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how do you deal??

chass23RN
Posts: 43
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4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all
bladerunner060
Posts: 7,126
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4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all

To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

But in answer to your question: I, as a nonbeliever, deal with tragedy by remembering those who have been lost. They live on through my memory, and through the stories I tell about them. I miss them, of course. But I'm thankful for the impact they've had on my life while they were here which, as far as I can tell, is all any of us can hope to achieve.

But that's just me.
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chass23RN
Posts: 43
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4/25/2014 12:21:56 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM, bladerunner060 wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all

To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

But in answer to your question: I, as a nonbeliever, deal with tragedy by remembering those who have been lost. They live on through my memory, and through the stories I tell about them. I miss them, of course. But I'm thankful for the impact they've had on my life while they were here which, as far as I can tell, is all any of us can hope to achieve.

But that's just me.

Just because a person believes in eternity doesn't make them nonhuman. Its sad if a loved one takes a long trip and you won't see them for a few weeks that is human nature. I couldn't imagine losing my 5 yr old (that is a example) and saying to myself "that was a great five years" . That's just me and we are all different. I always wondered how people cope because of my connection with my flesh and blood.
InquireTruth
Posts: 723
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4/25/2014 12:23:43 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM, bladerunner060 wrote:
To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

The heart is exceptionally poor at delighting in the bounties of a future yet realized. The promise of a future beyond the grave gives hope to grief but does not take the pain away. I doubt you intend it, but it's a little off-putting to think that believers in eternal life needn't be sad. The profundity of eternal life does not stymie the emotional reality of loss. We grieve because we miss them now. Though we miss the tomorrows we'll never spend with them, it's the todays that hurt the most.
bulproof
Posts: 25,272
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4/25/2014 1:09:04 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:23:43 AM, InquireTruth wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM, bladerunner060 wrote:
To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

The heart is exceptionally poor at delighting in the bounties of a future yet realized. The promise of a future beyond the grave gives hope to grief but does not take the pain away. I doubt you intend it, but it's a little off-putting to think that believers in eternal life needn't be sad. The profundity of eternal life does not stymie the emotional reality of loss. We grieve because we miss them now. Though we miss the tomorrows we'll never spend with them, it's the todays that hurt the most.

The heart is a pump.
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
InquireTruth
Posts: 723
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4/25/2014 1:11:31 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 1:09:04 AM, bulproof wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:23:43 AM, InquireTruth wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM, bladerunner060 wrote:
To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

The heart is exceptionally poor at delighting in the bounties of a future yet realized. The promise of a future beyond the grave gives hope to grief but does not take the pain away. I doubt you intend it, but it's a little off-putting to think that believers in eternal life needn't be sad. The profundity of eternal life does not stymie the emotional reality of loss. We grieve because we miss them now. Though we miss the tomorrows we'll never spend with them, it's the todays that hurt the most.

The heart is a pump.

Certainly to those who can't incline beyond the literal.
leet4A1
Posts: 1,986
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4/25/2014 1:22:52 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
The heart is a pump.

Tfw?

Thanks for the good response Enquire, the original question is something I've often wondered myself and your response shows why it's really a silly question.
"Let me tell you the truth. The truth is, 'what is'. And 'what should be' is a fantasy, a terrible terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago. The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

"Satan goes to church, did you know that?" - Godsands

"And Genisis 1 does match modern science... you just have to try really hard." - GR33K FR33K5
bulproof
Posts: 25,272
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4/25/2014 1:29:37 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 1:11:31 AM, InquireTruth wrote:
At 4/25/2014 1:09:04 AM, bulproof wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:23:43 AM, InquireTruth wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:08:04 AM, bladerunner060 wrote:
To be honest, I've never understood why it's still so sad for those who do believe in eternal life--if you really think you'll see your loved ones again in fifty or so years, and will get to see them for eternity, it doesn't seem like it would feel too awful.

The heart is exceptionally poor at delighting in the bounties of a future yet realized. The promise of a future beyond the grave gives hope to grief but does not take the pain away. I doubt you intend it, but it's a little off-putting to think that believers in eternal life needn't be sad. The profundity of eternal life does not stymie the emotional reality of loss. We grieve because we miss them now. Though we miss the tomorrows we'll never spend with them, it's the todays that hurt the most.

The heart is a pump.

Certainly to those who can't incline beyond the literal.

"The promise of a future beyond the grave" is the reason man invented gods and religions.
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Iredia
Posts: 1,608
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4/25/2014 4:47:26 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 1:29:37 AM, bulproof wrote:


"The promise of a future beyond the grave" is the reason man invented gods and religions.

