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Pope Steps Down - Sidewalker Running for Pope

Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
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2/11/2013 8:33:02 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
The breaking news is that Pope Benedict XVI announced Monday he will resign on Feb. 28 dues to health issues.

I'm formally announcing that I am running for Pope, since I'm not Catholic, I will be running as an Independent.

I can assure you all that I will make a great Pope, as founder of the fastest growing religion in the world, Sidewalkerism (zero to one is infinite growth) and the Grand Poobah of the Sidewalker Church of What's Happenin Now, I am certainly well qualified, and my commitment to Religious Pluralism will allow me to expand membership dramatically and grow the Catholic faith in unprecedented ways.

I know you all think I am all knowing and infallible, but that just is not true, it only seems that way to you all. Nevertheless, I will indeed make a strong Pope and trust I will have your support in the coming selection process.

I will follow later with details about my platform and plans for running the Catholic Church.

Thank you for your support.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater
Ramshutu
Posts: 4,063
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2/11/2013 8:55:36 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 2/11/2013 8:33:02 AM, Sidewalker wrote:
The breaking news is that Pope Benedict XVI announced Monday he will resign on Feb. 28 dues to health issues.

I'm formally announcing that I am running for Pope, since I'm not Catholic, I will be running as an Independent.

I can assure you all that I will make a great Pope, as founder of the fastest growing religion in the world, Sidewalkerism (zero to one is infinite growth) and the Grand Poobah of the Sidewalker Church of What's Happenin Now, I am certainly well qualified, and my commitment to Religious Pluralism will allow me to expand membership dramatically and grow the Catholic faith in unprecedented ways.

I know you all think I am all knowing and infallible, but that just is not true, it only seems that way to you all. Nevertheless, I will indeed make a strong Pope and trust I will have your support in the coming selection process.

I will follow later with details about my platform and plans for running the Catholic Church.

Thank you for your support.

I suspect many people want you to jump off that platform.
Sidewalker
Posts: 3,713
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2/11/2013 6:34:42 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
As promised in he above announcement, I am following up with a brief point by point review of the platform I"m running on. Here are the top ten reasons I should be the next Pope.

10) I"ll abolish the celibacy thing right away, so I already have all the Priest votes.

9) I"m not Catholic, but I"ll redefine Catholicism so that I am Catholic, along with a lot of other people, so the church will grow like wildfire.

8) Since he"ll be Catholic too, I"ll make Mohandas Gandhi a Saint, we"ll call him Saint Mahatma.

7) After I redefine Catholicism, Pat Buchanan, David Ben Ariel, Fred Phelps, and everyone in the Westboro Baptist Church will be Catholic too, and I"ll excommunicate them all.

6) I"ll proclaim human evolution to be a fact and declare a Holy War on the ICR, literally translating Genesis will be punishable by death.

5) Alright already, Women Priests"and a Temptress, even Sidewalkerism doesn"t have both.

4) I"ll bring the considerable power of the Church to bear and force DDO to make it against community standards to start a thread about abortion or creationism.

3) No more funny hat and we"ll add a wet bar to the Pope Mobile.

2) Good Friday will become GREAT Friday, and it will last a month.

And the number one reason I should be the next Pope.

1) Tantric Catholicism!

Thanks for your support.
"It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive." " C. W. Leadbeater