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The true timeline of Evolution

Magic8000
Posts: 975
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3/21/2013 4:10:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
13,775,000,000 B.C. - After a night of sexy time known as the Big Bang, God creates the universe via farting.
4,550,000,000 B.C. - The Earth is created
4,150,000,001 B.C. 18th February, just before deli tray time - Bono creates God
4,150,000,001 B.C. - God creates God #3, today known as God, while God disappears, and God #3 is now God.
3,850,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution creates the First self-replicating molecule, called RNA (Really Nice A$$).
3,000,000,000 B.C. - Evolution becomes the main religion of earth's earliest residents known as the Prokaryotes
2,100,000,000 B.C. - Some of the Prokaryotes break away from the mainstream and start their own sect of Darwinism known as Eukaryia.
1,200,000,000 B.C. - The Eukaryotes permit some of their members to have more than one cell. The Prokaryote sect still forbids this practice.
670,000,000 B.C. - The Plant and Animal branches of the Eukaryote sect arise.
543,000,000 B.C. - Plants and Animals split into numerous denominations.
495,000,000 B.C. - The Vertebrate denomination, to which most practising evolutionists belong to is formed from the Animalian Eukaryote sect. Up to this point all life lives in the ocean, it is considered blasphemy to step onto land.
425,000,000 B.C. - Plants are granted land permits
410,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution gives vertebrates and other animals a land permit after years of protests and civil disobedience.
300,000,000 B.C. - The Reptilian branch of the Vertebrates is formed.
251,000,000 B.C. - A group of animals reject the teachings of Darwinism and are promptly send to hell in the Permian Mass Extinction. The small sect of Mammalia branches off from Reptila, they remain a minority until after the Asteroid of Judgment.
245,000,000 B.C. - Dinosaurs are selected by God to become the rulers of the Earth.
200,000,000 B.C. - The real Jurassic Park starts filming. Directed by Steven Stegasaurus.
144,000,000 B.C. - Jurassic Park comes out on video.
65,000,000 B.C. - After a long reign, dinosaurs have become more arrogant, greedy, and cruel. Many reject the teachings of Darwinism. God punishes them by delivering the Asteroid of Judgment. A small group of dinosaurs, the Avians are loyal to the teachings and are spared. After this, God assigns Mammals to become the dominant sect of Life.
60,000,000 B.C. - Primates the sect that includes the degenerate Homo sapiens is formed.
50,000,000 B.C. - The early Equine sect of Mammalia which later forms an alliance with Homo sapiens is formed.
48,000,000 B.C. - Whales lose their limbs because of landmines, forced to live in the ocean.
35,000,000 B.C. - The Monkees, a popular group of Primates start their own sect.
20,000,000 B.C. - A group of Monkees, lose their tails and become known as apes.
8,000,000 B.C. - A group of Apes known as Hominids form their own sect.
5,555,555 B.C. - The last known mating between chimps and humans takes place.
4,444,444 B.C. - The prophet Lucy is born. She leads a sect known as Australpithecuses.
2,500,000 B.C. - An Australpithecus gives birth to the world's first, Homo.
2,499,999 B.C. - All Homos are banned from Australpithecus society, forced to start their own sect.
1,800,000 B.C. - Filming of the Ice Age Movie, Pleistocene begins, Homo gets his first erectus
1,000,000 B.C. - Clothes are invented.
750,000 B.C. - Fire is invented
200,000 B.C. - A group of well educated gay people known as sapiens form their own sect and begin to massacre other sects of Homo
50,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into a pact with Canis lupus
40,000 B.C. - The Neanderthal massacre is perpetrated by Homo sapiens.
16,331 B.C. - Chromosomes learn how to speak after someone turns on the switch.
10,000 B.C. - Under what they believe is the instruction of God, woolly mammoths are massacred. The movie Pleistocene is finally done filming. Yahred invents matches.
9,999 B.C. - The movie Pleistocene is released on video. Agriculture is invented. Production of Holocene a sequel to Pleistocene begins.
8,106 B.C. - Massive flooding created by a comet hitting the Mariana trench, only two specimens of every animal species left alive. People start drinking.
