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Unlikely Lines in The Bible

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3/17/2012 6:29:46 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Seeing as you all enjoyed my last satirical post so much, here are unlikely lines to be found in The Bible, courtesy of UK comedy show "Mock the Week."

Andy Parsons: He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

Hugh Dennis: And God said "Let there be light." Sponsored by Powergen.

Frankie Boyle: A man who lies with another man should be stoned. It helps, that's all I'm saying.

Ian Stone: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Mark Watson: And God said, "Right. That's the 14 commandments. Now will you remember all those?"

Mark Watson: And the Lord said "Anyway, I'm rambling on..."

Hugh Dennis: Table for 12, Jesus? I can do two 6s at 8:30.

Frankie Boyle: And on the 8th day, God made a magical talking leopard, and forgot all about us.

Frankie Boyle: All the characters in this novel are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Hugh Dennis: But when they got there, the tomb was empty. "Rikes!" said Scooby.

Milton Jones And the children of Isreal wandered around the desert for 40 years, until Moses' wife eventually said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or..."

Miles Jupp: And Noah said, "If it keeps on raining like this, we're gonna have to eat the unicorns."

Andy Parsons: Moses saw the burning bush and said to his wife, "I think you've overdone that bikini wax again."

Hugh Dennis: And David smote Goliath. He meant to smack him, but he was using predictive text.

Milton Jones: Eve! Eve! Use fig leaves, not nettles.

Milton Jones: And the lord said to Gideon, "Take this book and place it in every Travelodge."

Frankie Boyle: Third Epistle to the Corinthians: Dear Corinthians. I've written to you twice now. No reply. I don't know how you people do things in Corinth but where I come from that's a bit rude.

Frank Boyle (in response to what is the question if the answer is 5 million?).

How many people could Jesus feed with a KFC Bucket?