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Questions regarding hell

AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM
Posted: 10 months ago
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...
Cobalt
Posts: 991
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1/15/2016 9:10:02 AM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.

Hello sir, thank you for filing a customer service request. Here at Hell Incorporated, we always appreciate new client interest.

First of all, are you white? This is entirely irrelevant to the process (and I hardly know why we have to ask), but it is a required question.

And no sir, no paperwork is required. However, there is a test and this test is almost certainly biased against you based upon Hell Incorporated's system of beliefs. A study guide for this test is available online, free of charge -- but due to copyright issues we cannot tell you where this guide is specifically located.

Next, any amount of bad doing can allow you into Hell. In fact, we base your entrance qualifications very little upon you "holiness" and more upon how well you'd fit in here. We are inherently xenophobic here and we have a hard time accepting new demons into our 7th circle.

At this time, Hell Inc. does not provide transportation to Hell. Competitors have spread errant rumors that we will "drag you" here, but that is simply false gossip. You can expect to spend between "more than you have" to "a lot more than you have" to get here. Those great prices are brought to you by Hell Inc.'s increased efficiency.

And we here at Hell are not surprised that you're interested in hats.

Thank you for choosing Hell, where all people are welcome. Good luck getting here and we'll see you then!
Harikrish
Posts: 11,005
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1/15/2016 2:59:42 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

No, only fertilizing seeds without approval will be used against you.

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Book your ticket in advance to get lower rates.

Finally, do I need a hat?

You, there is a pissing contest going on there between locals, rebels and foreigners.

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.
You might want to try one of the many training camps if you need to get back in shape.

A one way ticket to Syria will put you at the doorstep of Hell. I see your travel documents seem to be in order.
Skepticalone
Posts: 6,083
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1/15/2016 5:38:14 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

No, Hell is open to all. No special preperation is needed.

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

It is not necessary to go out of your way to do bad things to get into Hell. Fortunately, the Bible calls so many things "sins" one only need to be alive to fail. In the event you manage to make it through a lifetime without sin, you can also earn your way in by not doing something -believing in Jesus. So, basically, a life of doing absolutely nothing will get you to Hell!

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Yes, of course. What kind of an animal plants two different kinds of seeds?!

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

It's a highway because the way to Hell is wide to accommodate the expected traffic. Cars are not needed.

Finally, do I need a hat?

Yes, but we recommend choosing one that is flame retardant.

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.
This thread is like eavesdropping on a conversation in a mental asylum. - Bulproof

You can call your invisible friends whatever you like. - Desmac

What the hell kind of coked up sideshow has this thread turned into. - Casten
Deb-8-A-Bull
Posts: 2,181
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1/15/2016 10:01:40 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 5:38:14 PM, Skepticalone wrote:
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

No, Hell is open to all. No special preperation is needed.

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

It is not necessary to go out of your way to do bad things to get into Hell. Fortunately, the Bible calls so many things "sins" one only need to be alive to fail. In the event you manage to make it through a lifetime without sin, you can also earn your way in by not doing something -believing in Jesus. So, basically, a life of doing absolutely nothing will get you to Hell!

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Yes, of course. What kind of an animal plants two different kinds of seeds?!

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

It's a highway because the way to Hell is wide to accommodate the expected traffic. Cars are not needed.

Finally, do I need a hat?

Yes, but we recommend choosing one that is flame retardant.

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.

If we get enough that are keen on going we should book a bus. I'm in. and I have some SPF+50 . I don't have any current ID tho. I hope this will not be a problem.
Skyangel
Posts: 8,234
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1/15/2016 10:48:21 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.

I see you have plenty of tour guides who are willing to show you the way.

The door to hell is located near the Derweze village. It is in the middle of the Karakum Desert, about 260 kilometres (160 mi) north of Ashgabat, the capital of Turkmenistan.

https://en.wikipedia.org...

http://i.imgur.com...

https://en.wikipedia.org...

Feel free to go there and jump in any time you are ready to burn.
Casten
Posts: 391
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1/15/2016 11:05:08 PM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 9:10:02 AM, Cobalt wrote:
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.

Hello sir, thank you for filing a customer service request. Here at Hell Incorporated, we always appreciate new client interest.

