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Make fun of your ex-faith here!

Microsuck
Posts: 1,562
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7/27/2012 7:13:02 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
As the title says. Easier and more fun to get over it when making fun of it, heh.

So let me start. Exfaith and belief system (as most know) is Christianity and I believed, that:

1. Jesus was born of a virgin;
2. The earth was 6K years young;
3. Life was static and did not evolve;
4. Jesus rose from the dead;
5. Everyone except those in my sect were doomed to an everlasting hell;
6. Faith/prayer can fix anything;
7. Homosexuals/anything that didn't fit Biblical lifestyle was of the devil (and now I'm gay!);
8. God has a blueprint for my life; and
9. Dead people go to a better place.

*Facepalm at what I preached so dear*.

Now you guys
(try to think of stuff youself and not just copy paste zombie jesus)

btw saying "Jesus" backwards sounds like "saussage"... just saying.
Wall of Fail

Devil worship much? - SD
Newsflash: Atheists do not believe in the Devil! - Me
Newsflash: I doesnt matter if you think you do or not.....You do - SD

"you [imabench] are very naive and so i do not consider your opinions as having any merit. you must still be in highschool" - falconduler
Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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7/27/2012 7:17:06 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
As a Jew:

1. Believing that God existed.

2. Believing that the Noah's Ark story actually happened.

3. Believing that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

4. Believing that God existed.

5. Believing that God existed.

6. Believing that God existed.

7. Believing that God existed.

8. Believing that God existed.

9. Believing that God existed.

10. Believing that God existed.

Some things are so ridiculous that they need to be mentioned more than once.
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
Microsuck
Posts: 1,562
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7/27/2012 7:19:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:17:06 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
As a Jew:

1. Believing that God existed.

2. Believing that the Noah's Ark story actually happened.

3. Believing that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

OMG I believed those to. LOL!

Some things are so ridiculous that they need to be mentioned more than once.

True dat!
Wall of Fail

Devil worship much? - SD
Newsflash: Atheists do not believe in the Devil! - Me
Newsflash: I doesnt matter if you think you do or not.....You do - SD

"you [imabench] are very naive and so i do not consider your opinions as having any merit. you must still be in highschool" - falconduler
Lordknukle
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7/27/2012 7:22:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.
http://images.sodahead.com...
"Easy is the descent to Avernus, for the door to the Underworld lies upon both day and night. But to retrace your steps and return to the breezes above- that's the task, that's the toil."
popculturepooka
Posts: 7,926
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7/27/2012 7:26:44 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:22:42 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.
http://images.sodahead.com...

Lol. I'm waiting for all the indignant atheists to pour in. :D
At 10/3/2016 11:49:13 PM, thett3 wrote:
BLACK LIVES MATTER!
EvanK
Posts: 599
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7/27/2012 10:35:08 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:13:02 PM, Microsuck wrote:
As the title says. Easier and more fun to get over it when making fun of it, heh.

So let me start. Exfaith and belief system (as most know) is Christianity and I believed, that:

1. Jesus was born of a virgin;
2. The earth was 6K years young;
3. Life was static and did not evolve;
4. Jesus rose from the dead;
5. Everyone except those in my sect were doomed to an everlasting hell;
6. Faith/prayer can fix anything;
7. Homosexuals/anything that didn't fit Biblical lifestyle was of the devil (and now I'm gay!);
8. God has a blueprint for my life; and
9. Dead people go to a better place.

*Facepalm at what I preached so dear*.

Now you guys
(try to think of stuff youself and not just copy paste zombie jesus)

btw saying "Jesus" backwards sounds like "saussage"... just saying.

All of that, plus giant world wide flood, Jonah being swallowed by a whale and living, confessing my sins to another human who sins will help me get to heaven, dead people rise from the dead, God listens to my prayers, and that humans sin because the first humans on earth were tempted to sin by a talking snake.

But don't get me wrong, I don't hate Christians.
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
The_Fool_on_the_hill
Posts: 6,071
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7/27/2012 10:54:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:22:42 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.
http://images.sodahead.com...

The Fool: Atheism is not a faith is not a faith. YOu can't believe in what you don;t think doesn't exist. Because it doesn't exist to believe in.

The Fool: What is IS. And what is not doesn't exist.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
The_Fool_on_the_hill
Posts: 6,071
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7/27/2012 10:56:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 10:54:35 PM, The_Fool_on_the_hill wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:22:42 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.
http://images.sodahead.com...

Edit
The Fool: Atheism is not a faith. You can't have faith in nothing because it doesn't exist to have faith in.

The Fool: What is IS. And what is not doesn't exist.

you can't define something into existence by calling it a faith.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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7/27/2012 11:19:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
My mom once locked us out of the car. I prayed and she pried open the door. I thanked God. lulz
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

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popculturepooka
Posts: 7,926
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7/28/2012 12:05:39 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 10:54:35 PM, The_Fool_on_the_hill wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:22:42 PM, Lordknukle wrote:
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.
http://images.sodahead.com...


The Fool: Atheism is not a faith is not a faith. YOu can't believe in what you don;t think doesn't exist. Because it doesn't exist to believe in.

The Fool: What is IS. And what is not doesn't exist.

Lol.
At 10/3/2016 11:49:13 PM, thett3 wrote:
BLACK LIVES MATTER!
16kadams
Posts: 10,497
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7/28/2012 1:00:56 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Here is mine:

1. That god didn't exist

And I have more then philosophy on my side... But google too:

http://www.google.com...
https://www.youtube.com...
https://rekonomics.wordpress.com...
"A trend is a trend, but the question is, will it bend? Will it alter its course through some unforeseen force and come to a premature end?" -- Alec Cairncross
Maikuru
Posts: 9,112
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7/28/2012 1:10:46 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/28/2012 12:51:15 AM, Apollo.11 wrote:
Why do people always feel the need to be so arrogant about their religious beliefs (or lack thereof?