Not necessarily. The inbuilt desire to attribute effects to conscious agents is the better reason. And it's a good one.
Porn babes be distracting me. Dudes be stealing me stuff. I'm all about the cash from now. I'm not playing Jesus anymore.
bulproof
Posts: 25,272
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4/25/2014 5:29:56 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 4:47:26 AM, Iredia wrote:
At 4/25/2014 1:29:37 AM, bulproof wrote:


"The promise of a future beyond the grave" is the reason man invented gods and religions.

Not necessarily. The inbuilt desire to attribute effects to conscious agents is the better reason. And it's a good one.

Fear of the unknown is the reason and death is the unknown add that to mans capacity to understand his superiority to other animals and man therefore can't possibly be subject to finality like everything else is.

Gods, religions and their afterlives are the result of man's HUBRIS.
Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Illegalcombatant
Posts: 4,008
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4/25/2014 5:39:58 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all
"Seems like another attempt to insert God into areas our knowledge has yet to penetrate. You figure God would be bigger than the gaps of our ignorance." Drafterman 19/5/12
Graincruncher
Posts: 2,799
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4/25/2014 6:05:39 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all

When someone I care about dies, I try to focus on the positive elements they brought to the world and on how I can continue them in their honour. While they were alive, I will have (hopefully!) been supportive of their efforts, so in taking them on somewhat myself once that person has died, I am continuing this support in a different way.

I remember them honestly, their good points and bad points. I recognise they wouldn't have been that person without both. I try and think what would have made them happier, what they would have wanted for the world and what they would want me to take from the situation. If I could still speak to them, what advice would they give me on how to view their 'disappearance' from my world? How would they like me to treat it? What wisdom would they have to give insight into how I can be a happier, better person from their understanding of me? What insight can I find about them to make the world a better place for others like them?

If I thought they died and went to paradise forever, it'd be like they were on a really awesome holiday; out of contact, but I'd be happy for them. Why grieve for that? Moreover, I would also think that I could 'save up' to go and join them at some point in the future. Where would the sense of loss be, in that case? It seems to me to be a combination of denial and devaluation; the loss isn't so big because it isn't really a loss, just a postponement of meeting.

The extent of sadness tells me how much a person mattered to me, it hammers home the fact that I respected them and forces me to re-examine what it was I respected and to try and duplicate it in myself. It's a tragic, horrible shock, but such things are often the seeds of improvement in the world, as people seek to lessen their impact in the future and improve conditions for others before they go the same way.

What I'd like to know the answer to, though, is how do believers cope with the idea of a loved one going to hell to suffer for eternity? Particularly if they themselves expect to go to heaven and then live for eternity with that knowledge. It doesn's strike me that heaven would be a very happy place at all.
perplexed
Posts: 863
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4/25/2014 6:25:37 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all

everyday could be the last, thusly i cherish and savor every moment in the here and now.
what i don't understand is the concept of heaven, where a believers loved one isn't a believer, how can heaven continue to be heaven knowing a loved one will forever be tortured for not believing or forever be absent depending on your belief...to me heaven diminishes what we have right here right now, the only thing we know.
: At 4/29/2014 3:14:36 AM, annanicole wrote:

:
: I'll be happy to concede the raping of virgin girls, if you can find it somewhere.
leet4A1
Posts: 1,986
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4/25/2014 4:11:14 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/25/2014 6:25:37 AM, perplexed wrote:
At 4/25/2014 12:02:48 AM, chass23RN wrote:
I have always wondered how those who do not believed in God/Heaven deal with tragady/death? I have personally lost people close to me in both natural and tragic ways and I am thankful for my believes in these times as it gives me hope. I have felt very connected to other humans and deep down I know this life cannot be it. Especially with a lose of a spouse or child or anyone how do you deal with it? I have always wondered because no matter what religion or belief system this hurts us all

everyday could be the last, thusly i cherish and savor every moment in the here and now.
what i don't understand is the concept of heaven, where a believers loved one isn't a believer, how can heaven continue to be heaven knowing a loved one will forever be tortured for not believing or forever be absent depending on your belief...to me heaven diminishes what we have right here right now, the only thing we know.

Maybe they give ya selective amnesia so you forget those chumps. Or maybe it's like when your loved ones go to prison in this realm... it sucks to be them, but you accept that they deserve to be there and thank eff it's not you. You may even get conjugal visits every now and then. :D
"Let me tell you the truth. The truth is, 'what is'. And 'what should be' is a fantasy, a terrible terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago. The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

"Satan goes to church, did you know that?" - Godsands

"And Genisis 1 does match modern science... you just have to try really hard." - GR33K FR33K5