7004 B.C. - Arcpsachad works a bit on a skyscraper and gets confused.
7,000 B.C. - The wheel is invented.
6,112 B.C. - Ebber visits Harappa, invents writing, but no one can understand it.
4,004 B.C. - The false religion of creationism is started by a radical group of Homo sapiens.
3,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into alliances with both the Felis and Equus sects.
2,000 B.C - Most Homo sapiens forced to adopt creationist beliefs by the prophet Moses. Dissidents are slaughtered summarily.
44 B.C. - Julius Caesar is murdered for his Darwinist beliefs'.
0 A.D. - Jesus Christ, the prophet of Creationism is born.
666 A.D. - Mohammed, another creationist prophet is born.
1,809 A.D. - The great evolutionary prophet Charles Darwin is born.
1,835 A.D. - Darwin has a religious revelation while vacationing on the cruise ship Beagle
1,859 A.D. - The Bible of Evolution, The Origin of Species, is published
1,882 A.D. - The Prophet Charles Darwin passes away at home.
1,925 A.D. - High School Science Teacher John Scopes is sentenced to death for having Darwinist beliefs.
1,987 A.D. - Darwinism is tolerated but the majority of Homo sapiens still support Creationism.
1,999 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas forbids teaching of Darwinist beliefs
2,005 A.D. - Judge Jones upholds Religious Freedom and allows Darwinism to be taught.
2,007 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas overturns 1999 decision and allows evolution to be taught.
2,009 A.D. - Darwinists celebrate 200 years of the prophet Darwin's birth.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.

"So Magic8000 believes Einstein was a proctologist who was persuaded by the Government and Hitler to fabricate the Theory of Relativity"- GWL-CPA
philochristos
Posts: 2,614
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3/21/2013 4:35:18 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:10:49 PM, Magic8000 wrote:
750,000 B.C. - Fire is invented

No, no, no! Fire existed long before that. 750,000 BCE was when Prometheus told everybody about it.
"Not to know of what things one should demand demonstration, and of what one should not, argues want of education." ~Aristotle

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~Aristotle
muzebreak
Posts: 2,781
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3/21/2013 5:53:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Man, magic, you just made my week.
"Every kid starts out as a natural-born scientist, and then we beat it out of them. A few trickle through the system with their wonder and enthusiasm for science intact." - Carl Sagan

This is the response of the defenders of Sparta to the Commander of the Roman Army: "If you are a god, you will not hurt those who have never injured you. If you are a man, advance - you will find men equal to yourself. And women.
Magic8000
Posts: 975
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8/1/2013 4:10:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Lol, I forgot I posted this.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.

"So Magic8000 believes Einstein was a proctologist who was persuaded by the Government and Hitler to fabricate the Theory of Relativity"- GWL-CPA
bornofgod
Posts: 11,322
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8/1/2013 4:27:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:10:49 PM, Magic8000 wrote:
13,775,000,000 B.C. - After a night of sexy time known as the Big Bang, God creates the universe via farting.
4,550,000,000 B.C. - The Earth is created
4,150,000,001 B.C. 18th February, just before deli tray time - Bono creates God
4,150,000,001 B.C. - God creates God #3, today known as God, while God disappears, and God #3 is now God.
3,850,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution creates the First self-replicating molecule, called RNA (Really Nice A$$).
3,000,000,000 B.C. - Evolution becomes the main religion of earth's earliest residents known as the Prokaryotes
2,100,000,000 B.C. - Some of the Prokaryotes break away from the mainstream and start their own sect of Darwinism known as Eukaryia.
1,200,000,000 B.C. - The Eukaryotes permit some of their members to have more than one cell. The Prokaryote sect still forbids this practice.
670,000,000 B.C. - The Plant and Animal branches of the Eukaryote sect arise.
543,000,000 B.C. - Plants and Animals split into numerous denominations.
495,000,000 B.C. - The Vertebrate denomination, to which most practising evolutionists belong to is formed from the Animalian Eukaryote sect. Up to this point all life lives in the ocean, it is considered blasphemy to step onto land.
