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I am the way, the truth and the life

CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/28/2011 12:11:15 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I live in a church. During the bible studies in particular, I find it entertaining to watch people do mental gymnastics in order to persist in their delusions, when often times the interpretation that makes the most sense is the one that actually meshes with reality.

So anyway, out of boredom, and the desire to take up a challenge.. Give me some bible verses, and I will interpret them in ways that aren't completely fvcking stupid. In theory... on paper... in..

...

Christians, feel free to ask me to interpret something. Non-Christians are free too.

I will ask a favor though.. If you want to argue with an interpretation.. Make a new topic about it. Leave this topic for asking me to interpret the scripture.

If you give me a passage to interpret, be warned that I WILL put it in context. In fact, this topic will probably give you the most IN CONTEXT interpretations you've ever heard.

Prepare to get knowledge dropped on yo baby d!ck @sses. Ya'll on the milk of the word, it's time to get some meat*. This is Bible study 101, foos.

*disclaimer if you are a vegan, or are with PETA, and thus offended by this.. replace "milk" with soy, and replace "meat" with penis.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/28/2011 12:20:00 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
You don't see the beauty of this topic, Freedo.

People are going to dispute my interpretations, and if they listen to the original post, this topic will probably spawn more topics.

This is going to my topic for mental gymnastics, which is a very good brain exercise if done correctly.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/28/2011 12:22:05 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I mean.. you know, as the name would imply... What could be better exercise than doing crazy flips and sh!t.

I know you of all people know what I'm talking about.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
socialpinko
Posts: 10,458
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3/28/2011 1:06:14 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.
Leviticus 20: 13
: At 9/29/2014 10:55:59 AM, imabench wrote:
: : At 9/29/2014 9:43:46 AM, kbub wrote:
: :
: : DDO should discredit support of sexual violence at any time and in every way.
:
: I disagree.
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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3/28/2011 1:11:59 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 1:06:14 AM, socialpinko wrote:
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.
Leviticus 20: 13

does that really need interpretation?

sounds purdy straightforward..
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
GeoLaureate8
Posts: 12,252
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3/28/2011 1:12:22 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
"they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up." (Hosea 13:16)
"We must raise the standard of the Old, free, decentralized, and strictly limited Republic."
-- Murray Rothbard

"The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended."
-- Frederic Bastiat
GeoLaureate8
Posts: 12,252
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3/28/2011 1:14:01 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 1:11:59 AM, mattrodstrom wrote:
does that really need interpretation?

sounds purdy straightforward..

matt, this is CosmicAlfonzo we're talking about here. His interpretations are way far off from the fundamentalist/literalist interpretations.
"We must raise the standard of the Old, free, decentralized, and strictly limited Republic."
-- Murray Rothbard

"The worst thing that can happen to a good cause is, not to be skillfully attacked, but to be ineptly defended."
-- Frederic Bastiat
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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3/28/2011 1:19:55 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 1:11:59 AM, mattrodstrom wrote:
At 3/28/2011 1:06:14 AM, socialpinko wrote:
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.
Leviticus 20: 13

does that really need interpretation?

sounds purdy straightforward..

Alternative Interpretation:
don't lie to men.. Only to women.

if you lie to men.. and they buy it.. then Both of you are abominable and, as such, will be put to death.

(I know it may seem as though it's not so qualified on the Person your lying to having to have "bought" it.. but ONLY if they were so gullible could they be considered to be fulfilling the role of womankind... so you can really only lie to them as you do with women IF they, themselves, are fully playing a womanly role in the scenario)

other than This alternative.. I can't see much wiggle room :/
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
askbob
Posts: 7,254
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3/28/2011 1:26:02 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
this entire post is ironic.

You are homeless and living in a church basement and are complaining about a bunch of employed peoples beliefs regarding the universe that fund the charity that gives you a place to live.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/28/2011 2:36:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 1:06:14 AM, socialpinko wrote:
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.
Leviticus 20: 13

Another translation to give a clearer picture...

13 "‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Back in the ancient of days, the church was the government. It was a matter of national security that men stuck their shmeckle in things that produced tax payers.

At 3/28/2011 1:12:22 AM, GeoLaureate8 wrote:
"they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up." (Hosea 13:16)

Hosea was a prophet who stood around street corners, and yelled at everyone for being stupid mother fvckers. The Jews had lost touch with reality, and were engaging in superstitious and spiritually counterproductive activities.

He is referring to an invasion from outsiders into the land of Israel, which is fairly obvious from the context. Bad things happen to those who lose touch with god(which is another way of saying reality). Your country becomes weaker and divided, and you are less likely to notice that your neighbor is amassing a large army of big d!cked elephants, just itching to violate every orifice on your squishy meat sack of a body.

At 3/28/2011 1:14:01 AM, GeoLaureate8 wrote:
At 3/28/2011 1:11:59 AM, mattrodstrom wrote:
does that really need interpretation?

sounds purdy straightforward..

matt, this is CosmicAlfonzo we're talking about here. His interpretations are way far off from the fundamentalist/literalist interpretations.