First of all, are you white? This is entirely irrelevant to the process (and I hardly know why we have to ask), but it is a required question.

And no sir, no paperwork is required. However, there is a test and this test is almost certainly biased against you based upon Hell Incorporated's system of beliefs. A study guide for this test is available online, free of charge -- but due to copyright issues we cannot tell you where this guide is specifically located.

Next, any amount of bad doing can allow you into Hell. In fact, we base your entrance qualifications very little upon you "holiness" and more upon how well you'd fit in here. We are inherently xenophobic here and we have a hard time accepting new demons into our 7th circle.

At this time, Hell Inc. does not provide transportation to Hell. Competitors have spread errant rumors that we will "drag you" here, but that is simply false gossip. You can expect to spend between "more than you have" to "a lot more than you have" to get here. Those great prices are brought to you by Hell Inc.'s increased efficiency.

And we here at Hell are not surprised that you're interested in hats.

Thank you for choosing Hell, where all people are welcome. Good luck getting here and we'll see you then!
I have no idea why I saw someone post a "religion forum is useless" thread. Pretty sure I just broke a rib laughing.
AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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1/16/2016 12:51:06 AM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 9:10:02 AM, Cobalt wrote:
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.

Hello sir, thank you for filing a customer service request. Here at Hell Incorporated, we always appreciate new client interest.

First of all, are you white? This is entirely irrelevant to the process (and I hardly know why we have to ask), but it is a required question.

Yes I am

And no sir, no paperwork is required. However, there is a test and this test is almost certainly biased against you based upon Hell Incorporated's system of beliefs. A study guide for this test is available online, free of charge -- but due to copyright issues we cannot tell you where this guide is specifically located.

Davildamnit

Next, any amount of bad doing can allow you into Hell. In fact, we base your entrance qualifications very little upon you "holiness" and more upon how well you'd fit in here. We are inherently xenophobic here and we have a hard time accepting new demons into our 7th circle.

Oooh

At this time, Hell Inc. does not provide transportation to Hell. Competitors have spread errant rumors that we will "drag you" here, but that is simply false gossip. You can expect to spend between "more than you have" to "a lot more than you have" to get here. Those great prices are brought to you by Hell Inc.'s increased efficiency.

Wow! Sounds great!

And we here at Hell are not surprised that you're interested in hats.

I'm very interested in hats!

Thank you for choosing Hell, where all people are welcome. Good luck getting here and we'll see you then!

Fantastic!

I rate this customer service 666/666 would come again!
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...
AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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1/16/2016 12:55:45 AM
Posted: 10 months ago
At 1/15/2016 5:38:14 PM, Skepticalone wrote:
At 1/15/2016 8:35:39 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Ok, I have a few questions in regards to hell, and I would appreciate it if an immigration expert guided me on the process.

Firstly, what paperwork do you need to get there? I've got a valid passport so far, but I heard from a reliable source that you also need an entry ticket. Is this true?

No, Hell is open to all. No special preperation is needed.

That's good. I got worried for a second...

Secondly, I heard that you need to do something naughty to get into hell. What does this involve? Unrepentantly pushing over old ladies? Or cold-heatedly taking the last piece of pizza?

It is not necessary to go out of your way to do bad things to get into Hell. Fortunately, the Bible calls so many things "sins" one only need to be alive to fail. In the event you manage to make it through a lifetime without sin, you can also earn your way in by not doing something -believing in Jesus. So, basically, a life of doing absolutely nothing will get you to Hell!

Fantastic! Sounds good!

Recently I broke Deuteronomy 22:9. Does this count?

Yes, of course. What kind of an animal plants two different kinds of seeds?!

I've seen worse. My neighbour once planted pumpkin seeds along with tomatoes...

He's never been the same since.

Thirdly, how much fuel do I need to get there? There's some rumours going around that you have to go on the "highway to hell" (otherwise known as Route 666) and I don't want to run out of gas on the way there. How much will I need? How long is the trip?

It's a highway because the way to Hell is wide to accommodate the expected traffic. Cars are not needed.

Oh, so I can take a bus? Is that correct?

Finally, do I need a hat?

Yes, but we recommend choosing one that is flame retardant.

Will do!

Thank you for any help regarding my problems.
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...