425,000,000 B.C. - Plants are granted land permits
410,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution gives vertebrates and other animals a land permit after years of protests and civil disobedience.
300,000,000 B.C. - The Reptilian branch of the Vertebrates is formed.
251,000,000 B.C. - A group of animals reject the teachings of Darwinism and are promptly send to hell in the Permian Mass Extinction. The small sect of Mammalia branches off from Reptila, they remain a minority until after the Asteroid of Judgment.
245,000,000 B.C. - Dinosaurs are selected by God to become the rulers of the Earth.
200,000,000 B.C. - The real Jurassic Park starts filming. Directed by Steven Stegasaurus.
144,000,000 B.C. - Jurassic Park comes out on video.
65,000,000 B.C. - After a long reign, dinosaurs have become more arrogant, greedy, and cruel. Many reject the teachings of Darwinism. God punishes them by delivering the Asteroid of Judgment. A small group of dinosaurs, the Avians are loyal to the teachings and are spared. After this, God assigns Mammals to become the dominant sect of Life.
60,000,000 B.C. - Primates the sect that includes the degenerate Homo sapiens is formed.
50,000,000 B.C. - The early Equine sect of Mammalia which later forms an alliance with Homo sapiens is formed.
48,000,000 B.C. - Whales lose their limbs because of landmines, forced to live in the ocean.
35,000,000 B.C. - The Monkees, a popular group of Primates start their own sect.
20,000,000 B.C. - A group of Monkees, lose their tails and become known as apes.
8,000,000 B.C. - A group of Apes known as Hominids form their own sect.
5,555,555 B.C. - The last known mating between chimps and humans takes place.
4,444,444 B.C. - The prophet Lucy is born. She leads a sect known as Australpithecuses.
2,500,000 B.C. - An Australpithecus gives birth to the world's first, Homo.
2,499,999 B.C. - All Homos are banned from Australpithecus society, forced to start their own sect.
1,800,000 B.C. - Filming of the Ice Age Movie, Pleistocene begins, Homo gets his first erectus
1,000,000 B.C. - Clothes are invented.
750,000 B.C. - Fire is invented
200,000 B.C. - A group of well educated gay people known as sapiens form their own sect and begin to massacre other sects of Homo
50,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into a pact with Canis lupus
40,000 B.C. - The Neanderthal massacre is perpetrated by Homo sapiens.
16,331 B.C. - Chromosomes learn how to speak after someone turns on the switch.
10,000 B.C. - Under what they believe is the instruction of God, woolly mammoths are massacred. The movie Pleistocene is finally done filming. Yahred invents matches.
9,999 B.C. - The movie Pleistocene is released on video. Agriculture is invented. Production of Holocene a sequel to Pleistocene begins.
8,106 B.C. - Massive flooding created by a comet hitting the Mariana trench, only two specimens of every animal species left alive. People start drinking.
7004 B.C. - Arcpsachad works a bit on a skyscraper and gets confused.
7,000 B.C. - The wheel is invented.
6,112 B.C. - Ebber visits Harappa, invents writing, but no one can understand it.
4,004 B.C. - The false religion of creationism is started by a radical group of Homo sapiens.
3,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into alliances with both the Felis and Equus sects.
2,000 B.C - Most Homo sapiens forced to adopt creationist beliefs by the prophet Moses. Dissidents are slaughtered summarily.
44 B.C. - Julius Caesar is murdered for his Darwinist beliefs'.
0 A.D. - Jesus Christ, the prophet of Creationism is born.
666 A.D. - Mohammed, another creationist prophet is born.
1,809 A.D. - The great evolutionary prophet Charles Darwin is born.
1,835 A.D. - Darwin has a religious revelation while vacationing on the cruise ship Beagle
1,859 A.D. - The Bible of Evolution, The Origin of Species, is published
1,882 A.D. - The Prophet Charles Darwin passes away at home.
1,925 A.D. - High School Science Teacher John Scopes is sentenced to death for having Darwinist beliefs.
1,987 A.D. - Darwinism is tolerated but the majority of Homo sapiens still support Creationism.