Because not only am I hardcore biblical scholar, but I keep it fuggin real.

Also, I am not a crap for brains. I'm a banana bread for brains.

At 3/28/2011 1:26:02 AM, askbob wrote:
this entire post is ironic.

You are homeless and living in a church basement and are complaining about a bunch of employed peoples beliefs regarding the universe that fund the charity that gives you a place to live.

Very few who go to this church are actually employed. In fact, I hardly know anyone who is employed. Also, I'm not complaining about their beliefs. I don't give a sh!t.

That said, regardless, I feel no guilt in saying that you can do something charitable and worthwhile and still be very misguided in what you believe.

This is a very radical church. If you've ever been to an inner city black church.. imagine that, except with more tongue speaking, casting out of demons, crazier worship, and louder shouting.

I get along with with the people here, but like I said, they are very misguided. I feel no guilt in callsing it as I sees it.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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3/28/2011 3:42:49 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
God must be bald...

2 Kings 2
23 "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. "Get out of here, baldy!" they said. "Get out of here, baldy!"

24 "He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys."
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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DATCMOTO
Posts: 6,160
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3/28/2011 5:25:39 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 12:11:15 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
I live in a church. During the bible studies in particular, I find it entertaining to watch people do mental gymnastics in order to persist in their delusions, when often times the interpretation that makes the most sense is the one that actually meshes with reality.

So anyway, out of boredom, and the desire to take up a challenge.. Give me some bible verses, and I will interpret them in ways that aren't completely fvcking stupid. In theory... on paper... in..

...

Christians, feel free to ask me to interpret something. Non-Christians are free too.

I will ask a favor though.. If you want to argue with an interpretation.. Make a new topic about it. Leave this topic for asking me to interpret the scripture.


If you give me a passage to interpret, be warned that I WILL put it in context. In fact, this topic will probably give you the most IN CONTEXT interpretations you've ever heard.


Prepare to get knowledge dropped on yo baby d!ck @sses. Ya'll on the milk of the word, it's time to get some meat*. This is Bible study 101, foos.



*disclaimer if you are a vegan, or are with PETA, and thus offended by this.. replace "milk" with soy, and replace "meat" with penis.

1 Corinthians 2:13-15 (New International Version, ©2011)
13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.[a] 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments,
The Cross.. the Cross.
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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3/28/2011 8:45:27 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 5:25:39 AM, DATCMOTO wrote:
13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.[a] 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments,

interpretation: Cosmic Alfonso's doing it wrong
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/28/2011 1:22:24 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 3:42:49 AM, tvellalott wrote:
God must be bald...

2 Kings 2
23 "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. "Get out of here, baldy!" they said. "Get out of here, baldy!"

24 "He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys."

Elisha was a "prophet" who performed many miracles. In other words, he was...

1. a fantastic bullsh!tter
2. The people around who wrote about him believed rumors they heard about him, and wrote it in this book of history
or
3. The people who wrote about him wanted to make the story more interesting.

Either way, the end result is to make Elisha scarier and thus more convincing to cowardly people. This also makes God scarier by proxy. The exploitation of people's beliefs is what gives any institution real power.

At 3/28/2011 5:25:39 AM, DATCMOTO wrote:
1 Corinthians 2:13-15
13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.[a] 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments,

This is what I want, more passages from believers, because these are the important passages. Non-believers tend to get stuck on the stupid passages, not realizing that the meaningful passages actually address these sort of things if you have understanding.

These are the passages I WANT to interpret, because like I've said repeatedly in the past, there is a message in the New Testament that is oft repeated, and all pervasive through all of Christ's teachings.

What is the spirit? Spirit is what your true motives are, what really drives you. The holy spirit is called "The spirit that leads into all truth" by Paul. It is that part of us that wants to be closer to God, which as I said before is reality. It is a personal integrity. It is a spirit that desires understanding.

Everyone has the holy spirit, but those who sacrifice their integrity, and knowingly persist in delusion are not guided by it. In fact, they are blaspheming the holy spirit, which is the ONLY UNFORGIVABLE SIN as Jesus himself proclaimed. These people suffer for their sins by living through hell in this life, and they DESERVE IT for their cowardice and lack of faith.

What are spirit taught words? MEANING. UNDERSTANDING. People discuss words rather than the meanings behind the words.

The wisdom that most alleged followers of Christ have is human wisdom. They are no better than the Pharisees of Jesus' day. They do not understand the teachings of Jesus, and most are blasphemers without even realizing it.

If you truly want to be closer to God, if you really want to be a good follower of Jesus, embrace reality. There is a difference between someone who judges things objectively, and one who judges things subjectively from their own prejudices and misconceptions about ultimate reality.

To the traditional Christian, my understanding seems like foolishness, but this is the meaning.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp