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jesus vs satan

banker
Posts: 1,370
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1/12/2010 2:39:05 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
guys its humor time now

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They are given the task, and began to type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan indignantly protests, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life with a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Satan, when are you going to learn ...Jesus saves!"

copied from
http://graceweb.org...!/
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
tkubok
Posts: 5,044
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1/12/2010 3:01:55 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 2:39:05 PM, banker wrote:
guys its humor time now

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They are given the task, and began to type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan indignantly protests, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life with a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Satan, when are you going to learn ...Jesus saves!"


copied from
http://graceweb.org...!/

Really? I thought all your posts were written during humour-time.

Furthermore, since Jesus IS God, that would be cheating. God could think up a program in a second if he wanted to.

Furthermore, Since God knew everything that would happen, and God is Jesus, Jesus also knew that the lightning bolt would take out the power. Therefore, Jesus cheated.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 5:06:48 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 2:39:05 PM, banker wrote:
guys its humor time now

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They are given the task, and began to type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan indignantly protests, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life with a vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Satan, when are you going to learn ...Jesus saves!"


copied from
http://graceweb.org...!/

I actually really liked this. Nice one, Banker. :) You posted something awesome for once.
Discipulus
Posts: 36
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1/12/2010 6:10:37 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 3:01:55 PM, tkubok wrote:
Really? I thought all your posts were written during humour-time.

Furthermore, since Jesus IS God, that would be cheating. God could think up a program in a second if he wanted to.

Furthermore, Since God knew everything that would happen, and God is Jesus, Jesus also knew that the lightning bolt would take out the power. Therefore, Jesus cheated.

Lol. Only here would someone try to turn this into a controversy.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:10:37 PM, Discipulus wrote:
At 1/12/2010 3:01:55 PM, tkubok wrote:
Really? I thought all your posts were written during humour-time.

Furthermore, since Jesus IS God, that would be cheating. God could think up a program in a second if he wanted to.

Furthermore, Since God knew everything that would happen, and God is Jesus, Jesus also knew that the lightning bolt would take out the power. Therefore, Jesus cheated.

Lol. Only here would someone try to turn this into a controversy.

Jesus isn't god, blah, blah, blah...

Why would somebody even try to make this good joke controversial?... :(
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.
mongeese
Posts: 5,387
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1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.
Alex
Posts: 2,058
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1/12/2010 6:33:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Considering Jesus is God, then yeah Jesus is God.
Why kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
feverish
Posts: 2,716
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1/12/2010 6:34:42 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

lol In microcosm.
mongeese
Posts: 5,387
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1/12/2010 6:35:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

The Pope is to blame for a lot of things.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 6:37:03 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:35:26 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

The Pope is to blame for a lot of things.

Yes, because church authority is corrupted.
Harlan
Posts: 1,880
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1/12/2010 6:44:31 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:33:25 PM, alex_hanson911 wrote:
Considering Jesus is God, then yeah Jesus is God.

Religious arguments are so retarded. Are you seriously going to keep repeating the same assertion to each other?

You each adhere to a different book which contradicts the other, and your complicated theological beliefs are based on nothing more than the fact that it's written in that book. Believing that is one thing, but then trying to use your book as an argument to other people- that's just silly to the extreme. How can you expect other people to be convinced of your religion when your self is going by a vague hunch?
Discipulus
Posts: 36
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1/12/2010 6:58:53 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

*Rolls eyes*

That is one the most classic modern myths about the crusades. Read this article.
http://www.thearma.org...
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 7:06:55 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:58:53 PM, Discipulus wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

*Rolls eyes*

That is one the most classic modern myths about the crusades. Read this article.
http://www.thearma.org...

*rolls eyes*

Those evil muslims...
banker
Posts: 1,370
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1/12/2010 7:32:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Disc thanks for your very informative post its sad to see how some blame victims of jihad for jihad...!

The time of crusade how people had to leave their kids and all to defend themself from jihad...!

I don't believe that its ok to act like a muslim and insult the pope for every opportunity..! Hate is wrong..! And if muhammud is doing it its not making it right..!
We need to agree that jihad or any name for spiritual killing is wrong..! Thank god we have security and we don't need to save our selves with crusades...!
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 7:41:07 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 7:32:27 PM, banker wrote:
Disc thanks for your very informative post its sad to see how some blame victims of jihad for jihad...!

The time of crusade how people had to leave their kids and all to defend themself from jihad...!

I don't believe that its ok to act like a muslim and insult the pope for every opportunity..! Hate is wrong..! And if muhammud is doing it its not making it right..!
We need to agree that jihad or any name for spiritual killing is wrong..! Thank god we have security and we don't need to save our selves with crusades...!