1,999 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas forbids teaching of Darwinist beliefs
2,005 A.D. - Judge Jones upholds Religious Freedom and allows Darwinism to be taught.
2,007 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas overturns 1999 decision and allows evolution to be taught.
2,009 A.D. - Darwinists celebrate 200 years of the prophet Darwin's birth.

God's delusion sure does fool people, doesn't it?
Jack212
Posts: 572
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8/1/2013 8:20:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 3/21/2013 4:10:49 PM, Magic8000 wrote:
13,775,000,000 B.C. - After a night of sexy time known as the Big Bang, God creates the universe via farting.
4,550,000,000 B.C. - The Earth is created
4,150,000,001 B.C. 18th February, just before deli tray time - Bono creates God
4,150,000,001 B.C. - God creates God #3, today known as God, while God disappears, and God #3 is now God.
3,850,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution creates the First self-replicating molecule, called RNA (Really Nice A$$).
3,000,000,000 B.C. - Evolution becomes the main religion of earth's earliest residents known as the Prokaryotes
2,100,000,000 B.C. - Some of the Prokaryotes break away from the mainstream and start their own sect of Darwinism known as Eukaryia.
1,200,000,000 B.C. - The Eukaryotes permit some of their members to have more than one cell. The Prokaryote sect still forbids this practice.
670,000,000 B.C. - The Plant and Animal branches of the Eukaryote sect arise.
543,000,000 B.C. - Plants and Animals split into numerous denominations.
495,000,000 B.C. - The Vertebrate denomination, to which most practising evolutionists belong to is formed from the Animalian Eukaryote sect. Up to this point all life lives in the ocean, it is considered blasphemy to step onto land.
425,000,000 B.C. - Plants are granted land permits
410,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution gives vertebrates and other animals a land permit after years of protests and civil disobedience.
300,000,000 B.C. - The Reptilian branch of the Vertebrates is formed.
251,000,000 B.C. - A group of animals reject the teachings of Darwinism and are promptly send to hell in the Permian Mass Extinction. The small sect of Mammalia branches off from Reptila, they remain a minority until after the Asteroid of Judgment.
245,000,000 B.C. - Dinosaurs are selected by God to become the rulers of the Earth.
200,000,000 B.C. - The real Jurassic Park starts filming. Directed by Steven Stegasaurus.
144,000,000 B.C. - Jurassic Park comes out on video.
65,000,000 B.C. - After a long reign, dinosaurs have become more arrogant, greedy, and cruel. Many reject the teachings of Darwinism. God punishes them by delivering the Asteroid of Judgment. A small group of dinosaurs, the Avians are loyal to the teachings and are spared. After this, God assigns Mammals to become the dominant sect of Life.
60,000,000 B.C. - Primates the sect that includes the degenerate Homo sapiens is formed.
50,000,000 B.C. - The early Equine sect of Mammalia which later forms an alliance with Homo sapiens is formed.
48,000,000 B.C. - Whales lose their limbs because of landmines, forced to live in the ocean.
35,000,000 B.C. - The Monkees, a popular group of Primates start their own sect.
20,000,000 B.C. - A group of Monkees, lose their tails and become known as apes.
8,000,000 B.C. - A group of Apes known as Hominids form their own sect.
5,555,555 B.C. - The last known mating between chimps and humans takes place.
4,444,444 B.C. - The prophet Lucy is born. She leads a sect known as Australpithecuses.
2,500,000 B.C. - An Australpithecus gives birth to the world's first, Homo.
2,499,999 B.C. - All Homos are banned from Australpithecus society, forced to start their own sect.
1,800,000 B.C. - Filming of the Ice Age Movie, Pleistocene begins, Homo gets his first erectus
1,000,000 B.C. - Clothes are invented.
750,000 B.C. - Fire is invented
200,000 B.C. - A group of well educated gay people known as sapiens form their own sect and begin to massacre other sects of Homo
50,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into a pact with Canis lupus
40,000 B.C. - The Neanderthal massacre is perpetrated by Homo sapiens.
16,331 B.C. - Chromosomes learn how to speak after someone turns on the switch.
