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Interview with God

AWSM0055
Posts: 751
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2/21/2016 11:15:05 AM
Posted: 9 months ago
Me: Hello and welcome and thank you for attending the interview.

God: I'm omnipresent, of course I'll attend!

Me: right...So what do you do God?

God: You know, answering prayers and stuff...

Me: Answering prayers? May I ask, why do some prayers go unanswered?

God: Sorry what?

Me: Why do some prayers God unanswered?

God:.........

Me: I think we'll leave that one there God...so is being God easy?

God: It's never easy AWSM, I need to RaR every seven days or so.

Me: But aren't you omnipotent?

God: So?

Me: Aren't you omnipotent? Why do you need to to rest if your all powerful?

God: AWSM, I don't think you understand, I can do whatever I bloody want. I'm all powerful!

Me: Yes I realise that but why do you need to rest?

God: *yawn* I don't know...

Me: But aren't you omniscient?

God: Look, I just offer salvation kid; take it or leave it.

Me: right...so what do you think of evolution theory?

God: Ehh it horrible

Me: right

God: Disgraceful...

Me: cool

God: Utterly tragic.

Me: Do you know what it is?

God: Its when a baboon turns into a human through radiation.

Me: ...nooo try again...

God: It's when a monkey slowly morphs into a human through genetic mutations.

Me: cloooose...

God: It's when an organism slowly changes over time to adapt to its environment through genetic mutations.

Me: sooo clooose...

God: It's when an organism slowly changes over time to adapt to its environment through genetic mutations and natural selection.

Me: Correct.

God: But it's not true.

Me: Isn't it?

God: Of course not. Organisms only ever change slightly.

Me: But there's scientific evidence!

God: No, I just put it there to test your faith!

Me: Oh, thank you for clearing up that misunderstanding.

God: Your welcome.

[INTERLUDE]

Me: So, God, why did you give humans sin?

God: What! I never would do such a thing. Adam and Eve did it, not me. Nah-uh.

Me: So why do we have sin?

God: Well you see, a long time ago far far away, somewhere in the Middle East (when it wasn't as God forsaken as it is now), there was a garden...

Me: Mmmhhmm

God: And there was a couple of humans, Adam and Eve, and I told them not to eat a fruit in the middle of the garden called "the tree of the knowledge of the good and of the evil". But some talking snake-devil convinced them to anyway, so they did, and here we are now.

Me: So why haven't you fixed it yet?

God: It's not about fixing it AWSM, it's about sending a message.

Me: What message?

God: That I'm going to fix it.

Me: Ohh.

[INTERLUDE]

Me: So what are you doing to fix the sin problem?

God: Well I sacrificed my other self (Son) on earth so that everybody that believes in him shall be saved.

Me: So why are we still waiting?

God: For my other self's second coming.

Me: And when is that?

God: In the future.

Me: Yes, but what date?

God: Date? Classified.

Me: Oh.

God:...

Me: So what happened to your other plans?

God: Other plans?

Me: Like the global flood of Noah's time?

God: Oh yes, but this will be better.

Me: And then the plans to take over the world via Israel.

God: Yes but this will be much better.

Me: And then your plans to make the earth a paradise?

God: Yes but this will be hugely better.

Me: So in conclusion, you repeatedly claim to save humanity, do nothing, religion is created in your name, starts wars, you deny scientific facts and misinform gullible people?

God: Well we're not going to have any more of that. Not now I'm here.
"Evolution proves necessity is the mother of invention" - David Henson

"Calling my atheism a religion, is like calling my non-stamp-collecting a hobby" - MagicAintReal 2016

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Matt8800: "When warring men kidnap damsels of the enemy, what do they do?"

Jerry947: "They give them the option of marriage."

Matt8800: "Correct! You won idiot of the year award!"

http://explosm.net...
ethang5
Posts: 4,104
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2/22/2016 6:20:56 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 2/21/2016 11:15:05 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:

This really should have been called, "Interview with AWSM's God."

But honesty is always the first casualty of poor humor.
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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2/22/2016 8:01:44 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 2/21/2016 11:15:05 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:
Me: Hello and welcome and thank you for attending the interview.

God: I'm omnipresent, of course I'll attend!

Me: right...So what do you do God?

God: You know, answering prayers and stuff...