Since your post isn't in English, this will be hard, but I'll respond anyway. First off, who said I insult the pope at every opportunity? In fact, I had respect for the last pope, John Paul II or whatever his name was. Also, last I checked, muhammad wasn't spreading hate. Contrary to popular belief, Islam WASN'T spread by the sword. Sure, there has been bloodshed in the name of Islam and this is wrong as Islam doesn't promote violence unless in self-defense, but Christianity has been responsible for some pretty brutal incidents as well. And yes, it's great that me and you are agreeing that these killings are wrong. They should be condemmed as they in no way represent the real Islam or Christianity.
mongeese
Posts: 5,387
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1/12/2010 7:56:04 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 6:37:03 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:35:26 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

The Pope is to blame for a lot of things.

Yes, because church authority is corrupted.

Does this exempt Sharia law from corruption in any way?
Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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1/12/2010 7:56:32 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
The first time I've seen banker make a post that actually contributes to the forum.
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
MikeLoviN
Posts: 746
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1/12/2010 8:03:34 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 7:41:07 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 7:32:27 PM, banker wrote:
something, something, something Jihad ...! something something hjstktjkjltqwa ...!

You're retarded

back to this now are we? *sigh*...
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 8:04:04 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 7:56:04 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:37:03 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:35:26 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:27:31 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:21:02 PM, mongeese wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:17:44 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:15:03 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
At 1/12/2010 6:13:06 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Jesus isn't god,
Yes He is.

mohammed is not god.

No, muhammad is a prophet as is jesus.

And so, we have the Crusades.

Blame the pope for that one. He ordered the Christians to attack Jerusalem. The Muslims were just defending themselves.

The Pope is to blame for a lot of things.

Yes, because church authority is corrupted.

Does this exempt Sharia law from corruption in any way?

Of course Shari'a Law as put into practice in various countries such as Iran is corrupted. I never denied that it was.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 8:05:50 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 8:03:34 PM, MikeLoviN wrote:
At 1/12/2010 7:41:07 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 1/12/2010 7:32:27 PM, banker wrote:
something, something, something Jihad ...! something something hjstktjkjltqwa ...!

You're retarded

back to this now are we? *sigh*...

Sadly, yes... Just when I thought this was going to have quality posts by Banker, judging the joke on the first page that actually made me laugh...
banker
Posts: 1,370
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1/12/2010 8:06:59 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Insert I do not see a point to argue with you when your not bieng rational.!
You don't even try to be rational..!
You only say things that support islam regardless of facts..! We don't expect you to convert but for the benefit of having a disscussion try to focus on common ground..!
No one told you muhammud curropted the bible right..? So if one informs you about the lord don't fix him..!

He will not change ,so won't you change..!

Let's disagree ..! Its ok..! But we could do it intaligantly..!
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
MikeLoviN
Posts: 746
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1/12/2010 8:08:38 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 8:06:59 PM, banker wrote:
Insert I do not see a point to argue with you when your not bieng rational.!
You don't even try to be rational..!
You only say things that support islam regardless of facts..! We don't expect you to convert but for the benefit of having a disscussion try to focus on common ground..!
No one told you muhammud curropted the bible right..? So if one informs you about the lord don't fix him..!

He will not change ,so won't you change..!

Let's disagree ..! Its ok..! But we could do it intaligantly..!

Apparently not
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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1/12/2010 8:17:47 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 8:08:38 PM, MikeLoviN wrote:
At 1/12/2010 8:06:59 PM, banker wrote:
Insert I do not see a point to argue with you when your not bieng rational.!
You don't even try to be rational..!
You only say things that support islam regardless of facts..! We don't expect you to convert but for the benefit of having a disscussion try to focus on common ground..!
No one told you muhammud curropted the bible right..? So if one informs you about the lord don't fix him..!

He will not change ,so won't you change..!

Let's disagree ..! Its ok..! But we could do it intaligantly..!

Apparently not

My thoughts exactly. xD
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/12/2010 8:55:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/12/2010 8:06:59 PM, banker wrote:
Insert I do not see a point to argue with you when your not bieng rational.!
You don't even try to be rational..!
You only say things that support islam regardless of facts..! We don't expect you to convert but for the benefit of having a disscussion try to focus on common ground..!
No one told you muhammud curropted the bible right..? So if one informs you about the lord don't fix him..!

He will not change ,so won't you change..!

Let's disagree ..! Its ok..! But we could do it intaligantly..!

Muslims are misinformed of the true facts...! The realla victimsa of Islam are teh Muslims...! The Jews originally corrupted the Qaaran's prohpecy...! You are reading lies of the jews...!
banker
Posts: 1,370
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1/12/2010 11:49:39 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Frodo as americans we are not stereo typing,we are not judging anyone as muslims ,jews,hindu etc. We judge them as a individual..! "However" its obvious insert is not coming here as a individual...!
Insert would respond here only in a way that's matching islam or if islam would be a humen it would respond that way..!
In other words insert gives up her identity to islam..! Should we disregard that and still judge insert as a individual..? As much as some will try to convince insert to be more engaging and rational ,insert will use cute comebacks instead of responding to facts
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable