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I've created a new religion.

apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/3/2014 8:56:39 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The main goddess is called Erotica, and is represented by a statue of a hot woman getting herself off.

Erotica created life through sex. Every time you have sex or masturbate, you honor Erotica.

Erotica's statue shall be kept in a secret church that only adults can enter. Every Saturday night, Erotica's worshipers shall visit the church, drink lots of wine and have crazy group sex while her statue watches. Attendance is optional. Kink is optional. Sleeping on the floor afterwards is optional. Vomiting must not be done in the same room as the Erotica statue. Designated drivers must abstain from the drinking. Pregnant women and people with STDs must abstain from the group sex.

Joining the religion is easy - you just announce your conversion and have sex with the high priest/priestess in front of everybody.

Eroticism welcomes and accepts everybody over the legal age of consent, no matter what their sexual orientation. It condones pornography and prostitution - both are natural expressions of Erotica. It also teaches that Erotica's sacred powers are not to be used for evil. Anybody who uses sex as a weapon to hurt others (e.g. rape) will be swiftly excommunicated.
Dragonfang
Posts: 1,122
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10/3/2014 11:00:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Say, "Have you considered your 'partners' whom you invoke besides Allah ? Show me what they have created from the earth, or have they partnership [with Him] in the heavens? Or have We given them a book so they are [standing] on evidence therefrom? [No], rather, the wrongdoers do not promise each other except delusion." (Quran 35:40)

{73} And they worship besides Allah that which does not possess for them [the power of] provision from the heavens and the earth at all, and [in fact], they are unable.
{74} So do not assert similarities to Allah . Indeed, Allah knows and you do not know.

(Quran 16:73-74)

{31} Say, "Who provides for you from the heaven and the earth? Or who controls hearing and sight and who brings the living out of the dead and brings the dead out of the living and who arranges [every] matter?" They will say, " Allah ," so say, "Then will you not fear Him?"
{32} For that is Allah , your Lord, the Truth. And what can be beyond truth except error? So how are you averted?
{33} Thus the word of your Lord has come into effect upon those who defiantly disobeyed - that they will not believe.
{34} Say, "Are there of your 'partners' any who begins creation and then repeats it?" Say, " Allah begins creation and then repeats it, so how are you deluded?"
{35} Say, "Are there of your 'partners' any who guides to the truth?" Say, " Allah guides to the truth. So is He who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed or he who guides not unless he is guided? Then what is [wrong] with you - how do you judge?"
{36} And most of them follow not except assumption. Indeed, assumption avails not against the truth at all. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of what they do.

(Quran 10:31-36)
apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/3/2014 11:51:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/3/2014 11:00:45 PM, Dragonfang wrote:
Say, "Have you considered your 'partners' whom you invoke besides Allah ? Show me what they have created from the earth, or have they partnership [with Him] in the heavens? Or have We given them a book so they are [standing] on evidence therefrom? [No], rather, the wrongdoers do not promise each other except delusion." (Quran 35:40)

{73} And they worship besides Allah that which does not possess for them [the power of] provision from the heavens and the earth at all, and [in fact], they are unable.
{74} So do not assert similarities to Allah . Indeed, Allah knows and you do not know.

(Quran 16:73-74)

{31} Say, "Who provides for you from the heaven and the earth? Or who controls hearing and sight and who brings the living out of the dead and brings the dead out of the living and who arranges [every] matter?" They will say, " Allah ," so say, "Then will you not fear Him?"
{32} For that is Allah , your Lord, the Truth. And what can be beyond truth except error? So how are you averted?
{33} Thus the word of your Lord has come into effect upon those who defiantly disobeyed - that they will not believe.
{34} Say, "Are there of your 'partners' any who begins creation and then repeats it?" Say, " Allah begins creation and then repeats it, so how are you deluded?"
{35} Say, "Are there of your 'partners' any who guides to the truth?" Say, " Allah guides to the truth. So is He who guides to the truth more worthy to be followed or he who guides not unless he is guided? Then what is [wrong] with you - how do you judge?"
{36} And most of them follow not except assumption. Indeed, assumption avails not against the truth at all. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of what they do.

(Quran 10:31-36)

I see what they mean about the stupidity of this forum. Here I was trying to be funny, and you just went and spammed me. Thanks a lot, butt-head.
ChristianPunk
Posts: 1,710
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10/4/2014 10:25:43 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/3/2014 8:56:39 PM, apb4y wrote:
The main goddess is called Erotica, and is represented by a statue of a hot woman getting herself off.

Erotica created life through sex. Every time you have sex or masturbate, you honor Erotica.

Erotica's statue shall be kept in a secret church that only adults can enter. Every Saturday night, Erotica's worshipers shall visit the church, drink lots of wine and have crazy group sex while her statue watches. Attendance is optional. Kink is optional. Sleeping on the floor afterwards is optional. Vomiting must not be done in the same room as the Erotica statue. Designated drivers must abstain from the drinking. Pregnant women and people with STDs must abstain from the group sex.

Joining the religion is easy - you just announce your conversion and have sex with the high priest/priestess in front of everybody.

Eroticism welcomes and accepts everybody over the legal age of consent, no matter what their sexual orientation. It condones pornography and prostitution - both are natural expressions of Erotica. It also teaches that Erotica's sacred powers are not to be used for evil. Anybody who uses sex as a weapon to hurt others (e.g. rape) will be swiftly excommunicated.

Lol. And what is the afterlife of Eroticism? Or is it just a spiritual means through sex?

Also, what do your worship services consist of?

(btw, I get that it's a joke.)
apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/4/2014 5:27:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/4/2014 10:25:43 AM, ChristianPunk wrote:

Lol. And what is the afterlife of Eroticism? Or is it just a spiritual means through sex?

You become one with Erotica, and your spirit joins in every time somebody gets off.

Also, what do your worship services consist of?

Drunken orgies.
ChristianPunk
Posts: 1,710
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10/4/2014 6:07:35 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/4/2014 5:27:45 PM, apb4y wrote:
At 10/4/2014 10:25:43 AM, ChristianPunk wrote:

Lol. And what is the afterlife of Eroticism? Or is it just a spiritual means through sex?

You become one with Erotica, and your spirit joins in every time somebody gets off.

Also, what do your worship services consist of?

Drunken orgies.

Hmmmmm. Let me be sober and I might think about it. XD