Changing your faith is like figuring out a magic trick. You're at once embarrassed for having been fooled, eager to share the secrets, and amused that others can be so blind.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
- lamerde

https://i.imgflip.com...
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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7/28/2012 1:24:16 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/28/2012 12:51:15 AM, Apollo.11 wrote:
Why do people always feel the need to be so arrogant about their religious beliefs (or lack thereof?
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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7/28/2012 1:25:33 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/28/2012 1:10:46 AM, Maikuru wrote:
At 7/28/2012 12:51:15 AM, Apollo.11 wrote:
Why do people always feel the need to be so arrogant about their religious beliefs (or lack thereof?

Changing your faith is like figuring out a magic trick. You're at once embarrassed for having been fooled, eager to share the secrets, and amused that others can be so blind.

I love the part when people figure out how little they really know.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
jat93
Posts: 1,440
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7/28/2012 10:38:11 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
I was born into an orthodox Jewish household, and from pre-school until the end of high school I attended private Yeshiva schools. Almost all my friends are orthodox Jews. So as an atheist Jew, I wouldn't be surprised if I knew more about Judaism than any active member on this site.

That being said, some crazy (orthodox) Jewish ideas:

- Throughout history, the Jews have been repeatedly persecuted and expelled and murdered, but this is because Judaism is so awesome, everyone else is jealous of us, and God loves us so darn much.

- All these highly unlikely grandiose miracles like Noah's Ark, the 10 Plagues, and the splitting of the sea occurred, and were some of the most important and epic moments in history, but the Torah is mysteriously the only book to record these events, and there is no archaeological or historical or geological proof that any of these events happened. (This is a textbook description of mythology.)

- The Torah is the ultimate moral guide to mankind from the perfect creator of the universe. However, it mandates genocide on multiple occasions (sometimes by God himself), death penalty for imaginary crimes like witchcraft, those who have gay sex... Women are property of their husbands, and on at least one occasion the women of conquered territory can be taken and raped and owned by the invading Jewish army....

- Ancient Rabbis have the level to add new laws and traditions to Judaism, even if God said nothing of the sort in the Bible and actually said in the Bible it should not be changed. Example: Bible says you should not boil a baby goat in its mother's milk. Ancient Rabbis come along and say: Well, we decide that to make sure nobody will ever transgress this commandment, we'll mandate that no meat and dairy products can be eaten together. Furthermore, all Jews must wait 6 hours between eating meat and dairy products, and you can't even use silverware that touched meat products to touch dairy products, or else you have to do a weird ritual in which you bury the silverware in your backyard and a bunch of crazy Jewish stuff. We have to listen to the Rabbis no matter what.

- The Torah is compatible with what modern science has helped us discover about the human body, mankind's history, the world, and the universe.

There's a lot more that I'm too lazy to type now, even stuff that's specific to Judaism (not applicable to Christianity or Islam). I'd be glad to share some of that info with anyone who's interested. Orthodox/rabbinic Judaism is pretty f*cking scarily insane.
The_Fool_on_the_hill
Posts: 6,071
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7/28/2012 6:13:10 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
The Fool: Faith is not funny, it Sad!.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
ScottyDouglas
Posts: 2,350
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7/28/2012 6:39:28 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I have since I can remember been Christian. I still remain a Christian because I am overly influenced by God. I have had no reason to not believe. I know no other has had any reason to not believe other than they choose not too and that it goes against what they want to do.
TheAsylum
The_Fool_on_the_hill
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7/28/2012 6:50:55 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/28/2012 6:39:28 PM, ScottyDouglas wrote:
I have since I can remember been Christian. I still remain a Christian because I am overly influenced by God. I have had no reason to not believe. I know no other has had any reason to not believe other than they choose not too and that it goes against what they want to do.

The Fool: not believing does't require anything only believing does.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
phantom
Posts: 6,774
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7/29/2012 1:18:26 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
First, why feel the need to mock?

Second, my past beliefs were Christianity and agnosticism which I both respect so I have no reason to mock.
"Music is a zen-like ecstatic state where you become the new man of the future, the Nietzschean merger of Apollo and Dionysus." Ray Manzarek (The Doors)
OberHerr
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7/29/2012 1:24:38 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
See, this is why we can't get along.
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Gileandos
Posts: 2,394
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7/29/2012 1:28:16 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:20:38 PM, popculturepooka wrote:
Former faith: atheism

1. Believing that God didn't exist.

lol, now that is pinnacle humor.
stubs
Posts: 1,887
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7/29/2012 2:24:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/27/2012 7:13:02 PM, Microsuck wrote:
1. Jesus was born of a virgin;
2. The earth was 6K years young;

Not all Christians believe that.

3. Life was static and did not evolve;

Not all Christians believe that.

4. Jesus rose from the dead;
5. Everyone except those in my sect were doomed to an everlasting hell;
6. Faith/prayer can fix anything;

Christians don't believe that.

7. Homosexuals/anything that didn't fit Biblical lifestyle was of the devil (and now I'm gay!);

Christians don't believe that.

8. God has a blueprint for my life; and

Depending on what exactly you mean by "blueprint" I would say not all Christians believe that.

9. Dead people go to a better place.

*Facepalm at what I preached so dear*.


And when I say Christians, I mean biblical Christians.