10,000 B.C. - Under what they believe is the instruction of God, woolly mammoths are massacred. The movie Pleistocene is finally done filming. Yahred invents matches.
9,999 B.C. - The movie Pleistocene is released on video. Agriculture is invented. Production of Holocene a sequel to Pleistocene begins.
8,106 B.C. - Massive flooding created by a comet hitting the Mariana trench, only two specimens of every animal species left alive. People start drinking.
7004 B.C. - Arcpsachad works a bit on a skyscraper and gets confused.
7,000 B.C. - The wheel is invented.
6,112 B.C. - Ebber visits Harappa, invents writing, but no one can understand it.
4,004 B.C. - The false religion of creationism is started by a radical group of Homo sapiens.
3,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into alliances with both the Felis and Equus sects.
2,000 B.C - Most Homo sapiens forced to adopt creationist beliefs by the prophet Moses. Dissidents are slaughtered summarily.
44 B.C. - Julius Caesar is murdered for his Darwinist beliefs'.
0 A.D. - Jesus Christ, the prophet of Creationism is born.
666 A.D. - Mohammed, another creationist prophet is born.
1,809 A.D. - The great evolutionary prophet Charles Darwin is born.
1,835 A.D. - Darwin has a religious revelation while vacationing on the cruise ship Beagle
1,859 A.D. - The Bible of Evolution, The Origin of Species, is published
1,882 A.D. - The Prophet Charles Darwin passes away at home.
1,925 A.D. - High School Science Teacher John Scopes is sentenced to death for having Darwinist beliefs.
1,987 A.D. - Darwinism is tolerated but the majority of Homo sapiens still support Creationism.
1,999 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas forbids teaching of Darwinist beliefs
2,005 A.D. - Judge Jones upholds Religious Freedom and allows Darwinism to be taught.
2,007 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas overturns 1999 decision and allows evolution to be taught.
2,009 A.D. - Darwinists celebrate 200 years of the prophet Darwin's birth.

2013 A.D. - Chuck Norris challenges God to a fight and punches him so hard that he shatters the space-time continuum, negating your entire post.
johnlubba
Posts: 2,892
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8/2/2013 10:43:41 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/1/2013 8:20:53 PM, Jack212 wrote:
At 3/21/2013 4:10:49 PM, Magic8000 wrote:
13,775,000,000 B.C. - After a night of sexy time known as the Big Bang, God creates the universe via farting.
4,550,000,000 B.C. - The Earth is created
4,150,000,001 B.C. 18th February, just before deli tray time - Bono creates God
4,150,000,001 B.C. - God creates God #3, today known as God, while God disappears, and God #3 is now God.
3,850,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution creates the First self-replicating molecule, called RNA (Really Nice A$$).
3,000,000,000 B.C. - Evolution becomes the main religion of earth's earliest residents known as the Prokaryotes
2,100,000,000 B.C. - Some of the Prokaryotes break away from the mainstream and start their own sect of Darwinism known as Eukaryia.
1,200,000,000 B.C. - The Eukaryotes permit some of their members to have more than one cell. The Prokaryote sect still forbids this practice.
670,000,000 B.C. - The Plant and Animal branches of the Eukaryote sect arise.
543,000,000 B.C. - Plants and Animals split into numerous denominations.
495,000,000 B.C. - The Vertebrate denomination, to which most practising evolutionists belong to is formed from the Animalian Eukaryote sect. Up to this point all life lives in the ocean, it is considered blasphemy to step onto land.
425,000,000 B.C. - Plants are granted land permits
410,000,000 B.C. - The God of Evolution gives vertebrates and other animals a land permit after years of protests and civil disobedience.
300,000,000 B.C. - The Reptilian branch of the Vertebrates is formed.
251,000,000 B.C. - A group of animals reject the teachings of Darwinism and are promptly send to hell in the Permian Mass Extinction. The small sect of Mammalia branches off from Reptila, they remain a minority until after the Asteroid of Judgment.
245,000,000 B.C. - Dinosaurs are selected by God to become the rulers of the Earth.
