announces tax cuts for corporations in order to stimulate the economy.
I could give a f about no haters as long as my ishes love me.
johngriswald
Posts: 1,294
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11/23/2009 10:18:42 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
This is hilarious :D
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Vi_Veri
Posts: 4,487
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11/24/2009 7:11:02 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
lol I know, I love this thing.... first time I ever saw it was back in high school on my Civics teacher's poster in his room. Made me laugh every time :p
I could give a f about no haters as long as my ishes love me.
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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11/24/2009 11:33:28 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 11/23/2009 10:13:33 PM, Vi_Veri wrote:

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


Lulz
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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11/24/2009 9:46:30 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
I vote we return to feudalism. It's pretty amusing and all, watching the politicians try to think up new ways to scam us; but I'd rather have a ruler that has all the confidence and majesty of Divine Appointment and Patrilinear descent to back his decisions. At least then he could say Yes or No, without lying to us about his reasons.

It doesn't even have to be a King. I'd be happy to serve an Earl, or a mere Baron; even a Knight if his lands were spacious enough to support a retainer.

Bring back the age of Benevolent Tyranny! I'm tired of sharing the blame for everything that goes wrong...
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!