Me: Answering prayers? May I ask, why do some prayers go unanswered?

God: Sorry what?

Me: Why do some prayers God unanswered?

God:.........

Me: I think we'll leave that one there God...so is being God easy?

God: It's never easy AWSM, I need to RaR every seven days or so.

Me: But aren't you omnipotent?

God: So?

Me: Aren't you omnipotent? Why do you need to to rest if your all powerful?

God: AWSM, I don't think you understand, I can do whatever I bloody want. I'm all powerful!

Me: Yes I realise that but why do you need to rest?

God: *yawn* I don't know...

Me: But aren't you omniscient?

God: Look, I just offer salvation kid; take it or leave it.

Me: right...so what do you think of evolution theory?

God: Ehh it horrible

Me: right

God: Disgraceful...

Me: cool

God: Utterly tragic.

Me: Do you know what it is?

God: Its when a baboon turns into a human through radiation.

Me: ...nooo try again...

God: It's when a monkey slowly morphs into a human through genetic mutations.

Me: cloooose...

God: It's when an organism slowly changes over time to adapt to its environment through genetic mutations.

Me: sooo clooose...

God: It's when an organism slowly changes over time to adapt to its environment through genetic mutations and natural selection.

Me: Correct.

God: But it's not true.

Me: Isn't it?

God: Of course not. Organisms only ever change slightly.

Me: But there's scientific evidence!

God: No, I just put it there to test your faith!

Me: Oh, thank you for clearing up that misunderstanding.

God: Your welcome.

[INTERLUDE]

Me: So, God, why did you give humans sin?

God: What! I never would do such a thing. Adam and Eve did it, not me. Nah-uh.

Me: So why do we have sin?

God: Well you see, a long time ago far far away, somewhere in the Middle East (when it wasn't as God forsaken as it is now), there was a garden...

Me: Mmmhhmm

God: And there was a couple of humans, Adam and Eve, and I told them not to eat a fruit in the middle of the garden called "the tree of the knowledge of the good and of the evil". But some talking snake-devil convinced them to anyway, so they did, and here we are now.

Me: So why haven't you fixed it yet?

God: It's not about fixing it AWSM, it's about sending a message.

Me: What message?

God: That I'm going to fix it.

Me: Ohh.

[INTERLUDE]

Me: So what are you doing to fix the sin problem?

God: Well I sacrificed my other self (Son) on earth so that everybody that believes in him shall be saved.

Me: So why are we still waiting?

God: For my other self's second coming.

Me: And when is that?

God: In the future.

Me: Yes, but what date?

God: Date? Classified.

Me: Oh.

God:...

Me: So what happened to your other plans?

God: Other plans?

Me: Like the global flood of Noah's time?

God: Oh yes, but this will be better.

Me: And then the plans to take over the world via Israel.

God: Yes but this will be much better.

Me: And then your plans to make the earth a paradise?

God: Yes but this will be hugely better.

Me: So in conclusion, you repeatedly claim to save humanity, do nothing, religion is created in your name, starts wars, you deny scientific facts and misinform gullible people?

God: Well we're not going to have any more of that. Not now I'm here.

Based on the unimaginable web of possibilities, this was the only one that yielded the final result He was looking for. Here is you a nice link explaining the process.
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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2/22/2016 8:02:42 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
"Let there be Light"

http://youtu.be...
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...
Fly
Posts: 2,045
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2/22/2016 8:05:02 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
At 2/22/2016 6:20:56 PM, ethang5 wrote:
At 2/21/2016 11:15:05 AM, AWSM0055 wrote:

This really should have been called, "Interview with AWSM's God."

But honesty is always the first casualty of poor humor.

No, honesty is, at best, the second casualty of poor humor.
"You don't have a right to be a jerk."
--Religion Forum's hypocrite extraordinaire serving up lulz
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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2/22/2016 8:12:49 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
To reach the final horizon of what He wanted, this reality had to happen. Nothing could be out of place and still get the same result. He took the bad with the good knowing only this impossibly complex equation, only this exact combination equals "It is good".
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...
brontoraptor
Posts: 11,685
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2/22/2016 8:16:38 PM
Posted: 9 months ago
Thus, this had to happen...

http://youtu.be...
"What Donald Trump is doing is representing the absolute heartbreak, and anger, and frustration at a government gone mad."

http://youtu.be...