200,000,000 B.C. - The real Jurassic Park starts filming. Directed by Steven Stegasaurus.
144,000,000 B.C. - Jurassic Park comes out on video.
65,000,000 B.C. - After a long reign, dinosaurs have become more arrogant, greedy, and cruel. Many reject the teachings of Darwinism. God punishes them by delivering the Asteroid of Judgment. A small group of dinosaurs, the Avians are loyal to the teachings and are spared. After this, God assigns Mammals to become the dominant sect of Life.
60,000,000 B.C. - Primates the sect that includes the degenerate Homo sapiens is formed.
50,000,000 B.C. - The early Equine sect of Mammalia which later forms an alliance with Homo sapiens is formed.
48,000,000 B.C. - Whales lose their limbs because of landmines, forced to live in the ocean.
35,000,000 B.C. - The Monkees, a popular group of Primates start their own sect.
20,000,000 B.C. - A group of Monkees, lose their tails and become known as apes.
8,000,000 B.C. - A group of Apes known as Hominids form their own sect.
5,555,555 B.C. - The last known mating between chimps and humans takes place.
4,444,444 B.C. - The prophet Lucy is born. She leads a sect known as Australpithecuses.
2,500,000 B.C. - An Australpithecus gives birth to the world's first, Homo.
2,499,999 B.C. - All Homos are banned from Australpithecus society, forced to start their own sect.
1,800,000 B.C. - Filming of the Ice Age Movie, Pleistocene begins, Homo gets his first erectus
1,000,000 B.C. - Clothes are invented.
750,000 B.C. - Fire is invented
200,000 B.C. - A group of well educated gay people known as sapiens form their own sect and begin to massacre other sects of Homo
50,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into a pact with Canis lupus
40,000 B.C. - The Neanderthal massacre is perpetrated by Homo sapiens.
16,331 B.C. - Chromosomes learn how to speak after someone turns on the switch.
10,000 B.C. - Under what they believe is the instruction of God, woolly mammoths are massacred. The movie Pleistocene is finally done filming. Yahred invents matches.
9,999 B.C. - The movie Pleistocene is released on video. Agriculture is invented. Production of Holocene a sequel to Pleistocene begins.
8,106 B.C. - Massive flooding created by a comet hitting the Mariana trench, only two specimens of every animal species left alive. People start drinking.
7004 B.C. - Arcpsachad works a bit on a skyscraper and gets confused.
7,000 B.C. - The wheel is invented.
6,112 B.C. - Ebber visits Harappa, invents writing, but no one can understand it.
4,004 B.C. - The false religion of creationism is started by a radical group of Homo sapiens.
3,000 B.C. - Homo sapiens enter into alliances with both the Felis and Equus sects.
2,000 B.C - Most Homo sapiens forced to adopt creationist beliefs by the prophet Moses. Dissidents are slaughtered summarily.
44 B.C. - Julius Caesar is murdered for his Darwinist beliefs'.
0 A.D. - Jesus Christ, the prophet of Creationism is born.
666 A.D. - Mohammed, another creationist prophet is born.
1,809 A.D. - The great evolutionary prophet Charles Darwin is born.
1,835 A.D. - Darwin has a religious revelation while vacationing on the cruise ship Beagle
1,859 A.D. - The Bible of Evolution, The Origin of Species, is published
1,882 A.D. - The Prophet Charles Darwin passes away at home.
1,925 A.D. - High School Science Teacher John Scopes is sentenced to death for having Darwinist beliefs.
1,987 A.D. - Darwinism is tolerated but the majority of Homo sapiens still support Creationism.
1,999 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas forbids teaching of Darwinist beliefs
2,005 A.D. - Judge Jones upholds Religious Freedom and allows Darwinism to be taught.
2,007 A.D. - Kingdom of Kansas overturns 1999 decision and allows evolution to be taught.
2,009 A.D. - Darwinists celebrate 200 years of the prophet Darwin's birth.

2013 A.D. - Chuck Norris challenges God to a fight and punches him so hard that he shatters the space-time continuum, negating your entire post.

Best post ever on debate.org.